


rather be sad with you (than anywhere away from you)

by ohsailor



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Louis has a thing for Harry's pubic hair tbh, M/M, Mostly fluff and a bunch of things I put in for my own enjoyment ansfjanj sorry, Multi, Referenced Bullying / Homophobia, Roommates, kind of, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-04-20 01:12:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 145,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4767983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohsailor/pseuds/ohsailor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>University AU. Louis, Niall, and Liam have already been living together for four years when they get a new roommate.  Harry’s in pre-med and Louis is struggling to graduate and fulfill his family’s hope of him becoming an esteemed lawyer while battling his mental health.</p><p>Featuring: Longhaired Harry AND longhaired Louis! Lots of Rom-Com lad nights, future dentist Niall who unabashedly refers to their flat as the ‘lad pad’, future aerospace engineer Liam who can’t seem to escape Harry and Louis’ sex life, drunken karaoke, and matching Fleetwood Mac tattoos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note: This work is completely fictionalized. No affiliation with the people mentioned. This story contains a character struggling with mental illness. Many of those struggles are taken from my own experiences with Depression and Anxiety. Please be aware of the nature of the story and any triggers it may bring you.
> 
> Title comes from the song ['Wake Me'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJHxk-P3q8w) by Bleachers.

Louis cracked one eye open and sat up slowly.  
  
He couldn’t be sure what woke him, but he was grateful because whatever it was saved him from the terrifying nightmare he had been having.

He gazed around. The room was dark, a crack of sunlight barely visible as it slipped underneath the blinds that covered the window, effectively closing him off from the rest of the world. Louis peered around the cramped room and was greeted by its bleak greyness.  
  
Grey walls. Grey carpet. Grey curtains.  
  
His mother had been appalled when he first moved in, calling the room bland and dismal. Louis had simply shrugged. “I quite like it,” he had told her and immediately spread his dark grey duvet across the bed, finding an odd sense of comfort in the way it matched.  
  
Louis' thoughts were quickly interrupted by a distant banging noise coming from somewhere down the hall.  
  
What the hell? He was sure Niall and Liam must be in class. He sighed deeply, throwing the duvet off of his sweaty limbs and swinging his legs out of bed. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror and immediately grimaced. Wispy strands of unwashed caramel-coloured hair were plastered around his face and the nape of his neck. Faint violet circles bruised the skin under his pale blue eyes, and a hint of a golden brown five o’clock shadow dusted his skin. His t-shirt was wrinkled and one leg of his black boxer briefs was higher than the other, exposing the tan fleshy skin of his thigh. “Fuck," he muttered to his reflection, grabbing a black headband to push the shaggy hair off his face. Another bang sounded from the hall, alongside a cupboard being slammed. He stormed out of the room, ready to tell off whichever one of his inconsiderate roommates was rudely disrupting his sleep.  
  
“Oi, dickhead! Keep it down, I’m trying to bloody slee—," Louis stopped abruptly and found himself face-to-face with a complete stranger in his kitchen.  
  
A fit stranger. All long legs and chocolate curls and deep dimples. Shit.  
  
“Hello to you, too," the hot stranger drawled, his lovely full lips curling into a devilish smirk.  
  
Louis noted that, apparently, even his voice was hot. The hot stranger put down the mug in his hand and grinned at Louis over his shoulder, sticking out his hand formally.  
  
“I’m Harry. Styles. Harry Styles.”  
  
Louis coughed awkwardly and reached a hand forward. “Uh, I'm Louis. Tomlinson,” He said, noting the way his hand felt small clasped in Harry’s much larger one. Louis suddenly remembered his attire and tried to subtly tug his t-shirt down over his torso and straighten the leg of his briefs.   
  
Meanwhile, Harry was dressed like a model, in a pair of excessively tight blue jeans that left very little to the imagination and an oversized retro KISS t-shirt. Sprawling tattoos covered his chest and arm, on display for Louis to admire. As he shifted his body back to face him, Louis noticed the words “HOT N HARD” splayed over the back of the shirt. Louis felt himself flush hotly and tugged harder at the hem of his t-shirt.  
  
“Were you asleep? It’s almost 2 p.m., mate,” Hot Harry joked, deep voice chuckling. Harry's eyes drifted down to track Louis’ movements and he couldn't help but feel incredibly endeared. Louis was obviously flustered and he just looked so cute in his little briefs and t-shirt. Harry forced his eyes not to linger over his body and instead looked directly at him, piercing his light blue eyes with his own green ones.  
  
“I mean, yeah, I uh, was, just a bit tired yeah…" Louis stuttered. "Wait, hang on, what the bloody hell are you even doing here? Are you a friend of the lads? 'Cos they aren’t here.” He finished lamely, fully aware that he sounded like a massive dick. Fuck, Harry made him nervous.  
  
Harry looked bewildered and laughed awkwardly. “Erm, you mean no one mentioned I was coming today? That's awkward. Er, I’m your new roommate? I’ve just transferred from another dorm." He shuffled his feet awkwardly. "Quite excited, cos I was in a double before, with them adjoining toilets, you know? I quite fancy having a kitchen and my own room and that, should be good, erm, yeah…sorry, I’m rambling, aren’t I?" He frowned. "Shit, the residence manager was supposed to let you guys know…you must think I’m a massive twat just barging in here.” His large hand raked through his chestnut curls and he smiled nervously. “Sorry ‘bout that.”  
  
He shifted the weight between his long legs from left to right, hands interlaced and crossed behind his back. Louis watched the way his toes pointed slightly together as he did this and tried not to smirk. He looked quite like a duck. A very cute duck.  
  
Louis softened. “No, no! That’s fine, I mean, it’s your place now, just uh took me by surprise? Actually, the lads may have mentioned something about a new guy coming…err, me memory can be a bit shit sometimes to be fair, sorry mate. Uh, well, welcome? Make yourself at home and all that…well, you’ve found the kitchen then so I guess you’re already doing that…uh so. Cool,” Louis tapped his hand against his hip and rocked awkwardly on his heels. Now he was the one rambling. Harry was fit as shit, though, and oh, now they were roommates? Oh god. Louis shuffled again and decided his best option was to just flee the scene straight away. “Well, I’ll just leave you to it then…so. Right,” He said, turning to head back to his room down the hall.  
  
“Don’t you want to give me a tour?” Harry asked.  
  
Louis paused and turned back around to see Harry's soft pink lips turned upwards into a smile.  
  
“I mean…not much to see but yeah, sure."  
  
Harry grinned. “So your room is down that hall then?” He asked, motioning towards the two rooms on the left side of the flat where Louis was walking.  
  
“Yeah, been on me own down this way since Zayn—he was the bloke who lived here before—left. His room was beside mine. Liam and Niall have rooms down the other hall and there’s a toilet down each way so only two lads share. Pretty decent. And uh, well you’ve already seen the kitchen and the living room is just past it so I uh, guess that’s it?” He finished feebly , stopping in front of the entrance to the loo.  
  
Harry just continued to smile brightly. “So I guess we’ll be toilet buddies, then?”  
  
Louis snorted. “Suppose we will.”  
  
“I take pretty long showers, have to warn you.”  
  
“Not surprising. With all that lovely hair of yours,” Louis blurted before instantly willing himself to settle down.  
  
“Well I do like to deep condition,” Harry grinned. “Don't worry, though, I’m very tidy and I reckon I’m quite handy at cleaning a drain.”  
  
“Good to know. I wouldn’t worry, though, Curly. Messy as shit, me. So, you know, don’t clean on my account.” Louis crossed his arms over his chest and leaned lightly against the wall in a manner that he hoped appeared casual.  
  
Harry feigned shock. “Cleanliness is next to godliness, Lou, didn’t you know?”  
  
Louis couldn’t keep his face from breaking into a satisfied grin at the sound of the nickname. He felt comfortable around Harry, something that never happened much anymore. Talking to him was sending a warm feeling radiating through his chest. “Oh god, you’re probably the type of person who makes cleaning schedules aren’t you? And hangs it on the fridge with everyone’s duties and all that,” Louis groaned.  
  
“Heyyyy, lists can be really productive in a household!” Harry protested, his deep voice taking on a higher pitch and a slight whine.  
  
It was the most adorable sound Louis had ever heard.  
  
Harry eyed the simple vanity and stopped short in front of the small standing shower in the corner of the room. “No bathtub? That’s a problem. I may have to move out already,” He joked.  
  
“You know, you look like the type of man who enjoys a good soak in a bubble bath,” Louis smiled slyly.  
  
Harry cackled loudly, coming over to stand right in front of him. “You know it,” he said with a wink. “Guess I’ll have to learn to cope then?”  
  
“I’ll be thinking of you during this difficult time.”  
  
Harry smirked and stuck his head inside the shower door. “Really, though, this shower is quite small, isn't it? How does anyone have a proper wash in there?”  
  
“You’re so posh. It’s not that small!” Louis rolled his eyes.  
  
Harry poked Louis lightly on the shoulder, biting his lip to hold back a smirk. “Aw, you’re right. It’s Louis-sized.”  
  
Louis huffed, standing up straighter and puffing out his chest the best he could. “Oi! It—it is not. I’m 5’9”! And I’ll have you know that shower can fit two people quite easily,” He protested hotly.  
  
“Oh? Does it now? Good to know. Didn’t realize you had frequent shower guests.” Harry’s smile was impish, his green eyes shining.  
  
“I, no. I meant Liam! Liam and his girlfriend, she’s always over, you know and you can hear…I mean...pervert.” Louis stuttered and shook his head, tilting it up to the ceiling as he laughed.  
  
Harry just cackled wickedly beside him and headed for the hall. “Alright, let’s see the rooms then.”  
  
They moved down the narrow hall and Louis stopped at the first door, opening it and waving a hand for Harry to go in. “Welcome to the Ritz.”  
  
Harry laughed. “Hey to be fair, my last dorm wasn’t much bigger than this and I had to share it with another bloke, so this kind of is the Ritz to me.”  
  
Louis noted that Harry genuinely seemed excited at the prospect of having this little space to his self. Before he could respond, Harry turned back towards him and shuffled back into the hall.  
  
“Now then, let’s see your room.”  
  
“You really are a bit pervy aren’t you?”  
  
“’M not!”  
  
Louis raised a brow at Harry amusedly.  
  
"I'm merely interested in getting a feel for the flat as a whole. Spatial awareness and that," Harry replied.  
  
Louis continued to stare at him. “Whatever you say, mate,” he laughed, passing in front of Harry and pausing in front of his door. He suddenly felt nervous and tired, wishing he were alone and back in bed. He pushed the door open and stood awkwardly to the side, eyeing a pile of dirty laundry beside the bed that he hoped wouldn't be obvious to Harry.   
  
“Well…this is it.”  
  
Harry strolled in, emerald eyes roaming over the contents of the room. There was a bed and a desk, covered in scattered papers, with an old MacBook that he noticed was decorated with various band stickers. The double bed was covered in a dark grey duvet and had only one pillow. Interesting, Harry noted. The closet was opposite the bed and Harry noticed a line of empty vodka bottles. The mood of the room was musky and depressing and made him a little sad.  
  
“Wow, I love what you’ve done with the place, Louis. It’s uh, really cheerful. Practically a baby’s nursery with all the warmth.”  
  
Louis cringed inwardly at Harry’s brief glance at the empty bottles and remembered his mother’s own words about the room. To be fair, he never really noticed how the room could appear to others. He pushed the thoughts aside and shrugged good-naturedly. “Yeah, yeah. What are you, an interior designer, Posh Spice?”  
  
Harry burst out laughing. “Posh Spice? If I’m Posh, you're Baby Spice.”  
  
“Am not—”  
  
“Or maybe Ginger Spice? Like, the essence of Ginger. You are quite sassy.”  
  
“’M not a spice girl,” Louis huffed. “Quite manly and tall you know.” Louis didn’t know where this lively confidence was emerging from, but something about Harry put him at ease and made him feel like he was about to throw up all at the same time. It was kind of exhilarating.  
  
Harry grinned wildly, endeared at how adorable Louis was when he got cheeky. “You’re right,” He agreed. “Very manly. You’re the Becks to my Posh.” Harry patted his cheek lightly and tried not to focus on how easily his hand fit over the side of Louis' face.  
  
“That’s more like it,” Louis laughed. His cheek tingled at the warmth of Harry's touch.  
  
Harry glanced at his watch suddenly. “Shoot, I’ve gotta run, I’ve got a study group I’ve gotta be at in fifteen minutes...”  
  
“Study group? Mate, classes have only just started!” Louis said incredulously, fiddling with his t-shirt and hoping Harry wasn’t wondering why he wasn’t in class himself.  
  
“Yeah well…it’s uh. Kinda geeky, I know, but my program, well, a bunch of us have a group that we kept going over the summer on Facebook, so we’re just getting together to, you know, kinda celebrate the start of term I guess?” Harry finished sheepishly.  
  
“Mate, you are a proper brainbox. An ongoing study sesh in the summer? Are you mad?!”  
  
“Heyyy, learning can be fun! Education! Really good…”  
  
Louis stared at him in disbelief.  
  
“Er, sometimes we brought beer?” Harry tried. Louis wanted to pat his adorable curly-haired head for how sweet and completely nerdy he was.  
  
“Well that’s a good start, mate,” He answered instead. “To be fair, it’s pretty impressive how dedicated you are. Me? Can’t even be arsed to get to class most days.” Louis mentally slapped himself in the head. Why would he say that? “Erm, so what program are you in then?” He asked instead.  
  
Harry looked at him with a soft smile, tilting his head slightly to the side. “It’s not that impressive, I promise. And uh, Biomedical Science, final year, what about you?”  
  
“Wow, you are proper smart.” Louis shuffled uncomfortably. “Erm, I’m doing Economics and Political Science. Me Granddad’s a lawyer and always wanted me to be one too. Uh, in me final year as well but I uh, am a bit behind. In uh, credits that is. It’s taking me awhile to uh… not the best student I reckon," He stuttered. "The lads are always telling me I should try harder but what can you do. So uh, yeah,” He laughed lightly, trying to keep the mood casual but aware that his face was flushed with embarrassment.  
  
“Hey, Louis, that’s okay. School can be a nightmare. I definitely don’t think you’re lazy,” Harry smiled kindly.  
  
“You don’t even know me,” Louis answered softly, his voice hesitant. And you don’t want to, he added to himself. His head felt fuzzy, mind heavy and body sluggish. He realized he hadn’t yet taken his medication today and wanted nothing more than to curl up in his bed and go back to sleep.  
  
Harry’s velvety voice interrupted his thoughts. “You’re right. I don’t know you nearly as well as I’d like to. Yet. I reckon we should change that, though,” He continued, looking right at Louis before walking down the hall to the foyer and bending down to put on a pair of worn brown boots. Louis followed.  
  
It took all of Louis' strength to muster up a cheeky response. “Well mate, you know where to find me.”  
  
“I do,” Harry nodded, turning to open the door and glancing over his shoulder with a wicked smirk Louis was coming to know as his trademark. “See ya later Baby Spice,” he said, already giggling at his own joke as he headed out the door.  
  
“Oi,” Louis muttered, smiling to himself as he closed the door behind him.  
  
The minute Harry left the flat, Louis instantly felt heavier, as though his body were being weighed down with rocks. It took a lot of exertion trying to act normal in front of others when in reality he was so exhausted and empty inside. Most days, he just didn’t leave his room. While he was proud of himself for interacting with Harry, and perhaps even coming off as charmingly funny, he knew it was a joke. He knew he could never really keep up that appearance and with Harry around so often he would quickly see how useless and insignificant he really was.  
  
And he would grow tired of him. Everyone did. It was too much. He was too much, he knew.  
  
He thought about the last time he was stupid enough to let someone in and believe they actually cared. He remembered the memory clearly as if it had happened yesterday, instead of three years before. It still haunted his dreams. Louis pictured Wes’ face, hardened, distant, and sad.  
  
_“I can’t do this anymore Lou, I can’t—I can’t fix you. I just. I can’t take it. This is too fucked up. I can’t help you. I can’t. I’m sorry. It’s too much. You’re too much.”_  
  
He cut the memory off there, cringing and too exhausted to think anymore, and instead turned his attention towards the boxes neatly piled against the breakfast bar.  
  
He walked over, peering at the neatly printed block lettering over each one. He looked at a large one with ‘BEDROOM’ scrawled across it and bent to pick it up, huffing at the weight of it but continuing to carry it down the hall and into Harry’s empty room. He carefully placed it on the floor beside the bed.  
  
After making his second trip to Harry’s room with the other bedroom-designated box, Louis headed back to the kitchen for a drink. He was sloppily wiping his mouth after chugging down a bottle of water when he noticed a large bin bag, a piece of tape simply identifying it as ‘BED’. Louis peered inside and smiled softly to himself, running his hands over the fabric inside. For the third time, he headed into Harry’s room and gently pulled the bedding out of the bag, laying it across the empty bed and smoothing it out with his small hands. He didn’t know why but it was suddenly very important to him that Harry came back to a made bed. It was probably invasive and weirdly creepy but oddly, Louis found that he didn’t care. He pulled the rest of the sheets and pillowcases out and found two plump pillows at the bottom. He made the bed carefully, his hands tugging the corners of the bottom sheet with precision the way his mum had shown him. He smiled down at the fabric again, running the material through his fingers gently. This was exactly the bedding Louis would have expected Harry to have. It was just so…Harry. He knew that was ridiculous, as he had spent only an hour with the curly-haired boy but somehow, staring down at the crisp white floral duvet, the red and blue flowers painted soft and delicate across the spread, he just knew. This was Harry: sweet, soft, and vivid. He finished making the bed, carefully fluffing each pillow before heading back to his room. He was greeted by his own bedspread, the bleak grey suddenly looking sallow in comparison to Harry’s bright floral. He rummaged through his desk drawer and got into bed, two small blue pills clasped in hand. He swallowed them easily before pulling his duvet up and over his body, allowing himself to be swallowed up by the darkness.  


  
...

Harry shuffled back into the flat, tripping slightly as he kicked his boots off. He looked up and was greeted by two male faces, one blonde, and the other brunette. Liam and Niall sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen chatting, a beer in each of their hands. They paused as Harry entered.  
  
“Hey, man! You must be Harry. I’m Liam,” The brunette jumped off the stool and reached over to Harry, stretching out his hand.  
  
“Nice to meet you, mate. The flat is sick. I’m uh, really looking forward to living here.”  
  
“Yeah? Your other room musta been shit if this place looks sick,” The blonde-haired lad joked. “Niall, mate. Good to meet ya,” He gave a quick salute and grinned.  
  
“A whole lot more space than my last one,” Harry answered with a laugh. “Louis gave me a tour earlier, it looks great to me.”  
  
“Oh good, you met Lou? He was home today then?” Liam asked, going over to the fridge and peering inside. “Looks pretty bare, Ni, think we better order in tonight. Shop tomorrow I reckon, yeah?”  
  
Niall grunted from the breakfast bar.  
  
“Yeah, he showed me around a bit,” Harry answered. “I actually woke him up when I came in this afternoon and was unloading my stuff in here.”  
  
Liam nodded. “Yeah mate, he tends to be a bit of day sleeper, always has been, ever since we met him.”  
  
“Kinda keeps himself to himself,” Niall added. “He’s a good lad, though. Funny as shit when he wants to be, likes a good game of FIFA now and then. Pretty easy to live with, to be honest.”  
  
Harry smiled, thinking of Louis’ sassy remarks and clear blue eyes. Beautiful but sad. Little hands and feet, and an incredible round bum that made Harry’s mouth water. He snapped back to reality.  
  
“He’s uh, really lovely, yeah,” Harry answered honestly. “Is he uh, involved with anyone?” Subtle, Harry. Real subtle, he scolded himself internally.    
  
Liam laughed knowingly. “Nah mate, not that we know of anyways. Haven't seen him with anyone since first year eh, Ni? Anyways, pretty quiet lad, like Niall said. Doesn’t go out much.”  
  
Harry hummed, pointedly noticing Louis’ absence and wondering what he was doing in his room. He also silently cheered upon hearing Louis was interested in men and potentially single. Easy, Styles. He's your roommate. “Hey, I was going to cook dinner. Fajitas, if you lads are interested? Know you mentioned takeaway but they should taste decent,” He continued, setting down the bags of groceries he got on his way home from school.  
  
“Oh man, you can cook? I love you already,” Niall exclaimed excitedly.  
  
Liam chuckled. “We’re not the best cooks," He explained. "We eat a lot of instant mac and cheese and Dominos.”  
  
“I like to cook." Harry smiled. "I worked in a bakery back home when I was in school.”  
  
“That's ace, mate. I reckon you’ll fit in just fine around here,” Liam grinned.  
  
Niall appeared beside Harry and handed him a freshly cracked open bottle of beer. “Cheers mate, welcome to the lad pad!” He grinned enthusiastically.  
  
Liam rolled his eyes. "We don't actually refer to it as that..."  
  
"I do," Niall answered hotly. "It's cool, makes us sound like proper blokes! Lad pad! Living the dream!"  
  
Liam grimaced. "You sound like a tit."  
  
The two continued to banter back and forth as Harry grinned and set about preparing the fajitas, heating the burner and slicing the raw chicken. They continued to chat as Harry cooked. Liam, he learned, was in grad school doing his masters of aerospace engineering, while Niall was in his first year of dentistry school. Already, Harry could tell this was going to be much different from his previous housing experience, both men seemingly very friendly and easy-going.  
  
“What do you want to do with your degree after school, Harry?” Liam asked, chugging the last of his beer and getting up to get another round.  
  
Niall scoffed. "Nobody likes that question, Payno. He's a bit of a mother hen this one," He added to Harry.  
  
"Excuse me for being interested, Nialler."  
  
"I don't mind," Harry smiled, turning from the counter and placing two plates of food on the bar for Niall and Liam.  
  
“I'm not quite sure if I'm honest…I mean, I’ve always thought maybe med school? Kinda haven’t thought about it, though. Just picked science because it’s always been easy for me, I guess.”  
  
Both boys immediately dug in, thanking Harry profusely.  
  
“Cool man,” Liam replied, his mouth full. “You gonna dig in? It’s amazing. Love the sauce on this chicken, it’s ace. My compliments to the chef,” He winked.  
  
“That's okay, mate. Glad you like it. I uh, was going to see if Louis wanted some?” He checked his watch and saw that it was almost 8 p.m. Surely Louis wasn’t asleep already. He put together a plate and wandered down the hall. He paused at his own door, noticing it was ajar. He pushed the door all the open with his free hand, flicking the light on as he went in. He stopped short in front of the bed, his whole face lighting up in a wide grin as he saw the immaculately made bed, his floral sheets greeting him warmly.  
  
“Louis,” he said softly to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> and thank you to the lovely [nautilarrie](http://nautilarrie.tumblr.com//)  
> for betaing!
> 
>  
> 
> Find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii, welcome back. Thanks so much for reading xxx

Louis had been lying awake in bed for half an hour, listening to the muffled conversation coming from the kitchen. He couldn’t make out any of it, only that the three men appeared to be getting along well. His mouth lifted to a half smile. Of course, Liam and Niall would like Harry. Everyone must like Harry. He was just…well, likable. He radiated. Louis thought back to their interaction earlier in the day, visualizing Harry’s full rosy lips; the deep velvety words that came out, and the way they formed perfectly into a smirk or pout. He remembered the way his chocolatey locks curled around the edges of his collarbone and the way his massive hands had patted his cheek. Most of all, he remembered how genuinely sweet Harry had been with him. Louis felt his cheeks flame and turned over abruptly to shake the thoughts out of his head. He reached for his phone, buried under the twisted confines of the blanket and stretched for his headphones sat on the windowsill. Plugging himself in and cranking the volume up, he closed his eyes and let the melodic sound of Fleetwood Mac lure him into relaxation.

[Rhiannon-Fleetwood Mac](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2b9BpunsVmo)  


...

  
Harry stood outside Louis’ door, a plate of food in hand, and tapped his knuckles softly against the wood.

 

“Louis? It’s Harry. I uh, thought you might be hungry? I brought you some dinner. It’s fajitas if you like that? Made ‘em myself. Think they’re okay. Lou?” Harry paused and pressed his ear against the door. Nothing.

 

“Sorry, I don’t want to bother you…I’m probably bothering you. Or you’re asleep and I’m just talking to myself like an idiot,” He paused again. “Definitely talking to myself like an idiot. I’m just going to wrap this up and stick in the fridge for you okay? Still talking to myself. Right then, I’m just gonna go…yeah,” Harry turned on his heel and sauntered back to the kitchen, snatching a roll of aluminium foil from the drawer. He spread it over the plate of food and rooted through another drawer before retrieving a marker. He scribbled, “LOU’S FOOD” and haphazardly drew an oversized, idiotic smiley face next to it before placing it on the top shelf of the fridge.

 

Niall and Liam appeared from their rooms and headed into the living room, plopping down on the large L-shaped sofa.

 

“’Bout to play some FIFA, you wanna join, lad?” Niall asked happily.

 

Harry smiled, closing the fridge. “I was actually about to have a shower but maybe later on?”

 

Harry appreciated how inclusive both boys were being though he wondered why they didn’t appear to be concerned that Louis had basically been holed up in his room the entire day. He pursed his lips momentarily. “Maybe we can watch a film later? And get Louis to join us? You know, like a…a flat mate night?” He winced inwardly, wondering how obvious and cheesy he sounded.

 

“Sure man, sounds ace. Might have to drag Louis out, though,” Liam answered, eyes already focused on the football game playing on the screen.

 

“Nobody can resist a good Rom-com! I have an extensive collection,” Harry stated, unabashed.

 

Liam groaned good-naturedly. “I get enough of that with my girlfriend. Soph insists on falling asleep to Uptown Girls every night. She says it’s light and comforting or something.”

 

“Hey, that’s a great film,” Harry agreed, breaking into song with ‘Molly Smiles’.

 

Liam shook his head, laughing. "I reckon you'll get on well with her too, then."

 

Niall raised his hands in agreement. “Hey I’ll admit it to ya, I love a good tearjerker. Sometimes ya just need a good cry doncha?”

 

Harry beamed. “See? Brilliant, it’s settled then. Film at ten then, lads,” He practically skipped off to his room, elated at the idea of getting to spend more time with Louis. He stripped his clothes off and headed down the hall to the toilet, hastily wrapping a towel around himself and humming quietly under his breath.

 

Meanwhile, in his own room, Louis sighed loudly through his nose and sat up sluggishly, stretching his arms above his head and grimacing at how stiff and sore his muscles felt. He caught a whiff of his underarms and groaned. He really needed a wash. When was the last time he had showered? Must have only been yesterday he thought. Or was it the day before that? Fuck, he was useless. Disgusting even. How could he expect Harry to want to spend time with him when he couldn’t even fucking remember to bathe?

 

“Jesus,” he said out loud and jumped up to grab a towel. He realized, as he rooted through the massive pile of laundry on his floor for a towel that looked clean, that he was still wearing his headphones. Yanking them out and clicking his music off he heard the distinct whistling sound the shower made and the faint sound of someone singing. He paused his movements, tilting his head slightly to listen.

 

_“Molly smiles with the dawn_

_Molly smiles and she radiates the glow around her halo…_

_When she plays, Molly smiles_

_On a summer day, Molly smiles_

_A new day, Molly smiles…”_

 

The voice was deep and robust yet somehow still soft and lovely. “Harry,” Louis breathed, lips stretching into a broad grin that crinkled his eyes and warmed his cheeks. He could hear the sound of Harry’s movements in the shower, lifting and setting down bottles, his feet making a faint squeaking sound as they moved around the slippery shower floor. Louis opened his door, listening intently as Harry’s pleasant voice continued, carrying out from the shower and filling the hall with a sweet melody.

 

_“When I come home, Molly smiles with the dawn_

_Molly smiles and she radiates the glow around her halo_

_When she plays, Molly smiles_

_On a summer day, Molly smiles_

_A new day, Molly smiles_

_When the days have gone grey,_

_Nothing's wrong when Molly smiles.”_

 

Louis was leaning against the frame of his door, still smiling and listening attentively when the water shut off abruptly and he heard the shower door opening and closing. He scurried back into his room, quickly closing the door behind him. The last thing he needed was for Harry to catch him being a complete creep and listening to him sing practically outside the toilet door.  He scuffled around his room, stripping his worn t-shirt off and tossing it into the mountain of clothing on the floor. He heard the sound of the toilet door opening and Harry shuffling out, still humming to himself. Louis grabbed his towel and headed for the door, pausing as he noticed the incriminating line of empty vodka bottles lined up in front of the mirrored closet doors. Right, he thought, best get rid of those. He scooped them up and looked around the room for a bag to toss them in when a sudden knock on his door made him jump, causing him to drop all but one of the bottles, the sound of plastic hitting the floor with a loud thump.

 

“Shit,” Louis muttered, stepping over them and towards the door, flinging it open. There in front of him stood Harry.

 

Wet. Half naked. Grinning. Shit.

 

“Hi!”

 

The white towel loosely wrapped around his torso hung low on his hips, revealing the deep v-line of his abs and a set of large fern leaves tattooed on either hip. Louis’ eyes drifted upwards and landed on a massive butterfly displayed under his sternum with two sparrow birds sitting under his collarbones and a mass of other random tattoos scattered over his arm.

 

“Uh, hey. What’s uh, what’s up?” Louis asked, in an unconvincingly casual tone. He was very aware that he himself stood only in a pair of tight black briefs and socks and that the sight of Harry’s exposed flesh was a dangerous temptation of self-control that Louis feared he would lose. He shifted his weight and crossed his left ankle over his right.

 

Harry noticed Louis’ eyes gazing up and down his torso and couldn’t help his own eyes from travelling down Louis’ exposed tan skin, taking in the curves of his hips and narrow shoulders, and finally landing on the bulge of his dark briefs. Harry's own cock twitched with interest underneath his towel and he quickly forced his gaze up, meeting Louis’ eyes.

 

“Thirsty are we?” Harry asked nodding at the empty vodka bottle still clasped tightly in Louis’ small hand.

 

“What? Oh. Uh no, just er, tidying up,” He answered, quickly tossing the bottle into the pile of laundry.

 

Harry took a step forward, glancing at the horrendous mess scattered among the floor. “You've done well mate,” he said seriously, biting his lip as his trademark smirk emerged on his face.

 

Louis snickered. “Told you, ’m not much for cleaning.”

 

“You did mention that. Perhaps I should make you a cleaning schedule?”

 

“Might as well put on a maid’s outfit and do it for me, ‘m hopeless,” Louis retorted without thinking.

 

Harry grinned. “I’d love to do that.”

 

“Of course, you would, Posh. ”

 

Harry continued his grin, pleased that Louis seemed to be in such a good mood. “Anyways, while you are obviously quite busy cleaning your life away in here, I wanted to inform you of our lads’ night.”

 

Louis furrowed his brows in confusion. “We have a lads’ night planned?”

 

“Yes!” Harry insisted enthusiastically. “Flatmate film night! How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days.”

 

Louis burst out laughing. “What? How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days? What is that? Do we even have it?”

 

“Oh, it’s from my personal collection. I’m a bit of a Rom-com aficionado,” Harry answered smugly, without a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

 

 _How is he real?_ Louis wondered. “You know, that doesn’t surprise me,” He answered with a smile.

 

Harry grinned. “Hey, I’m not afraid to admit it. I quite fancy a good cry now and then. And I do love a happy ending. If Meg Ryan or Sandra Bullock are involved, all the better.”

 

“Yeah? Love a good leading lady do you?”

 

“Actually,” Harry said, speaking slowly, his green eyes staring directly into Louis’ blue ones, “More of a Hugh Grant fan myself, you know?” He held his gaze, his ever-present smirk lighting up his whole face.

 

Louis gulped. “Yeah,” he answered. “So Liam and Niall have agreed to this then?”

 

“’Course. I can be very convincing.”

 

“Well, hate to miss out but I was just heading to the shower…” Louis trailed off.

 

“Oh? What a shame, we could have saved water. I’ve just had mine,” Harry replied.

 

“I can see that,” Louis answered promptly, eyeing the white towel that was slipping dangerously close down Harry’s waist as it got looser, the top patch of his groin hair barely visible above it. He could feel his dick begin to fill in arousal and shuffled again, trying to imagine the harsh cold water splashing over his body.

 

“Don’t worry, I saved you some hot water,” Harry continued.

 

“What a gentleman.”

 

“Always. And don’t think you’re getting out of lads’ night. We’ll wait for you to finish. Besides, I have to make my famous rosemary popcorn still,” Harry answered slyly.

 

“Famous huh? Guess I can’t say no to that.”

 

“Don’t pretend you aren’t interested in watching the film, Becks.”

 

“Who could pass up Matthew McConaughey?”

 

“Ah, so you do know the film, then!” Harry exclaimed. “Are you a closeted Rom-com lover, Louis?” He asked jokingly.

 

“’M not a closeted anything Harry," Louis answered smugly.

 

 _Cheeky_ , Harry thought, cackling and shaking his head. “Fifteen minutes y’hear?”

 

“Alright, alright, I’ll be there,” Louis answered, his confidence beginning to fade as his nerves set in.

 

Harry turned to leave, gripping his towel and heading back to his room to change. Louis followed, draping his own towel over his growing erection and trying not to race to the toilet. He had just closed the door and shucked out of his briefs when he heard Harry’s voice again, right outside the door.

 

“Enjoy your shower!” He sing-songed.

 

Louis glanced down at his half-hard cock and sighed, immediately flicking the shower knob to cold and jumping in.

 

...

 

Twenty minutes later, Louis was freshly clean but still in his room puttering around.

 

“LOU, hurry up lad!” Niall bellowed from the living room.

 

“Harry’s made popcorn, mate,” Liam added.

 

“’M coming,” Louis called back, looking himself over in the mirror. He was dressed in a white long-sleeved knit sleep shirt and grey jogging bottoms that hugged his curves and tapered at his thin ankles, hitting the top of the black wool socks he had slipped on. His feet always seemed to be cold lately.

 

_Don’t be stupid. This isn’t a slumber party; you’re just hanging out with the lads. It’s casual._

 

He let out a loud puff of air and turned to head out the door before pausing and turning back towards his nightstand. He rummaged through for a minute before pulling out a sealed twenty-sixer of vodka and his bottle of Xanax. He needed some liquid courage for tonight, he decided. But then again, when did he not? Popping two pills in his mouth, he washed them down with a large swig of vodka, feeling his throat burn as the liquid hit the back of his throat. He knew he really wasn’t supposed to mix the two, but that had never really concerned him. He tossed the package of pills on top of the nightstand and swallowed another mouthful of vodka before tossing it back in the drawer. When he arrived in the living room he found the lads already settled in nicely, the start menu of the film displayed on the flat screen TV. Liam and Niall were sat on one end of the couch, feet propped up on the glass coffee table while Harry was stretched out on the other end, his never-ending legs extended over the massive end of the sectional.

 

“Ah! And lads’ night can officially begin!” Harry called cheerfully, patting the only empty spot beside him.

 

Louis stepped over the feet of his flat mates and plopped down beside Harry, feeling mostly calm and only a little tingly thanks to the alcohol and medication settling in his blood. Niall passed him the bowl of popcorn, his own mouth already full. “Real good stuff, mate, gotta try it,” He said, chewing sloppily. For someone dedicating his life to oral hygiene, he had horrendous eating etiquette. “Even got some new dental picks I snagged from practicum that I can give ya lads, get all them kernels out afterwards!” He continued excitedly, reaching over Louis and shoving another handful in his eagerly awaiting mouth.

 

“Wow mate, thanks. Look forward to that,” Louis replied wryly, Liam and Harry snickering.

 

“This is really good, Harry,” Louis continued, finally turning to face him. “’M starved.”

 

“Harry’s ace in the kitchen made some wicked fajitas for dinner,” Liam chimed in.

 

Louis raised an eyebrow, “Fajitas?”

 

Harry laughed and reached out to pat his cheek as he had earlier. “Saved you some, Becks. Put a plate in the fridge for you.”

 

“Becks?” Niall repeated, his tone confused yet amused.

 

“Siiiiick mate, cheers!” Louis all but shouted, the vodka hitting him a little harder than he expected. Then again, he couldn’t remember the last time he had had a bite to eat. Like bathing, he sometimes lost track of time altogether. He immediately leaped up from the sofa and scurried towards the fridge.

 

“Little nickname,” Harry answered grinning.

 

Niall and Liam briefly met eyes. Liam raised an eyebrow. Niall shrugged back and took another handful of popcorn. “Hey, Lou? Grab some beers for us why doncha? Put a new case in the fridge yesterday.”

 

“Oi, I’ve only got two hands,” He called back sassily.

 

“I’ll help!” Harry offered eagerly, jumping up. Niall and Liam exchanged another amused look.

 

Thirty minutes later, the boys were well into the film with all four men appearing to be deeply relaxed.

 

Empty cans of beer were scattered among the table. Niall was chuckling too loudly, Harry couldn’t help himself from reciting lines (mostly the female characters), and though Liam was quiet on his end of the sofa, he was watching the screen intently. Meanwhile, Louis was stealing glances at Harry periodically, watching as his lips curled up when he chuckled softly and opened wide when he cackled out loud. He wanted so badly to reach his hand out and trace the lines of his lips, to feel if they were as soft and plush as they looked. How could one person be this beautiful? Harry spotted Louis looking at him through his peripheral view and turned his head slightly towards him, smirking. Louis looked away quickly, eyes focusing back on the screen. He really wasn’t being even remotely subtle. He tried to concentrate on the dialogue happening on screen but his brain felt fuzzy with alcohol and longing. It had been so long since he had been with anyone. Since he had even had a conversation with someone like he had with Harry and felt that kind of connection. His eyes eventually drifted back over to Harry and he startled when he found a pair of jade-coloured eyes staring back at him. 

 

Harry leaned in and grinned. “Hi. Can I help you with something?” He whispered.

 

“Ben kinda reminds me of you,” Louis blurted back, tipping his face closer to meet Harry’s.

 

“What! He’s so cocky,” Harry cried, his voice rising in mild offense. Louis giggled.

 

“He’s a legend,” Liam piped up, overhearing their conversation.

 

“He’s charming, just like you,” Louis replied.

 

“Yeah?” Harry asked amusedly.

 

“A bit, yeah,” Louis replied, reaching out to poke his cheek where his dimple was poking out.

 

“Well you remind me of Andie then,” Harry decided, pushing Louis’ shoulder gently.

 

Louis burst out laughing. “Her?” Why?”

 

“She’s sassy as shit, just like you,” Harry said easily.

 

Louis rubbed his nose and tried to hide his smile as he sank back into the sofa turning his eyes back to the telly.

... 

 

“Louis. Hey, Lou. Wake up,”

 

Louis felt a hand gently shaking his shoulder and jerked forward, arms flailing as he steadied himself. “Whaaa? Is the film over?” He asked, groggily.

 

Harry giggled beside him, Niall and Liam having reported back to their respective rooms already.

 

“You fell asleep, mate. Quite insulting, to be honest. The ending is the best part!”

 

“Why is that?” Louis asked rubbing his eyes and twisting his stiff back. He glanced at his phone and saw that it was almost 12:30 a.m.

 

Harry shrugged. “The end is always the best part.”

 

“Dunno mate, I kinda like the beginning of things,” Louis disagreed.

 

Harry grinned. “You don’t even know how it ended.”

 

“Yeah, the last thing I remember seeing was them about to do it in his parents’ shower. When they were right downstairs! Animals,” He said jokingly.

 

Harry tilted his head. “Hey don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” he smirked.

 

Louis snorted. “You have a thing with showers eh? And exhibition clearly.”

 

Harry squawked loudly, clamping his hand over his mouth at the sound. “One of those things may or may not be true.”

 

Louis rolled his eyes though his cheeks warmed and he felt his stomach fluttering. Beside him, Harry let out a yawn.

 

“Tell me about it,” Louis agreed, letting his head fall back against the back of the sofa.

 

Harry turned his body so it faced Louis, crossing his slim legs in front of him. “How can you possibly be tired? You’ve been asleep nearly all day,” He asked, genuinely curious.

 

“Erm. Don’t sleep much at night. Can’t. Try and sleep during the day but it’s hard. Life and all that, you know,” He joked, his body tensing slightly.

 

“Why can’t you sleep at night?” Harry asked softly.

 

Louis paused, sitting forward and meeting Harry’s gaze. His brow was furrowed in sincere concern, his eyes warm and kind. God, he was so pretty. Louis shrugged, smiling nonchalantly. “Dunno really,” He answered, curling his knees up and allowing himself to fall over on his side, pressing his face into the sofa cushion and closing his eyes. Harry said nothing, seeing the brief flicker of panic in Louis’ eyes when he asked. Instead, he leaned over Louis’ small curled up frame cheekily, staring down at him as he hovered above.

 

Louis cracked one eye open and chuckled softly. “Hi. Can I help you?”

 

“Are you going to sleep out here?” Harry asked amusedly. “We could have a slumber party.”

 

“Tempting. Though I think I can make my way down the hall to me bed.”

 

Harry grinned. “Want me to tuck you in?”

 

Louis stood up, shaking his head as he laughed. He flicked off the remaining light in the living room and started towards the hall, Harry following narrowly behind him. He stopped in front of Harry’s bedroom and shifted, suddenly feeling awkward and unsure of what to do. “Err, well g’night then,” Louis said quietly, continuing on towards his own room.

 

“Hey," Harry called behind him. "Thanks for making my bed for me. You did a lovely job.”

 

Louis shrugged, taking in Harry's soft smirk. “Me Mum has a thing about made beds. Thought it’d be welcoming to come back to so,” He explained, feeling incredibly childish.

 

“It’s nice. Really nice. I think I’ll sleep very well tonight,” Harry answered, turning into his room.

 

“I heard you singing,” Louis blurted, cringing inwardly at himself.

 

Harry turned around, a sheepish smile spreading across his face. “Oh. That’s uh, a bit embarrassing. Sorry. Do love a bit of shower karaoke, though."

 

“Don’t we all,” Louis smiled.

 

Harry grinned back. “Always sounds better. Acoustics and all that.”

 

“I liked the song,” Louis replied softly.

 

“’S a good one,” Harry agreed easily. He yawned, his large hand running over his face and pushing the mess of curls away. “Goodnight Becks,” He called quietly, turning into his room.

 

“Hey, Harry?” Louis asked softly. Harry paused, glancing over his shoulder.

 

Harry paused, glancing over his shoulder. "Hm?"

 

“It—it was lovely. Your voice. It was lovely,” Louis said, meeting Harry’s eyes briefly before turning away into his room and closing the door lightly behind him. Harry smiled faintly after him, thinking of his sad blue eyes and how his smile never quite seemed to reach them. He wanted to press his lips over each eyelid until they were bright and kiss away every bit of hurt that had made him so sad. “You’re lovely,” He said softly, turning into his room slowly and gently closing the door behind him. His stripped his clothes off and got into bed, sliding easily under his soft duvet. He tossed back and forth for a moment, his mind still on Louis. He was such a mystery in so many ways. He was sassy and sweet and funny as all get out but there was something so sad and guarded about him.

 

Harry’s thoughts drifted back to the image of Louis standing in his doorway in his tiny briefs that hugged his body in all the right places. He felt his dick begin to fill just thinking of it. God, he wanted to touch him so badly. Watching the film with Louis so close beside him had been torture. It had taken all his restraint not to reach over and run his hands through Louis’ soft hair and scoop his lithe frame into his lap, kissing him all over. Harry had been with his fair share of people in his life, both men and women, and he wasn’t afraid to admit he had a healthy sex drive. He liked sex. Sex was fun and exhilarating. He had never really hesitated to make a move on someone he felt a spark with before. He had been in a few semi-serious relationships in the past but to be honest, he had never really found someone he felt like he wanted to spend all his time with. In fact, more recently, he was known more often than not, to leave the party with a different date each night. Yet something felt different with Louis. In the past, he probably would have rushed to take him to bed straightaway. But he didn’t want to rush it or push Louis. Plus, they were flatmates now. Still, it was all Harry could think about.

 

He slinked a hand down his torso and began to stroke himself slowly, bringing himself to full hardness. His eyes closed, picturing Louis’ tiny body weighing on top of his broad chest. He imagined pressing his lips along the stubble of his jaw and running his hands over Louis’ full bum, dying to know what his skin felt like under his hands. He quickened the strokes of his hand, already feeling close to release. He felt like the day, combined with sitting beside Louis for hours on the couch unable to touch had been agonizing foreplay.

 

On the other side of the wall, Louis pressed his hips roughly against his mattress, his groin desperate for friction. If he was honest, it had been awhile since he had gotten himself off. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested in sex, it’s just, sex had always felt more awkward and embarrassing than enjoyable in the past. Sure, he tugged himself off on the mornings that he woke up hard, but there were no real feelings attached to that. It was a bit of a senseless activity. Louis suspected that his medications had been affecting his sex drive but, on the other hand, he just hadn’t had anyone or anything to feel particularly aroused over.

 

Until Harry had shown up, that is.

 

Suddenly, his hormones felt in overdrive. He reached a hand down under the waistband of his briefs, running his hand along the shaft of his stiff penis and reaching down to squeeze his balls below. He wanted to feel Harry’s hand on him, imagining what it would feel like. He jerked his hand faster, pretending his own hand was Harry’s as he moaned softly into his pillow rutting his hips to match his hand movements.

 

In his own bed, Harry felt like his body was on fire. He pulled his dick furiously, watching the head turn an angry purple colour and desperately wishing he could feel the way Louis would pulse in his hand. He shifted his body and moaned quietly. “Lou. You’re so hot, fuck.”

 

He let out a small gasp, trying to control his voice as he reached his orgasm, cupping his massive hand around himself as to try and not spill onto his freshly made bed.

 

Down the hall, Louis let out a small wail under his breath as his orgasm washed over him. He felt the warm splash of release soak through his briefs and he sighed slowly, letting his breathing return to normal. He peeled his sticky briefs off his body and wiped his groin with the dry patch of material, tossing them onto his floor. He climbed back into bed, curling up tightly on his side and trying to push away any lingering thoughts of hot curly-haired men as he tried to drift to sleep.

 

He was so screwed.

 

Harry stood up carefully in his own room, attempting to delicately clean over his sensitive cock with a handful of tissue. He fell back into his bed, sighing loudly. He pulled a pillow over his face and tried to relax his mind, ridding it of thoughts of blue eyes and tan skin and soft curves.

 

He was so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song: Molly Smiles](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKCuImbJZWA) 
> 
> Warning: that song WILL be stuck in your head for days. Apologies.
> 
> Thank you to the lovely [nautilarrie](http://nautilarrie.tumblr.com//)  
> for betaing!
> 
> Please reblog the post [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com/post/153142405073/peachesandpetal-title-rather-be-sad-with-you)  
> if you're enjoying :) 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy xx

Harry had been living in the flat for nearly two weeks and Louis was almost used to the idea of having him as a flat mate. An incredibly fit, gorgeous, charming, flat mate who made Louis want to lick his deliciously creamy skin from top to bottom, or rip his own hair out in agony. It really depended on the day.   
  
Of course, Harry’s complete and utter lack of modesty did absolutely nothing to ease the process. Most days, he strutted out of his bedroom wearing only his ridiculously tight, tiny briefs. If Louis had thought his skin-tight trousers left little to the imagination, he had an entirely other thing coming seeing Harry in only his pants. The first time it happened, Louis was so aroused he nearly choked on his cereal. Harry’s long, slim legs looked even better in the flesh, his smooth porcelain skin covered finely in soft brown hair. He had a narrow waist, and a pert little bum. A thin layer of fat surrounded his hips, creating the most adorable set of love handles Louis could ever imagine. During this daily strip show, Louis had managed to (hopefully) keep his hormones in check, though it took all of his self-control not to keep his eyes focused on Harry’s rather large bulge on display during a conversation.   
  
Louis had to remind himself daily that surprise boners in the kitchen were really not appropriate.   
  
Harry appeared to be completely unaware, and it was very apparent that he was naturally comfortable with his body in front of others. He would prance right up to Louis and greet him cheerfully, placing a huge hand on his shoulder or patting his cheek gently the way he had taken to doing. Even when Louis would attempt to escape to the toilet to shower, Harry would just grin and call after him in a singsong voice, “Enjooooooooy!” leaving Louis desperate for the cold water tap by the time he was safely in the confines of the shower stall. Other common occurrences in what Niall had affectionately deemed ‘The Lad Pad’ (much to Louis’ chagrin) were Rom-Com nights. They weren’t always quite as planned as the first one had been, but Louis would come out most evenings to find Harry sprawled out on the sofa with a pile of his textbooks scattered around him and a leading-lady film playing on the TV. Of course, Harry made every effort to try and rein his flatmates into joining him, and being Harry, he usually succeeded. Niall was always so exhausted after his long days of clinical that he was more than happy to collapse on the sofa and have a good laugh, particularly if Harry had made another one of his famous snacks. So far, there had been vegan black bean brownies that were ridiculously delicious despite their name, chocolate avocado pudding, and various variations of fruit smoothies. Louis made an appearance on occasion but he was often asleep or plugged into his music in his room. Still, each morning Louis would meander into the kitchen and find a plate of whatever treat Harry had concocted the previous night with his name on it. Liam, who still claimed to be uninterested, would often sit at the breakfast bar with his schoolwork spread out, stealing glances over at the TV and eventually making his way into the living room.   
  
Which is why it was no surprise that Louis padded out into the living on Thursday evening to find his three flatmates, plus Sophia, all lounging around their living room. Harry was up, bent over in front of the TV, slipping in a DVD.   
  
“He’s alive!” Niall cried, flashing Louis a wide grin. “Just in time, lad, we’re about to pop a film in.”   
  
“What’s on tonight?” Louis asked, tipping his head towards the TV screen.   
  
Harry righted himself and spun around to face Louis. “Becks! Hiiiiii," Harry drawled. "You’re in luck, it’s a good one tonight: PS. I Love You,” He flashed him a grin and came over to where Louis was leaning against the breakfast bar.   
  
“Ah, another pick from your esteemed collection?"   
  
“Soph picked it,” said Liam, giving her a knowing glance.   
  
“It’s so lovely. I cry every time,” Sophia spoke up from where she was perched beside Liam, her upper body leaning against his chest.   
  
“Me too,” Harry agreed.    
  
“Although,” Sophia continued,  “I had a glance and I must agree, Harry has quite the film collection. Like he has an entire bookshelf full, I think.”   
  
“Half,” Harry grinned.   
  
Louis shook his head and raised a single eyebrow in amusement. “Are you the only person left in the world who stills buys DVDs?” He asked Harry.   
  
“Don’t be ridiculous, loads of people still buy DVDs,” Harry retorted.   
  
“Okay, well how many under the age of like, 50? Why don’t you just stream online like every other 20-year-old?”   
  
“That’s illegal, Lewis,” Harry said, sounding aghast but grinning wildly.   
  
“Oh god, you probably buy all your music on iTunes too, am I right?”    
  
“Well, it’s not always on iTunes, I have Spotify premium so I use that too…” Harry trailed off.   
  
“You're an odd sort of lad, Hazza. Not normal, I swear.” Louis laughed.   
  
“Heyyyyy.”   
  
Louis shook his head, still amused, and wandered over to the fridge to grab a water bottle. Harry followed, sneaking up behind him so quietly that Louis nearly jumped out of his skin when he closed the fridge door and turned around face to face with him.   
  
“Jesus,” He muttered, sidestepping around Harry and going over to the counter to grab a loaf of bread.   
  
“I haven’t seen you much this week,” Harry commented, leaning against the fridge with his ankles crossed and gazing over at Louis with a lazy smile.   
  
Louis continued gathering ingredients for his late dinner, grabbing a banana and a jar of peanut butter from the top shelf of the cupboard. Harry watched intently, trying not to snicker at the way Louis stretched up on his tiptoes to grasp the jar.   
  
“Just busy with school s’pose," Louis shrugged. "Tryna actually get to me classes this time around,” He answered, beginning to peel the banana.   
  
“Did you know,” Harry started, coming up to stand beside Louis, “That you’re actually supposed to peel from the other end?”   
  
“What? Why?” Louis could feel the hairs on the back of his neck prickle at Harry’s proximity.   
  
Harry shrugged. “It’s how the chimps do it.”   
  
Louis finished peeling and began to slice the banana into coin-sized pieces. “Wow. I had no idea I’d been doing it wrong me whole life. Not quite sure how I managed to survive without that knowledge, if I'm honest. Thanks for that, Posh,” He answered dryly.   
  
“It’s what I’m here for, Becks.”   
  
Louis was just finishing spreading an oversized amount of peanut butter on the bread before pressing the two slices together and cutting into it. Harry watched over his shoulder and practically squealed in Louis’ ear when he saw that he had cut the sandwich into four neat triangle portions.   
  
“Okay, well that’s adorable.”    
  
Louis groaned, dropping his head forward and laughing shortly. “Ugh. I have SIX younger siblings, okay? It’s habit!” He looked over his shoulder and met Harry’s wide, amused eyes. “Shut up,” He whined.   
  
“Really, though, is there anything cuter than a peanut butter and banana sandwich cut into little triangles? They’re Louis-sized!” Harry went on, chuckling softly and bopping Louis lightly on the tip of his nose.   
  
“Stop,” Louis laughed, scrunching up his nose at Harry’s touch. “Stop and I’ll give you half,” He said seriously.   
  
Harry perked up eagerly as though Louis was offering him a puppy. “Won’t say no to that.”   
  
“Oi, are you lads coming? I’m proper third-wheeling out here!” Niall called from the living room.   
  
“Yeah yeah, we’re coming!” Harry called back.   
  
“Come on then, Becks, Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler await us. You gonna cry?” Harry grinned.   
  
“Yeah right,” Louis rolled his eyes.    
  
He and Harry settled in on the far end of the sofa and Louis wordlessly passed Harry the plate of sandwiches as the opening credits played. Harry grinned, biting into a triangle section of sandwich, his eyes watching the screen keenly. Louis chewed carefully, observing Harry as he watched the screen. He couldn’t help but smile at the way Harry’s faced morphed into each expression. His brows furrowed and lips pushed out into a full pout at the sad bits and his dimples poked out in a wide smile at the parts that made him chuckle. Louis drifted his gaze down the rest of Harry’s body, taking in his black jeans that were ripped in one knee, exposing his milky skin. His upper body was clothed in an oversized knit lavender jumper, a thin white t-shirt poking out at the collar. He looked so warm and cuddly; Louis desperately wanted to curl up against him and bury himself in the heat of his body.   
  
About half way through the film, Harry stretched a slender arm across the back of the sofa, drawing his body closer to Louis’, and lightly squeezing his shoulder at the parts that made him laugh. Louis had frozen immediately, completely unsure of what to do or what was happening. Harry, he had quickly learned, was a very tactile person. And not just to him. He had only been living in the flat a few days when he insisted on giving Niall a thorough neck and shoulder massage while they watched telly. Sure, Harry seemed to touch Louis more than was necessary and frequently made flirtatious comments in their daily conversation, but Louis knew it wasn’t real. A part of him wanted so badly to believe that maybe Harry could be interested in him in that way but another part of him, the superior part, knew that people like Harry didn’t want people like him. He couldn’t. Louis knew he was far too messed up and complicated for anyone to want to deal with, this he had explicitly learned in the past. Still, he found himself leaning his upper body back ever so slightly, the back of his hair brushing against Harry’s jumper.   
  
By the end of the film, both Sophia and Harry were sniffling softly. Louis glanced over to Harry and was alarmed to see he had actual tears ghosting over his cheeks. Harry wiped his nose with the sleeve of his jumper and sniffled loudly.   
  
“Hey, I told you I would cry! I’m only holding back emotion because you lot are here."   
  
Louis snickered.   
  
“This is you holding back emotion?” Liam exclaimed, glancing over.   
  
Harry stuck out his tongue in Liam’s direction. “’M very in touch with my emotions, Liam.”   
  
“How could you NOT cry, Li? Especially at the end. It’s so sweet; happy and sad all at once,” Sophia chimed in, looking at her boyfriend in exasperation.   
  
“I’m very manly babe, you know this,” Liam answered smugly.   
  
“Heyyy now, there’s nothing exclusively masculine or feminine about crying. It’s a natural human response,” Harry replied. “For the record, I am a very manly man who cries habitually,” He grinned.    
  
“No offense, mate. Just not a big crier I guess,” Liam shrugged.   
  
“Actually, he’s been known to cry after-” Sophia started.    
  
“Alright! Time for bed I reckon,” Liam jumped in, cutting her off. She gave him a meaningful glance and grinned at the other lads, rolling her eyes.   
  
Niall laughed loudly, standing up and stretching his arms. “Ugh. Best be off to bed for me too. Have to be at school by seven a.m. Christ. Fucking group projects,” He groaned.   
  
“Shit man, that’s awful. I’d quit the group,” Louis joked.   
  
“You would,” Niall chuckled.   
  
Louis blushed but knew that Niall was right. He was known for simply skipping out on any school related things that required too much effort. Of course, the boys didn’t realize this wasn’t by Louis’ choice. He did the best he could. His best just wasn’t very good.   
  
Liam, Sophia, and Niall all turned to head down their hallway of the flat before Niall paused and turned back around. “Oh! Forgot to mention it but Liam and I thought we would throw a party tomorrow night! Celebrate the new school year and that. Hope you lads are fine with it, I’ve already invited loads of people,” Niall added.    
  
“Thanks for the head’s up, mate,” Louis said sarcastically, giving him a half smile.    
  
He really wasn’t surprised; Niall and Liam threw parties at their flat on a regular basis. Louis didn’t really mind one way or another, as he tended to retreat to his room alone midway through the night these days.   
  
“Sounds great! I’m excited to meet your mates and properly christen the flat!” Harry said excitingly.   
  
“Gunna be sick, lad. Be sure to invite all your science geeks too, yeah?” Niall said.   
  
“Because all your dentistry classmates are so hip?” Harry laughed.   
  
Niall winked, “Obviously. Oral hygiene is a very hardcore field, mate,” He said saluting goodnight and disappearing into his room.   
  
Sophia and Liam retreated into Liam’s room, calling goodnight behind them. Harry turned to take out the DVD and shut off the telly, noticing Louis had collapsed face down on the sofa, his face tucked into his arms. Harry towered over his small frame and leaned down until his mouth was pressed beside Louis’ ear.   
  
“Are you asleep?” he said cheekily.   
  
Louis turned his face ever so slightly. Harry was close enough to his face that he could feel the warmth of his breath tickle his skin and smell the distinct scent of peanut butter.   
  
“Yes, go away.”    
  
Harry plopped down on the sofa beside Louis’ head, his gangly body bouncing the cushions and causing Louis’ head to bob upwards with them. He poked his head up and raised an eyebrow in what he hoped conveyed an annoyed expression. Inside, his stomach was racing with butterflies. Why must Harry insist on being so close to him?    
  
“What do you want?” He groaned.   
  
“’M bored,” Harry pouted. Louis looked up at him and sighed. God, he was gorgeous. Unfairly gorgeous.   
  
“It’s like half twelve, why don’t you go to sleep?” Louis suggested, silently begging Harry to stay out here with him instead.   
  
Harry shrugged. “Are you going to sleep?”   
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “No,” he said simply. Harry flashed him a grin.   
  
“Great! Let’s hang out then,” Harry jumped up from the sofa and yanked gently on Louis’ Manchester U jumper. “Come on then, I’m still organizing my room. You can help.”   
  
Louis sat up and looked at Harry in disbelief. “That’s your idea of hanging out? You’ve seen my room. Not sure I’ll be much help in the organizing department…”   
  
“I’ll organize, you can watch and learn. And we’ll play a game while I work. Twenty questions or something,” Harry answered, padding down the hall to his room. Louis followed.   
  
“Twenty questions?”   
  
“Yeah. You’re very interesting, Louis. I can tell. I fancy knowing everything there is to know about you,” Harry said cheerfully, opening the door to his room.   
  
Louis swallowed slowly, feeling a familiar heat warm his cheeks.   
  
“That’s not how you play, mate. You're supposed to think of a person, place, or thing and the other person has twenty questions to ask and try to guess it.”   
  
“Okay, well I pick you then. Person. Louis,” Harry said, crossing his arms over his chest.   
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “You’re not supposed to tell me that, idiot,” He moved slowly towards Harry’s bed, smiling faintly as he saw his floral spread. He wasn’t quite sure what to do. Should he sit? Was that rude?   
  
“Fine, then it’s not twenty questions in the traditional sense. I’ll just ask you questions, interview style,” Harry said, a sly grin spreading over his face.   
  
“What a terrible game,” Louis said.    
  
“Question one!” Harry continued, ignoring Louis and bending down to open the first box of books. “What’s something that most people love and you hate?”   
  
Louis stared at him. “Uh. The beach,” He answered a beat later. “Most people think of a day at the beach as relaxing, yeah? I hate it. It’s crowded and sweaty and I can’t stand the feel of sand on my skin. So. Yeah. The beach.”   
  
“You hate the beach,” Harry repeated slowly, as though programming this information into his brain. “Alright, good. Next question…” He pulled a stack of books out and began arranging them neatly on the bookshelf.   
  
Louis frowned. “Wait, hang on! Aren’t you going to answer the question?”   
  
“You can’t steal my questions, Lewis," Harry smirked. "You have to think of your own.”   
  
“Oh for Christ’s sake.” Louis rolled his eyes.   
  
Harry ignored him. “What was your favourite Halloween costume?” He continued.   
  
“What kind of questions are these?" Louis scoffed. "Thought you’d be asking about my favourite colour or hobbies or some shit.”    
  
Louis didn’t know why he was pretending to be irritated. In truth, his entire body felt alive with adrenaline and he couldn’t believe Harry had wanted to spend time with him. Deciding to just go for it, he hopped up onto Harry’s perfectly made bed and settled against the wall, drawing his knees up to his chest.   
  
“I’d love to know about your favourite colour and hobbies,” Harry answered seriously. “But first, Halloween?”   
  
Louis paused to think. “Guess I’d say the time I was a Power Ranger. Liked the red one best.”   
  
Harry smiled, imagining Louis as a child. He bet he had been smaller than all the other kids were but twice as feisty. He chuckled to himself at the thought.   
  
“What?” Louis said hotly. “You asked. Don’t laugh at me.”   
  
“Not laughing at you, Lou,” Harry replied, shelving another stack of books.   
  
“Okay, my turn. What’s uh, what’s your-your favourite food?” Louis asked meekly, suddenly feeling shy.    
  
Harry raised an eyebrow. “What a question!” He joked. “Very thought provoking.”   
  
“Shut up and answer, you dickhead.”    
  
“Toad in a hole, I think," Harry grinned. "Massive sausage fan,” He continued innocently. “Always have been.”   
  
Louis snickered. “Subtle,” he said. “Is that really your favourite dish or are you just being pervy again?”   
  
Harry laughed. “’Course it is. I’d never lie about that. I take all matters regarding sausage very seriously,” He added, winking at Louis.   
  
_ God, help me _ Louis thought. “Oh god. You’re twelve years old, I swear,” He said out loud, laughing.   
  
Harry set another stack of books on the shelf and tossed the empty box underneath his desk, hopping up onto the bed to join Louis. “I assure you I’m not,” He said seriously, his eyes shining. “Alright, let’s continue. Tell me something else about you. Anything.” Harry focused his eyes on Louis intently.    
  
Louis' jumper had a crew neck that showed off the tan of his skin and the slight frame of his collarbones. The “It Is What It Is” ink that Harry had appreciated before poked out neatly above the zipper. His hair was messy and looked unwashed, falling around his face and at the nape of his neck. Harry watched as Louis blinked, thinking, and noticed each time his long, dark lashes fluttered against the top of his high cheekbones. He was breathtaking.   
  
“Uh. I have terrible handwriting. Your go,” Louis said.   
  
“I’m exceptionally clumsy. Broken six bones. Your go.”   
  
“I get massively carsick. Once threw up in one of me little sister’s interactive storybooks. You know the ones with the buttons that make sounds for all the animals? The cow didn’t moo so well after that…” Louis trailed off.   
  
“Lovely,” Harry giggled. “Okay, ummm.  I always set my alarms for odd times. Like 7:32, 6:01, 5:58, you know.”   
  
“Do you really? That’s so quirky. Why?” Louis asked.   
  
Harry shrugged. “Dunno, really. Just always have done,” He smiled. “Okay, I’ve got a question for you.”   
  
“Go on then,” Louis replied, keeping his tone light while his stomach fluttered.    
  
Being with Harry was so simple. He hadn’t felt this at ease with another person since…well. In forever, it seemed.   
  
“Tell me about the last person you kissed,” Harry said easily.   
  
Louis froze.   
  
“Uh. Well. It’s been uh, a while, I guess,” He started. “And I…well, okay. Don’t judge me alright?”   
  
Harry furrowed his brow. “I wouldn’t do that, Louis.”   
  
Louis sighed. “I don’t remember the last person I kissed. I mean, I kind of remember but not like their name or anything…I uh. I used to be a bit of slag, I guess,” He chuckled, trying to keep his tone light. He hated talking about his past, especially when it came to relationships. After Wes, he had looked for comfort and love in all the wrong places and certainly with all the wrong people.   
  
Harry spoke softly, keeping his face impassive as his eyes met Louis’. “What do you mean?”   
  
“Dunno. Had kinda a shit break-up back in first year. After that, I just felt so badly I uh, just didn’t really care about anything. Slept around loads. Didn’t even matter who it was with. Basically, the only criteria were that they treated me like shit,” Louis laughed, not meeting Harry’s eyes.    
  
“I don’t do that anymore,” he added quickly. He tried to smile good-naturedly, but it couldn’t hide the shame in his eyes.   
  
“Hey, Lou, that's okay. We all have parts of our past that we’re not proud of,” Harry spoke softly. “I’m sorry. About your bad break-up,” He went on, resting his hand over the knee of Louis’ grey track bottoms.   
  
Louis shrugged. “Doesn’t matter anymore.”   
  
“It does matter, Lou. You didn’t deserve to be hurt like that.”   
  
Louis felt Harry spread his slender fingers over his kneecap and begin to move them in slow circular motions, rubbing softly.    
  
“Harry…”   
  
“You’re so lovely, Lou. You deserve the best.” His emerald eyes were kind and bright and Louis desperately wanted to reach out and touch his eyelashes.   
  
“Thanks, Harry,” He said softly. His mind felt fuzzy, legs turning to jelly under Harry’s warm touch. “Erm. Hey! I thought of a question for you,” he blurted, uncomfortably awkward with the nature of the conversation.   
  
Harry looked amused, his hand stilling but not moving from its place on Louis’ knees. He could feel Louis shaking under his touch. “Okay, shoot."   
  
“Tell me about one of your tattoos. Your favourite or something,” Louis said, pleased with himself for successfully changing the subject. Plus, he was dying to know more about the ink covering Harry’s deliciously smooth skin.   
  
“Oh man. That’s tough. I have loads…lost track how many I even have now. Think maybe sixty?” He paused, considering. “I have ones for my family that I love, of course. Hm. But one that’s always been a favourite is my Fleetwood Mac one,” He said.   
  
Louis stared at him, mouth falling slightly agape. He felt his heart pound. “Wait – you have a Fleetwood Mac tattoo?”   
  
“I do.”    
  
Louis couldn’t help the grin that spread over his face and Harry watched as his whole face lit up, his smile wide enough to make his eyes crinkle. God, he loved that smile. “Why is that funny?”   
  
Louis laughed. “It’s not, it’s just. I—I have one too,” he replied, amazed.   
  
Harry’s eyes widened in delight and shock. “You’re kidding?! Which one? Uh, which lyric?”   
  
“I could just show you,” Louis said softly.   
  
“Yeah, yeah, show me, please,” Harry answered. “Show me yours, I’ll show you mine,” He tacked on cheekily. Louis rolled his eyes and stretched out his legs, pulling one thick sock off his left foot. He propped it across Harry’s thigh. Harry gripped the small foot in front of him, pulling it closer as he examined the thick, slanted text along the inside of Louis’ foot.   
  
"‘The songbirds are singing like they know the score’" He read out loud.    
  
He smiled, looking up to meet Louis’ eyes. “Songbird. Love this one.”   
  
Louis smiled back, not moving his leg. “It was me Nan’s favourite. She taught me how to play it on the piano. She’s the reason I love the band so much, I s’pose.”    
  
Harry rubbed along Louis’ foot gently, letting his thumb caress his delicate anklebone. “That’s sweet, Lou. Are you close with her?” He asked.   
  
“Yeah. Always was. Mum and dad worked loads when I was little, so Nan really helped raise us all. She would always pick us up from school in this giant red van, yeah? It was ridiculous. And she always had the windows down, and would absolute blast Fleetwood Mac. Would have been embarrassed if it were anyone else, but,” He paused.  “She was the best. Just, the best. Really cool lady. She uh, she died last year,” He finished quietly.   
  
“’M sorry, Lou. She sounded amazing,” Harry said softly.   
  
Louis smiled. “She was. Wait! I gotta see yours. Show me!” He said. Harry grinned, gently moving Louis’ foot off his lap and setting it on the bed. He jumped up, smirking at Louis. “Okay, I’ll show you.”   
  
Louis watched him leap off the bed and begin to undo his belt, letting it fall open as he unzipped his black skinnies. “Harry?” he asked chuckling.   
  
“It’s a bit of a hidden one,” Harry said, pushing the tops of his jeans down so his white Calvin Klein briefs were exposed. “Still wanna see?” he asked, not wanting to make Lou uncomfortable.    
  
Louis just grinned, feeling a wave of boldness and desire wash over him. “Definitely.”   
  
Harry winked and quickly yanked the tight jeans down his long legs. Louis swallowed, feeling his cock twitch in his trousers at the sight. “It’s a line from ‘Gypsy’,” he heard Harry say, turning his eyes back up to his face. He watched Harry slide the hem of his briefs up his leg until they reached the crease between his thigh and groin where the downy brown hair became thicker and darker. Harry shuffled forward, lifting his hip slightly. Louis peered down from his spot on the bed, squinting at the tiny scrawl of writing, trying to make out the words.   
  
“Says: “I have no fear, I have only love”,” Harry said, reading his mind.   
  
“’S a good one,” Louis answered, genuinely. “It’s lovely, Harry.”   
  
Harry shuffled, tripping over his feet as he pulled the bottom of his briefs back down over his thigh. “Doesn’t have a story like yours, but,” He shrugged. “Always liked the line, so. There ya go.” Harry suddenly felt exposed and nervous, two emotions that were rare for him. Louis’ voice interrupted his thoughts.   
  
“You know, I was afraid for a minute,” He admitted.   
  
Harry paused. “What do you mean?” he asked, hopping back up on the bed, still in his briefs.   
  
“Well, I thought maybe you had a line from landslide. Like maybe that was the only song you knew? And you were just saying you were a fan but really…” Louis shrugged, eyes rolling to the ceiling.   
  
Harry burst out laughing. “You thought I was a fake Fleetwood Mac fan?”   
  
“‘M very defensive about it, you know. Everyone says they’re massive fans, but then they only know, like, two songs. I mean Landslide is amazing. It’s like an iconic song, obviously. But you have to know more than that, you know? Pisses me off,” Louis rolled his eyes.    
  
“Clearly,” Harry answered. He paused. “You’re cute when you’re pissed off, you know that?”    
  
Louis blushed. “Am I?”    
  
“You are,” Harry answered, voice lowering. He smiled and reached his hand over to rest on Louis’ knee once again. Louis exhaled slowly; feeling like his skin was on fire. Harry leaned closer so his broad shoulder was pressed against Louis’ smaller one. “Hey, Louis? Can I ask you another question?”   
  
“Yeah,” Louis breathed, his leg beginning to tremble under Harry’s hand.   
  
“Can I kiss you?”   
  
Louis froze, his mouth dry and his brain fuzzy. This was Harry. Beside him. Touching him. Asking to kiss him. He licked his lips, looking into Harry’s eyes. “I. Yeah. Yeah, okay,” He stuttered.   
  
Harry’s lips curled into a delicious smirk, and he immediately leaned forward, touching his forehead against Louis’. “Hi,” he said softly.   
  
“Hi,” Louis whispered.   
  
Harry inched his mouth closer, lips moving against the air as he tilted his head faintly. He lifted one hand to gently tip Louis’ chin up. Louis let out a tiny sigh, mouth agape and that was all it took before Harry was surging forward and pressing his mouth against Louis’ soft pink lips. Louis sighed into the kiss, Harry sliding his hand up to Louis’ thigh and gripping his jaw with his other. Louis turned his body so it faced Harry and pushed a lock of his curly hair out of his face, running his hand through the rest of his soft mane. Harry’s lips were plush and full and he tasted sweet against Louis’ mouth. His heart raced as he surged on, his lips moving soft and fast against Harry’s. His dick was filling up quickly and he shifted his hips slightly at the rush of blood. Harry bit his bottom lip and moaned softly, wrapping a strong arm around his waist and pulling him forward so he fell onto Harry’s lap. Louis pulled off, breathing heavily and staring into Harry’s lustful eyes before re-capturing their lips. Harry slipped his tongue out, running it along the seam inside Louis’ mouth. He spread his legs apart, allowing Louis to fall between them as he leaned back, Louis falling against his chest. Louis could feel Harry hard underneath his hips and licked wetly into his mouth, running his tongue over Harry’s teeth. His hands moved to Harry’s hair, pulling it away from his face and gripping it softly between his fingers. Harry sighed into his mouth, his tongue intertwining with Louis’ as their lips moved together. Louis exhaled loudly, pressing his hips up slightly to meet Harry’s, his groin desperate for friction.   
  
“Lou,” Harry moaned, running his hands down Louis’ back and over the swell of his bum. He squeezed the firm cheeks in each hand. “God, Lou, you’re so sexy. You’re amazing,” he breathed, sucking his bottom lip. Louis kissed him back hotly, arching his back as he felt Harry’s massive hands grasp his ass.   
  
“Want you so badly,” Harry continued, moving his hand down Louis’ body and palming him through his jogging bottoms. Louis tensed, freezing the movements of his lips against Harry’s. It was too much. Harry. His hands. God, his hands. It was too much.   
  
He pulled away from Harry, gasping for air. “I-I can’t. We shouldn’t. I-uh. I can’t,” he scrambled off of Harry’s body and leapt off the bed, running to the door.   
  
“Louis?” Harry asked, sitting up, a startled expression on his face. “Lou, wait, please. I’m sorry, I-"   
  
“It’s not you Harry, you’re fine, it’s fine. I just. I’m sorry. I can’t,” Louis stammered, knowing he sounded like a complete idiot.    
  
It was too much. He wanted Harry too much. He could barely breathe when he was around and it was too much. He couldn’t allow himself to get close to someone. Not again.   
  
He rushed out the door, closing it softly behind him, leaving Harry alone and confused on the bed. He stumbled into his own room, immediately opening the drawer to his nightstand and retrieving his pills. He swallowed several down dryly and got into bed without bothering to change, pulling the covers over his head as he drifted off into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Fleetwood Mac-Songbird](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTi19MPOvDw)  
> [Fleetwood Mac-Gypsy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EX8tFvInN3Y)  
> [FYI: Black Bean Brownies](http://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/2012/09/06/no-flour-black-bean-brownies/)  
>   
>  My Fleetwood Mac obsession is apparent in this one, can you tell?
> 
> Thank you to the lovely [nautilarrie](http://nautilarrie.tumblr.com//)  
> for betaing!
> 
> More soon! Let me know what your thoughts please and say hi if you want xx
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii, here’s chapter 4! featuring some Narry bonding, drunk Louis, and some unfortunate alcohol-infused awkwardness. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy, let me know your thoughts please xxx

Harry woke the next morning to the sounds of loud music accompanied by even louder Irish singing. He couldn’t help but smile despite the fact that today was his only free day of the week and he desperately wanted to turn over and drift back to sleep. He certainly had not slept well through the night, with thoughts of Louis and last night’s events flooding his brain. He didn’t know what to think. Everything had happened so abruptly. He thought of how amazing the night had been up to the point where it all came crashing down and ended. The two of them had really connected, he’d thought, sharing little details and stories about themselves in a way that was easy and exhilarating. Harry had known Louis was special from the moment he laid eyes on him that first day in the flat. Every day since then, every small interaction and moment had only reaffirmed what he felt inside. It was clear to Harry that getting to know Louis wouldn’t be a simple task. Louis was guarded and had pieces of his past that he wanted to keep hidden. Harry replayed the previous night over and over in his head, reliving every word and every touch. He felt devastated to think that maybe he had pushed Louis too far or provoked something inside him that hurt too much, a piece of him that he had wanted to stay buried.   
  
Harry rubbed a hand over his tired eyes absently and swung his legs out of bed. He tugged on a pair of black Nike shorts and his favourite worn black Calvin Klein jumper before padding out into the hallway to investigate the Irish sing-along that was apparently taking place. He found Niall in the kitchen, fully dressed and flipping pancakes, his iPod blasting from its spot on the counter as he sang along.   
  
([Steve Earle-The Galway Girl](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h87Gc3XLR18) )   
  
“Good song mate!” Harry grinned, shouting over the music.   
  
Niall turned and grinned back, turning the volume down a notch. “Got stuck in my head after we watched  _ PS. I Love You _ the other night! Good cooking song it is.”   
  
Harry smiled. “See? Just another reason why Rom-Com night is a great idea. Good music and pancakes come about.”   
  
“Yeah yeah. That one had loads of Ireland in it so I was happy,” Niall answered. “Just ace innit?” He nodded towards the iPod.   
  
Harry chuckled. “Yeah, it’s good. Reckon I could sing it in my sleep, actually. My ex-boyfriend was obsessed with singing this at karaoke. He had a terrible voice. Absolutely awful.”   
  
Niall laughed. “Meh, such a good song, doesn’t even matter if your voice is shit. Want some pancakes?” He plopped the last set on a plate and nodded towards the breakfast bar.    
  
Harry accepted eagerly and the two sat down together and dug in. “Thanks, mate, this is great. And you claimed you weren’t much of a chef?” he said through a mouthful of pancake.   
  
“Oh, that’s still very much true. This is a mix. Just added the milk and eggs,” Niall grinned, his mouth just as full.   
  
“Well, it’s nice to wake up to breakfast made, no matter the effort it took,” Harry smiled.   
  
“You got the day free too?” Niall asked. Harry nodded. “God, it feels like I live more on campus and at the clinic than I do here. Dead tired I am.” He opened his mouth in a loud yawn, making his point.   
  
“Your schedule sounds rough, mate," Harry said. "I hear you, though. This is definitely my busiest term so far. Why I signed on to be a teaching assistant again while I have a thesis to write is beyond me."   
  
“I reckon you’re a crackin’ teacher, that’d be why. Probably charm the pants off all your students,” Niall answered with a sly grin.   
  
“Do not,” Harry laughed.   
  
“Oh, I can just picture it,” Niall barreled on. “You probably make up cute little science songs to help them learn the periodic table and bring in sweets for when they answer questions correctly.”    
  
Harry paused. “The reward system is a really good teaching technique...”    
  
“Oh god, you really do don’t you? You probably, like, bring in baked goods and hand out Christmas cards too, am I right?”   
  
“No,” Harry answered sheepishly, the beginning of a small smile appearing on his upper lip.   
  
Niall raised an eyebrow.   
  
“Alright, it was a pizza party…and it’s not like I made the cards by hand or anything…”   
  
Niall chuckled, gathering the plates up and heading to stack them in the sink. “And I'll bet every student was in love with you,” he added, turning back and giving Harry a knowing glance.    
  
“They definitely weren’t,” Harry retorted, shaking his head modestly. He joined Niall at the sink and knocked away his hand as it reached out for the small stack of dishes, “I’ll do that.” Harry turned the tap on, beginning to wash slowly and meticulously.   
  
Niall leaned against the counter, drying rag in hand. “So you never had a ‘one-on-one study session’ with one of your students?” He asked, tone dripping with sarcasm.   
  
“No! ‘Course not. That’d be gross.”   
  
“Think it’d be pretty hot, to be honest," Niall shrugged. "I definitely would have shagged some of my TA’s if given the chance.”   
  
Harry laughed and shook his head, curls falling over his eyes. “Fair enough. But I’ll have you know I am extremely professional, Niall.”   
  
“‘Course you are," Niall paused. "Okay, so students are out…what about flatmates then?” He asked innocently.   
  
“You asking me out, Ni?” Harry grinned, handing him the last plate to dry.   
  
Niall winked. “Not my type, sorry Haz.” He placed the stack of dry dishes in the cupboard and turned back to face Harry. “Was talking ‘bout you and Lou. You guys seem to get along well. Something happening there?”   
  
Harry sighed, weighing his options in his head. He could easily play innocent and pretend he didn’t know what Niall was talking about but he quickly decided against it. “Dunno mate. He’s—he's amazing. I like him. Just, don’t think he feels the same…” He trailed off.   
  
Niall scoffed. “Are you mad? It’s painfully obvious. I’m surprised you can’t feel his eyes burning a hole through the back of your skull by the way he’s always gawking at you.”   
  
Harry smiled softly at Niall’s words but was quickly flooded with a clear memory of Louis, looking terrified and hurt as he jumped off of him and fled the room. Harry needed to fix this.    
  
“Hey speaking of Louis," He started, seamlessly changing the subject,  "I’ve just realized I don’t have his mobile number? Any of yours actually. I should probably get them, do you reckon? You know, being flatmates and all that,” He mumbled.   
  
Niall rolled his eyes, fetching his phone from his pajama pocket. He tossed it to Harry who caught it swiftly in his left hand, right hand already grasping his iPhone. “Very subtle, Hazza. Here ya go. Being flatmates and all that,” He mocked, with a wide grin.    
  
“We gotta make sure the place is looking decent for the party tonight, yeah? Liam’s gonna be gone for the day, don’t know where Lou is. He left quite early this morning, though,” Niall went on, plopping down on the sofa in the living room. Harry looked up at the sound of Louis’ name.   
  
“Oh? He’s not here then?” Harry immediately wondered if Louis was trying to avoid him.   
  
“Yeah. He’s got a 9am lecture on Fridays, though I was surprised to see him actually go,” Niall answered, Xbox remote in hand. “Wanna play?” He asked, nodding towards the screen.   
  
Harry pursed his lips. “Uh yeah. Next game. Just gonna clean up,” He said, darting to his room. He looked down at his phone and paused, trying to decide what to say to Louis. Maybe he should just be casual and not make a big deal. He didn’t want to make Louis any more uncomfortable than he clearly already was. His long fingers tapped quickly over the screen of his phone and he sighed, skimming over his message once before hitting ‘send’:   
  
_ Hi Lou, it’s Harry. Just wanted to say I’m really sorry if I came on too strong last night and made you uncomfortable in any way. I just think you’re amazing and I’ve really loved spending time with you. But I completely understand if you want to just be friends and flatmates. Sorry again. See you back at the flat for the big party? x _   
  
He frowned, doubt already surging through his veins, and set out to join Niall on the sofa.    
  
“Ah good, ready for some FIFA, lad?” Niall asked.   
  
“Definitely!” Harry smiled, eyes focusing on the screen in front of them.  _ Good _ , he told himself.  _ Just focus on the game. Not on Louis. Definitely not on Louis. _ _  
  
_

  
***

  
  
Louis knew he should have responded to Harry’s text. Knew it was both rude and immature that he had ignored it. But he just couldn’t bring himself to respond. What would he have said? Sorry I’m such a massive twat? The minute he left Harry’s room he regretted it. Fleeing his room had felt dramatic and stupid and his embarrassment was more than he could bear to think about for too long. Afterwards, he spent the rest of the day in the campus coffee shop, attempting, and mostly failing to get readings done. Instead, he watched Pretty Woman and Never Been Kissed, two films he remembered Harry mentioning when spouting off a list of his favourites at one of their lad film nights. He felt like a proper idiot watching them in public, surrounded by mass amounts of students but he had chosen a corner booth in the back and hoped he was being inconspicuous. Truthfully, he always tried to stay hidden away, hoping no one noticed or talked to him. It was just easier that way. At 6 o’clock, Louis was forced to leave and head for home as the coffee shop closed early on Fridays (stupid and unacceptable if you asked him.)   
  
The flat was empty when he arrived, much to his delight. Soon after depositing himself in the pile of blankets in his bed, he received a text from Niall telling him he and Harry were out buying liquor for the party.   
  
Louis groaned. He had completely forgotten about the party. Shit shit shit.   
  
The last thing he wanted was a house full of drunk, happy strangers. Great. Maybe he could just stay in here, alone and unnoticed for the night. He sighed, reaching for his laptop and immediately putting on Harry Potter. Goblet of Fire was his favourite, though he had all of them saved on his laptop. He plugged himself into his headphones and curled up against his pillow, drifting off and wishing, as he always did, that things were different.   
  


...

  
  
“Where’s Lou?!”   
  
“What?!”   
  
Liam leaned in closely to Niall, pressing his face to his ear to be heard over the booming music and laughter and repeated himself. “Lou. Is he here?”    
  
“Dunno to be honest. I haven’t seen him since this morning when he left for school. Texted him a bunch but he never answered. Knocked on his door a while ago. No answer. ‘S locked, too, I tried,” Niall answered, taking a swig of beer.   
  
Liam frowned. “I’ll try again. I saw his shoes by the door. Them worn Vans he always wears? Must be in his room. I’ll get him.”   
  
“Good lad. He needs to have some fun,” Niall agreed, heading back into the crowded living room and joining in the conversation.    
  
Harry was across the room, laughing and drinking, standing with a red-haired bloke covered in colourful tattoos.   
  
Niall made his way over to where they were standing, sliding up next to Harry and clinking his beer against his. “Cheers, mate. Good party, yeah? Hey, I’m Niall,” He said, reaching out his hand to the redhead.   
  
“Niall, this is my mate Ed! He’s in BioMed with me. Teaches the other first-year tutorial,” Harry chimed in excitedly.    
  
“Good to meet ya man,” Ed answered. “Cool place. Quite a few people for a flat party.”   
  
Harry nodded, “I don’t even know who half these people are,” He laughed.   
  
“To be honest, I don’t either,” Niall said. “Word gets around in this building, s’all student flats so people tend to just come round. Where there’s booze there are people,” He finished, grinning happily.

  
  
  ...       

  
  
“Lou, just relax man. Don’t wanna overdo it, yeah? I gotta run and meet Soph at work, but Niall and Harry and everyone are all out there. Saw Alison and Jake too, mate. Just take it easy and go hang out, alright?”   
  
Liam had one hand resting on Louis’ shoulder and was speaking to him in a soft, concerned tone. “Liam, I’m fine, honestly. ‘M not six, don’t be a dick,” Louis replied, rolling his eyes.   
  
“I’m not being a dick and you know it. You were sitting in your room alone, drinking. I don’t want this to be a repeat of the past—”   
  
“Stop. I'm fine, alright? You're the one who needs to chill. I’ll see you in a bit alright?” Liam frowned. “Look, Li, I appreciate it mate, I do. But this isn’t like last time, alright?”   
  
“Alright," Liam nodded. "Go find Niall, ok? See you in a bit,” He patted Louis’ shoulder once before heading out the door.   
  
Louis blinked several times, trying to wake up his mind. He felt foggy. How long had he been in his room for? He shrugged and shuffled forward, having to steady himself instantly. Sure, it was definitely annoying that Liam had felt the need to drag his pathetic ass out of his wallowing state but he was out of vodka and needed a refill anyways. He headed for the kitchen, forgetting about his plan of completely avoiding Harry. From his spot at the counter, Louis spotted Harry instantly. He blinked, moving forward and struggling to find his balance. He leaned against the kitchen counter, taking in Harry’s appearance. He looked like a model. An actual model on a runway. Dressed in tight grey jeans and a printed blouse, unbuttoned enough to expose his chest and tattoos, he was truly breathtaking. Louis swallowed and skimmed through the assortment of booze lined up on the counter, finally deciding on a half-full bottle of whiskey. He immediately took a large guzzle straight from the bottle, not bothering to use a cup. The alcohol was warm from sitting out and burned his throat as it went down but he didn’t care. He loved the feeling. Thrived on it. The warm burn in his throat only intensified the warm fuzziness swirling around in his head.    
  
He looked up again and noticed that a large crowd of people surrounded Harry. A large crowd of women. God, he was so charming. Of course, every person in the room would instantly fall in love with him. Louis felt a twinge of jealousy course through his veins unpleasantly and immediately took another gulp of whiskey. He watched as Harry’s head tipped back in laughter, his chestnut curls sweeping the tops of his shoulder blades. Harry reached a hand out and cupped a pretty blonde’s shoulder, his other hand gesturing wildly as they laughed and carried on in the conversation. Louis sighed and wandered out into the living room where Niall sat at the small glass dining table.    
  
“Good party, Ni,” Louis said coming up behind him.   
  
“Louuuuu, there ya are lad! You been in your room all this time?” Niall asked.   
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “Settle down, Mum. Dad already gave me a talk.”    
  
“Alright, mate. Just wanna make sure you’re good.”   
  
“I’m  _ fine _ . Totally  _ fiiiiiine _ . I feel goooood! Freeeee like a—like a bird!” Louis cried, shooting his arms out in alcohol-infused elation.   
  
Niall shook his head and laughed.   
  
“Free like a songbird?” A deep voice asked in amusement, startling him. Louis whipped around and came face to face with Harry.   
  
“Harrrrrreh! Hiiiii,” Louis shouted, blue eyes lighting up. He lifted the whiskey bottle to his lips and gulped sloppily, liquid dribbling down the side of his mouth.   
  
Harry eyed the nearly empty bottle in Louis’ hand but said nothing. “Having fun, Becks?”   
  
“Now as much fun as you, Posh,” Louis retorted, poking Harry lightly in the chest.   
  
Harry raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”   
  
Louis looked at the bottle in his hand, dangerously close to being empty and frowned, setting off to the kitchen in search of replenishment. Harry followed instantly, watching as Louis moved quickly and slightly off balance.   
  
“Dunno, looked like the whole living room was ready to do you, the way you were flirting up a storm!” Louis called over his shoulder, eyes searching the counter for the lineup of booze.   
  
Harry frowned again. “Louis—I wasn’t flirting. I just met most of those people. I was being friendly.”   
  
“Is that what you were doing with me? Just being friendly?” Louis asked daringly, his inhibitions long since lost in alcohol consumption.   
  
Harry came over to where he stood and put both hands on Louis' shoulders turning him towards his own body.   
  
“No, Lou,” Harry said softly.  “Look, I really am so sorry if I pushed you or…made you uncomfortable or—”   
  
Louis cut Harry off. “Stop. You didn’t. It wasn’t you. It was me. I’m just rubbish. A mess,” He laughed brashly.    
  
“You aren’t. You’re lovely, Lou. I like you a lot,” Harry looked into Louis’ eyes seriously, his voice soft and low. Louis drained the remaining whiskey and wiped his mouth messily. His head was spinning and this moment felt far too serious.   
  
“We should play a game!” He yelled excitingly in Harry’s face. Harry winced but chuckled at Louis’ enthusiasm.   
  
“Alright? What game would you like to play?”   
  
“We can…we can play twenty questions! Again. Like our game that we played, you know? Like not the REAL twenty questions…” he babbled. “Oh! And this time with alcohol! Do you like vodka Harry?”   
  
“Lou, I think you’ve probably had enough to drink—” Harry started.   
  
“Don’t piss all over my fun, Posh,” Louis pouted, finally spotting a lone bottle of something by the microwave and grabbing it. “Alright,” He continued, taking a swig of the clear liquid. Gin? “I’ll start. I ask a question and then you have to drink!”   
  
Harry chuckled. “How is that a game?”   
  
Louis whined, drunkenly. “Haaaarrreh.”   
  
“Okay, okay.”   
  
“First question…”   
  
“Sorry to interrupt…” Niall poked his head into the kitchen and grinned at his two flatmates leaning against the counter together. “We’re gonna move the party down to the pub. You lads coming?”   
  
Harry glanced at Louis, who was swaying slightly and humming to himself drunkenly. He appeared to have completely forgotten his question. “I think we’ll probably stay here…think Lou is about ready to call it a night,” Harry answered meeting Niall’s eyes.   
  
“Probably a good plan, mate,” Niall winked. “G’night, Lou!”   
  
“Byeeeee, Nialler!” Louis called. “I’m kinda sleepy,” He continued, turning to Harry.   
  
“Let’s get you to bed then, yeah?” Harry replied, guiding Louis out of the kitchen and down the hall.   
  
“Are you coming too?” Louis slurred hopefully.    
  
Harry chuckled. “Come on, Becks. Almost there,” He supported Louis’ small frame as it teetered clumsily with every step. He led them into Louis’ room and stopped in front of Louis’ bed, leaning Louis against the frame. “Alright, why don’t you hop in? You need to sleep.”   
  
Louis leaned forward into Harry’s broad chest, feeling like the room was orbiting around him. “Are—are those bicycles?!” He asked excitingly, tracing the pattern of Harry’s shirt.   
  
“Motorcycles,” Harry corrected, grinning down at Louis.    
  
“I love it! They’re—they’re so cute. Just, like, cute. You know? Like you. You’re cute, Harry. Really cute,” He slurred, nuzzling his face deeper into Harry’s shirt and brushing his nose against Harry's bare chest.   
  
“Louis,” Harry laughed, tilting the boy’s chin up. “You should sleep. You’ve had a LOT to drink. Here, I’ll help you okay?” Harry peeled back the duvet and gestured for Louis to get under.   
  
“Wait! I can’t sleep in this. They smell. Think I spilled something on them…” Louis frowned looking down at the various wet spots covering his t-shirt.   
  
“Yeah, I believe that’s whiskey,” Harry said wryly. “Want me to grab you some PJ’s?”   
  
Louis shook his head, climbing onto the bed and letting his legs dangle off the side. “Don’t want any. I'll just sleep in me pants,” He said, tugging off his stained t-shirt and tossing it forward. It hit Harry square in the face. He stifled a laugh and snatched the shirt, placing it neatly on the desk chair.   
  
“Alright…well. Why don’t I get you some water, yeah? And you uh, you can finish uh, getting ready for bed.”   
  
“No no, don’t. Don’t go. Please,” Louis begged. He was unsuccessfully trying to yank his still buttoned jeans down his legs while perched on the edge of the bed. He gave a firm tug and lost his balance completely, flailing forward. Harry lurched forward and caught Louis in his arms, supporting him, as he stood upright, jeans still sitting low on his hips making him unable to balance.   
  
Harry couldn’t help but chuckle. “Here… how about I help you first? Do you want me to help you with these?” He asked cautiously, hands stopping at the top of his jeans. Louis nodded, leaning forward against Harry again.   
  
Louis nodded, leaning forward against Harry again. “Get them off please,” He said, yawning into Harry’s shoulder.   
  
Harry smiled. He held onto Louis with one arm, using the other to carefully undo the button and zipper and pull the skinny jeans down Louis’ legs gently. Louis stepped out of the jeans clumsily and stood in front of Harry in just his tiny navy briefs. He smiled up at him. Harry felt his chest flutter at the sight.   
  
“Alright. I’ll grab you that water okay? You get into bed.”   
  
“Don’t go,” Louis whined, climbing up onto the bed. Harry looked over his shoulder from the doorway.   
  
“I’ll be right back.” He hurried to the kitchen and returned a moment later with several bottles of water in hand. Louis was now tucked under the duvet and had his laptop perched on his lap.   
  
Harry hurried to the kitchen and returned a moment later with several bottles of water in hand. Louis was now tucked under the duvet and had his laptop perched on his lap.   
  
“Harry. Watch a film with me? You can pick it,” Louis said.   
  
“Lou. You should sleep,” Harry said, coming over and standing by the head of the bed. He placed the water bottles on Louis’ nightstand and looked down at the smaller boy. Hair disheveled and cheeks flushed pink, he was gorgeous.   
  
“Please. Stay. Don’t go. Don’t wanna be alone,” Louis pleaded, his voice sounding meek and tired. Harry looked into his bright blue eyes, wide and sad, and immediately felt his heart melt.   
  
Harry looked into his bright blue eyes, wide and sad, and immediately felt his heart melt. “Okay, Lou. ‘Course. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep, alright? Drink some water, okay?” Harry handed him one of the bottles and climbed easily up onto the bed, settling against the wall.   
  
Louis took a swig of water and turned to Harry, smiling. “I usually fall asleep to Harry Potter, it’s me fav. But we can watch something else…”   
  
Harry reached forward and clicked play on the laptop screen, settling in beside Louis. “Let’s watch Harry Potter. Definitely. I love Harry Potter.”    
  
“Hey,” Louis said after a minute. “You can come closer, you know. Can’t see from over there.”   
  
Harry paused, unsure of what to do. He desperately wanted to curl in beside Louis, but he didn’t want a repeat of the previous night.    
  
Louis spoke again before Harry could respond. “Please…come closer,” He pleaded quietly. So Harry moved forward wordlessly, tucking himself in beside Louis and propping his head up on his hand.   
  
“You only have one pillow,” Harry observed.    
  
Louis snickered. “I can share,” he said, sliding the pillow closer to Harry’s mane of curly hair.    
  
Harry arranged his head beside Louis’ and gently pulled the blanket up and over his long body. The two watched quietly for a while, Harry laughing and Louis murmuring under his breath at his favourite parts. Louis curled in closer to Harry, resting his head against Harry’s shoulder as they watched. Harry inhaled the scent of Louis, soft and sweet, and smiled thinking how his aroma perfectly described his personality. Harry rubbed his cheek lightly against the soft hair brushing his shoulder.   
  
Louis tilted his chin up looking at Harry. “Harry,” He said quietly.   
  
Harry glanced down. “Yeah?”   
  
“Kiss me again?” Louis’ eyes stared at him, bright and more alert than before. “Please? I promise I won’t run away like a little bitch baby again.”   
  
Harry laughed but looked down at him seriously. “Lou. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. And you’ve had a lot to drink…”   
  
“You didn’t! Please. You didn’t. I’m just. Messed up. When it comes to uh, that kind of stuff,” Louis mumbled. “I haven’t been close to anyone in a long time and I got scared…please, Harry. I want to be close to you.”   
  
Before Harry could retort, Louis lunged his face forward, pressing his lips harshly against Harry’s. Harry reciprocated slowly, softening the kiss and tasting the sourness of whiskey on Louis’ breath. “Are you sure?” He asked.   
  
Louis kissed along his jaw hungrily. “Yes. Very sure."   
  
Harry closed the gap between them again, sucking Louis’ bottom lip gently and sealing their lips together. Louis moved desperately, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck and tangling his fingers through his thick curls. He kissed eagerly and chaotically, the combination of liquor and desire overwhelming his senses and driving him mad. He pressed himself against Harry’s chest, running his hand down the exposed skin between his open blouse and bending his leg to prop over Harry’s thigh. Harry sighed into Louis’ mouth, gently caressing his face and trying to slow the kiss down. “Lou. Slow down. We don’t need to rush…” He breathed. Louis ignored his words, moving his lips down Harry’s jaw and kissing over the junction of his neck. Harry felt himself hardening and shifted his hips, tilting his head up to the ceiling as Louis kissed down to his chest.   
  
“Take it off, please. Wanna see you. Wanna touch you. Need to touch you,” Louis muttered, fiddling with the buttons and trying to jerk the shirt open.   
  
Harry groaned. “Louis.”    
  
He placed his own hand over Louis’ and easily undid the remaining buttons, opening his shirt up completely. Louis hummed softly and clumsily maneuvered himself over Harry’s lap, tugging the shirt over Harry’s shoulders. Harry sat up, gripping Louis on his lap and shucking his shirt off quickly. He tossed it over Louis’ head to the foot of the bed and captured their lips together again, running his hands up the smooth skin of Louis’ back. Louis’ skin was warm under his touch and he felt on fire. Louis’ small hands were placed on his chest holding himself up.  He kissed back hungrily and Harry could feel the hard pulse of Louis’ penis against his stomach. Harry sat up, gripping Louis on his lap and shucking his shirt off quickly. He tossed it over Louis’ head to the foot of the bed and captured their lips together again, running his hands up the smooth skin of Louis’ back. Louis’ skin was warm under his touch and Harry felt on fire. Louis’ small hands were placed on his chest holding himself up.  He kissed back hungrily and Harry could feel the hard pulse of Louis’ penis against his stomach.   
  
“Lou,” He sighed heavily, kissing around his mouth slowly.   
  
“Harry, you’re so fit. You’re so fucking fit. Wanna see you. Please. Wanna see…” Louis trailed off, reaching down to Harry’s belt and fiddling with the buckle. He tried several times, unsuccessfully, before giving up, launching his small hand forward and wedging it under the waistband of Harry’s briefs. He wiggled his hand down, running his hands over the course hair of Harry’s groin and gripping the thick base of his shaft.   
  
Harry groaned loudly. “Oh fuck,” He laughed, throwing his head back in surprise.    
  
“Undo your jeans,” Louis prompted, trying to wedge his hand further into Harry’s pants. The tight jeans were practically painted on Harry’s long legs, making it difficult for Louis to reach his hand any further. He scowled at the jeans furiously as Harry began to undo the belt buckle and unbutton his jeans.   
  
“Come on. Take them off. Wanna see you,” Louis whined again, his voice desperate.   
  
Harry grinned at him, lifting his hips slightly as he slowly tugged his jeans down. “Anxious are we?”   
  
“Would you get your fucking dick out already, please?”   
  
Harry cackled and tugged his jeans the rest of the way off. As they reached his ankles, Louis pressed his lips into Harry's again, rubbing his groin into Harry’s stomach and licking into his mouth. Harry shuffled his legs out of the jeans, kicking them off the bed. He ran his hands over the swell of Louis’ bum and gripped it tightly. This is all felt very familiar. A squeeze to his dick jolted him forward and reminded him that Louis’ hand was still very much in his pants. Harry pressed his hips up into Louis’ touch as his hand reached down along the length of him.   
  
“Hm,” Louis hummed. “You’re big. Feel so good, Haz.”   
  
Harry squirmed, grunting softly and squeezing into the plush flesh of Louis’ cheeks.   
  
“Need to see you,” Louis continued, licking along Harry’s bottom lip.   
  
Louis' left hand reached up to the waistband of Harry’s Calvin Klein’s, still cupping Harry’s cock with his right and began to tug the briefs down his narrow hips until they fell to his knees. Louis let go of his hold on Harry’s dick and quickly yanked the briefs off his legs, Harry kicking his legs clumsily to help free them. Louis peered down at Harry’s exposed groin, biting his lip. Harry was big. Really big. And god, he wanted him so badly. He swallowed hard and ran his hand over Harry’s cock again, long and thick, the tip bulbous and flushed a lovely shade of dark pink. Louis noted that 1) Harry was quite hairy—his groin covered in the same dark curls that surrounded his head, and 2) he found it overwhelmingly arousing. He ran his fingers through the curls and discovered that they were actually quite soft.     
  
“Holy shit, Harry. You’re—you’re huge," He swallowed.  "God, you’re so sexy. So beautiful.”   
  
Harry groaned under his touch, Louis curling his hand around the head and gently squeezing it into his hand.   
  
“Oh my god, Louis. Louis. You’re—so hot—” Harry’s voice cut off and he gasped, feeling the tip of his penis being encased in something wet and warm. He looked down as Louis took him into his mouth, sucking the head slowly as his tongue circled the tip. Harry jolted, bucking his hips up instinctively. He tried to calm himself as Louis lowered his mouth further down, taking in more of him.  Harry gripped Louis’ head as gently as he could manage, carding a hand through his deliciously soft hair.   
  
Louis continued on, stretching his mouth around Harry’s cock until his nose was pressed into the curls at the base. He breathed carefully through his nose, taking in the scent of his groin. It smelled like coconut, he noted amusingly, with a faint hint of sweat mixed in. It was intoxicating. He bobbed his head forcefully, letting his mouth run up to the head again and sucking over it wetly.   
  
“You taste so good, Hazza. So fucking good.”    
  
“Fuck, Lou. God, you’re so amazing. So good. You feel so good,” Harry stammered, his whole body shaking. “Your mouth, holy shit.”    
  
Harry dipped a hand underneath Louis’ pants, running his hand over the bare flesh of his ass. Louis hummed in response, the vibrations shooting up Harry's dick and causing him to cry out in pleasure. Louis slowly dragged his mouth up to mid-shaft and sucked hard before ducking his head down to the base again. He breathed in the scent of Harry again, carefully nuzzling his nose into his pubic hair as he sucked. Harry reached his other hand into Louis’ briefs, grasping both cheeks in his hands before reaching up to the waistband and tugging the pants off.   
  
“Get these silly things off,” He breathed.    
  
Louis halted his movements momentarily, letting Harry fiddle and pull his briefs off. His hard cock sprang free against Harry’s thigh.   
  
Harry’s own dick twitched at the sight of Louis, thick and throbbing. Harry reached out and squeezed it into his hand. Louis sighed at his touch and surged his mouth forward back down. Harry tried to keep stroking Louis, but the angle was off as Louis lowered himself further down and Harry reluctantly let go.   
  
“Hm, Lou, just like that. Feels so good. God, so good. So close…” Harry trailed off, looking down suddenly as he felt Louis’ movements slow and come to a stop.   
  
“Lou?”   
  
Louis kept his mouth still, trying desperately to breathe out his nose as he felt his throat begin to contract and close against Harry’s cock. His stomach tightened and he jolted involuntarily as he felt the wave of nausea come over his body. He gagged loudly and heard Harry calling his name anxiously as he yanked his mouth up and off his dick, spluttering and coughing as spit dribbled down his chin unattractively. He sat up quickly, his head spinning and stomach lurching.   
  
“Louis?? Lou? Are you alright?” Harry was sitting up, reaching a hand out to steady him as he looked into his eyes, concerned.   
  
“I—I. I think I’m—I’m gonna be sick,” Louis managed to stutter before leaning forward and splattering the floor with vomit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Not ideal. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, if you liked it, let me know. Or if you hated it...let me know. 
> 
> Thank you to the an amazing [nautilarrie](http://nautilarrie.tumblr.com//)  
> for betaing!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii, thanks for coming back! Here's chapter 5, hope you enjoy xx

Louis woke the next morning to a pounding headache and a warm body nestled close to his. He sat up slowly, groaning as his head throbbed. Peering around the room, he paused abruptly.    
  
This wasn’t his room.   
  
He scanned the room, taking in his surroundings. A vintage Rolling Stones and Beatles posters neatly arranged over the walls, a mahogany bookcase lined with DVDS and books, and the smooth floral duvet that covered his body.   
  
This was  _ Harry’s _ room.    
  
Louis sighed, squeezing his eyes tightly shut and straining to remember the events of the night.   
  
He remembered the vodka.   
  
He remembered Harry’s body; warm and naked under his. His cock, long, hard, and sweet tasting in his mouth…oh god. His mouth. The vomit.   
  
“Oh god,” Louis cringed out loud, pressing his fingertips over his eyelids. He peered beside him to where Harry lay still peacefully sleeping and smiled to himself, thinking how Harry looked so much smaller and younger like this, curled up in a ball. His cheek was pressed into the pillow, a single chocolate brown curl falling over his eye and a corner of the duvet tucked under his chin. Louis reached out, brushing the lock of hair off Harry's face and stroking his milky skin gently. As quietly as he could, Louis lifted back the covers, crawling up and out of the bed towards the door. Louis looked down at himself and noticed the flannel pajamas clothed on his lower half. They were grey and blue plaid and the ends nearly fell over his feet as they trailed on the ground.   
  
Harry’s again, Louis noted. In the toilet, he took a long swig of water straight from the tap and swallowed down several ibuprofen tablets. He ran his tongue over the roof of his mouth and groaned, immediately grabbing his toothbrush and toothpaste before jumping into the shower. He brushed his teeth aggressively before attacking his body with soap, scrubbing his skin vigorously in an attempt to wash the embarrassment of the night away. God, he was such a mess. Louis was gingerly shampooing his hair when a flash of memory from the night hit him. It was of him, naked and lying on his side in this very shower as Harry crouched beside him, gently rubbing his back. Oh no. Oh please, no, Louis begged silently, but the memory was there, clear as day, and kept coming.    
  
_ “It’s alright, Lou. It’s okay, you’re okay,” Harry soothed, his hand caressing the wet skin of Louis’ back. “This kind of thing happens to everyone, you just had a bit too much to drink tonight, yeah? It’s alright.” _   
  
Louis moaned, lifting his head so the stream of water fell straight down on him, soaking his caramel hair and plastering it around his pale face. He peered at Harry sheepishly but was only greeted with kind green eyes and perfect full lips curled into a smile. Louis noticed that Harry had slipped his own pants back on before running after him to the toilet. Meanwhile, here he was, completely exposed and covered in his own vomit, lying pathetically on the shower floor.   
  
“Ugh I’m so sorry. So sorry, Haz,” Louis stuttered, drawing his knees up to his chest, feeling horribly ashamed and vulnerable. “God, I’m so embarrassed, this is awful. Fuck I’m such a mess, don’t look at me, please, ugh,” Louis wiped his eyes roughly and allowed his head to fall forward, groaning into his arms.   
  
“Louis," Harry said. "Lou, look at me. It’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry or feel embarrassed. This stuff happens, alright? It’s no big deal. I’m not looking at you. I’m just here to help you, okay? Everyone needs help sometimes,” Harry finished softly.   
  
Louis couldn't meet Harry’s eyes. He wanted the water to wash over him completely and allow him to disappear.   
  
Harry reached up and handed Louis a bottle of shampoo and another of body wash.  “Why don’t you wash up a bit, yeah? You’ll feel loads better. I’m just going to go, uh, check on your room and get you some clothes and I’ll be back, alright?”   
  
Louis nodded, giving Harry a small smile as he left the room.   
  
Louis cringed at the memory. God, it felt even worse reliving it now than it had in the moment. He scrubbed at his face forcefully as more memories appeared in his weary mind. He remembered Harry returning and handing him a pair of his own worn flannel pajama bottoms, saying he couldn’t find where Louis kept his. He remembered Harry handing him a cup of tea and leading him into his own bedroom (Louis cringed as he recalled Harry saying his room reeked of vomit and that he shouldn’t sleep in there) where he had curled up against Harry’s warm frame and whimpered childishly for him not to go. Harry had smiled down at him, running a hand through his damp fringe and kissing the side of his head lightly, whispering back, “I’m here Lou, I’m right here.”   
  
Louis felt his chest clench at the recollection and closed his eyes tightly, willing it to linger in his mind. Well, apart from everything that had happened before the vomiting incident. That he could recall impeccably. Harry had felt amazing, every part of him. The way he tasted when he was inside Louis’ mouth, the weight of his body; warm and heavy on top of Louis', and the way his scent of sweat and coconut oil overwhelmed his senses incredibly. He had felt on fire with desire and even more than that, he had felt safe with Harry.   
  
Louis winced as he got out of the steamy shower stall, his head still aching and the distinct recollection of him retching over the side of the bed causing him even further pain. He tugged Harry’s pajama bottoms back on, relishing in how small and sheltered he felt in the oversized material. Plus, they smelled like Harry: warm and delicious. Louis ventured out into the kitchen and found Niall and Liam sitting at the breakfast bar, both eating.   
  
“Why are you both awake?” he croaked, plopping down beside them pathetically.   
  
Niall gave Louis a pointed look. “It’s half ten, mate. Not all of us went as hard as you last night.” He said grinning over his spoon and shovelling another large mouthful of cereal in.   
  
“Thought you were going to be taking it easy, Tommo? Ni, you were supposed to be watching him!” Liam scolded.   
  
“Bugger off Liam, I was fine," Louis interjected. "Shit, you two are like the overbearing parents I never had. Or wanted,” He added, rolling his eyes.   
  
“You’re welcome,” Liam replied cheerfully.   
  
Niall cut in, “Lou here didn’t need me to babysit him, he had Harry!” He clasped Louis on the shoulder as he passed by, placing his dirty dishes in the sink. “Still tea here, lad, want a cuppa?”   
  
“Oh god yes,” Louis replied, rubbing his temples gently. “Thanks, mate.” Niall placed the cup in front of Louis and leaned over the counter, staring at him eagerly.   
  
“So? What happened with you two crazy kids?”   
  
“Wait — something happened?" Liam cried. "Niall! I wasn’t here! I need details!”    
  
“Yeah, where were you anyhow?” Louis asked turning to look at Liam.  Anything to take the attention off of what he was doing last night. 

  
“Soph wanted to walk around outside for a bit and when we got back here, everyone was heading to the pub so we joined,” Liam said quickly. “But don’t change the subject, Tommo. What’s happening with you and Harry then?”   
  
“Nothing — ” Louis started, shaking his head and sighing deeply.   
  
“Oh, Lou and Harry are getting to know each other,” Niall interrupted, his face splitting into a wide smirk as his small white teeth glimmered.   
  
“Oh yeah?" Liam raised an eyebrow and turned back to Louis. "How well? Trousers on or trousers off?”    
  
“Oh, definitely off,” Niall answered with a deeply satisfied smirk.    
  
Louis sighed deeply. “Oi, would you idiots shut up? We just…spent a night together. It didn’t end well. He’s — he’s way out of my league and I’ve definitely ruined any hope of anything…would you two shut up!?” Louis glared at Liam and Niall as they continued to chuckle stupidly.   
  
“Lou, I saw you guys come out of the toilet together and go into Harry’s room for the night. That seems like a tell-tale sign that it went pretty well, am I wrong?” Niall said.   
  
Liam hummed at that. “You guys did it in the shower? It’s not very big...” he said thoughtfully.   
  
“Oh yeah," Niall snorted. "Because you’re one to talk about that, Payno.”   
  
Liam grinned. “True but Soph is tiny…I’m just saying, Harry’s all gangly and tall — ”   
  
“Please stop," Louis cut in. "We did not have sex in the shower. Or anywhere else.” He paused, groaning and dropping his head onto the counter.   
  
“Lou?” Niall asked, voice confused. "What happened?"    
  
“Oh god, it was horrible,” Louis moaned. “We — we did some stuff, hooked up, right? And it was good. It was amazing, god he’s amazing…but I uh. Got a bit carried away when I was uh…going down on him and I’d uh, had so much to drink that I started to choke…and…” Louis trailed off, so consumed with embarrassment that he was unable to finish his sentence. It seemed even more horrifying saying it out loud.    
  
“Oh no…” Liam groaned.   
  
“You puked?!” Niall gasped, trying to steady his voice before a smirk threatened to appear on his lips.    
  
“Shut up, Niall.”   
  
Niall pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “Wait, so…you’re literally right in the middle of sucking his dick and then all the sudden you pull off and barf everywhere?” He continued. Unable to contain himself any longer, he burst out into a fit of laughter. “Mate… Jesus Christ, that’s bad luck!"    
  
Louis stayed silent, merely glancing up from the counter to glare at Niall with a deadly stare. Liam tried to keep his face serious and look supportive for his friend, but he couldn’t help the small chuckle that slipped from his lips either. Pretty soon, all three men were snickering loudly, Louis shaking his head at his pathetic life as he filled the lads in on the rest of the night’s events.   
  
“What do I do,” he whined.   
  
“Chin up, mate, you practically barfed on his junk and he still stuck with you," Liam said seriously. "He even helped you shower and put you to sleep in his bed. He’s into you, Lou. He definitely is.”    
  
"Maybe he was just being a nice roommate. You lads have put me in the shower and helped me into bed loads of times. "   
  
Liam snorted. "Yeah but not after you've tried to blow us."   
  
“It’s been obvious for a while, lad," Niall nodded. "Since the day he first moved in, I reckon. And after this, well, he must really be into you. Don’t worry. Want my advice?"   
  
"No," Louis grumbled into his arm.    
  
Niall ignored him. "Go back to bed and give him a little good morning wake-up.” He suggested, patting Louis on the shoulder as he stood up.    
  
Liam chuckled loudly beside him. “Just be careful this time, yeah? Easy does it, mate.” he added helpfully.   
  
Louis eyed them narrowly. “Cheers, lads. Real helpful,” He muttered, refilling his tea and pouring a second cup to take to Harry. He crept quietly into Harry’s room and placed the two mugs on Harry’s desk. Harry was still fast asleep, now face down on his stomach with his arms above his head, snoring softly, his pink lips puffing up as he blew air out. Louis climbed over him carefully and situated himself by his side. He shivered and nestled down further under the duvet, drawing his body closer to the radiating heat coming from Harry’s body. He pressed his nose into Harry’s shoulder gently, breathing him in. He settled on his back, face turned to watch Harry as he slept. It was a little creepy, but Louis just couldn’t help himself. Harry was so beautiful, so peaceful and sweet, and he just couldn’t tear his eyes away. Harry stirred then, his arm lowering from where it was perched by his head and draping over Louis’ small body. Louis darted his eyes over to Harry but found he was still fast asleep, his breathing slow and soft. Louis smiled, loving the warm weight of Harry’s arm on his chest. He rubbed his cheek over Harry’s warm arm and snuggled closer towards him so his face was burrowed into his chocolatey curls, his slight frame tucking underneath Harry’s larger one.   
  
With the medicine and tea beginning to soothe his weary body, he closed his eyes and allowed Harry’s breathing to serenade him to sleep.   
                                                                                                                        ...   
  
Sunlight and sweat roused Harry awake.   
  
He opened one emerald eye slowly and slowly turned his head to take in his surroundings. A quick glance around helped him unearth why his body felt so overheated. Louis. Harry was almost entirely on top of him. He pressed up slowly onto his side, careful not to disturb the sleeping boy below. Louis was curled beneath him, his shoulders tucked under his long arm and his thighs spread and slotted around Harry’s own leg. Harry smiled fondly at the way Louis’ eyes fluttered as he slept, watching the way his long eyelashes brushed the tops of his cheekbones. Harry could never wrap his mind around how completely breathtaking he was. It really didn’t seem at all fair to the rest of humanity.  Louis jerked in his sleep, brow furrowing, his eyes still tightly shut. Harry sighed contently and gently curled his body to the side, letting their shoulders touch as he relaxed into the pillow. He thought of the night before. A lot had happened. After getting Louis cleaned up and into bed, he had curled up against Harry, begging him not to leave. Harry’s chest had immediately felt tight hearing the fear in Louis’ voice. He reassured him over and over that he wasn’t going to go anywhere, but Louis had continued to whimper softly, his words slowly becoming choked out sobs as he cried quietly into Harry’s shoulder.   
  
“Louis…Lou, what is it? It’s alright, shh.” Harry held him tightly to his chest, brushing his damp fringe back and wiping his tears as they dripped down his cheek. He was bewildered at Louis’ sudden outburst of emotion. He knew Louis had been deeply embarrassed over getting sick, but this was something more.   
  
Louis continued to sob, his small hands clinging to Harry.   
  
“It’s alright. You’re okay, Lou.” Harry repeated softly, gently laying Louis down onto to his side so he could rest his head on the pillow, but still holding him close to his chest.   
  
He rubbed lightly over Louis’ back as his sobs began to subside into soft sniffles. Finally, his small voice spoke.   
  
“Everyone leaves. I’m — I’m a lot. For people to handle. I’m a lot.”   
  
Harry's brows furrowed. "You’re not, Louis. You’re human. I told you, everyone has moments like this. We all need help sometimes."   
  
“Not. Not just tonight. Just. In the past. I’m too much,” Louis repeated, his breathing slowing down. “I’m really sorry. For ruining the night and making you take care of me…” His voice trailed off as he yawned into the pillow.     
  
Harry's heart sank at Louis' words and he cupped a large hand over Louis’ cheek. “Hey. You’re lovely, okay? You didn’t make me do anything and you absolutely didn’t ruin the night. And if you apologize one more time, you’ll leave me no choice but to force you to sit down and watch my entire collection of Rom-Coms. Every last one,” He grinned.   
  
Louis smiled softly, his eyes still closed. “I would…I would do that anyways….thanks, Harry,” He yawned again and within minutes Harry felt his chest rising and falling slowly, breath coming out in small puffs.   
  
Harry drifted out of his thoughts and considered Louis’ words. He remembered Louis mentioning his bad breakup and thought of the empty vodka bottles and Louis’ desperate sobs as he clung to him. Harry peered down at the sleeping boy in his bed and his heart ached to think of the ways Louis had been hurt to leave him so guarded and afraid.   
  
Harry recalled another memory from the night before when he went into Louis’ room to tend to the vomit situation.   
  
_ He entered the room carefully, nose scrunching up as the overwhelming odour of vomit assaulted his senses. Harry tended to the mess on the floor quickly and disposed of the used towels. He decided he should probably toss Louis’ bedding in the wash too as the entire room smelled unpleasant. Harry was gathering up the sheets, shaking them out as he tore them off when a small bottle fell out and clanked to the floor. Harry bent to pick it up, eyes scanning over the label quickly. Prozac. He quickly opened Louis’ nightstand and placed the antidepressant medication in carefully, closing the drawer and leaving the room, laundry in arms. _ __  
  
Louis stirred then and opened his eyes slowly, his bright blues eyes coming into view. Harry reached one hand out and brushed along Louis’ hairline, smoothing the hair where it was tousled.   
  
“Hi,” Harry said softly, grinning brightly. Louis shifted and sat up slowly, rubbing a hand over his face and yawning.   
  
“Hi. You’re awake.”    
  
“I am. So are you,” Harry replied, sitting up against the propped pillow.   
  
Louis chuckled. “I meant that I was awake before…I showered and that. Brought you some tea…S’probably cold now, though…” he gestured vaguely towards the desk.   
  
“Cheers," Harry grinned. "Though I should be the one bringing you tea. How’re you feeling? Okay?” Harry's eyebrows scrunched up, the corners of his full lips turning down at the edges as his voice changed to concern.   
  
Louis sighed. “I’m fine. You definitely don’t owe me anything else. God. I’m so sorry…I can’t believe…Ugh. I can’t stop reliving it,” He groaned, feeling his face flush.   
  
Harry just chuckled. “Hey, what did I tell you about apologizing? You’re essentially begging me to force you into a day long Rom-Com fest.”   
  
“You know I think I am,” Louis grinned, eyeing Harry with a tilt of his head.    
  
“Yeah?” Harry asked eagerly. Louis didn’t miss the way his eyes lit up and he chuckled to himself. God, he was so adorable.   
  
“Think we gotta. Your pick, I think it’s safe to say I owe you one. Or two…maybe three…” Louis replied, still shaking his head.   
  
Harry swung his never-ending legs out of bed and headed for his bookshelf. Louis admired the long, lean muscles of his back and the way his briefs hugged his small, pert bum deliciously.   
  
“You don’t owe me,” Harry laughed. “The night was fine. More than fine, actually. There were definitely some highlights,” He said winking at Louis over his shoulder suggestively.    
  
Louis scoffed. “Do I at least win the prize for the worst blowjob you’ve ever had?”   
  
“Oh, that’s definitely not the worst one. Not even close,” Harry answered, still scanning through his DVDs.   
  
“Okay, well you must have had some god-awful hookups if that isn’t the worst…”     
  
Harry snickered. “The blowjob itself was fantastic. Your mouth is incredible. Except when it’s spewing vomit on the floor…” He added cheekily.   
  
"Ugh, don’t say ‘spew’,” Louis groaned, wrapping his arms around his stomach protectively.    
  
“Sorry,” Harry grinned. “Aha! Found it,” he, tugged a DVD out from the very top shelf. He snatched his laptop off the desk and bounced back into bed, slipping the DVD into the laptop.   
  
“Are you ready for this one? It’s dead good,” Harry asked excitedly. His legs were literally wiggling with anticipation under the covers.    
  
Louis rolled his eyes endearingly. “You say that about every film we watch,” He pointed out.    
  
“I do, but this really is good. Now and Then. Not a Rom-Com, actually. It’s like the ultimate coming-of-age friendship film to watch at sleepover parties,” Harry said seriously.   
  
“Is it now?” Louis scanned over the back of the DVD case. “It’s about four teenage girls,” He said amusedly.   
  
Harry grinned. “It's my sister’s absolute favourite film. She used to throw these massive slumber parties on the weekends and she and her friends always watched this.”    
  
“And you joined in these slumber parties then?” Louis asked.    
  
“Every chance I could,” Harry winked. “It has a really cool soundtrack, all 70's music, you’ll like it,” He assured.   
  
The two settled back in bed, propped up by Harry’s large downy pillows and drew the floral duvet up to their chests. They watched quietly together, both comfortable and peaceful in the silence. Louis loved watching how intensely Harry got into a film and how expressive his face became. His eyes were bright and focused on the screen, lips often moving silently to recite his favourite lines, and a soft high-pitched giggle slipping through as he laughed. 

They spent the rest of the day in bed together, Harry getting up and putting in one film after another before settling back beside Louis. Their ankles twined together under the duvet and Harry brought him toast and tea. It was easy. Being with Harry was comforting and Louis felt happy. Happier than he felt in a long time. Harry made him feel alive.    
  
“Harry?” Louis asked quietly as Harry got up to find another film. Harry’s lips were pursed as his eyes scanned over his collection, tilting his head as he considered which one was next on their list. He looked over his shoulder towards Louis.   
  
“Hm? What do you reckon…I'm kinda in the mood for Father of The Bride, do you like that one?”   
  
“Yeah,” Louis answered distractedly. “Yeah, it’s good. Love Steve Martin…Harry?”   
  
“Yes, Louis?” Harry teased.    
  
Louis sucked in a breath. “Why — why did you do all that for me last night? You keep saying it was no big deal…it was a big deal. It was disgusting. Why would you want to do that for me?”   
  
Harry plopped down beside him in bed with a confused expression on his face. “Why wouldn’t I?”   
  
“Harry…”   
  
“I care about you Lou,” Harry replied simply, smiling warmly. He reached a hand forward and stroked under Louis’ chin delicately.   
  
Louis sighed, closing his eyes softly. “‘M a mess, Harry. A huge mess. You don’t want to get involved with me,” He replied quietly, opening his eyes to look up at Harry.   
  
“You’re not a mess,” Harry answered immediately.   
  
“I am. You don’t — you won’t. You don’t want me, Harry.”   
  
Harry only smiled, looking intently at Louis. “I do, Louis. You’re not a mess. You’re lovely. I love getting to know you. I want to get to know you more. You’re amazing, Lou. I love everything about you. Everything I know…”    
  
Louis felt his heart clench at Harry’s words. “‘M not. I have nothing to give you, Harry. You deserve better. You don’t. You won’t want me,” He repeated softly.    
  
Harry furrowed his brow and leaned in closer to Louis until his face was mere inches away from his. He nuzzled his nose along Louis’ jaw and kissed over his earlobe.   
  
“I want you,” he whispered into his ear.    
  
Louis felt his body tingling as he pulled his face back to look into Harry’s eyes. Green eyes stared back at him, kind and warm and so beautiful. Louis leaned forward, pressing his lips over Harry’s gently.   
  
"You want me?" He repeated slowly, confusion peppering his voice.   
  
"I want you," Harry repeated, leaning back into Louis' mouth.   
  
“Okay,” Louis said softly, meeting his lips.   
  
“Okay,” Harry repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! If you haven't seen 'Now and Then' before you should definitely watch, it's my faaaav xx


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii, here's chapter 6 for you. H + L watch 'Some Like it Hot' (amazing, watch it) and do some stufffffffff. 
> 
> xx

“Right, tell me another.”  
  
Louis propped himself up on one elbow and grinned at Harry who was sat cross-legged beside him. “Hmm. ‘Kay, got one. I hate brushing my teeth because I hate the taste of toothpaste. Like, despise. For ages when I was little me mum had to brush my teeth for me. I would just refuse to do it and then she had to like, force the brush in my mouth.”  
  
Harry raised a single brow. “Gross. Such a dirty boy you are,” He said, ruffling Louis’ fringe so it fell into his eyes.  
  
Louis stared up at Harry cheekily. “‘M a good boy. You’re the pervy one, remember?”  
  
Harry wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Quite right,” he grinned, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss on Louis’ mouth.  
  
Louis sighed and leaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck and pulling him down.  
  
It had been almost a month since the ‘vom-fest’ as Harry had so kindly deemed it. Since then, both boys had fallen into an easy routine. During the day, they texted frequently while Harry was busy with school and Louis struggled to keep himself from staying in the flat all day.  
  
Harry had taken to cooking for the whole flat, much to the lads’ delight, and after dinner, they’d sit at the breakfast bar doing schoolwork (Harry) and watching Netflix (Louis). Later in the evenings, they’d lounge on one of their beds, most often Harry’s, and watch films until they drifted off to sleep. Louis hadn’t planned to sleep in Harry’s bed every night but he also couldn’t deny that he slept exceptionally better when beside Harry. Eventually, Louis stopped apologizing for ‘accidentally falling asleep’ and it was simply a given that he would be there. Harry always kept an extra throw blanket on Louis’ side and had water bottles on his nightstand because he knew Louis often woke up thirsty in the night. It was comfortable and simple, though Louis knew that this carefree stage could likely only last so long before Harry would want to discuss it. There had been no labels or discussions up to this point and they weren’t officially ‘together’. Besides the fact that they were always together. Louis wished desperately that they could stay in this simple phase forever where everything was lovely and ignorance was bliss. He knew that once they had a conversation about relationships he wouldn’t be able to keep his baggage and secrets to himself. Louis was also very aware that Harry wanted them to move forward, as he had made it very clear that he wanted to have sex, but Louis had stalled him, claiming that he preferred to ‘take things slowly’ for now. Sex was dangerous territory, Louis knew. He could manage with the hurried hand jobs and blow jobs (Harry only giving, not receiving at this point) but Louis knew that if he allowed himself to get any closer to Harry, his damage would show. And Louis would end up where he always did: alone.  
  
“What are you thinking about?” Harry asked, kissing the side of his mouth and jerking him back to reality.  
  
Louis flipped his body over on top of Harry and kissed hungrily along his jaw. “Just how fit you look in that t-shirt…I can see your nipples through it,” He answered, biting over his pulse point.  
  
Harry's chin tilted to the ceiling as Louis sucked. “Lou…ugh. I have class…in twenty minutes.” He ran his hands over Louis’ soft hair trying to pry his head away.  
  
Louis continued to suck along the junction of his neck. “I could be fast…"  
  
Harry groaned and flipped Louis over and off his body in one swift movement. “You’re killing me,” He sighed. He carefully maneuvered out of Louis’ grabbing hands and adjusted his dick several times in his trousers. “Bloody stupid class…later okay?”  
  
Louis pouted and sat up in bed crossing his arms over his chest. “What class do you have?”  
  
“Immunology lecture followed by Microbiology lab,” Harry answered over his shoulder, gathering his laptop and textbook and tossing them into his backpack.  
  
Louis scoffed from his spot on the bed. “‘M much more interesting than either of those.”   
  
“You definitely are.”   
  
“Hate it when you have an evening class. What am I supposed to eat for dinner?” Louis joked.  
  
Harry rolled his eyes and laughed. “I made lasagna last night, you lads can just heat it for 30 minutes or so. At 350 degrees.”   
  
“Did you really?” Louis asked, perking up.   
  
“You had me at lasagna!” Niall shouted, emerging in the doorframe. “Thanks, Haz, you moving in here was really the best thing to happen to us.”  
  
“You mean to your stomach,” Liam said wryly appearing behind him.   
  
Louis rolled his eyes at the two men. Of course, they would show up at the mention of food.    
  
“But really, thanks, H, you’re a truly brilliant flatmate,” Liam added.   
  
Harry chuckled, swinging his backpack over one broad shoulder. “That’s alright, mate.”  
  
Niall and Liam left to go tend to the lasagna and Louis and Harry followed closely behind.  
  
“Should be home around ten tonight,” Harry said, tugging on his worn brown boots. “Your pick tonight,” he reminded.  
  
Louis grinned and headed for the kitchen. “Got a good one in my mind.”  
  
“Yeah? Is Ryan Gosling in it?” Harry asked.  
  
“We’re not watching The Notebook again. It was terrible.”  
  
“How dare you,” Harry gasped.  
  
“Bye Harry,” Louis replied, shaking his head fondly.  
  
“Hey,” Harry’s voice called from behind him. Louis looked over his shoulder.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
Harry stepped forward and tipped Louis’ chin up with one hand, pressing his lips over Louis' lightly. “I’ll see you later,” he winked.   
  
Louis closed his eyes and sighed as Harry hurried out the door. “See you,” he said softly.  
  
  
  
...  
  
Harry arrived home from class annoyed and late that evening because the prof had insisted on going over his latest lab report with him, calling it ‘beyond brilliant’. While Harry was deeply flattered, all he really wanted was to get home and cuddle in bed with Louis. He entered his room and found Louis curled up in his bed in the very same place he had been earlier. An empty plate sat on the nightstand. Harry noted happily that he’d eaten, at least.  
  
Harry was fairly certain Louis thought he was being sly about his daily whereabouts but Harry knew that more often than not he wasn’t making it to class and instead stayed home in bed. Harry’s chest ached at the thought. He wanted so much to talk to Louis about his depression and do anything he could to help him struggle less but he was afraid to even broach the topic. He knew how guarded Louis was. He had slowly been opening himself up to Harry over the past month, revealing bits and pieces about himself, and Harry sensed that he felt safe with him. He didn’t want to jinx that. Still, he worried about him all the time and when they were together he tried to do everything he could to care for him. It scared Harry how much he cared for Louis already. How much he had cared for him from the very beginning. Louis was mesmerizing to him. Like a moth to a flame, he was being drawn in.   
  
Harry slid carefully into bed and curled up on his side facing Louis. He watched him sleep for a moment, tracing the stubble on his cheeks as Louis puffed softly. He curled his arm around the smaller boy’s waist and Louis immediately leaned into his touch, pressing himself to Harry’s warm chest and bending his leg in. Harry smiled and gently lifted Louis’ thigh over his hip, rubbing along his flannel pajama bottoms gently. Louis was like a koala bear when he slept, always curling himself around Harry’s body and Harry loved nothing more than to hold him tightly. He closed his eyes and settled in, both men lying quietly together as their breathing overlapped.  
  
“Hmmm,” Louis sighed deeply in his sleep, his hips lifting towards Harry ever so slightly. Harry startled at the sound and paused, keeping his body completely still.  
  
“Lou?” He whispered.  
  
He felt Louis shift again, his hips pressing forward, his groin rubbing gently into Harry’s as he curved his bent leg further over Harry’s frame.  
  
Oh, Harry thought.  
  
Harry pressed his hips lightly against Louis’, his dick perking up in arousal. Louis sighed again, his mouth opening and closing. Harry shifted his body slowly so his hands were on either side of Louis’ upper body and his own body hovered directly over his. He gripped Louis’ bent leg and slowly lowered himself so his own legs were spread apart and Louis’ thigh was pressed into his groin. He gently cupped his hands in Louis’ soft brown hair and whispered.  
  
“Louis.”  
  
He lowered his lips down, pressing them over Louis’ temple and breathing into his ear.   
  
“Louis…wake up. You’re dreaming, babe.”  
  
Louis shifted, his eyes opening slowly and blinking as they adjusted to the darkness. He blinked several times until Harry’s face came into view above him. “Oh. Hi,” he rasped. He felt his dick hard and throbbing in his pajama bottoms and the stiff pressure of Harry’s own erection pressing against his thigh.  
  
Harry grinned from above him. “Hi. Good dream?” He asked casually.   
  
Louis let out a puff of air, feeling mildly embarrassed as his hips automatically tried to press into Harry’s in search of friction. “Can’t actually remember what it was about…”   
  
“Hm. I’d love to help you try and remember…” Harry replied rocking gently against Louis’ clothed dick. “If you want?” He asked softly, eyes locking with Louis’. Louis let out a small puff of air as he sighed, pressing his hips deeper into the boy above him and mouthing the air in search of his lips. Harry dipped his head lower and bit gently over the pink of Louis’ bottom lip.  
  
Louis swallowed. “Go on then,” he breathed over Harry’s lips, his voice soft and raspy.  
  
Harry grinned wickedly before surging his lips forward and deepening the kiss. He suctioned his mouth over Louis’ and rolled his hips forward, his dick quickly filling up as he rubbed against the curve of Louis’ thigh. He felt Louis pressing up against his own thigh and immediately reached a hand down to palm him over his pajama pants. He cupped him slowly, feeling the thick base of his penis before gently pulling his hand over the length of him. Louis whined softly and rutted against Harry’s large hand, desperate to free his trapped cock. Harry lifted himself off of Louis’ thigh and pushed both curvy thighs apart, slotting himself between them. He lifted the hem of Louis’ soft grey t-shirt and slowly dragged it upwards with both hands, exposing a delicious strip of tan flesh. Harry nuzzled his nose into the fine brown hair under Louis’ bellybutton and licked a wet strip down to the top of his groin where his flannel pajamas bottoms sat low on his hips.  
  
“Harry…” Louis whined softly. Harry continued licking over Louis’ soft skin but reached one hand down to palm him at the same time. He traced his tongue around Louis’ belly button, dipping in wetly and swirling it around as his hand squeezed Louis’ penis from the base all the way to the tip.  
  
Louis squealed below him, his voice high pitched and shaking. “Ah! That tickles, Jesus!"   
  
Harry laughed, his green eyes shining and a devilish smirk washing over his face. “What does? This?!” He asked, darting his tongue back into the deep hole of Louis’ skin.  
  
Louis cried out in laughter, his whole upper body lifting off the bed. “Haaaaz, stopppp! Stop it, ah!”  
  
Harry laughed and continued to work his tongue over Louis’ skin, swirling around his bellybutton. Louis wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist and yanked him forward as he giggled. He leaned down to meet Harry’s lips, capturing them quickly and kissing him gently. Harry reciprocated frantically, deepening the kiss as he rubbed over the thick flannel material covering Louis’ groin. His pulse was racing and his skin felt flushed. The sound of Louis’ laughter was like music. Warm and sweet and making his skin shiver the way it would as if a gust of wind washed over him. He pulled Louis up so he was in a sitting position, legs still wrapped tightly around Harry. He reached down and tugged the offending t-shirt off of his body, quickly tossing it behind him as he laid the boy back down. Louis kissed him hungrily, breathing hard into Harry’s mouth with every squeeze to his penis. He ran his small hands down Harry’s back and over his bum, squeezing his hands into the flesh of his cheeks. Harry sighed into his touch and began to lower himself down Louis’ body, kissing along the bottom of his bare tummy and placing his hands at the waistband of his pajamas.  
  
“Need to get my mouth on you, Lou. Desperate to suck you,” Harry gasped.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, please,” Louis answered, lifting his hips up for Harry to tug his bottoms off. The moment Louis felt the cool air hit his cock he groaned, immediately pressing his hips up and humping the air. He hadn’t felt this turned on in what felt like forever, hadn’t been naked and exposed with anyone other than Harry in ages. His whole body felt as though it was on fire and he was desperate to be touched.  
  
“Please, Haz. Do it. Want to feel you—need to be touched, please,” Louis said, his voice low and just above a whisper.  
  
Harry wrapped a large hand around Louis, his entire body absolutely tingling as he felt the hot skin of Louis’ bare dick pulsing in his hand. He dragged his fist up and down slowly, squeezing the base gently and flicking his hand around the tip. “You’re so beautiful, Lou. So so beautiful. When was the last time someone touched you? Before me,” Harry asked, his voice lovely and soft, his hand still stroking slowly.   
  
Louis sighed and tried to focus on keeping his hips planted into the bed. “It’s—ahh. Um. A long-a long time. A year, I think…” He said, his voice barely audible. He turned his face to the side as to not meet Harry’s eyes, ashamed and embarrassed of his past. He felt Harry’s hands run up his sides and cup his face gently.  
  
“Hey. It’s okay. I’m going to make you feel good, alright? So good. You’re so lovely, Lou.”  
  
“Okay,” Louis breathed as Harry lowered himself down. “I want to feel good. Please—oh." His breath hitched as he felt Harry’s lips slid over the tip of his penis, sucking it into the warm, wet enclosing of his mouth. Harry puffed his full lips out as he slowly moved down his length, eagerly taking more of him in. Harry flattened his tongue and swirled it around the width of him, forcing the tip into the back of his throat. He held it there, opening his throat and breathing deeply out his nose as he bobbed his head and took Louis’ full length into his mouth.  
  
“Holy shit, ah that feels so good, you’re so good, Haz,” Louis panted, his legs jerking out to the side, opening his groin further. Harry hummed around him, sending vibrations up Louis’ penis and continued to suck him, his lips making an obscene slurping noise as he guided his mouth up and pulled off his tip quickly. Louis whined at the loss of Harry’s mouth but before he could speak Harry blew a puff of air over his dick, causing his body to shake and tingle as he moaned. Harry dipped his tongue wetly into the tip of Louis’ penis, swirling his tongue around the precum that had gathered and sliding it down the length of him as he licked.  
  
“Fuck,” Louis said from above, his head dropping back onto the pillow. This was by far, his favourite blowjob from Harry yet. Maybe from anyone.  
  
Harry looked up from Louis’ groin and grinned, loving the soft moans and sighs coming from Louis’ mouth. Harry grabbed underneath Louis’ thighs and gently spread them, cupping around his knees so his feet pressed against his shoulders. He moved his mouth down Louis’ thick shaft, sucking him into the back of his throat and bobbing his head expertly. He slid his mouth back up to the tip as he dropped one hand down and ran his finger lightly over Louis’ testicles. Louis moaned softly above as Harry sucked his tip into the wet heat of his mouth and traced down Louis’ body until his finger ran over his perineum and lightly traced his hole. Louis’ legs jerked on either side of him at the touch and he shot up, causing Harry to pull off as Louis reached forward and gripped Harry’s curls tightly.  
  
“Lou? Y’alright?” Harry asked, but Louis’ lips captured his immediately, sucking over them harshly.  
  
“Want to suck you, Harry,” Louis said, quickly licking into his mouth. Harry pulled back gently, an expression of confusion on his face.  
  
“Not finished with you yet, babe,” He said amusedly. Louis pulled him closer, sucking on his neck and breathing him in. He smelled of sweat and a cologne Louis didn’t recognize, the faint hint of his coconut shampoo lingering in the air.  
  
“I want…I want to suck you. At the same time. While you suck me,” He breathed, his voice soft and shaky.  
  
Harry raised an eyebrow feeling his dick jolt at Louis’ request. “I—yeah. Jesus, yeah, okay.”  
  
He turned onto his side immediately, Louis following suit and laying beside him. He suddenly felt nervous, lying naked and exposed this way. Harry leaned forward and pressed their lips together, sucking his bottom lip gently.  
  
“Hi,” he breathed, smiling. Louis relaxed, kissing the side of Harry’s mouth and over his jaw. “Hi,” he answered, breathing over Harry’s ear.  
  
He reached forward, grateful that Harry was wearing sports shorts and not his usual skintight jeans, and pressed his small fingers under the waistband, tickling the soft curls at the top of Harry’s groin. Harry moaned at the touch and pressed into Louis’ hand.  
  
“Why are you still wearing clothes?” Louis asked, voice husky as he began to drag the shorts down Harry’s lean legs.   
  
“No idea,” Harry breathed, lifting his hips and stretching his legs out of the shorts. Louis ran his smalls hands under Harry’s worn t-shirt, rubbing up the tight muscles of his stomach and dragging his shirt up and off.  
  
“Better,” he said, kissing the exposed skin. Harry sucked in a breath as his lips inched lower, his penis jerking in the confines of his tight briefs. Louis continued making his way down Harry’s long body, kissing over the material of his briefs, his mouth just barely brushing over the bulge. The dark pink tip of Harry’s cock was barely visible as it poked out the top of his briefs. Louis licked his tongue down the length and back up, pressing his pointed tongue into the exposed tip.  
  
Harry moaned softly. “Louuuu. Please,” He said, reaching for Louis’ still hard cock. Louis smirked at Harry and turned his lower body around, his groin close to Harry’s face and his arm draping across Harry’s hip. He rubbed a hand over the round of his bum, his other hand slowly reaching into the flap of Harry’s brief and stroking over his hard penis.  
  
“Mmm, yes.” He felt Harry shifting, drawing his face closer to Louis' body until his nose was pressing against the downy hair around his cock.  
  
Louis gently pulled the long length of Harry’s cock out through the flap, not removing his briefs, and kept his small hands inside the flaps as his fingers circled through the dark curls of his groin. He felt Harry take the tip of his penis into his mouth and jerked forward automatically. He breathed slowly, determined to stay focused on Harry and redeem himself for his last blowjob attempt. He ran his lips over the side of Harry’s dick, licking the thick vein that ran underneath before sucking harshly up either side, taking turns. Harry’s breathy moans spurred him on, his own dick pulsing madly as Harry pulled him into the tight heat of his throat. He breathed out through his nose and suckled the head of Harry’s dick, gently peeling back the foreskin as he licked inside.  
  
“Fuck! Holy fuck. Lou. Feels so good,” Harry cried with a laugh, his mouth lifting off of Louis’ dick as he breathed heavily.  
  
Louis grinned around his thick head and took another deep breath through his nose before swallowing down, Harry’s cock massive and hard, engulfing it in the tight heat of his mouth. He bobbed his head swiftly, unable to fit Harry’s length in its entirety in his mouth but wrapping his hand around the base where his mouth didn’t reach. Louis sucked harder, feeling his dick pulse in Harry’s mouth as he resumed his position, the tight coiling in his lower belly emerging. He moaned around Harry’s length, jerking his hips forward as he felt Harry’s hands grip around his ass cheeks, pulling him deeper into his mouth.  
  
“Oh god,” Louis cried. “Haz. Close.”  
  
“Me too, Lou. Gonna soon,” Harry replied, briefly taking his mouth off Louis before diving back down.  
  
The two men gripped each other tightly, feeling the heat and sweat of their bodies as they melted together, their mouths moving over each other as they thrashed around. Louis felt the pressure in his groin excel and lost control completely when Harry ran the side of his hand between his cheeks, his finger brushing over his hole ever so slightly.  
  
He was gone.  
  
“Shit, fuck. Gonna come. Oh god,” He cried, mouth falling off of Harry’s dick, hips pressing into Harry’s mouth as he spurted hotly down his throat.  
  
He reached his hand out to jerk Harry at the same time, feeling Harry fuck up into his hand as he came. His eyes closed as his orgasm washed over him and felt the warm, wet release in his hand as Harry bucked his hips and came over his fist. Louis felt his body shaking with aftershock as he started to come down, Harry swallowing around his penis and slowly pulling off, one hand still gently stroking the base of him. Harry turned his body and climbed down until he was lying over Louis, pressing his lips over his forehead and down his temples. Louis held his come-stained hand away, his other arm wrapping around Harry, loving the weight of his body on top of his.  
  
“Harry. God. That was so good. You’re so good…” Louis said softly, feeling drowsy and blissed out.  
  
“Hmm,” Harry hummed, kissing Louis again. “I love making you feel good, Lou. You have no idea how sexy you are. You’re so lovely. Your mouth—god you’re amazing.”  
  
Louis grinned. “Bit better than the last time, I reckon?”  
  
“Bit less vomit does the trick every time,” Harry answered with a wink.   
  
Louis snorted. “Imagine that.”  
  
“Want me to clean you up?” Harry asked. Louis shrugged, reaching for the flannel bottoms and rubbing his sticky hand all over them before wiping over his crotch. He then tossed the bottoms over to Harry, the pajamas landing on his face and covering his eyes. Louis giggled   
  
“Did you just wipe come all over my pajamas and then hit me in the face with said come-stained pajamas?” Harry asked from under the material. Louis reached forward and snatched the flannel off his face   
  
“Sorry,” he said, still laughing.  
  
“That’s disgusting.”  
  
“It’s your come.”  
  
“And yours.”  
  
“And mine. Both. Two for the price of one,” Louis answered, grinning.  Harry wiped over his own crotch and threw the soiled bottoms on the floor, pouncing over Louis again.  
  
“What am I going to do with you?” He sighed, shaking his head and kissing the tip of his nose as the two laughed.  
  
...  
  
Louis jolted awake to the blaring sound of the 'Night Owl' ringtone filling the room. “Jesus,” he murmured, rubbing his eyes and searching for the offending noise. He sighed as he glanced at the screen and saw that it was his mum trying to call. He paused briefly, deciding if it would be worth it to ignore.  
  
“Nope,” he muttered to himself. The consequences of ignoring his mother’s calls would be far worse. Knowing her, she would call eight more times in a row and subsequently leave several long, worried voicemails. He reached for his phone reluctantly.  
  
“Hi Mum,” he said, willing his voice to sound more awake and cheerful than he actually felt.  
  
“Hi, baby! You sound knackered, were you asleep?” His mum’s voice, warm and chirpy, washed over him and he felt his chest tighten with longing.  
  
“I uh, yeah. I was, actually.”   
  
He could hear the frown in his mother’s voice as she replied. “Darling, it’s nearly four o’clock. Are you poorly? I think there’s a bug going around, the girls caught something at school…”   
  
“‘M fine, Mum. Not poorly, just tired. Early class this morning,” he lied. He rubbed a hand through his fringe and crinkled his nose. His hair felt greasy.  
  
“Are you sure, honey? Are you doing alright? You’d tell me if things were getting hard again, right?”  
  
“Mum, don’t worry, please. ‘M fine, ‘m good,” Louis replied, smiling and hoping it would translate in his voice.  
  
“Well, I worry about you,” his mother replied, her voice still laced with concern.   
  
“I know, Mum. Always have done.”  
  
“Always will, too,” she replied and Louis could hear the smile in her voice. “Anyways honey, I just wanted to ring you and make sure you were still okay with coming home tomorrow and staying with the twins for the weekend?”  
  
Louis closed his eyes and blew out a small puff of air. Shit. He had completely forgotten about his promise to his mother weeks ago. His mum and the girls had a special girl’s shopping weekend planned in London and his stepfather would be away on a business trip. Louis had offered at the time as he loved his youngest siblings dearly and regretted that he couldn’t spend the time with them that he had his other sisters.  
  
“Course, mum. Can’t wait to see the monkeys. Miss them.”  
  
He wiped some drool from the corner of his mouth, his body feeling heavy and sore under the covers. Exhaustion plagued him and he cringed, trying to imagine how he could muster the energy to care for his baby brother and sister.  
  
“Oh, they are so excited to spend time with their big brother! They miss you too, love,” his mum crooned warmly. Louis chuckled.  
  
“They’re nine months old, Mum. Probably don’t even know who I am.”  
  
Jay made a 'tsk' noise into the phone. “Of course, they do! Now, what time do you think you’ll be here? We’re leaving for the city around three, as soon as the girls are out of school.”  
  
Louis rolled onto his side, the phone pressed between the pillow and his cheek. “Umm, ‘m not sure…” He trailed off, yawning into the phone.  
  
“Why don’t you come round for lunch? I’ll make your favourite,” His mother sang in a high-pitched voice.  
  
“Okay, Mum. I’ll be there around noon, alright?” He sat up again and reached across into his nightstand for his pills.  
  
“Okay, poppet. Can’t wait to see you! I love you, honey. Feel better, okay?”  
  
Louis swallowed the pills straight from his hand and curled back down against the pillow.  
  
“Love you too, Mum. See you tomorrow,” He said wearily, ending the call and closing his eyes.  
  
God, he was such a fuck up. He was left to his thoughts for only a few moments before he heard the front door slam and a few minutes later Harry was flying into the room. He grinned upon seeing Louis.   
  
“Hi, you.”  
  
“Hey,” Louis replied softly, yawning again and pressing into the pillow. Harry frowned, setting his bag on the floor and perching on the front of the bed by Louis’ face.  
  
“Y’alright? You look sleepy.”  
  
“Am sleepy,” Louis replied, snuggling further into the bed and tugging his duvet close to his body. Harry climbed over him and settled in behind, gently pulling Louis’ body back so his head fell against his chest. He brushed over Louis’ forehead, sweeping his fringe away from his eyes.  
  
“Want to take a nap?” He asked. Louis yawned but shook his head.  
  
“Should get up. S’alright. How was your day?” he said looking up at Harry.  
  
Harry wrapped an arm around Louis’ chest, his large hand rubbing over his shoulder. “Great. Busy. Had a presentation in pharmacology and a midterm in Biochem. Brutal,” he said shaking his head.  
  
Louis turned his head, pressing his cheek into Harry’s broad chest. “Bet it was easy for you. You’re the cleverest person I know.”  
  
Harry chuckled and pressed his chin over Louis’ head. “You need to meet more people,” he joked.  
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “‘M hungry. Wanna eat?”   
  
“It’s not even half four.”  
  
Louis twisted around in Harry’s arms and frowned. “So? We can order take-awaaaay!” he said, raising his voice in a high-pitched tone. Harry grinned, narrowing his eyes at the innocent looking blue-eyed boy in his arms.   
  
“Yeah? From the vegan place?” he asked eagerly. Louis snorted.   
  
“Kale Baby? Absolutely not.”  
  
Harry pouted, his full pink lips plumping up as his eyebrows knit together. “But it’s so tasty,” he whined.  
  
Louis gave him a pointed look. “I’d use another word to describe it actually,” he answered wryly as Harry continued to pout.  
  
Louis sighed. “How about we order pizza and you can choose the toppings on one half and load on all the disgusting vegetables you want, yeah?” Harry’s face lit up at this suggestion, his green eyes shining as he grinned, revealing his large, white teeth. Louis melted at the sight. God, even his teeth were perfect.  
  
“Deal,” he said, kissing the tip of Louis’ nose.  
  
...  
  
Two hours later both men were overstuffed with pizza (bacon, sausage, and feta for Louis and sweet corn, BBQ chicken, and broccoli for Harry) and settled back against a stack of pillows watching a film. It was Louis’ pick: the 1959 film Some Like It Hot, starring Marilyn Monroe and Tony Curtis. It was one of Louis’ favourite films and he was even more thrilled to find out that Harry hadn’t seen it before.  
  
“And you call yourself a film buff?!” he scoffed.  
  
“Heyyyyy. I said I was a Rom-Com connoisseur!” Harry protested hotly.   
  
“There’s a love story in this,” Louis argued. “Plus, it’s Marilyn Monroe. You should feel ashamed,” he joked, his lips curling up in a lovely wide grin. Harry returned his grin, draping his long body across Louis’ chest until his face was inches away from his.  
  
His raised an eyebrow cheekily. “Enlighten me then,” he said, pressing his lips to Louis’ jaw.  
  
Louis pushed his hand lightly against Harry’s forehead, pushing him up. “Hey! None of that, you need to concentrate. Watch the screen,” he commanded. Harry whined playfully but sat up and settled in beside Louis, their shoulders pressing together.  
  
Harry was instantly engrossed in the film, laughing loudly and muttering comments under his breath. Most of all, Harry was captivated watching Louis as he watched. His love for the film was obvious in the way his whole demeanour changed. His eyes were bright and focused, his body relaxed as it leaned into Harry’s, his small lips stretching into a slight half smile at his favourite parts. Harry could hardly take his eyes off him. He was so lovely like this, happy and relaxed and so incredibly gorgeous. He wrapped an arm around Louis’ shoulders, gently hauling him closer to his own body until Louis was tucked neatly into his side, his head leaning against the broad expanse of Harry’s chest.   
  
“So, me mum called today,” Louis said with a soft yawn, as the end credits played over the laptop screen.  
  
Harry continued stroking over Louis’ soft hair. “Yeah?”  
  
“Yeah,” Louis answered, rubbing his cheek against the worn material of Harry’s vintage stones t-shirt. “I uh, ‘m going home tomorrow for the weekend. My mum and sisters have this girl’s weekend in London planned and me stepdad’s away for work so I’m looking after the twins.”  
  
“The babies?” Harry asked. He and Louis had only briefly talked about their families, Louis mentioning he had six siblings, and that his mum and her new husband had had twin babies at the beginning of the year.  
  
Louis nodded. “Doris and Ernest. They’re nine months old. Miss the little monkeys,” he smiled.  The thought of having so much responsibility in caring for them made him panicked already, but he couldn’t deny that he missed his youngest siblings terribly.  
  
“That’s great, Lou. I bet they’ll love hanging out with you. Always nice to go home,” Harry replied easily.  
  
“Yeah,” Louis agreed half-heartedly. “Yeah, should be good,” he added, forcing a small smile.  
  
“What?” Harry asked. “Don’t you want to go home?”    
  
Louis shrugged, clearing his throat. “I mean yeah, ‘course I do. Just uh, haven’t really looked after them alone. Been a while since I cared for babies,” he said lamely.  
  
“You know,” Harry said, peering down into Louis’ face, “I love babies. And I mean, I don’t wanna brag but I’m kind of amazing with kids.”  
  
“Something of a baby connoisseur are you?” Louis smirked.  
  
“Something like that, yeah I reckon.”   
  
Harry eyed Louis pointedly, mouth quirking into a grin.  
  
Louis sat up. “You want to come home with me to Doncaster to babysit my little brother and sister all weekend?” he guessed slowly.  
  
“If you want me to,” Harry answered.  
  
“Do you want to? Don’t commit to a weekend of dirty nappies and crying babies just because you feel pity that I’m a shit babysitter."  
  
Harry smiled, kissing Louis’ cheek. “I want to.”  
  
“You want to? Y’sure?” Louis repeated.  
  
“I want to come home with you, Louis."  
  
Louis smiled, feeling his stomach flutter. “Are you really sure…?” he teased.  
  
Harry flipped him over and began kissing over his neck up to his mouth. “Shut up,” he said sealing his mouth over Louis’ and licking into his mouth as Louis laughed.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Comments and kudos are so appreciated xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii I know I haven't updated in ages. Very sorry if you were waiting. I moved to England at the end of last month and started a new job and it's been crazy and hectic and scary. I'm lonely and homesick right now so it's been hard but I've finally managed to finish the chapter! 
> 
> 8k+ ft. babies, banter, and blowjobs. Hope you enjoy, thanks for reading xxx

“But you love sweet potato!” Louis insisted, waving the little spoon in front of Doris’ tiny rosebud mouth. She furrowed her brows and scowled. Louis sighed in defeat, setting the spoon down and glancing over at Ernie, who was licking the slimy mushed potato off of his tiny palm contentedly.  
  
Louis chuckled. “Good innit, buddy?”   
  
Ernie grinned and babbled happily in reply.  
  
Louis offered another spoonful of the mashed up potato to Dottie who merely wailed unhappily and swatted it away, knocking it out of his hand. The spoon hit the floor with a clang as it fell beneath the table and Dottie howled, distraught at the loss of her spoon. She reached out haphazardly beside her and snatched the spoon from her twin brother’s small fist, proudly sticking it in her own mouth. Ernie screamed bloody murder at this and smacked his hands against his tray in distress before reaching out and knocking Dottie’s bowl off of her tray in retaliation. Dottie cried out as her bowl hit the ground, splattering the mushed orange substance all over the white tiled floor. Louis was under the table already, searching for the spoon, and listening to the oncoming commotion above. He grabbed the spoon quickly just as the blaring sound of the doorbell rang overtop of the wailing of his siblings. Louis' head jerked up at the noise, whacking off the top of the table as he slowly backed up and tried to climb out.  
  
“Fuck!” he cried, rubbing over the crown of his head.  
  
Both twins cried louder at his outburst. He immediately went to them, lifting one then the other out of their high-chairs and trying to bounce them in his arms as he jogged towards the front door. Louis whipped the door open with one hand as he balanced the wailing babies on his hips and was greeted by Harry’s grinning face.  
  
“Hi!” Harry said happily, mouth pursing slightly as he took in the scene before him.  
  
Louis shifted Dottie in his left arm and stepped aside to let Harry by. Harry looked incredible as always. Gorgeous and intoxicatingly sexy in dark jeans and a long-sleeved grey shirt. His soft curls were pulled away from his face in a half-ponytail and Louis wondered how it was possible that someone this beautiful even existed. He peered down at his own body, taking in his baggy trackies and jumper and crinkled his nose. God, he looked a right mess.  
  
“Thank god you’re here!” he shouted over the noise of the babies, grimacing as Ernest screamed directly into his ear and smacked against his chest with a tiny fist. “We’re having an interesting dinner…” he continued as Dottie wiggled unhappily in his arm, still shrieking.  
  
Harry closed the door carefully and opened his arms out to Louis. “Can I help?”  
  
Louis sighed gratefully and allowed Harry to scoop up Doris and lay her against his broad chest. Harry smiled down at the adorable, chubby baby in his arms, cooing softly at her as he stroked over the fine strawberry-blonde hair dusting her head.  
  
“Not very pleased, are you? Shh, shh. It’s okay, darling, you’re alright,” he soothed, patting the back of her pale green polka dot onesie.  
  
Harry continued chatting softly into her ear, the curls of his hair falling gently over the top of her head as he bounced her slowly. After a minute or so, her wails quieted to a meek whimper and she tucked her little head into the crook of his neck, nuzzling into him. Louis watched intently, in awe of how calm he was, taking hold of the baby and immediately knowing how to soothe her. He was both overwhelmingly strong and completely gentle all at once. Louis's heart swelled, thinking that Harry had the same effect on him.  
  
“She didn’t like her dinner,” Louis said, still bouncing Ernie who had finally stopped wailing and was now gripping firmly on a lock of Louis’ hair in his fist.   
  
"Did you not?” Harry cooed, looking down at little Dottie. She looked up from his shoulder and flashed him a toothless grin before dropping her head back to his shoulder and sucking wetly on the fabric of his shirt.   
  
“She seems to like you,” Louis remarked.  
  
Harry gave his usual slow, easy grin. “I like her too,” he answered, rubbing his cheek over her head gently. “And you too!” he continued, reaching a hand out to tickle under Ernie’s chin. Ernie giggled and curled his chin in towards Louis’ shoulder. Louis laughed with him and turned to head back into the kitchen, remembering the mess of the floor.  
  
“Has it been okay?” Harry asked, following behind him. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t come earlier with you like we planned. I just felt rubbish about saying no to tutoring. The lad’s really struggling with physics and I have a guilty conscious…but now I have a guilty conscious about not coming earlier, ugh. You look like you could have used some assistance here, ” Harry trailed off, pouting as he surveyed the mess of the kitchen.   
  
Louis rolled his eyes, plopping Ernie into the large playpen that sat at the far end of the kitchen. Ernie grinned up at him.   
  
“Hey, I told you it was fine, you’re a very busy and clever boy in high demand, I get that,” Louis said sardonically.  
  
Harry snickered as he joined Louis at the playpen, gently laying Dottie beside her brother and handing them each a stuffed toy to play with. “Hardly. Anyways, I was gutted to miss lunch with your mum. Hope she wasn’t put off. After all, you made a big fuss about me coming with you—”  
  
“I did not—” Louis protested.  
  
“And I feel rubbish for flaking…maybe I should bake her something this weekend,” Harry mused, talking over him.  
  
Louis shook his head fondly. “Don’t be stupid. It was just my mum, not tea with the bloody Queen.”   
  
“Well, I was looking forward to meeting her,” Harry protested.  
  
Louis sighed. “Probably best that you didn’t.”  
  
“You don’t want me to meet your mum?” Harry frowned.  
  
Louis tensed, grabbing a cloth from the sink and dropping to his hands and knees to tend to the nasty mess of sweet potato. “It’s not that I don’t, I just. I don’t want to make it a big thing…for you, you know? Like. Isn’t that kind of a proper thing, meeting parents? I just, uh. Don’t want things to be awkward,” he said lamely, eyes purposely focused intensely on the floor so he didn’t have to meet Harry’s eyes. “Which they are now.” he finished.  
  
Harry squatted down beside him, a roll of kitchen towel in hand. “Now who’s being stupid?” he chuckled as he swiftly wiped up the mess that Louis had just been swirling around the floor with his wet cloth.  
  
Louis sat back on his bum, holding the wet cloth out and peering up at the amused expression on Harry’s face. “Why are you laughing?” he asked, a slight whine to his voice.  
  
Harry finished cleaning and got up to throw the messy towels away. “‘S cute that you’re all flustered about me meeting your mum,” he replied over his shoulder. He strolled back over and reached a large hand out to Louis. Louis clasped it and raised a brow as Harry’s strong arm pulled him up easily.  
  
“It’s just…a big thing. To me. It’s a big deal, Harry. And we—we haven’t really, haven’t even ...”  
  
Harry kept a hold of Louis’ hand and pulled him in closer towards his chest, silencing him. “Lou. Relax. I’m sorry I laughed,” he tipped Louis' chin up with one hand, forcing Louis to meet his eyes. “Don’t stress out so much, yeah? I’m so happy I get to be here with you this weekend and I’ve loved all the time we’ve spent together so far. You’re amazing, Lou. I care about you so much. You’re so special to me. I’m not worried about big talks or labels and I don’t want you to be either,” he finished warmly, wrapping his arms around the back of Louis’ petite frame and rubbing the nape of his neck comfortingly.   
  
Louis pulled back from him and grinned cheekily. “I’m special?”  
  
Harry reached out to bop the tip of Louis’ nose affectionately. “You are.”  
  
Louis scrunched his nose up at Harry's touch and allowed his head to fall against the broad expanse of Harry’s chest and shoulder. “So are you,” he murmured softly.  
  
Harry leaned his head forward to press a kiss against Louis’ inviting lips. A loud screech interrupted him and he immediately straightened up and looked over Louis’ shoulder, a wide grin curling his full lips upward. “Hi!” Harry cried enthusiastically.  
  
Louis turned around and was greeted by the beaming faces of his two baby siblings, both holding themselves up as they peered over the side of the playpen. Ernest bounced his little legs and pointed a finger towards the two men. “BAH!” he cried excitedly. Beside him, Dottie giggled, smacking her hand against the side of the playpen and squealing along with her brother.  
  
“I think they’d like our undivided attention,” Harry said wryly.  
  
“I think they knew they were ruining a moment,” Louis muttered, shaking his head and heading over to them.  
  
“‘Lo monkeys,” he said, his face breaking into a smile. Dottie reached her little arms above her head straightway and bounced as she whined to be lifted. Louis scooped her up into his arms and lifted her so she was peering down at him from above.  
  
“Silly love."  
  
She grinned a toothless smile back at him and clapped her hands together happily. Louis turned to where Harry stood by the table, smiling over at the two of them.  
  
“Want to grab Ernest?” he glanced at the clock on the wall. “Should probably give them a bath and get them to bed.”  
  
Harry was immediately by Ernie’s side, lifting him out of the playpen and holding him easily under the crook of his elbow. He grinned over at Louis. “See? You’ve got this babysitting thing down proper.”  
  
Louis made a face. “Hardly. Mum left me a very detailed schedule to follow. Though I do know a thing or two about bath and bedtime,” He continued, leading them down the hall to the staircase.  
  
“Yeah?” Harry answered from behind him. He peered around the hall, taking in the high ceilings, enormous windows, and soft cream carpet that scattered the floor of the lounge and appeared again on the winding staircase. He noted the wall of framed family photos taking up an entire wall in the hallway as well as the ones leading up the stairs, and smiled thinking that the characteristics of Louis’ home reflected so much of who he was as a person: warm, soft and lovely.  
  
Ernie tugged gently on one of Harry's curls and immediately sucked it into his small mouth, slobbering over the ends. Harry grinned, completely unbothered and turned his attention back to Louis.  
  
“Yeah," Lous continued. "I used to help me mum with the girls a lot. All of them when they were little but especially Phoebe and Daisy. Dad got a new job when they were just over a year I reckon? Worked mad hours. Mum was so overwhelmed with five kids, so I usually did bath and story time with the girls to sort her out,” Louis replied, turning into the bathroom.  
  
Harry followed, taking in the large room with its deep square tub lined with kids toys around the edges and colourful towels hanging on the rack beside it. He smiled, loving hearing Louis open up and speak about his family. He pictured Louis as a young teenager, curled up in bed with his sisters reading stories. He wondered what he was like then. Wondered if his hair was long like it is now or short. Wondered if he was just as guarded and hurt then as he was now.  
  
“I bet you did cool voices,” Harry answered, setting Ernie down beside Dottie to play on the rug while Louis ran their bath.  
  
Louis looked over his shoulder from where he was bent over the rim of the tub.  
  
“What?” he chuckled.  
  
“For all the different characters. When you read to them.”  
  
Louis smiled, swishing the water around with his hand and testing the temperature. Harry stared, eyeing the smoothness of his skin and the slight bone of his wrist.  
  
“Mostly just for Harry Potter,” Louis answered. “Phoebe loved my Dobby voice…made it all high-pitched and squeaky. She had a proper laugh."  
  
“Yeah? How is that different from your usual voice?” Harry snickered, bracing himself for Louis’ response.  
  
Louis whipped his head around, his mouth forming an ‘O’. “Oiiii. It’s not ‘high-pitched! It’s just-it’s… gentle?” he stuttered, his voice rising at the end and a small smile developing over his face in defeat.  
  
“Gentle and lovely,” Harry agreed.  
  
“Delicate. Girly.”  
  
“Not girly.”  
  
Louis scoffed. “‘S not very manly. Sound like a fairy compared to you.”  
  
“It’s beautiful,” Harry said firmly from where he was sat on the rug. He looked up at Louis seriously, his eyes warm and bright. “I love your voice, Lou. ”  
  
“Well…thanks.” Louis shuffled uncomfortably, his face flushing as he turned away, focusing his attention on the babies instead and snatching a giggling Dottie into his lap. He peeled her onesie off her as she struggled to get away. Harry stayed silent, following Louis' lead and tugging off Ernie’s bodysuit quickly and plopping him into the bath seat. Meanwhile, a naked Dottie had wiggled her way out of Louis’ lap and was madly trying to crawl towards the door. Harry reached one arm down and easily scooped her up, blowing a loud raspberry on her round belly.  
  
“There’s a naked baby trying to escape!” he cried, lifting her high in his arms as she shrieked with glee. Louis grinned, biting his bottom lip as he watched Harry.  
  
“You’re good with babies.”  
  
Harry grinned, setting Doris into her matching bath seat and patting her cheek gently as she continued to squeal in delight at him. He shrugged. “I like babies.”  
  
Louis squatted down beside him; the two men perched on the soft blue rug, their bodies leaning over the side of the tub. “Did you babysit when you were younger?” he asked, squirting a massive blob of shampoo in his palm and soaping over Ernie’s pale blonde head.  
  
Harry reached his hand out and gently pulled Louis’ hand towards him so his palm was facing up. “Lemme have some of that, I’ll do Doris.”  
  
Harry placed his hand over Louis’, his long fingers hanging over Louis’ smaller ones and gently smoothed his palm over, the shampoo lathering over his hand and filling the air with the sweet aroma of mango. Louis peered down to where their palms connected, watching Harry gently rub them together.  Harry lightly dragged his fingers down the soft skin of Louis’ wrist before pulling away and starting on Dottie’s hair.  
  
“A bit,” He answered. “Neighbours and that when I was like fourteen or fifteen. Mostly I just hang out with Lux, she’s my niece.”  
  
Louis turned to look at Harry, carefully rinsing the shampoo from Ernie’s hair and shielding his eyes. “Your niece? You didn’t mention Gemma had a daughter before.”  
  
Harry laughed. “Oh not Gem’s, no. Lux belongs to Lou. She’s not actually my niece. Lou’s a family friend. Known her all my life. Our mums are best mates.”  
  
“That’s sweet. How old is she?”  
  
“Thirty-one."   
  
Louis snorted and gave Harry a look. “Funny.”  
  
“Lux is three," Harry grinned.  "Gorgeous, funny little thing she is. Used to stay with her loads when she was a baby. Calls me Uncle H. Guess I learned all my tricks from her."  
  
“You know,” Louis said, rinsing off the soap from Ernie’s tiny frame, “I always found all the girls to be quite easy babies. Then this one comes round,” he said, poking Ernie’s cheek and grinning, “And it’s a whole new thing. Boys are so different. Little rascals, they are.” They sat back on their heels, watching the babies splash happily in the water.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“They wee everywhere.”  
  
“Everywhere or just on you?” Harry asked cheekily.  
  
“Ugh, every bloody time I change his nappy! ‘S like he holds all the wee in until the very second I go to fetch a clean one and then bang. Straight in the eye. Not even being funny, he legitimately pissed directly in my eye before. It was good aim, to be fair."   
  
Harry giggled, eyes shining. “That’s terrible, mate. Guess it’s true that even from a young age, boys have difficulty controlling their penises.”  
  
Louis huffed, furrowing his brows and turning to Harry. “I reckon you have a lot of difficulty with that,” He said wryly.   
  
“Depends on who’s around,” Harry grinned impishly.   
  
“Now now, not in front of the babies, Posh.”  
  
“Ah yes, the babies. Proper cock blocks they are, yeah?”  
  
Louis laughed, reaching down and lifting them out one after the other. Harry grabbed their little duck towels from the rack and wrapped them up before lifting them easily into his arms. “Shall we?”  
  
…  
  
“Can’t believe you sang to them.”  
  
Louis saw the backs of Harry’s shoulder shrug nonchalantly from where he stood facing the counter. “Not a big deal, Lou. Was just Rock a Bye Baby and You Are My Sunshine. Classics.”   
  
“Maybe, but everything sounds better when you sing them. You have a lovely voice, you know.”  
  
Harry winked. “Aw cheers, mate.”  
  
“Seriously, I’ve never seen them fall asleep so quickly."   
  
Louis curled his knees into his chest from where he was sat around the island. “And now you’re making me mac and cheese. From scratch. Seriously, Harry Styles, who even are you?”  
  
Harry turned back around, stirring the bowl pressed against his chest. “It’s rubbish from the box,” he answered simply, wrinkling his nose.  
  
“But you cook for me all the time at the flat. The lot of us, actually.” Louis replied, raking his hand through the front of his shaggy hair. “I actually feel a bit shit about it.”   
  
Harry set the bowl down and slinked around the island coming over to Louis. He inched closer, Louis giving him a confused smile as he dropped his legs and allowed Harry to worm his lanky body in between them.  
  
“Can I help you?”  
  
Harry grinned, laying his large hands across the tops of Louis’ track bottoms. “I like cooking for you,” he said, leaning his face in until his nose was mere millimeters away from Louis’.  
  
Louis hitched his breath and blinked slowly. “Yeah?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Harry ducked his head and ran his nose down the side of Louis’ neck, breathing in his scent before pressing his lips against his ear. “Haven’t kissed you yet. ‘S been driving me mad,” he whispered hotly, sucking the bottom of Louis' earlobe into the wet heat of his mouth. Louis shuddered, tilting his chin up at Harry’s touch and exposing his neck.   
  
“Me too. You look so good. I love your hair like that.”  
  
Harry hummed in response against his skin, working his lips down his neck eagerly and licking a wet strip up the center. His hands ran up Louis’ thighs, gripping the meatiest part of his hips before sliding them slowly back down and stroking his inner thighs gently. Louis keened instantly, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck and pulling him closer as he ran his fingers up through the back of Harry’s soft curls. Harry pressed himself as close as he could get to Louis without actually sitting on top of him, inching his groin into the small space and moving his hands so they tickled the bottom of Louis’ t-shirt. He licked once over Louis’ small pink lips before sealing his mouth over his bottom lip as they opened. Harry sucked gently, Louis sighing into his mouth hotly and wrapping his legs around Harry. The warmth and thickness of his thighs pressing under his bum only spurred him on, his lips moving hungrily over Louis’, his tongue pressing in and licking inside.  
  
“The mac and cheese,” Louis said against his mouth some minutes later. Harry ignored him, gripping his jaw with one hand as he continued to kiss him enthusiastically, allowing his other hand to gently palm Louis’ hardening cock through the thin material of his jogging bottoms.  
  
Louis arched into his hand, groaning at his touch. “Ahhhhh, but I’m so hungry.”    
  
Harry rubbed his hand faster, twisting his hand around the head and squeezing down the length. “I can tell,” he answered teasingly.  
  
“For food, you perv. God, you’re like a horny sixteen-year-old.”  
  
“Never really outgrew that stage, to be honest,” Harry shrugged.  
  
“Not surprising.”   
  
Harry raised a brow. “Bit rich coming from the guy who was so desperate to blow me he nearly yacked on my cock.”  
  
Louis glared at him. “Are we ever going to have a conversation where that doesn’t come up?”  
  
“Not if I can help it,” Harry answered sweetly.  
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “You’re awful. I’m just saying, some of us have a bit more self-control. We haven’t even had dinner.”  
  
“Oh you’re practicing self-control are you?” Harry asked, pulling his face away and dropping down to his knees, letting his nose nudge along the bottom of Louis’ shirt while his hand still squeezed over Louis’ cock. “So this must be somebody else’s deliciously hard penis throbbing in my hand,” he continued, jerking him faster.   
  
“Mhmm.” Louis’ words were muffled; his breathing heavy as he glared at the boy below him.   
  
“So you’re not enjoying yourself then,” Harry replied, licking the soft brown hair that surrounded his navel and dipping down until he reached the top of his bottoms where the hair disappeared down into the material. Harry moved his mouth down so his lips hovered over Louis’ thinly clothed dick.  
  
“Nope,” Louis answered tersely, still breathing heavy, his chin tilting upwards as he felt Harry’s hot breath over his crotch.  
  
“Guess I should stop then,” Harry mused, sucking the hard outline of Louis’ cock into his mouth.  
  
Louis groaned, legs jolting out around Harry’s head and nearly kicking him in the face. “God. You are the absolute worst—ah!” he cried as Harry peeled down the tops of his trousers and pants and began sucking wetly over his groin hair. “Jesus.”  
  
“Want me to stop?” Harry repeated his mouth moving down and licking around the base of Louis dick.  
  
Louis jerked again, lifting his hips off the chair and arching towards Harry’s hot mouth before standing in front of the barstool, Harry still pressed closely to his groin.  
  
“Alright, alright, god, do it, please. I’m dying.”  
  
Harry grinned, keeping his mouth moving as he yanked the rest of the material down Louis’ thighs and cradled Louis’ penis in his hand as it sprang out of the confinement of his pants in freedom. Harry licked over the head eagerly, stroking up to meet his mouth and pulling down Louis' foreskin to lick inside the tip.  
  
“You taste good, Lou.”  
  
Louis made an indecipherable noise from above, jutting his hips forward as Harry sucked his entire length down easily, his tip hitting the wet, scorching hot back of Harry’s throat.  
  
“Holy shit, holy shit. You’re gonna make me come too soon.”  
  
Louis's hand tugged on Harry’s half ponytail to try and get him to pull back, to which Harry ignored, bobbing his head continuously and twisting his mammoth hand around Louis' length.  
  
“Come whenever you want, Lou,” Harry answered, pressing both his hands against Louis' hipbones and sucking him all the way down, his nose nestled in his pubic hair.  
  
Louis moaned softly, gently pumping his groin forward, expecting Harry to gag at the movement.  
  
He didn’t.   
  
Instead, Harry sucked harder, swirling his tongue around the back of Louis's dick to press against the thick vein, his hands moving to Louis' waist until he reached the meaty flesh of his ass. Harry grasped them harshly, pulling his mouth off and sucking along both sides before ducking his head over the top and sucking Louis deep into his throat again. It only took Harry humming around his dick and a long finger barely brushing between his cheeks before Louis was crying out and spilling down Harry’s throat, gasping desperately for breath as he finished.  
  
Harry sucked off the top of his penis with a ‘pop’, kissing his tip and gently tucking it back into pants and jogging bottoms. He gripped Louis’ hips and pulled himself up slowly. Louis wrapped his limp arms around him immediately, falling against his chest as he breathed heavily.  
  
“Can I eat my mac and cheese in bed?”  
  
  
  
…  
  
  
  
“What other lullabies do you know?” Louis asked, drawing a slow circle over the soft material of Harry’s shirt.  
  
“Loads, I reckon,” Harry answered, rubbing over the back of Louis’ neck. “My mom loves to sing. But she never did loads of traditional lullabies, she usually just sang songs she knew all the words to. Like Shania Twain or The Beatles or Dixie Chicks. Dixie Chicks are brilliant, I sing them to Lux sometimes.”  
  
Louis propped himself up from his spot on the bed and turned to sit crossed legged, facing Harry. “Sing for me?”  
  
Harry chuckled. “But you’re not going to sleep.”  
  
“Siiiing.”  
  
“You’re quite bossy for someone who just had homemade macaroni and cheese fed to him practically by hand,” Harry teased.  
  
Louis scoffed. “You’re so dramatic.”  
  
“You’re quite welcome, by the way,” Harry replied, sticking his tongue out and nudging Louis’ shoulder playfully.  
  
“I said thank you!”  
  
“Say it again.”  
  
“Now you’re just being greedy.”  
  
Harry pounced forward, knocking Louis on to his side and laying his lanky frame overtop of Louis’ petite one. He grabbed hold of Louis' wrists gently and pinned them above his head, pressing his face down until he was nose to nose with the small boy.  
  
“Say it again.”  
  
Louis smirked, trying to move his body pinned under Harry’s firm weight to no avail.  
  
“Thanks for the mac and cheese, Haz, it was quite average.”  
  
Harry moved his mouth over Louis’ ear and bit his earlobe. “Feeling a bit cheeky are we?”  
  
“A bit, yeah.”  
  
“Say my mac and cheese is excellent,” Harry said, his hot breath making Louis’ skin prickle.  
  
“No.”  
  
“Say it.”  
  
“It was decent.”  
  
“Say it.”  
  
“Passable. Fair. Satisfactory.”  
  
Harry bit into his ear again before letting his tongue slide down the junction of Louis' neck, Harry's hands gripping his t-shirt along the sides of his ribs. “You’re being quite naughty, Louis."   
  
“Miss always told me I was rubbish at following instructions in school,” Louis answered, his eyes bright and mischievous.   
  
Harry shifted his weight forward, so he was sitting up on top of Louis, leaning his body forward and propping his elbows on either side of Louis’ head. “Did she now.”  
  
“You giant oaf. I can barely breathe,” Louis huffed, shifting his hips.  
  
Harry altered his hips, allowing his groin to press down firmly over Louis’. He could feel Louis beginning to harden through his trackies.  
  
“You make quite a good chair, though.”  
  
Louis flexed the muscles in his ass, making his hips lift up slightly into Harry’s groin. “Yeah?”   
  
Harry nodded, pressing his face down into Louis’. “Quite comfortable,” He breathed, tongue skirting over Louis’ dry lips.  
  
“Hmm. Pretty comfy me self,” Louis answered, leaning into the kiss and sucking Harry’s plump bottom lip into his mouth.   
  
Harry kissed him back hungrily, lips wetting over Louis’ as he pushed his tongue inside. Louis sighed into his mouth, deepening the kiss and curling his arm around Harry’s neck, pulling him further into his body. He opened his mouth wider, pushing his tongue into Harry’s mouth and reaching a hand down to rub him through his jeans.  
  
Harry hummed, lifting up so his lips hovered just above Louis’. “Can I help you with something?” he asked.  
  
Louis rubbed him harder, inching his fingers up to the waistband of Harry’s jeans and fumbling to undo the button from his position. He frowned at the angle. “Undo your jeans,” he whined, trying to wrestle his hand under the tight material.  
  
Harry cocked his head. “Didn’t your mum ever tell you to keep your hands to yourself?” He asked amusedly, as Louis managed to shove most of his hand down his pants and was attempting to scratch over the soft curls of his groin.   
  
“I’d rather not,” Louis answered simply.  
  
Harry grinned, cheeks dimpling and eyes twinkling. “Oh really?”  
  
Louis humped his hips up in frustration, his hand trapped beneath the tight fabric of Harry’s jeans. “Want you. Get naked.”  
  
Harry hummed, slowly lifting up and easily undoing the button and zipper on his jeans. Louis stroked down the base of Harry's cock as his hand was loosened before reaching both hands out to pull the jeans and pants down Harry’s delicious thighs. Louis stared at them in appreciation, eyes roaming over the smooth creamy skin and the soft downy hair that got thicker and darker around his groin. Louis felt his mouth water at the sight, a pull in his lower belly already emerging. He had never considered pubic hair a turn on before but something about Harry’s made his skin shiver, his heart race, and his dick harden. Louis reached his hand out and ran his fingers through the hair, looking up into Harry’s green eyes. He wondered if it was weird to tell Harry.   
  
“I like your hair,” Louis offered softly, watching Harry step out of his jeans and briefs clumsily.  
  
Harry tilted his head, tossing the clothes to the floor. He ruffled his half ponytail and looked down at Louis cheekily. “This hair?” He asked innocently.  
  
Louis let out a deep sigh. Harry definitely wasn’t going to make this easy. “You’re an idiot,” he said instead.  
  
Harry chuckled, reaching forward and pushing the hem of Louis’ t-shirt up, revealing his soft belly and deliciously warm tan skin. Harry pressed a kiss to his bellybutton before positioning his naked lower half over Louis’ stomach and humping gently forward. Louis tensed, feeling the drag of the thick hair over his skin. He felt goosebumps rippling over the back of his neck and over his arms. Harry ground down onto Louis again and pulled his t-shirt the rest of the way up, lifting Louis forward and tugging the shirt over his head in one swift motion.  
  
“This hair?” he asked again, humping him at an agonizingly slow pace, watching how Louis’ stomach muscles twitched as his groin rubbed against him.   
  
Louis let out a small moan and reached his hands around Harry’s body, squeezing his small hands over his hips and letting them fall over his groin gently.  
  
“Yes,” he answered, voice barely above a whisper.  
  
Harry smiled, running his tongue under the sensitive skin under Louis’ ear and breathing softly into it. “You like it?”  
  
“Mmhm,” Louis sighed, stroking the hair more vigorously as Harry’s cock bounced gently on his stomach.  
  
“Does it get you hot?”  
  
“Yeah. Does.”  
  
“Tell me.”  
  
“I—I love it. God, I love it. So hot. I—I’ve never found someone’s pubes hot before, am I a massive weirdo?” Louis laughed softly.   
  
Harry’s cheeks dimpled. “I love that you love it. Gets me hot too.”  
  
Louis grinned, taking Harry into his hand, the size of his dick overtaking Louis' small palm. “Well, you certainly are very hot.”  
  
Harry hummed lowly as Louis stroked him gently, pulling his foreskin down at the top and twisting around the head before squeezing down. After several minutes, Louis huffed, trying to sit up under the weight of Harry before simply pushing him over so he fell onto his back, his dick bouncing in the air at the movement.  
  
“I need to have you in my mouth,” Louis said breathlessly, leaning down between his legs and inching his mouth closer.  
  
Harry suddenly reached down and cupped his groin, his large hand knocking his dick away from Louis' mouth. Harry grinned wickedly as Louis looked up in confusion.  
  
“Harry?”  
  
“Say my mac and cheese is excellent.”  
  
“Oh for fuck’s sake!" Louis huffed in disbelief. "I’m literally about to suck your dick and you’re still thinking about macaroni?!”  
  
Harry smirked silently, staring at Louis as he held his penis away.  
  
Louis rolled his eyes, sitting up and crossing his arms over his chest. “Fine. Then I won’t blow you.”  
  
Harry chuckled. “Oooo, look how feisty he gets!”  
  
“It’s your loss.”  
  
“So you weren’t looking forward to it?”  
  
“Not really.”  
  
Harry raised one eyebrow. “Weren’t gagging to get your face pressed against my hair to see how I smell? Seeing how I taste when my dick is hard and pulsing in your lovely wet mouth? Love your mouth, Lou. God. Love how it feels wrapped around my cock. So fucking tight and wet. You get me so hot. So hot for your mouth.”  
  
Louis sighed lowly in his chest, his dick throbbing in his track bottoms at Harry’s words. He dropped his arms and glared at Harry.  
  
“You’re a really bad person."   
  
Harry chuckled. “I am.”   
  
“Like, terrible.”  
  
“True.”  
  
“The absolute worst.”  
  
“The very worst.”  
  
“But I want you so badly.”  
  
Harry grinned. "You can have me."  
  
Louis crawled forward towards him, placing his hands on either hip and looking up sweetly into Harry’s lustful green eyes. “Harry, your mac and cheese is excellent. And your dick is excellent. Massive and excellent. Best I ever had, on both counts. Now, can I please suck you?”   
  
Harry smirked and released his dick, letting it spring forward, heavy and thick. “Such a good boy. See what happens when you’re polite and use your manners?”  
  
Louis pushed Harry down and spread his bent knees apart aggressively, wasting no time in taking him into his mouth. Louis wrapped one small hand around the base, squeezing gently and coming up to meet his mouth as he bobbed over Harry's length. Louis sucked the head wetly and popped off, narrowing his eyes and dropping one hand down to cup a heavy ball, gripping it tightly.  
  
“You best behave now, Hazza. I’ve quite literally got you by the balls."   
  
Harry jerked and let out a small squeak. “Ah—you do indeed. Such a gentle touch,” he said wryly.  
  
Louis squeezed him again, harder this time, making Harry groan and kick his legs out. “Watch your mouth,” he snickered.  
  
“Put me in your mouth.”  
  
Louis obliged, sucking the flushed pink head into his warm mouth and bobbing his head incessantly. Harry’s low breathy moans spurred him on, alternating between gently tugging his foreskin down and licking around while he worked his small hand over him and sucked his cock harshly into the back of his throat.  
  
“Fuck yeah, Lou. So good,” Harry sighed contently, holding himself forward with his arms so he could peer down at the gorgeous boy between his legs. Harry reached a hand forward to smooth one palm over the soft golden hair.  
  
Louis was focused. He moved so he was flat on his stomach, gripping Harry’s lean legs and bending them so his feet lay flat on the bed. Using both hands, Louis laid them flat across Harry's hips, his fingers tickling the edge of the thick hair. Louis leaned his face closer, nose nuzzling into it. He breathed in deeply once, allowing his mouth to pop off as he continued jerking Harry steadily.  
  
“You smell so good. Your sweat…god. How does even your sweat smell good? Everything about you is perfect,” Louis said breathlessly.  
  
“‘S not,” Harry said quickly, his brows furrowed as though he was concentrating deeply. “Oh shit. Do that again.”  
  
Louis scraped his teeth gently up the side of Harry’s cock, dragging the flat of his tongue down the length again and swirling it around the hair at the base. He looked up innocently, Harry’s penis pursed at his lips. “What, this?”  
  
“Louis,” Harry moaned. “Shit…I’m gonna come soon.”  
  
Louis ran his hands up the back of Harry’s thighs and pushed his legs up before grabbing the bottom of his ass.   
  
He worked his hands over the meatiest part of Harry’s small bum, licking his way down over his balls and down his perineum. Harry’s thighs began to shake, breath becoming lower and restless as he stuttered to speak. “Fuck. Your mouth. Oh god. That feels so good.”  
  
Louis keened, grinding his hips down into the mattress, his dick desperate for friction. He wrapped his lips around Harry’s bulbous head and sucked harshly as his middle finger gently traced around Harry's hole.  
  
“Fuck, that's it. Gonna come, Lou, oh god. Gonna come.”  
  
Louis hummed around his dick and started to form the words to say, “So come” but Harry was already gone, hips stuttering and abs clenching as he shot hotly into Louis’ mouth. Louis hummed again, swallowing him down as he came. When he felt Harry go limp he gently pulled his mouth off, still holding his dick and slurped loudly around the tip to get the remaining bits of come. He dipped his tongue in and pulled the foreskin down to lick inside.   
  
“Ahhh,” Harry gasped, jolting up and flicking Louis’ hand away. “Sensitive. You’re gonna kill me.”  
  
Louis sat up on his elbows and licked his lips. “You’re salty. I like it.”  
  
“Well, I’m glad I’m not sour from the mac and cheese.”  
  
“Ugh. You're disgusting.”  
  
Harry giggled and pounced on top of Louis, hands pursed at the waistband of his jogging bottoms. Harry palmed over Louis' trackies, feeling him hard and throbbing. He looked up at Louis and grinned lazily.  
  
“You’re not naked."  
  
“Keen observation, mate.”  
  
Harry cocked an eyebrow and gripped him tightly. “That’s a problem for me. Get your pants off. Right now.”  
  
“Don’t get lippy with me, Hazza.”  
  
“I’d very much like to get lippy with you, that’s the point.”  
  
Louis rolled his eyes, lifting up as Harry pulled down his jogging bottoms and briefs together. “That was awful, Harry.”  
  
Harry laughed. “Look at you, all ready to go,” he answered lowly, rubbing his hands up and over Louis’ hips.  
  
“Got a bit worked up.”  
  
“I see that. Good boy.”  
  
Louis flinched, his stomach muscles tensing at Harry’s words.  
  
“Really good boy,” Harry added, slurping over the head of Louis’ penis. “Hmm.”  
  
Harry sucked Louis gently, hands running slow circles around his groin and down his inner thighs as Louis sighed softly.  
  
Harry moved his mouth to Louis’ groin and begin kissing over the skin lightly, letting his lips trace further and further down, spreading Louis’ thighs as he went along and stopping after he licked the soft skin at his perineum.  
  
“Louis.”  
  
Harry’s voice was husky and low, his eyes bright.  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“I want to eat you out. Can I?”  
  
Louis froze. His breath hitched, mouth going dry.  
  
“I—I. Uh.”  
  
Harry paused his mouth, only allowing his hands to continue the gentle circles over his thighs.  
  
“Want to taste you so badly. Bet you taste so good.”  
  
Louis swallowed. “Harry…”  
  
Harry hummed in response, bending Louis’ knees and pushing them apart as he lowered his mouth again.  
  
“Wait wait, stop. Please.” Louis closed his legs swiftly.  
  
Harry stopped immediately, lifting his head and sitting up, pausing his hands on the smooth skin of Louis’ hips. “Lou?”  
  
Louis groaned, pressing his hands over his flushed face and raking a hand through his messy hair. Harry scooted closer to him, moving his hand to one shoulder gently and frowning. “Hey. Lou? Are you alright? Was that too much?”  
  
Louis flopped over onto his side. “Ugh. No. You’re fine. It’s fine," he sighed.   
  
“It’s not fine. I made you uncomfortable and I’m so sorry…” Harry trailed off, brows furrowed as he studied Louis’ embarrassed expression.  
  
Louis held up a hand. “Stop. You didn’t. I’m just…embarrassed.”  
  
“Embarrassed?”  
  
“Embarrassed.”  
  
“But Lou, why? You’re so beautiful. Make me so hot. God, you drive me wild. Your arse drives me wild, don’t be nervous, it’d be so—”  
  
“I’ve never done it before," Louis’ voice cut in softly, a hand raking through his fringe again as he stared intensely at his quilt, tracing the blue pattern lightly.  
  
“You haven’t?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Harry paused for a beat. “Hey. Look at me.”  
  
Louis continued staring down, feeling ashamed and rather childish.   
  
“Heyyyy,” Harry whined playfully, tugging gently on a loose strand of hair that fell across Louis' face. “Why are you embarrassed? There’s no need to be. Babe, it’s perfectly okay if you haven’t done it before or don’t want to at all. I’m not going to judge you, you know I wouldn’t.” Harry said gently, eyes lingering over the sad expression on Louis’ face.  
  
“It’s okay, Lou,” Harry repeated.   
  
“It’s not—it’s stupid. ‘M being stupid, sorry.”  
  
“You’re not being stupid. You never need to be embarrassed about wanting to stop or not start something that makes you feel uncomfortable in any way,” Harry said firmly. “It’s your body, Lou.”  
  
Louis laughed dryly, looking into Harry’s eyes. “You’re the nicest person in the world, you know that? You really are,” he said as Harry shook his head automatically.  
  
“Look, I’m making this sound like a much bigger deal than it is. It’s just—I've really only had one proper relationship. With a guy that is. Anyways, he didn’t like to do it, said he wouldn’t, said it grossed him out. And when I started sleeping around, after him, I just…never let anyone do it. It just felt too much or something? Felt too intimate. I couldn’t imagine being so exposed with someone like that…I still can’t really…I don’t know…”  
  
Harry listened intently. “Louis, we never have to do that if you don’t want to," he started. "I’m sorry that he left that awful impression on you and made you feel bad. For the record, it’s not gross. And he’s an idiot for making such a blanket statement like that. That being said, if you don’t want to, we absolutely don’t have to,” Harry said, stroking along Louis’ sharp cheekbone.  
  
Louis sighed. “It’s just…I guess I have a hard time letting myself be vulnerable and uh, getting close to someone, you know?”  
  
Harry nodded. “That’s okay, Lou. Sex is an intimate concept. In more ways than one. You don’t need to push yourself if you’re uncomfortable.”  
  
“‘M not.”  
  
“Not?”   
  
“I'm not uncomfortable with you, Haz. I—I want to do that with you. God, I want to do everything with you. But you terrify me. I can’t believe how much I care about you already. You—I’ve never felt so comforted or safe around someone. I feel like…I feel like you see me, Harry. Really see who I am. When I can’t even do that properly. I want to be close to you. So much.”  
  
Louis was mortified to feel hot tears stinging his eyes. He pressed his fingers firmly over his eyelids and tried to trap the emotions that were threatening to spill out   
  
“Lou…” Harry watched Louis’ eyes fill with tears and felt his chest tighten. “Why are you afraid of me?”   
  
Louis shuffled away from Harry’s touch, grabbing his briefs and shucking them on before sitting on the ground. “I’m not, I mean…it’s just,” he stuttered, moisture dripping slowly down onto his chin. “I don’t want to be hurt again. I can’t be hurt like that again. And if I…if I let you in…the way I want to let you in. I just. I couldn’t take it if you left, Harry. And you will…everyone leaves.”  
  
Louis' voice cracked and he covered his face, feeling humiliated sitting on the floor in his pants like a child.   
  
“Oh, Louis... love, come here.” Harry sat up and patted the spot beside him.   
  
Louis sniffed. “No. I can’t...This is awful...ugh...Can we pretend this didn’t happen?”  
  
Louis looked so small and nervous, crouched on the floor curling into himself. It broke Harry's heart to look at. “Lou. C’mere," he said gently.   
  
“I can’t. I’m so embarrassed, fuck, I—I’m sorry…I can’t, I—”  
  
“Shh. Stop. It’s alright, darling. Come here to me.”  
  
Louis looked up from his spot on the floor and locked eyes with Harry, seeing his kind eyes and open arms. Louis wiped his nose over his bare wrist and blinked the tears out of his eyes as he stood up slowly, tugging the hem of his briefs down and walking over in front of the bed. Standing in front of Harry Louis knew he had to try. Knew even if it killed him he had to try because this was Harry. Harry was unlike anyone Louis had ever met. Harry was safe and Harry was comfort and Harry was home. He was a safe place to land and Louis needed that. Louis climbed up onto the bed, allowing Harry to pull him into his bare lap, and curled into his broad chest, letting his head rest against the line of Harry’s collarbone and tucking his knees across his lap. He could feel the heat coming from Harry’s softened cock under his body.  
  
“Hi,” Harry said from above him, looking down at him with the slow, easy grin he always had.  
  
“Hi.”  
  
“Feel better now?”  
  
Louis furrowed his brow. “Should I?" he said with an embarrassed laugh.   
  
Harry dragged his long fingers up Louis’ shoulder gently. “You’ve kept all that in a while, yeah? Must feel good to let it out.”  
  
Louis snorted. “Not sure I needed to let it out quite like that…God, I’ve made a right tit outta myself with you. Almost puking on your dick and now sobbing like a bitch baby, again, over a rim job, no less.”  
  
“I do like a good challenge,” Harry joked.  
  
Louis laughed, nuzzling his face into Harry's neck. “You’re good, Harry.”  
  
“Good? At what?” Harry asked with a chuckle.  
  
Louis turned and faced him properly. “No, I mean…just you. You’re good. You’re good to me. Reckon you’re good for me,” he added softly.  
  
Harry pressed a soft kiss over each salty eyelid. “You’re good for me too. Like you quite a bit,” he grinned.  
  
“Really. You’re amazing, Lou,” He continued. “You’re the best person I’ve ever met. I feel like I've known you forever. I couldn’t,” Harry bit his lip, stuttering over his words. “I couldn’t ever hurt you. It’s like you said. I do see who you are. I love who you are. And I want to be here. I want you to know that I’m here. I want to be with you, Lou. I know I said I didn’t want a discussion and this doesn’t have to be that discussion but, I just… I want you, Lou. I just want to be with you and make you feel good everyday. As much I can. You deserve that.”  
  
Louis blinked several times, taking in Harry’s words.  
  
“I..I want that too. I want you, Harry. Everyday. All the time. You—you make me feel more alive than I’ve felt in…forever. In so long. I don’t want it to stop.”  
  
“It's not going to stop. Only the beginning.”  
  
"I do like the beginning of things,” Louis smiled.  
  
“This is just us, Lou. Alright? It’s just us. It’s not them or before or ‘what if’, it’s just us,” Harry said.  
  
“Us featuring Fleetwood Mac, twenty questions, crying, and vom.”  
  
Harry grinned. “What else?”  
  
“So this is us, not having a serious relationship-y type discussion,” Louis stated teasingly.  
  
Harry smirked. “Yes. This is that. We’re quite good at it, I reckon.”  
  
“Yeah, not awkward at all.”  
  
“Not a bit.”  
  
Louis snickered. “Can we go to bed?”  
  
Harry smiled, snatching his briefs from off the floor and peeling back the quilt of Louis’ bed.  
  
“Want me to read you a bedtime story?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.  
  
“Just get in here. ‘S cold.” Louis muttered, curling under the thick blanket.  
  
Harry slid in beside Louis, opening his arms so Louis could curl up into them. He smoothed over his silky hair and brushed his lips over his flushed forehead.  
  
They chatted quietly for a while and it wasn’t until Louis was drifting off, almost asleep, that he heard Harry’s voice, low and sweet, drifting through the air, words washing over him like a calm breeze, lulling him to sleep.  
  
“They didn’t have you where I come from,  
Never knew the best was yet to come…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! 
> 
> Find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> xx Sailor


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you for being SO patient. I'm so sorry for not updating for almost a month. Ugh. My laptop completely died and I had to have a bunch of things done to it, including replacing the hard drive (it cost me £200, I cried actual real tears) but thankfully all my data was recovered. I've been awful at updating as of late because, as I've mentioned, I'm still adjusting to living in a new country and my job is very time consuming. If you've stuck around and are still interested, thanks so very much, I so appreciate you! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this long chapter, it's kind of a weird mix but it made me laugh writing it so I hope that's okay.
> 
> Thanks again for sticking with me and reading, let me know your thoughts in the comments or say hi cos it makes me haaaappy. 
> 
> Lots of love, Sailor xxx

“I used to shave them you know.”    
  
“What?” Louis yawned. He kept his eyes firmly shut, wondering what god-awful time in the morning it was. He felt Harry rustling around in the sheets where he lay beside him.     
  
“My pubes. Every last one. I hated them.”    
  
Louis blinked and turned over onto his side so he faced Harry. “You did? Every day?” he asked curiously.   
  
Harry laughed and propped himself up on his elbow. “Well no, not every day. Shaving pubic hair is no joke, you know. It’s really difficult to shave it all and it grows back so quickly…all prickly, too. It's super uncomfortable. And itchy. Not ideal.”    
  
“Yeah, I’ve heard waxing is a better option,” Louis offered, reaching out to tug on a lock of Harry’s curls that had fallen across his face.    
  
Harry raised a brow and looked down at him amusedly. “And you know this how...?”   
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “There are a lot of women in my family, Hazza. I hear things. I know things,” he smiled, running his hand through Harry’s soft hair and winding a single curl around his finger.   
  
Harry chuckled. “I don’t think I could have handled a wax,” he mused. “Can you imagine getting your balls waxed? The combination of the hot wax with the pulling…yikes. Rough on the bits, yeah?” Louis cringed beside him as Harry barrelled on. “Though I suppose getting your vagina waxed isn’t any better. Might be worse, actually…nooks and crannies and all.”    
  
Louis smirked and paused his movements. “Nooks and crannies? Really, Harry?”     
  
Harry grinned. “I have a lot of compassion for the vagina. It’s an amazing body part. Badass, really. Just think of all it does.”   
  
“You have compassion for vaginas? That’s a weird thing to say.”   
  
“Well, I am a bit weird.”   
  
“Just a bit."    
  
“Really, though. I appreciate vaginas. I respect them. They’re lovely.”    
  
“And just how many vaginas have you appreciated?” Louis asked teasingly.    
  
Harry’s grin widened. “Ooh, are we going to have that talk?”   
  
“Which talk is that?” Louis asked, raising his eyebrow.   
  
“Past relationships, number of sex partners, secret fetishes, you know. The classics.”    
  
Louis laughed and tugged on Harry’s hair.“‘M just curious is all. I know there have been vaginas…"    
  
“Vaginas and penises like apples and bananas,” Harry chimed in.    
  
“‘Apples and oranges’ is actually the phrase, I believe.”    
  
“Oranges don’t resemble either genitalia, though.”   
  
“Why do any of the fruit have to resemble genitalia?” Louis asked.   
  
Harry ignored him, continuing right along. “See, apples perfectly represent vaginas, like, think about when they’re sliced in half. And bananas…well,” Harry winked and gave Louis a knowing glance.   
  
Louis said nothing for a beat, rubbing his tired eyes and chuckling openly at Harry. “This is one of the oddest conversations I’ve ever had.”    
  
“You don’t fancy starting your day off with a little chinwag about vaginas and ball waxing?” Harry asked incredulously, his impish grin wide. Louis rolled his eyes and nuzzled into Harry’s chest, the worn t-shirt warm and soft against his skin.    
  
“I mean, sure, but let a lad wake up a bit, yeah?”     
  
Harry cackled and leaned down to smack a wet kiss on his forehead.    
  
“You are such a weirdo. Did I really agree to date you?” Louis asked.   
  
“Roped you in, didn’t I?” Harry pressed another kiss to the top of his head.    
  
“Yes, yes you did. I just can’t resist your hairy balls.” Louis answered wryly.    
  
Harry scoffed and flipped Louis onto his back, his heavy weight hovering over Louis’ small body. “My balls actually aren’t that hairy. They're pretty smooth compared to the rest. Funny, innit?”    
  
Louis blew a puff of air into Harry’s face. “Hilarious.”    
  
Harry snickered.    
  
“Well,” Louis said, stroking over Harry’s cheek gently, “I’m glad you stopped shaving, hairless balls or not. I like you. I like you just the way you are," he finished softly.   
  
Harry grinned widely, dimples popping out as he leaned down and pressed his full weight over Louis. He pressed his lips over Louis' slowly, opening up his mouth gently and sucking his bottom lip. He moved his lips over the shell of Louis’ ear and breathed softly.    
  
“I like you too, babe…morning breath and all.”   
  
Louis tried to sit up, pushing against Harry’s broad chest. “Ugh. You’re awful. Gone and ruined a perfectly lovely moment.”    
  
Harry cackled and swooped back over Louis, pinning him down and kissing him passionately, opening his mouth and delving his tongue inside. “Hmmm. Lovely moment,” he purred.    
  
Louis laughed into his mouth and pushed him off onto the bed, flopping on top of him lazily. “You’re gross. Truly the most disgusting human I know.”   
  
Harry wrapped his arms tightly around Louis’ waist and patted his bum. “You should be nice to me. I had plans to cook you a proper fry up, you know.”   
  
Louis immediately perked up. “Oh?”   
  
“Yup.”    
  
“What were you going to make?”   
  
Harry grinned and pecked Louis’ lips in between words.    
  
“Eggs."    
  
“Standard.” Louis smiled against Harry’s lips.   
  
“Beans."   
  
“Go on.”   
  
“Bacon.”    
  
“What about sausage?”   
  
“You know me and sausage, can’t be without.”    
  
Louis chuckled at that. “And tea?”   
  
Harry allowed his lips to linger over Louis’ for a beat before lifting his head and grinning widely.    
  
“Yorkshire, of course. Bit of milk, no sugar.”   
  
Louis hummed and reached his hand down between Harry’s legs to cup him through his briefs. “How could ever I thank you?”   
  
Harry leaned into his touch, his dick beginning to fill immediately. “Hmm…don’t you want to wait and taste my sausage first? See if it’s up to par before thanking me?” He smirked and waggled his eyebrows suggestively, unable to keep his laughter to himself.    
  
Louis rolled his eyes and squeezed his dick into his hand. “Oh god. Really with the penis jokes again?”   
  
“Penis jokes are funny at any age I reckon.”    
  
“Indeed…” Louis hummed, inching his hand under the waistband of Harry’s briefs and slowly dragging his fingers down the base of his cock. Harry sucked in a breath and Louis quickened his strokes and twisted his fist over the head of Harry’s hardening dick.  He continued his slow movements, tickling underneath with the flat of his fingertips and dragging the smooth back of his hand up and down the length delicately.    
  
“Lou,” Harry whined after a few minutes. “Come on. Don’t tease.”   
  
Louis glanced up at him, watching his brows furrow but keeping his pace steady. “Penis jokes are funny at any age!” he answered with a smirk. Harry groaned and swatted at his head.    
  
“Don’t be rude.”   
  
Louis grinned and continued to work his hand over the head, shuffling his body down until his nose was pressed into the dark curls of Harry’s groin. He licked over the patch of hair, flattening the curls with the wet press of his tongue. Harry hummed from above and Louis accelerated his pace in encouragement. He tugged down on his briefs, allowing Harry’s length to bob free. His cock was already a shade of deep purple and throbbing unhappily as it swayed against his hip. Louis chuckled to himself.    
  
“Okay, you’re looking at my cock and laughing, that’s never a good sign,” Harry’s voice spoke from above.    
  
Louis chuckled again, his laughter reaching his eyes and crinkling the skin around them. “No no, it’s just —i t looks angry. Pissed off. Aggravated. Your penis is very moody.”   
  
Harry sat up on his elbows and looked down to where Louis was now cradling his cock gently in hand. He snickered.    
  
“My penis is moody?"    
  
“‘S’not getting its way,“ Louis said, slowly passing Harry’s penis from one hand to the other. Harry shifted his hips at the movement.    
  
“Well, can’t really blame it there. You’re being a right twat and teasing. Be a darling and get on it, yeah?”     
  
Louis raised a brow amusedly. “Get on it, huh?”   
  
Harry hummed. “I meant…get on WITH it. But now that you’ve mentioned it…”   
  
Louis swatted his dick gently and enveloped it into his mouth seconds later, swallowing him down to the base and effectively shutting Harry up.     
  
It was a quick and dirty blowjob, Louis working his mouth over Harry desperately, knowing the exact pressure of his tongue that made Harry go mad and the way he loved Louis’ fingers to run through the thick hair of his groin.    
  
“Hmmm. Yeah, babe. So good.”   
  
Louis grunted in response over his dick, pressing both hands on Harry’s pelvis and sucking him into the back of his throat.    
  
“Four.”   
  
“Hm?” Louis hummed, mouth still wrapped tightly around the head of Harry’s cock, his eyes flickering up towards him in confusion.    
  
“The answer to your question is four,” Harry said breathlessly, shifting his hips up as Louis continued to suck wetly on the head. “Four apples.”   
  
Louis popped off, gazing at Harry. “Four apples,” he repeated.    
  
“Four women,” Harry replied. “Four lovely women. They were all very nice.”   
  
Louis nodded. “I’m sure they were. Were they all girlfriends?”   
  
Harry shook his head. “No. Just the one. Kate. Started dating when we were fourteen until... sixteen, I reckon. She was my very first.”   
  
Louis nodded again, licking down Harry’s length before speaking again. “And the others?”   
  
“I didn’t seriously ‘date’ any other girls besides Kate. The other three women were just nice ladies I met here at uni.” Harry said breathlessly, struggling to keep his hips still as Louis sucked harshly before popping off.    
  
“And would you say you…enjoyed…?”   
  
Harry grinned, watching as Louis pawed gently over his penis as it twitched against his hand. “Are you asking me my preference in the ever demanding apple versus. banana fruit debate?”   
  
Louis shrugged, licking over the head of Harry’s dick casually. “You don’t have to have a favourite.”   
  
Harry hummed. “I don’t. I like all fruit. Good for you, you know. But….if I’m honest…well. I’ve just always had this thing for bananas.” He stroked over Louis’ hair gently and grinned as their eyes met.    
  
“You don’t say,” Louis answered, scooping his hands underneath Harry, forcing him to bend his knees and lift his hips up. Louis worked his mouth over his length once again, sucking harshly over the head and licking along both sides. He grasped Harry’s small bum in both hands, feeling the lean muscles contracting with each squeeze.    
  
“Ah. Yeah, like that, babe. So good, Lou.”    
  
Harry’s hair was plastered around his sweaty face and he was gripping the quilt tightly in his hand as Louis gave one more expert suck and dragged his fingers between his cheeks. He felt the tip of his dick hit the back of Louis’ mouth, the warm, wet sensation pushing him over the edge and causing him to shoot hotly down his throat.    
  
Louis pulled off him with a ‘pop’ and licked the tip tentatively. He felt Harry brush through his fringe as he lowered his face again and licked quickly over his testicles. Harry yelped in surprise.    
  
“Ah! Jesus.”   
  
Louis hummed. “You’re right. They are quite smooth.” He licked over them again, gently fumbling his small hand over the skin as if to examine it.    
  
Harry laughed. “Stoooop,” He whined. “‘M sensitive.”   
  
“Aw.”    
  
Louis pressed a quick kiss into his groin before inching up Harry’s body and resting his head on his chest. “That was nice.”   
  
“Nice? See I knew my hairless balls would do it for you.”    
  
“How have we had so much discussion about balls and pubes this early in the morning?" Louis groaned. "I reckon it’s about time for breaky.”   
  
Harry leaped up immediately, tossing Louis off onto the bed and slipping his briefs on. “Ah yes. Your sausage fest awaits.”    
  
Louis gave him a look, getting up and heading towards the door. “It’s almost eight-thirty," he frowned, glancing at the clock. "How have the twins not woken up yet?”    
  
“They sensed I needed a blowjob to start my day?” Harry shrugged.   
  
Louis snickered. “Oh yeah, that must be it.”   
  
“Or maybe they’re still tired from the four other times they were up in the night. "   
  
Louis paused, pulling a hoodie on and ruffling his hair away from his face. “Sorry. You didn’t have to get up with me every time, you know. I know it can be a lot.”    
  
Harry shook his head and went over to him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him into his chest. “Lou, no, that’s not what I meant. It was totally fine. I liked it, actually. They’re fun babies. Even at 3a.m.”    
  
“Well, I wouldn’t go that far,” Louis answered, yawning loudly.    
  
“Still sleepy?”   
  
Louis nodded. “‘M not a morning person.”   
  
Harry smiled wryly. “I’ve noticed. Why don’t you go back to bed? I can feed the twins when they wake up.”   
  
“Harry, no. I can’t ask you to do that.”   
  
“You’re not. I’m offering. Get some more rest and I’ll wake you up in a bit. Maybe in a nice way…” Harry trailed off suggestively.    
  
Louis laughed and rolled his eyes fondly. “What about breakfast? You had big plans.”   
  
“It can wait. I’ll just have a smoothie with the babies and we’ll have our big fry up when you look less like a zombie.”   
  
“Heyyyy,” Louis whined but yawned openly again. He paused. “Just until they wake up, yeah? Then you come and get me.”   
  
“Not a chance.”   
  
Harry guided Louis back over to the bed where he promptly plopped down and curled under the thick quilt, burying himself in the warmth. Harry perched on the end of the bed and tucked the quilt around Louis’ shoulders.    
  
“You look cute all bundled up,” he noted fondly. “Like a little burrito.”    
  
Louis chuckled, yawning again. He reached a hand forward and tugged gently on one of Harry’s messy curls. “Hey. C'mere“   
  
Harry grinned. “Hi.”   
  
“Thanks for...for last night. Being there and being so understanding and just... thanks. You’re too good to me, Haz.”   
  
“Don’t say that. It’s easy to be good to you.” Harry spoke softly and pressed his lips to Louis’ forehead lightly.   
  
Louis hummed in response. “Don’t let me sleep too long, yeah? Gotta have breakfast. I’ll be craving sausage when I wake up, I reckon.”   
  
“Oh I’m sure you will,” Harry winked, leaving the room and closing the door softly behind him as the sweet sound of Louis’ laugh lingered in the air.    
  
…   
  
Louis woke up to a sunlit room and a cloudy mind. His body felt heavy and stiff as he turned over to his side and rooted around for his phone. He groaned loudly seeing that it was nearly quarter past 11 in the morning. Eyelids heavy and mouth dry, he threw himself out of bed and stumbled over to his rucksack, fumbling around for his medication. He swallowed the pills down with a gulp of water and padded down the hall to the bathroom to examine himself. His hair was mussed and sticking up in a peculiar pattern along the side of his head, while his eyes looked puffy and there were faint pillow creases visible along his cheeks. He sighed at his reflection, splashing cold water on his face and brushing his teeth before turning to head downstairs.    
  
There, he found Harry sitting crossed legged in the lounge with both twins perched in his lap. They each had a small plush picture book in their tiny hands and were giggling loudly. Louis smiled, taking in the scene. Harry’s eyes were bright and his smile wide as he transformed his voice into various characters, the twins’ laughter becoming louder each time he spoke. Louis noted that Harry was fully dressed in jeans, a white t-shirt, and plaid shirt, with his hair pulled away from his face in a messy bun. Both twins were also clothed in full.    
  
“Hi there,” Louis said, coming around the couch and crouching down to ruffle Dottie’s hair.    
  
Harry grinned. “Hi, sleepyhead,”    
  
Ernest whined and reached for Louis immediately as Doris continued to curl against Harry’s chest, her small hand tapping excitingly against the book.    
  
“It’s nearly eleven-thirty, Haz. Why didn’t you wake me?” Louis asked, bouncing Ernie in his arms.    
  
Harry shrugged, standing up with Dottie in arm. “I checked on you around ten but you just looked so peaceful. You didn’t hear me when I called you so I figured you needed the rest. Besides,” he continued, spinning a grinning Doris, “Gave me and the little monkeys some proper bonding time.”    
  
“You should have woke me. I feel awful...you’re doing way more babysitting duties than I am.”   
  
“Oh stop. It’s been fun. We made rainbow oatmeal and smoothie bowls!” Harry said looking down enthusiastically at Doris and tapping her cheek gently. “Isn’t that right, darling? And it was yummy!”    
  
Louis couldn’t help but smile. “Rainbow oatmeal?”    
  
“Just fruit and their juices to make oatmeal a little more exciting.”   
  
“And smoothie bowls? They’re nine months old and you’re already trying to convince them to be  kale-loving health freaks like you?”    
  
“Trying and succeeding, they loved them,” Harry replied smugly. “And heeeeeyyyy. I happen to LOVE kale. Before it was trendy, even.”    
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “What a hipster.”    
  
“Ernie loved the alien bowl, right buddy?” Harry looked over at the chubby baby in Louis’ arms for confirmation.  “Yummmmmy!” he cried in an animated tone.    
  
Ernie gurgled in response, grinning widely and waving his hands towards Harry.    
  
“See. He’s a kale freak too. And proud of it,” Harry grinned.    
  
“Well, I for one do not fancy kale, trendy or not. Kale does not constitute breakfast food. Am I too late for my proper fry up breaky?” Louis asked hopefully.    
  
“Think it’s brunch now, actually,” Harry replied.    
  
Louis pouted. “Is that a no?”    
  
Harry grinned impishly and headed for the kitchen, Louis following. “I would be more than happy to prepare a lovely fry up feast for you,” He called over his shoulder. “IF you drink the rest of this kale smoothie,” he added.   
  
Louis stopped short behind Harry and scoffed loudly. “You are so annoying.”   
  
“Oh come on, it’s good, I swear. You can’t even taste the kale.” Harry set Dottie into her playpen and dove into the fridge, emerging seconds later with a tall glass filled to the rim with a bright green substance.   
  
Louis stared at him, unconvincingly. “That’s what they always say. What’s in it?” he asked, peering at the glass with pursed lips.    
  
“Kale, almond milk, banana, honey...uh. Few other things. Please, Lou?” Harry smiled sweetly, green eyes bright and wide.    
  
Louis rolled his eyes and snatched the glass out of Harry’s hand. “Fine. But I want extra sausage."   
  
Harry raised an eyebrow cheekily. “I can do that.”    
  
Louis sat Ernest down beside Dottie in the playpen and chuckled. “Just get cooking please, you perv.”   
  
Harry smiled, already beginning to set out eggs, bacon, sausage, and a loaf of bread across the counter. Louis sat at the island and took a gulp of the smoothie, swishing it around in his mouth before swallowing.    
  
“It’s not terrible,” He concluded a moment later, Harry’s watchful eyes on him. “‘S’actually...kinda good. Quite sweet.”   
  
“Told you!” Harry sang from where he was slapping a line of bacon, sausage, and cracked eggs on the grill.    
  
“Yeah, yeah. Alright, kale baby, that’s one for you,” Louis smiled.    
  
Harry grinned over his shoulder and came over to stand in front of Louis. “Hi,” he said, leaning down to press a kiss against Louis’ lips. Louis kissed back softly, curling a hand around Harry’s jaw.    
  
“Brushed me teeth for you,” he breathed.    
  
Harry laughed into his mouth, sliding his tongue out along Louis’ bottom lip and giving a quick lick inside his mouth. “Hmmm. Minty.”    
  
Louis chuckled, resting his head against Harry’s chest briefly before lifting up. “What’d you and the twins do while I slept?”    
  
Harry rested his arms on Louis’ shoulders and traced the skin just under his shirt collar gently. “Read some stories. Had a bath — ”   
  
“You gave them a bath?!” Louis interrupted.   
  
“Oatmeal was a bit messy,” Harry shrugged. “Played with some blocks, watched some tiny pop...you know, usual morning routine.”    
  
“You’re sweet. Really sweet,” Louis sighed, leaning his head forward again and nuzzling against Harry’s soft t-shirt.    
  
“Yeah?” Harry answered, rubbing a hand through Louis’ messy hair.    
  
“Yeah. Thanks for being so great with them. They really like you, I can tell. “‘M glad you’re here. Dunno what I would have done without you if I'm honest. Couldn’t have handled it.”    
  
Harry continued rubbing over the back of Louis’ head gently. “Are you feeling okay?” He asked softly, wondering if now was the moment when Louis would open up to him about his mental health.   
  
Louis nodded against his chest. “‘M fine. Just not good with babies like you are,” He said teasingly.    
  
“Lies. You have six siblings! You’re Superbrother.”   
  
“That’s what they call me.”   
  
Harry grinned. “Well, I’m very happy to help. Thanks for letting me tag along,” he kissed the top of Louis’ head and headed back to the grill. “Guess I best pay attention. Don’t wanna burn the sausage.”   
  
“God forbid.”   
  
Harry flipped the food quickly and peered over his shoulder. “Burnt sausage, not ideal.”    
  
“Well, you are the sausage expert.” Louis agreed, taking another gulp of his smoothie.     
  
“That’s what they call me,” Harry replied cheerfully.    
  
Louis rolled his eyes and hopped off the barstool, heading over to the playpen where the twins seemed to be unusually quiet. Peering in, he smiled softly, finding them both curled together fast asleep, their tiny fingers touching as they puffed blissfully.    
  
“Not hungry then,” he said out loud.    
  
“More for us!” Harry called, loading up two plates. “Brunch is served, your highness.”    
  
“Hmmm, looks amazing. Cheers, Haz.” Louis settled in beside him at the island and immediately began to dig in, shovelling food into his mouth hungrily.    
  
“You know,” Harry said, mouth full. “We never finished our conversation this morning."    
  
“You have more to say about your hairless balls?”    
  
Harry chuckled and pointed his fork at Louis fondly. “No. About our pasts. Apples and bananas and all that,” He continued with a wink.    
  
Louis shovelled in another massive forkful of sausage and egg. “Is there more to say?"    
  
“Seeing as you revealed nothing to me, I’d say yes.”    
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “‘S’not like you revealed some massive secret. I already knew you had been with both men and women. And you already know I have too.”    
  
Harry bit into his toast and flicked his hand in Louis’ direction. “Yeah,” He answered, chewing, “You literally mentioned it in passing during one of our twenty question sessions.”    
  
Louis sighed and took a sip of orange juice. “There isn't really much more to say. I’ve been with two girls. Rosie was my girlfriend for...almost three years I guess. We were each other’s firsts. We were just kids. Sixteen. We broke up around sixth form." He shovelled another bite of food in as Harry listened attentively. “Reckon I was beginning to figure out that I wasn’t into girls...I dunno. It was hard. She was a sweet girl and I broke her heart. I still feel shit about it.”    
  
Harry nodded. “Is that when you came out?”    
  
Louis shook his head. “I mean, not officially, no. I reckon my family knew for a long while well before I actually said the words but... it kinda took me a long time to come to terms with it.That’s why I slept with Ellie — the second girl- I think I wanted to test the waters and see if my inclination was true or if it was just that one girl that didn't do it for me,” he shrugged.    
  
“Why did it take time to come to terms with it?” Harry asked gently.     
  
“Dunno. I didn’t want to be different, I reckon. I guess I kinda felt like it was already hard enough being me and...I dunno, I just thought it would be too much, you know? Like, the weird, moody freak is gay too? Would be a lot.” Louis shrugged again and bit into his toast, watching Harry’s reaction carefully.    
  
“You’re not a freak, Lou.”    
  
“You didn’t even know me then,” Louis laughed.    
  
“Doesn't matter. I know you weren’t. I don’t think coming out is easy for anyone.”    
  
“Was it for you?”   
  
Harry paused, choosing his words carefully as he wanted to be sensitive now having heard Louis’ story. “Well. I mean, for me, it wasn’t the huge ordeal that is for some people because it was sort of just an obvious part of me to everyone from the start. I always knew I had an interest in boys. From the time I was little, maybe six or seven? But I was also interested in girls sometimes. My sexuality always made sense to me, like, it wasn't a surprise or something to figure out. I was just interested in people generally, no matter who they were. Everyone knew that about me. It wasn’t a big deal or news when I went on a date with a boy.”    
  
Louis pushed his now empty plate aside, still sipping his juice. “That's nice," he nodded. "So do you identify as bisexual then? Or pansexual...?”   
  
Harry pushed his lips out, making them look even fuller and pinker than normal. “Honestly? I’m not entirely sure. Obviously, I’ve slept with both men and women but I’ve only dated one female. It was young romance. I’ve had more substantial relationships with men and I think if I look to the future, I see myself with a man.” He shrugged nonchalantly and grinned, “Labels aren’t really important to me, though. As long as there’s mutual respect and appreciation between both parties, I’m happy.”    
  
Louis slid his barstool closer to Harry and rubbed his arm, smiling up at him. “Quite post-modern of you.”   
  
Harry grinned back. “You know me.”    
  
Louis stood up and stretched his stiff muscles. “That really hit the spot. Thanks again. You’re a proper chef. Brainbox and an ace cook. How did I get so lucky?”    
  
Harry hopped off his stool and kissed Louis’ cheek. “You’re cute and you like Fleetwood Mac.”   
  
Louis laughed and grabbed Harry’s arm and pushed him back onto the stool as he went to clear the dishes. “Hey. Wanna say thank you.” He looked into Harry’s eyes, a small smile emerging over his lips.    
  
Harry raised an eyebrow. “You’ve just done that.”    
  
Louis shuffled his body so he was in between Harry’s knees, sliding his hands up his slim thighs to part them more. “Hmm,” he said moving to kiss along his jaw. “Wanna say a proper thank you, though.”   
  
Harry wrapped his long arms around Louis’ frame, pulling him closer and tilting his head up to expose his neck. “Yeah?”   
  
“Yeah,” Louis answered, his lips pressing against the hot skin of Harry's neck.    
  
“How do you reckon you’ll do that?” Harry asked, smoothing his hands down the curve of Louis’ spine and resting them over the swell of his bum.    
  
“Any ideas?”   
  
Harry cupped Louis’ face in his hands and kissed his lips before nipping the soft skin of his earlobe and breathing hotly into his ear. “Will you take a shower with me?”    
  
Louis arched into Harry’s touch, his skin burning hotly. “Yeah,” he answered. “Yeah, okay. Let’s go.”   
  
Harry pulled away and looked down at him with an amused expression. “Wait, really? Just like that?"    
  
Louis chuckled. “Are you taking back your offer?”   
  
“No no, course not. Just — I thought I’d have to convince you,” He admitted honestly.    
  
“Convince me to see my extremely fit boyfriend wet and naked in a steamy glass box? Yeah, go on, twist me arm."   
  
“Hmmm,” Harry hummed against his ear again, laughing. “Say ‘steamy’ again.”   
  
“Steamy,” Louis grinned, tugging on Harry’s loose bun.   
  
Harry hoisted Louis easily into his arms, kissing him roughly and running his hands all over his body. Louis kissed back hotly, wrapping his legs tightly around Harry’s waist and rubbing his hand down the back of Harry’s t-shirt. “Wait, wait. The twins, they’re sleeping in here…lemme get...” Louis trailed off, jumping down and rummaging around the counter until he found the baby monitors. He switched one on and placed it carefully in the playpen beside his still sleeping siblings before grabbing Harry’s hand and dragging him down the hall and up the staircase, monitor in hand. They wasted no time in the loo, Harry stripping them both of their clothing easily, tossing each item of clothing to the floor as he kissed over every newly exposed stretch of Louis’ skin. Louis shivered against the cool air and the wet flick of Harry’s tongue gliding over his skin, licking stripes up the center of his thigh as his fingers brushed against his groin.    
  
“Come on,” he whined, tugging on Harry’s bun and pulling the hair tie out. He pulled him up and pushed him against the glass of the large walk-in shower, reaching a hand in to start the water. They stepped in carefully, letting the hot water trail down their skin as their bodies pressed together. Louis felt nervous suddenly, the pause in the momentum of the moment leaving him feeling exposed and self-conscious. He peered up into Harry’s warm green eyes before looking down and tucking his chin against his shoulder shyly.    
  
“Hey,” Harry's voice spoke from above him, warm and sweet. “Don’t do that.” He pressed his lips across Louis’ wet forehead and smiled down at him, stroking under his chin lightly. “You’re so pretty, Lou.”   
  
Louis snickered. “Bet you say that to all the boys you get in the shower.”    
  
“I don’t,” Harry said, smiling as he reached for the bottle of shampoo.    
  
“Knowing you and your charm? You definitely do.”    
  
Harry squirted a dollop of shampoo into his palm and slathered it together, holding his sudsy hands out in front of him. “Nope. No other boys. And no one’s prettier than you, Becks,” He added, lathering over Louis’ hair and turning him around so his back faced him.    
  
“Yeah? Is that why you’re washing my hair for me?”    
  
Harry grinned. “Yep. Nothing feels better, yeah?”   
  
Louis tipped his head back as Harry scrubbed gently around his ears. “Never had it done before.”   
  
Harry’s long fingers ran through each strand of Louis’ hair gently. “Really? No one’s ever washed your hair for you?”   
  
Louis shrugged. “Just when I get me hair cut at the salon.”   
  
Harry shifted spots with Louis and maneuvered his body so it was directly under the stream of water, gently rinsing the shampoo out. “Hmm. Well, I’m glad I’m the first then.”   
  
Louis shook his hair off his face and reached for the bottle. “Never washed anyone’s hair for them either,” He said, lathering it up. “‘Cept my sisters and brother. But they didn’t have crazy lion’s manes like you,” He added, rubbing into Harry’s thick curls, the wet strands silky and plastered around his face.    
  
“I want to see how long I can get it to grow without it looking completely ridiculous,” Harry answered, unbothered. “Plus, I love that I can just toss it up in a bun now. So convenient.”   
  
“I love it. It’s really hot.”    
  
Harry grinned. “You know I didn’t get my first haircut until I was almost six? Everyone thought I was a girl.”    
  
Louis laughed, rinsing the shampoo from Harry’s hair carefully. “Did your parents put it in plaits or anything? Or just let it hang out.”   
  
“They left it. I wouldn’t let anyone touch it. Except for once when I let Gemma put these little butterfly clips of hers in my hair for my birthday party.”   
  
Louis grinned, picturing little Harry prancing around, hair flying in the wind with butterfly clips glittering around his face. “Bet you were a cute kid,” he answered, beginning to soap over his upper body.    
  
Harry took the body wash from him and scrubbed at himself. “I was blonde,” he said with a grin. “My hair wasn’t as curly, though. Didn’t become a lion’s mane until I was older,” he added with a smile.   
  
“You know,” Louis said, reaching up and running his hands through the wet curls. “I happen to be an expert at plaits. Can do all kinds.”   
  
Harry’s arms wrapped around him tightly. “Oh?”   
  
“Mhmm. Courtesy of having many sisters. Loads of ballet recitals.”   
  
Harry hummed and nuzzled into the warm skin of Louis’ neck, kissing over his collarbone. “I definitely need to see these skills at work.”   
  
He tipped Louis’ face up and joined their lips slowly, kissing his lips before gently prying open in his month with a nudge of his tongue, licking along the seam of his bottom lip. Harry backed Louis up gently, pressing him into the tile wall and wrapping an arm around his neck to support his head as they kissed, lips and tongues moving expertly against each other. Harry hummed into Louis’ mouth.   
  
“Wanna know a secret?”   
  
Louis opened an eye but kept his lips moving against Harry’s, biting gently on his bottom lip. “Your hair is actually extensions?”    
  
Harry cackled and pressed both hands flat against the wall behind Louis. “Cheeky,” He said. “Nope my hair is all natural...in fact,” He said trailing off. Louis watched as he reached a long arm across the shower and snatched a bottle off the shelf. Louis looked at him quizzically.    
  
“Baby oil?”   
  
Harry stepped back and squirted the oil into his hand. “Wanna see how I keep it soft?” He asked, glancing down to his groin and smoothing a hand across the top patch of his pubic hair. Louis stared at him, watching as his hand glided across the thick hair, rubbing wetly over it.    
  
“You use baby oil on your pubes,” He stated.   
  
“I do. It’s the best. Moisturizes the skin and makes the hairs so soft…”   
  
Louis moaned, feeling himself hardening as he watched Harry’s movements. “Why is that so hot to me?” He asked, stepping towards him.    
  
Harry just grinned and reached the bottle out to him. “Wanna help?”    
  
Louis took the bottle eagerly, opting to squirt the bottle directly at Harry’s groin rather than in his hand, making Harry jerk slightly and giggle. “Oooo. ‘S cold.” He said.    
  
Louis dropped to his knees and ran the flat of his palm over Harry, smoothing the oil into the thick hair and massaging all the way around into the crease of his milky thighs. He stayed there for several minutes, enjoying the breathy noises Harry made as he touched him and the way his cock was filling up and twitching in front of his face.    
  
“You know,” Harry said, reaching his hands under Louis’ armpits and pulling him up so they were face to face. “I find baby oil to be quite useful in other areas as well…” He reached for the bottle and squirted a generous amount into his hands, rubbing them over the smooth expanse of Louis’ bare back.    
  
“Yeah?” Louis asked quietly, arching his back as he felt Harry’s nimble fingers slide further down his spine.    
  
“Mhmm,” Harry answered, kissing into his mouth quickly, opening his mouth up and flicking his tongue inside the warm wetness. Louis felt Harry’s large hands grasp both his cheeks and rub the pads of his fingers across the smooth skin, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Harry gripped his ass harder, gently rubbing one finger ever so slightly across his hole.    
  
Louis sucked in a breath and felt Harry’s movements pause.    
  
“Is this okay?”    
  
Louis nodded, leaning in closer towards Harry’s body and pressing his hard dick against his thigh. “Yeah,” he said breathlessly. “Feels good. More.”    
  
Harry grinned against his lips and continued to kiss him hungrily, rubbing his finger faster and swiping down the skin of his back to gather more oil. He gently nudged the tip of his first finger into Louis, massaging lightly against the slickness of the tight space.   
  
“Alright?” He asked into Louis’ ear.    
  
“Yeah. Yeah, keep going.”    
  
Harry grinned and continued to press his finger in, gently wiggling it against the slick walls and bending his wrist further to press deeper. He felt Louis squirm against him, spreading his legs wider and pressing his forehead against his chest. “Hmm,” He muttered lowly, gently rocking his body down against the single finger. “More, Haz.”    
  
Harry brushed his lips over Louis’ and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth harshly, reaching one hand out to cup his face, his other hand sliding out and back in so he could press two fingers inside. His long fingers moved gently back and forth, Louis’ soft pants against his chest spurring his movements as he scissored his fingers apart.    
  
“Fuck.” Louis’ voice was soft and higher pitched, Harry’s slippery fingers prodding deeper into his body, making him flinch. He felt Harry reach out and grab the baby oil before the cool slickness trickled down his skin, Harry rubbing a large hand over the meaty flesh of his cheeks before rubbing the oil between. He curled his fingers deeper and massaged lightly over the sensitive bump inside, hearing Louis’ breathing tense against him.    
  
“Oh fuck!” he cried out, Harry pressing both fingers firmly against his prostate and holding them there. His other hand smoothed over the small of Louis’ back, gently supporting him as his slender fingers pumped in and out.    
  
“Feel good, love?” Harry’s breath was against his ear, his skin tingling as it flickered across.    
  
“Oh god, right there,” Louis moaned, voice barely above a whisper as Harry fingered him harder. “Fuck.”   
  
Harry flicked his wrist and gently slid a third finger in beside his other two, pressing them in against the slick walls and feeling Louis stretch around them. He skirted his other hand down and gently traced the skin of Louis’ balls, tickling lightly over them as Louis continued to let out soft breaths and cries.    
  
“Haz…” Louis sighed as he felt Harry’s fingers moving faster. “Gonna come.”   
  
Harry merely hummed and quickened his pace, pumping his fingers faster and using his other arm to lift one of Louis’ legs around his waist, holding it there tightly. The change of angle made Louis cry out, his arm gripping tightly to Harry’s shoulder.    
  
“Fuck!”   
  
“You’re so tight, babe. You feel amazing. So fucking wet and tight.”    
  
“Harry — ah!” Louis bit into the skin of Harry’s shoulder as he felt his fingers press into his prostate. He wrapped his leg around Harry’s waist tightly and pushed Harry’s hand down towards his dick where it lay flushed and angry against his hip. “Please, Haz...wanna come so badly.” He wiggled his hips down and pressed himself down on Harry’s fingers.    
  
Harry slid his hand up the short length of Louis' dick, wrapping his fingers around the thickness of the head and flicking his wrist over the wet tip. “Yeah? You look so good babe, so hot.”    
  
Louis whined and pressed himself down against Harry’s fingers again, arching his back and pressing the flat of his hands against Harry’s broad chest. “Holy shit. Feels so good. Oh god.”   
  
“Hmm, yeah baby, fuck yourself on my fingers, that's right. Feels so good. Wanna make you feel so good,” Harry breathed, pumping his fingers up to meet Louis’ hips. The slickness of the water and oil made a faint squelching sound as he pumped in and out relentlessly. His wrist was aching from the angle and he was losing feeling in his fingertips but he didn’t care. He loved seeing Louis like this. Exposed, vulnerable, and completely unafraid to be himself. Harry licked into his mouth wetly and moved his lips hungrily over his. “Come for me, darling,” he said, stroking Louis faster.    
  
One more tug to his dick had Louis dropping his head all the way forward against Harry and spurting hotly over his fist. “Ah — fuck, oh fuck. Hazza.”   
  
“Yeah, babe, yeah,” Harry sighed, working him through his orgasm but slowing the pumps of his fingers before gently guiding them out. He grinned down at Louis and lifted his head up to kiss him.    
  
“Alright?”   
  
“I think that was even better than the fry up,” Louis panted, grinning back.   
  
“I’d be offended at you slagging my cooking skills but I’d have to agree. That was amazing. You’re so fucking hot. ” Harry glanced down at his own groin. “Got me so hot…”   
  
Louis followed his gaze and saw that Harry’s penis was softening, a trace of his orgasm still lingering in the patch of hair on his groin.    
  
Louis used his hand to swish water over both their bodies until they were clean. “We’re rubbish babysitters,” he noted looking up at Harry sheepishly.    
  
Harry just grinned. “Oh, they’re fine. Besides, it’s only been, like, twenty minutes,” he replied, shutting off the water and opening the glass door to reach for the towels. “You were quick and easy,” he finished with a wink.    
  
Louis scoffed. “Oi. Was not.”   
  
Harry wrapped a thick white towel around him, rubbing up and down his arms to warm him up. “I loved it,” he added, smiling.    
  
Louis flicked a loose curl that fell over Harry’s eye and smirked. “Just glad we had this big shower. Not like our one at the flat.”   
  
“Our Louis-sized one, you mean.”    
  
“You know, every time you say ‘Louis-sized’ it sounds like you’re slagging off on my cock.”    
  
Harry cackled but immediately changed his expression to look at Louis seriously. “Never. I love your penis,” He deadpanned.    
  
Louis rolled his eyes and shook his head at Harry. “Anyways, don’t think it would have worked out nearly as good in that completely reasonably sized shower stall at our flat.” Louis finished, heading out the door and down the hall to his bedroom.   
  
Harry turned after him, towel low slung on his slim hips. He gave Louis a wicked grin, eyes bright and twinkling. “I’ll be the judge of that,” He said cheekily, grabbing Louis’ towel and tackling him onto the bed, their wet skin colliding as the sound of Louis’ laugh, light, and tinkling, filled the room with a sweet melody.    
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...bit random right? I don't have anything to say for myself. 
> 
> Also, are you excited about the album being out in a week? I'm really interested to hear what it will sound like as a whole. The boys have mentioned a different sound and playing off of some 70's + 80's vibes, even specifically mentioning fleetwood mac, so you know I'm buzzing!
> 
> Thanks for reading, always appreciate your comments and kudos xxx
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> xx Sailor


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya xx
> 
> Sex and singing. Mostly just sex. Unintentional. Maybe.

“Is that your favourite lyric then?” Louis asked, tracing his fingers gently over the script on one of Harry’s creamy thighs.    
  
The two had been spending a lazy Sunday cuddled in bed, watching nearly an entire season of M*A*S*H. Louis had been absolutely appalled when Harry mentioned he had never seen an episode before and insisted they sit and watch for the day.   
  
_ “I can’t believe you’ve never watched this! It’s so ace. Me mum and dad used to watch reruns of this after they thought we were all in bed. I used to sneak out and watch from the hallway when I couldn’t sleep. I’ve got all eleven  seasons on DVD at home now.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Harry smiled and nuzzled his face into Louis’ neck. “Aw. That’s sweet, Lou. I can’t get over the advances in medicine since the 1950’s," he mused. "And to think of all the horrific war injuries that they had to deal with...it’s just amazing what they were able to do, you know?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Yeah," Louis agreed. "Like even the smallest operation was such a huge ordeal. You know, Daisy had her appendix out last year and it was all done laparoscopically? Just some tiny incisions around her bellybutton. Totally mad.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Harry grinned. "Cool scars, too." He paused, pursing his lips and furrowing his brows. “I really think I’d like to be a doctor. Maybe not a surgeon...but. Dunno. I think I've decided I want to apply to medical school.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Louis sat up and grinned wildly. “Wait, really? You're going to do it? Haz, that’s amazing! You would make the best doctor. Honestly.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ It wasn’t the first time Harry had mentioned medical school but it was the first time he had sounded so sure of his plans for the future and Louis was embarrassed to admit that he felt his heart swell at the mere prospect of Harry in a white coat, living out his dream. He tried not to linger on the thought that he had absolutely no fucking idea what his own dreams for the future entailed.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Harry nodded and smiled shyly. “I thought about it a lot while I was just having quiet time with the twins last weekend, actually." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "I reckon they're ace listeners." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Very encouraging. Figured I should just go for it and see what happens, you know?" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Louis wound his arms around Harry’s neck and pressed his face into his soft curls. “‘M proud of you babe,” he murmured, the two snuggling together and getting in lost in the world of M*A*S*H once again. _   
  
Hours later, evening swirls of pink and orange painted the sky and streaked in through the window where Harry and Louis were blissfully bundled up in bed, now twelve episodes down.    
  
Harry clasped his hand over Louis’, letting his fingers fall on top of his as he traced the words marked on his skin.   
  
“It’s definitely one of my favourites,” he replied fondly. “I nearly got a different one, though. I had an absolute mare of a time choosing. There's just so many good ones.”   
  
“What were you going to get?”   
  
“‘Takes to the sky like a bird in flight.’ From Rihannon,” Harry answered.   
  
Louis cocked an eyebrow. “Ooh, you cheeky little witch. That’s one of my favourite karaoke songs to perform. Not that anyone can do it like Stevie. But I’ve dabbled.”   
  
“Wait. You do karaoke?!” Harry asked, sitting up and grinning down at Louis. “How did I not know this? We’re definitely going out next weekend.”   
  
Louis groaned. “No no, absolutely not. I do not  _ do _ karaoke, I used to do some. A bit.  _ Used _ to. Past tense. ”   
  
“There’s no time like the present to whip out your microphone again, Lou.”   
  
“I think my days on stage are over, babe,” Louis replied, shaking his head.   
  
Harry frowned, his full pink lips forming a perfect pout. “But I love karaoke.”   
  
“I know you do. I’ve heard your one man shows in the shower.”   
  
“Always been a performer, what can I say. I’m very attention seeking,” Harry grinned with a shrug.   
  
Louis hummed. “Well, I reckon everyone should be paying you attention.”   
  
“I’m happy with just your attention,” Harry murmured, face pressed into Louis’ hair and lips ghosting hotly over his neck.   
  
Louis keened and tilted his head to the ceiling, exposing more of the smooth tanned skin there. “‘M very attentive,” he replied as Harry kissed up the junction of his neck to his jaw and nibbled gently on his earlobe. Harry flipped Louis over onto his back and lazily sprawled across his petite frame, resting his elbows on Louis' shoulders and brushing the messy strands of hair away from his eyes.   
  
“What about you? Do you have more tattoos planned? Fleetwood lyrics or otherwise?”   
  
Louis twirled a messy curl around his finger as he thought. “Dunno. I thought about getting some birds on my foot to go with the songbird lyric.” He shrugged, “I don’t usually plan them out much. Just kind of decide in the moment. That’s basically how I got all me others.”   
  
Harry traced his finger along the arch of Louis’ foot, setting it down in his lap gently. “Your feet are so tiny,” he observed. “I wonder how many birds you could even fit on here.”   
  
“Oi. They’re not tiny.”   
  
“Look at them compared to mine!” Harry insisted, wiggling his legs out from underneath the duvet and placing one foot against Louis’. He grinned, the balls of his bony feet pressed against Louis’, so much smaller and more delicate than his own that his toes curled over the top. He pressed his other foot against Louis’ and grabbed his ankles, rubbing gently over the smooth skin.   
  
“Ridiculously cute,” Harry murmured.   
  
Louis frowned. “Well, maybe you’re just a giant. You have clown feet. Ridiculous. Massive.”   
  
“Well, you know what they say about big feet,” Harry grinned.    
  
“Are you slagging off on my cock again?”   
  
Harry crawled his way up the length of Louis’ frame in response, his nimble fingers wiggling their way under the waistband of his flannel pajama bottoms. He pressed a kiss to the top of his groin and gently peeled the bottoms down.   
  
“Never,” he said, licking over the top patch of hair barely visible above the line of Louis' navy pants. “I love your cock. It’s perfect. It’s just like you.”   
  
Louis’ breath hitched as he ran a hand through the front of Harry’s curls. “What’s that? Tiny and delicate?”   
  
Harry growled against his skin, one large hand reaching to cup Louis through his briefs.   
  
“Thick,” he replied, lapping his tongue over the thin material covering Louis' crotch. “Delicious,” he wiggled the briefs down his  hips, Louis’ cock lying stiff against his hip. “Sexy,” he moaned softly, licking over the tip and sucking the head tightly into his mouth.   
  
“Yeah?” Louis’ voice was soft and breathy, his hips lifting gently as he felt his dick hardening in the wet heat of Harry’s mouth.   
  
“So sexy. Love your cock,” Harry breathed, swiping over the wet tip with his thumb and licking a stripe along the underside. “Drives me wild. It’s perfect.”   
  
Louis keened, Harry’s words bringing him to full hardness, his sinful mouth wrapped tightly around the head of his cock causing him to eagerly buck forward.   
  
“You’re perfect,” Louis breathed, reaching forward to tug gently on Harry's curls.   
  
Harry hummed, popping his pink lips off of Louis and gazing up, his green eyes twinkling. “Hey, babe? Wanna move this to the shower?”   
  
“The shower?”   
  
“Mmhm,” Harry replied, licking over his length with the flat of his tongue, his fingers grazing over Louis’ heavy balls. “Wanna get you all wet.”   
  
Louis groaned and sat up, pulling Harry’s hands into his own and trying to stand up. He stared at Harry amusedly. "Cheeky," he said.   
  
Harry grinned back impishly, helping Louis out of his pants and pajamas and leading him towards the door. He peeled his t-shirt over his head with one hand and grabbed a towel with the other, wrapping it around Louis’ naked body and leading him out the door to the loo. Louis giggled under his breath as he dashed across the hall, closing the door behind him and pressing Harry against it. Harry responded eagerly, letting Louis’ towel fall to the floor and pressing his brief-clad body against his. They kissed hotly, Louis’ tongue eager as it swiped across Harry’s bottom lip. He tried to buck his hips against Harry’s clothed cock, his own desperate for friction. Harry caught on at once, pressing his hands under Louis’ bum and lifting him up easily. Harry’s large hands cupped him firmly, Louis wrapping his legs around Harry’s waist as he rubbed his groin against him.   
  
“Hmm,” Harry teased. “Feel good babe?”   
  
Louis gripped his curls tightly, lips moving desperately against his. “Get your pants off. Wanna get in.”   
  
Harry nodded, using one hand to yank his briefs off in one swoop. “Let’s get you wet, then,” he replied seductively, wagging his eyebrows. Louis laughed again at Harry's words but didn't protest.    
  
They moved clumsily into the shower stall, Harry pressing him against the tile wall and holding him up effortlessly. His hand reached down between their bodies, tugging Louis’ cock gently as their tongues twisted together. Harry’s hand drifted further down to squeeze Louis’ balls, his fingers running swiftly over the soft skin of his perineum and brushing across his hole.   
  
Louis sighed, his breath hitching as Harry touched him. “Harry,” he moaned softly, voice barely above a whisper.   
  
Harry hummed and dragged two slender fingers over the warm skin again, the water sliding down their bodies, making it easy to glide across. “Good babe? Want me to touch you here?” he asked softly, slipping only the tip of his middle finger into Louis gently.   
  
“Hmm, yes. More.”   
  
Harry hummed again, stretching his arm around Louis to reach for his bottle of baby oil on the shower shelf, drizzling it down Louis’ back and over his bum haphazardly. He squirted a generous amount onto his hands and rubbed over the meaty flesh of Louis’ cheeks, spreading them open and guiding his fingers between. Louis squirmed against the wall, his dick jerking against Harry’s abdomen.   
  
“Alright?”   
  
Louis nodded. “You don’t have to hold me up, H. I’m too heavy.”   
  
Harry merely scoffed and held him tighter around the waist, pumping his finger in and out of him as Louis rubbed against him to the same beat. “Hardly. You weigh nothing,” he licked into his mouth messily. “And this is so hot.”   
  
Louis ground against him in response, his dick wet with water and precum. He reached for the bottle of baby oil and messily squirted down the front of his body, the oil slicking his chest and falling over his groin. Harry watched as Louis continued to squirt the oil, now letting it fall down onto his own chest and abdomen. He felt a small warm hand grip his dick, the oil making each tug slick and quick. He keened into Louis’ warm touch, pumping his fingers more quickly inside him. Harry pulled his mouth off and peered into Louis’ clear blue eyes, wide and filled with lust, little droplets of water tickling the end of his eyelashes. His lips were pink and swollen from the heat of their makeout session and Harry felt a familiar zing  pooling in his lower abdomen.   
  
“Louis. Babe,” he pressed another deep kiss into his mouth before allowing his lips to travel down his jaw and over the junction of his neck, finally landing on the sensitive patch below his ear.   
  
“Hmm,” Louis answered, tilting his chin up and gripping Harry’s hair tightly in his little fist as he felt Harry’s slim fingers nudge his prostate.   
  
“God you’re so beautiful,” Harry breathed. “I want you so badly. I want — need to fuck you." He paused momentarily before continuing breathlessly. "Can I?”   
  
Louis clenched around his fingers immediately, sighing lowly in his throat and wiggling his hips down as Harry bent his fingers deeper to press against his spot.   
  
“Fuck. Yes yes, please, Haz. Want you. Want you to fuck me.”   
  
Harry surged forward, pressing their lips together and gripping one of Louis’ legs to tilt it higher on his hip. He lowered him down slowly until he was balanced on one leg, carefully pulling his fingers out and gathering more of the oil pooling above Louis’ bum to press back in with three slicked fingers. Louis cried out, rutting down into the movement as he felt himself stretching around the width of Harry’s fingers. He reached forward to grasp Harry in his fist, his dick stiff and wet at the tip. Louis pumped him clumsily, his own body jerking with pleasure.   
  
“Fuck, H. Oh god. Feel so full...want you,” He panted, gripping Harry’s broad shoulder for balance. His head was spinning, his brain feeling foggy and heavy with desire.   
  
"Want you," Harry replied gruffly.   
  
“Um. I — I haven’t. In a long time. A really long time,” Louis said softly, dropping his head against Harry’s chest.   
  
“I know, love,” Harry replied gently. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. I’m gonna make you feel so good,” Harry reclaimed Louis’ mouth, lips moving hotly against his as he traced his tongue wetly over Louis' bottom lip.   
  
Louis moaned breathlessly, feeling the sensation of Harry all over. Harry held onto him gently, one hand rubbing over his lower back as he continued to open him up, his fingers filling every inch of the tight, slick walls. Louis rutted down again and whined softly under his breath.   
  
“Harry.”   
  
“Hmmm. Can’t wait to be inside you. Wanted you for so long.”   
  
“Harry.” Louis’ whine was louder, his blue eyes piercing Harry’s green ones as he looked desperately at him.   
  
“What is it, babe?”   
  
“Want you to do it. Want you to go down on me. Before,” Louis gasped out.   
  
Harry grinned widely, slowing his fingers and gently pulling them out as he gripped Louis’ cheeks with both hands and spread them apart. “Hmmm. Yes, please. Wanna lick you open. So much. Dying to get my mouth on this ass.”   
  
Louis flushed and buried his face deeper into his neck as Harry chuckled at his bashfulness.   
  
“You’re so beautiful, Lou. So, so pretty.”   
  
Louis smiled shyly and leaned forward to kiss Harry, the kiss softer and sweeter than the previous moment had been but leaving Louis with goosebumps on the back of his neck as adrenaline surged through his veins.   
  
Harry kissed him all over, his lips travelling down Louis’ face and across his chest, all the way down to his bellybutton.    
  
He began to kneel, smoothing his hands over the curves of Louis’ hips. “In here, or in my room?”   
  
“I uh, I think on the bed is best? But wait. We should  probably wash first, right? I mean. I-I wanna be clean for you,” Louis answered nervously.   
  
Harry straightened and smiled gently at Louis, reaching for the body wash. “Don’t be nervous, babe, please. I'm going to take of you.”   
  
Louis traced Harry’s features with his eyes, his eyes kind and his smile genuine. “Want that,” he answered softly. “Want you to take care of me.”   
  
He allowed himself to be taken care of completely, leaning against Harry’s warm chest as he washed over every inch of his skin. He lathered Louis’ hair in shampoo and tipped his head back as he rinsed it away carefully. His large hands smoothed down the bumps of his spine and over the swell of his bum. He watched as Harry knelt carefully, gently pulling his legs apart as he lathered body wash into Louis’ pubic hair, his large hand completely overtaking his groin. Louis sighed contently, feeling safe and warm under Harry’s touch. He didn’t even stir as he felt Harry reaching between his cheeks, gently rubbing the body wash over his hole and pushing one finger in gently to clean him.   
  
As soon as the last of the soap and shampoo had been rinsed away, Harry’s movements immediately became desperate, towelling Louis off and tossing him over one shoulder as he bounded out of the toilet, too focused on getting him to the bedroom to notice the amused expressions of Niall and Liam who were sat in the kitchen watching them.   
  
Everything seemed to happen in a whirlwind from there: Harry tossing Louis onto the bed and spreading him out gently, throwing his legs over his shoulders, their bodies still damp from the shower as he pressed his lips across Louis’ belly and down his groin.   
  
Louis sucked in a breath, feeling a little too open and exposed but trusting Harry.   
  
Harry stroked along his hip gently and took his hand in his own, kissing over his palm.   
  
“Alright love?”   
  
“Yeah,” Louis breathed. “Yeah, I’m good." His dick was only semi-hard now, having softened from the shower and his nerves but Harry’s lips brushing against his cock and balls immediately caused him to stiffen again as he shifted his hips eagerly.   
  
Harry’s lips were hot and slick against his skin, moving down the length of his cock before drifting down and mouthing along his perineum. Large hands smoothed up and down the backs of Louis’ thighs as he felt the warm breath ghost over his hole.   
  
“Gonna now babe, okay?”   
  
Louis didn’t respond as he felt Harry press a soft kiss over his hole, causing him to shift and clench around nothing. He sucked in a breath as Harry licked gently across the puckered muscle with the flat of his tongue, circling it around the rim, down his perineum and up the sides of his cheeks, wetting the light dusting of hair there. He felt his thighs begin to shake unconsciously as Harry licked over him, his tongue wet and hot against his skin. The sensation was overwhelming.    
  
Harry noticed Louis’ knees began to turn in, his chin tucking against his shoulder. “Hey,” he said softly, pausing his movements to place a hand over Louis’ knee. “You’re alright, love. You’re so beautiful, Lou. Don’t be nervous.”   
  
“I feel...exposed,” Louis admitted softly, wrinkling his nose at the admission.   
  
Harry stroked his knee again, his hand smoothing all the way up to Louis’ thigh. “It’s alright,” he said again. “I’m going to make you feel good, okay?”   
  
“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”   
  
Harry smiled and reached across the bed for the tiny bottle of lube before ducking his head and smoothing his hands across Louis’ bum, gently spreading his cheeks wide and rubbing the pads of his thumbs across his tight rim. He began to work the slick oil over Louis, gently pressing his thumb into the taut heat. He wiggled it gently until he felt Louis begin to relax against him, his hips keening upwards in interest as he let out soft little moans.   
  
Spurred on by his noises, Harry used both thumbs to hold Louis open as he slipped his tongue inside, feeling him clench around the strong muscle. He wiggled it slowly, adding more pressure and wetness as he felt Louis opening up. Louis let out a small high pitched moan as Harry’s pointed tongue darted in and out of him, his large hands cupping his cheeks and keeping him spread open. Harry’s breath was hot against his skin, a contrast to the way the air felt cool around him, sending shivers up and down his spine. Harry licked messily across him, Louis’ hole now slick and swollen.   
  
"Fuck," he moaned. “You taste so good, Lou. You’re so warm inside. Like, so fucking hot.”   
  
He drew his tongue out and gently prodded two fingers against his rim, wiggling them in and crooking them to the left.   
  
Louis whimpered. “Fuck.”   
  
He was panting softly, eyes glued to the boy between his legs, mesmerized at his movements. Harry looked up at him and grinned wickedly, scissoring his fingers apart and licking between them, the strong muscle of his tongue holding Louis in place even as his legs jerked.   
  
“How do you feel babe? Good?”He pressed his lips to the sensitive skin under his balls, his fingers still pumping inside the slick walls.   
  
“Yeah. So good...oh god,” Louis answered breathlessly as Harry’s tongue swirled inside him and pressed against his prostate.   
  
“Yeah?”   
  
“Yeah, yeah.  _ Fuck _ , don’t stop, please. Don't stop.”   
  
Harry continued for another minute before abruptly pulling his tongue out and slowing the pumps of his fingers.   
  
Louis groaned and looked down at Harry, eyes wide as he panted. “What are you doing?” he whined incredulously.   
  
“Want you to come on my cock,” Harry said matter-of-factly, gently pulling his fingers out. They made a wet slurping noise and Louis shuttered, thighs trembling. “Think you’re opened up enough. Ready, babe? Are you okay?” He rubbed his hand over Louis’ hip soothingly.   
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “‘M not a virgin, you know, H. Just been a while since I’ve been fucked. You don’t have to treat me like some delicate flower.”   
  
Harry growled and flopped down across Louis’ body, cupping his jaw and kissing hungrily into his mouth. “Hmm. Definitely not a delicate flower,” he said, reaching down to cup him. “Sexy. So fucking sexy.”   
  
“You look like a crazed lion right now,” Louis said, raising one eyebrow and laughing.   
  
“Well, I am kind of like an animal in heat at the moment…”   
  
“Ugh.”   
  
Harry grinned. “How do you want to do this, babe?”   
  
Louis blinked up at him, closing one eye and shrugging. “You’re the expert.”   
  
“I am not!" Harry laughed. "Although, I do think it’ll be best from behind to start. Hands and knees alright?”   
  
“Sure.”   
  
“Alright, turn round then, I’m gonna grab an extra packet of lube. Oh! And I have a smaller pillow that’ll be good to go under your hips if we switch later. It's nice on the tailbone and hip bones. It really helps takes the pressure off the joints...” Harry trailed off, eyes searching his room as he pursed his lips.   
  
Louis raised one brow. “Wow, your dirty talk is incredible.”   
  
Harry snatched the pillow from the side of his bed and laughed lowly, draping himself over Louis again. “Right. Sorry. Joint talk. Not sexy." He leaned down and searched Louis' eyes gently. "Just want it to be okay for you.”   
  
Louis reached forward and cupped Harry’s face in his hands, pressing a soft kiss to his mouth. “It is sexy. You being so sweet is sexy to me. Hazza, it'll be great. It’s you. I’ve been waiting for this.”   
  
Harry smiled and reached down to stroke over his cock, gently tugging himself to full hardness again. They kissed messily, lips twining together as their tongues delved into each other’s mouths. Harry ran his hands over every inch of Louis’ smooth skin until he felt a tug on his curls, Louis pushing him off and settling on his hands and knees, glancing over his shoulder.   
  
“Go on then, sexpert,” he said with a smirk.   
  
Harry rolled his eyes and grinned back, positioning himself behind Louis’ smaller frame and tugging himself in quick motions. “This lube is banana flavoured!” he said enthusiastically.   
  
“Wonderful, now get in me,” Louis answered wryly.   
  
Harry smirked. “As you wish.”   
  
He moved gingerly, at first, pressing a kiss to Louis’ lower back as he rolled the condom on and slicked himself up. The tip of his penis nudged into Louis, the tight muscle immediately pushing back against him. Louis automatically bucked his hips away and Harry's cock slipped back out making Louis huff in exasperation.    
  
“Sorry H, just give me a second.”   
  
Harry smoothed his hand over Louis’ lower back. “'S'alright, we’ll go slow okay, love?” He held his hips in place, pressing in ever so slightly, one hand rubbing gently over Louis' hips while the other reached around to stroke his cock. The warm heat of Harry’s hand was a welcome distraction and Louis felt himself relaxing into the touch and sinking his hips back slowly to meet Harry. Harry leaned forward and licked a stripe up the small bumps of Louis’ spine, sending a ripple of goosebumps over the boy’s skin.   
  
He sighed softly, shifting one knee forward to adjust the angle. “You can move,” he panted, hips eagerly trying to press down on Harry’s thick cock as it stretched him wide.   
  
Harry grinned, placing both hands on Louis’ hips and thrusting forward with more speed.   
  
“Yeah,” Louis breathed. “Oh, that’s good. Keep going, keep going.”   
  
“God, Lou. You feel amazing, holy fuck.”   
  
Strong hands pressed firmly around Louis’ hips, pulling him further back, the damp skin of Harry’s groin rubbing against him roughly. Louis shivered, feeling Harry everywhere, the pressure in his lower belly already building. Harry propped one of his legs up just then and thrust deeper so his cock was all the way in, filling Louis completely.    
  
“Ah, fuck.  _ Harry _ ,” he gasped, ducking his head and laughing. He glanced over his shoulder and was met with Harry’s grinning face staring back him. “Oh shit, right there, right there!”   
  
“Jesus,” Harry moaned, still grinning. “You’re so bloody tight. And so wet. So fucking hot.”   
  
Louis shivered, spreading his knees even wider to try and sink further back onto Harry. He felt Harry’s wet tongue lapping at the dip of his spine and moaned into the touch. Seconds later, strong hands reached around his waist, Harry pulling his body back and lifting him so his hips were higher, his upper body pointed downwards. The change in angle made Louis cry out, the sensation of Harry's cock pressing against the small bump inside him overwhelming. He dropped forward, pressing his elbows in the duvet and holding himself up, gasping for breath as Harry's hips moved faster.    
  
“Fuck yeah,” Louis sighed, his toes curling against the tops of Harry’s knees. “Fuck, that’s good — oh fuck! Yes! Yes!”    
  
Louis’ cries were breathy, his voice hitched and turning to laughter as he felt his body tingle, his thighs beginning to shake.   
  
Harry laughed with him, gripping him tightly and leaning his body over Louis’, damp skin rubbing together as he sunk his teeth across the hot skin of his neck. “Yeah? Right there, babe?”   
  
“Yeah,  _ fuck,  _ not gonna to last, H. Ah this feels so good,” Louis laughed again, trying to turn his head to face Harry. “I forgot how good this feels.”   
  
Harry sucked along his shoulder blade, tilting one of Louis’ hips slightly upwards, his balls slapping loudly against Louis skin. “You feel good,” Harry rasped.   
  
Louis rotated his hips back against him, the new angle overwhelming every single one of his senses. “Harry,” he moaned, stretching his arms forward to grip the pillow.   
  
“Fuck Lou, you’re so hot, so fucking hot around me.”   
  
“Harry,  _ oh _ .”   
  
Harry pumped his hips faster, his mind beginning to go fuzzy as he felt Louis clench tightly around his cock.   
  
“I can’t — ”   
  
“Haz. Gonna. Gonna come…”   
  
The sweat of their skin dripped together over their bodies and the room was filled with nothing but the sounds of slapping skin and moans in lows and highs, somehow melding together to create a perfect harmony.   
  
“C’mon darling, come for me,” Harry panted against Louis' neck, twisting a warm fist around the head of Louis’ cock.   
  
“Fucking  _ fuck _ . Harry!”   
  
Louis felt as though he could feel everything and nothing all at once, his body clenching tightly around Harry’s cock, his hand slick and hot as it jerked Louis through his orgasm and smoothed the warm skin of his bum. Louis felt his brain spinning and eyes closing as he fell forward. He could feel the rush of warmth inside his body as Harry shot into the condom and collapsed over him.   
  
“Jesus.”   
  
Harry was chuckling lowly, pulling himself gently out and flopping off of Louis as he panted up to the ceiling. “I reckon we’re quite good at that,” he said matter of factly.    
  
Louis echoed his laughter, pushing his sweaty fringe out of his face and curling in beside him. “You mean _ you’re _ quite good at that. I was kinda just sat there uselessly.”   
  
“I found you to be very useful, actually.”   
  
“Seriously, you have, like, a super cock,” Louis said. “You’re so bloody massive. Reckon I could feel your dick in my stomach.”   
  
Harry chuckled and shook his head in embarrassment. “Well, I thought my cock was going to fall off from how fucking tight you were,” he smiled. “God, that arse.”   
  
Louis kissed lightly over Harry’s swollen lips, tasting the salty sweat on his skin. “Alright, alright, we’re bloody brilliant at shagging. Are we finished complimenting each other yet? 'Cause I’m knackered. Also, I have to take a piss...”   
  
Harry cackled and carded his hand through Louis’ messy hair. “Charming.”   
  
Louis sat up, grimacing at the mess of sweat and cum pooled along his abdomen, and searching for something to wipe the mess up with. He settled on his t-shirt, wiping swiftly over his dick and torso before tossing the shirt at Harry, who frowned and wrinkled his nose at him.   
  
"So what's your usual protocol after a good shag then? Hit the road? Sit and stare into each other’s eyes dreamily? Wax poetic about the melodic sounds of each other's climax?”   
  
“Well now that you mention it…”   
  
Louis laughed, tugging on a pair of pajama bottoms.   
  
“What makes you think I have a protocol?” Harry asked amusedly.   
  
“Dunno,” Louis shrugged. “You kind of seem like the type to start breaking into a cheesy song afterward to signify the moment.”   
  
“Heyyyy,” Harry huffed with a laugh. “I’m not cheesy.” He leaned off the bed and pulled Louis back so he fell against his chest.   
  
Louis gave him a pointed look and grinned. “Alright then.”   
  
“You want me to sing to you, don’t you?” Harry asked with a grin, pressing loud, wet kisses against the side of Louis’ face.   
  
“Get away from me, you weirdo."   
  
“What should I sing…” Harry mused, running his hands up and down Louis’ sides. Louis shook his head and wiggled out of Harry’s arms, crawling towards the end of the bed.   
  
“Louuuu. Come back.”   
  
Louis laughed, Harry’s strong hand winding gently around his ankle and dragging him back.   
  
“Ooh, I’ve got it,” Harry continued, his impish grin wide.   
  
“I need to go for a wee,” Louis complained, attempting to wiggle free again.   
  
Harry’s arms were warm and strong as they wrapped around his shoulders, breath warm against his ear as he sang obnoxiously loud into his ear.    
  
“Took my love and took it dooooown…”   
  
Harry nibbled gently on his earlobe, Louis laughing softly and tucking his face into the crook of his neck at the vibrations.   
  
“Climbed a mountain and I turned arooooooound.”   
  
“You’re so annoying, get away,” Louis laughed, trying to break free from Harry’s hold.   
  
Harry continued on, grabbing Louis’ hands and serenading him enthusiastically.   
  
“Well, I've been afraid of chaaaaaanging 'cause I've built my life around yoooooou,” He nibbled over Louis’ ear again, Louis giving in and leaning back against his broad chest as he continued to belt out dramatically.   
  
“But time makes you booolder, children get older, Iiiiiii'm getting older too…”   
  
Louis couldn't help smiling, taking in the rich, low rasp of Harry’s voice, beautiful and smooth even when he was singing goofily.   
  
“You’re lovely,” he said softly.   
  
Harry grinned, shifting their bodies on their sides and curling around him.   
  
“I take back my words. You can sing to me after sex anytime.”   
  
Harry pressed a kiss to the back of his neck and hummed. “You might be sorry…”   
  
“Sing,” Louis insisted, flipping around to face him. He pressed his lips against Harry’s slowly, lingering on his bottom lip as his fingers ran through his soft curls. “Sing me to sleep, please.”   
  
“Now who’s cheesy?”   
  
“Siiiiiing.”   
  
Louis drifted into a fitful sleep, something that had been foreign to him for so long, feeling content and safe in the warmth of Harry’s arms. His mind felt calm and clear, the melodic sounds of Harry’s words lingering in the air.   
  
“Take my love, take it down….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, loves. 
> 
> Are you loving MITAM? You know I'm all about the old school Paul Simon/Fleetwood vibes. Hard to choose, but I think my favourites right now are Walking in the Wind, Wolves, AM, Long way Down... but also If I could Fly. And Love You Goodbye has one of my favourite ever lyrics. Also, WHAT A FEELING. 
> 
> It's just good. 
> 
> Thank you to the lovely [nautilarrie](http://nautilarrie.tumblr.com//)  
> for betaing!
> 
> Let me know what you think pleeease.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> xxx Sailor


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so rubbish at updating, I'm so sorry. I could use the excuse that I've moved (again) and have a new job (again) and have been so busy with that...which I have. But mostly I'm just super slow. Very very sorry, I promise I will try harder to be consistent! 
> 
> Thanks for reading xxx Loads of love

“Holy shit. I feel...I feel like I’m still coming.”  
  
Louis sucked in a breath and brushed his sweat-matted hair off his face, stretching his arms above his head with an exaggerated groan.  
  
Harry grinned at him from where he was propped up beside him in bed. “You’re flexible.”  
  
“Well I did do gymnastics you know,” Louis answered casually, sliding out of bed.  
  
“Wait, what?”   
  
Harry shifted forward towards the edge of the bed and reached out to wrap his long arms around Louis’ waist, yanking him back in bed against his chest. “You can’t just drop that kind of information and then go on your merry way.”  
  
“What’s the big deal? I did it as a kid for a bit,” Louis answered, attempting to wiggle free from Harry’s firm hold to no avail.  
  
Harry smirked and nuzzled against his neck. “I’m just picturing you as a gymnast. It’s cute. Tell me more.”  
  
Louis sighed. “Mum was obsessed with me being involved in every type of activity as a kid. Didn’t matter what it was. She wanted me to make loads of friends, so she signed me up for any and all activities and clubs. I did gymnastics from ages six to twelve.”  
  
“Aw. I can just see it. Little Louis balancing on a beam. Bet you were the star of the class.”  
  
“Hardly. I liked it, though. It’s a lot more difficult than people think so you feel really good when you improve...also found it helped me for footie later on. Balance and coordination and all that.”  
  
“So why'd you stop then?”  
  
Louis shrugged absently and lay back against the stack of pillows. “Some of the lads at school started giving me shit about it. Called me a ‘fairy’ and said I was a fag for wearing tights. They said I must have wanted to be one of the girls.” He laughed softly, “I mean, to be fair, they weren’t totally off base.”  
  
Harry frowned and propped himself up on one elbow, meeting Louis’ eyes with an intense stare. “Lou. Yes, they were. They were being cruel. You know there’s nothing gay about gymnastics.”  
  
“Not exclusively, no. But they were right. I mean, I was gay. Still am actually,” he said cheekily, cocking one eyebrow.  
  
“I’m aware,” Harry answered wryly, making Louis smile. “But that doesn’t matter, Lou. They had no right to make you feel that way…” he trailed off, eyes filled with fire.  
  
“We were all kids, H. It doesn’t matter anymore.” Louis shrugged and reached up to run his fingers through the thick strands of Harry’s messy curls.  
  
Harry continued to pout but his eyes began to soften at Louis’ touch, breathing quietly for a moment as he allowed the gentle tug to soothe him. “People can be awful," he said quietly. "I’m sorry they made you stop something you loved, Lou,” he continued, tracing along the sharp curve of his collarbone and brushing softly along the smooth skin.  
  
“Is kind of a shame," Louis mused. "Gymnastics was one of my favourites. “I also did ballet, footie, track, piano...”  
  
“You were a busy kid,” Harry observed, now nuzzling his nose into the soft hair at the nape of Louis’ neck and humming softly.  
  
Louis nodded. “Yeah. Mum was eighteen when she had me and I think she tried to overcompensate a lot of the time by always having me in involved. Dunno why. She’s always been the most incredible mum. She’s ace. The most amazing woman I know.” Louis flipped over in Harry’s arms and smiled shyly. “Bit of a mummy’s boy I am, can you tell?”  
  
Harry cupped his face and pressed their lips together in a wet, sloppy kiss. “And what a lucky mum she is to have a boy like you,” he hummed into Louis’ neck, stroking his cheek lightly. “The best boy. Most wonderful boy.”  
  
Louis’ lips curled into a half smile as he wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck, pulling him in closer. “You're sappy today. What about you? Any gymnastics for baby Haz?”  
  
“I actually did do ballet for a little while," Harry nodded. "I was rubbish at it, though. I’ve got two left feet and even then I was all gangly limbs. Absolutely no coordination. Don't think there was ever any hope for me.”  
  
Louis twirled a loose strand of curl around his finger and chuckled lightly. “Aw, babe. I bet you were adorable.”  
  
“At our first recital, it was right near the end yeah? And I had done so well up until then, I was so chuffed... and then we were all gathering in a line to hold hands and do this twirly thing right? And I trip over my own feet and fall over. Knocked the girls on both sides of me over too. And I split my tights. I started bawling my eyes out right on stage and the teacher had to come and carry me off.”  
  
Louis buried his face in Harry’s neck, stifling a laugh as he pictured little Harry in his ballet costume, flailing about on stage.  
  
“Don’t laugh at me! I was absolutely gutted.”  
  
Louis’ chuckles were becoming more pronounced now, his face still pressed into Harry’s neck as Harry pouted down at him.  
  
“Stop laughing,” Harry whined.  
  
“I just can’t stop picturing it! Did you wear a tutu?”  
  
Harry grinned then. “I did. They weren’t going to let me, ‘cos I was the only boy and they said I should just wear all black, right? I guess that's typically what male dancers wear. But I was really looking forward to wearing one—they were so  pretty, okay? So my mum made a big fuss about it, went in to see the teacher and started preaching about gender stereotypes in this huge speech. I was allowed in the end.”  
  
Louis flipped over to lay flat on Harry’s chest and grinned widely. “Good on ya, Anne. I’d quite fancy seeing you in a little tutu number. Will you wear one for me?”  
  
“I will if you put on some lycra and do some flips and stretches for me.”  
  
Louis sat up, stretching his arms above his head and winking. “Could do, yeah. Reckon I still got it.”  
  
Harry hummed and gripped Louis’ bum with both hands, patting it firmly. “It’s a date. And don’t think I’m kidding.”  
  
Louis hopped off his lap and gave him a pointed look. “Yeah, yeah,” he paused and took a whiff of himself, his nose wrinkling as he breathed in the musky scent of his own sweat. “I reek. I'm gonna hop in the shower. Wanna join?”  
  
Harry nodded, slipping on a fresh pair of briefs. “I do indeed. Gonna get us some water and a snack though first, alright? I’m starving.” He cracked his back on either side before heading for the door.  
  
“I bet you are!” Louis called from the loo, his treble voice reverberating from inside the shower.  
  
Harry chuckled and made his way to the kitchen, pausing briefly at the counter as he contemplated what to make. He quickly decided on peanut butter and banana sandwiches—a staple meal in their diets because they were an old favourite of Louis’ and a new favourite of Harry’s ever since he had watched Louis cut them into tiny triangular pieces that fateful evening months before. Since then, Harry had refused to cut them any other way, partly because he quite enjoyed them that way, but mostly because he knew it embarrassed Louis. Harry was humming to himself and carefully searching through the fruit bowl for the banana with the least amount of bruises on it when the sound of footsteps and throat-clearing startled him. He whipped around, banana clasped in hand and was greeted by the amused faces of Liam and Niall. He shuffled his feet, his weight falling over on one long leg as he grinned at his flatmates.  
  
“Oh! Hey lads, y’alright?”  
  
Niall smirked. “Yeah yeah, we’re good, and you?”  
  
“I’m well, thanks," Harry hummed as he began to peel the banana, his ankles turning in pigeon-toed  as he stood upright.   
  
Niall hummed in repeat, not even trying to hide his smirk as he gave Liam a pointed look. “Yeah? Have a good night?”  
  
Harry met eyes with him, one-half of his mouth curving into a gentle half smile as he began to catch on to the pointed direction of the conversation. “It was pleasant, thanks for asking, mate.”  
  
Liam rolled his eyes. “For fuck’s sake, Haz, by the sounds of it, I couldn’t tell if you were fucking Lou or trying to kill him.”  
  
“Jesus,” Niall muttered in agreement, shaking his head with a laugh.  
  
Harry stifled a laugh, his face remaining mostly neutral with only a hint of amusement as he continued slicing the banana. “How do you know who was on top?” he asked casually.  
  
Niall snickered.   
  
“Let’s just say I know far more about your dick than I ever wanted or needed to know,” Liam answered dryly, his face scrunching up at the admission.  
  
Harry barked out a loud, duck-like screech at that, smacking a hand across his mouth to cover the sound. “Ah," he answered carefully. "Well. Sorry about that, mate.”  
  
“But seriously, Jesus Christ, Louis is loud,” Niall complained, plopping down on a barstool.  
  
Harry blushed then, focusing his attention on cutting the bread slices neatly. “Don’t be jealous, lads,” he replied shaking his head.  
  
“I reckon Payno is pretty jealous,” Niall agreed. “I never hear those sorts of noises coming from his bedroom,” he grinned wickedly.  
  
“Oi!” Liam protested hotly. “I’ll have you know, Soph is very satisfied in the bedroom, thank you very much, Nialler.”  
  
“Alright lad, I’m just saying, maybe you could learn a few things from curly here.”  
  
Liam rolled his eyes as Harry barked out another loud laugh, his eyes twinkling as Niall winked at him. “Oh, sod off,” Liam laughed.  
  
“You’re more than welcome to join in anytime you’d like, Liam,” Harry replied sweetly, arranging the sandwich pieces on the plate carefully.   
  
His mouth was curved into his trademark smirk and Liam shook his head amusedly and slapped the backs of both his and Niall’s heads as he walked past them. “I’m good, thanks. You can keep your dick to yourself, Styles,” he answered. “And you, Nialler, you best be quiet, when was the last time someone other than you even touched your dick? I reckon it’s been ages.”  
  
Niall narrowed his eyes. “Easy, Liam. If this gets too personal I may just let a few of your secrets slip.”  
  
“Does it get more personal than this? Your flatmates discussing the sound of your orgasms in their shared kitchen?” Harry asked.   
  
The sound of throat clearing caused all three men to pause.“I was wondering what the hold-up was, but now I see you were in the midst of a very important conversation.”  
  
Louis had picked that moment to stroll into the kitchen, dressed in a thick blue jumper and grey jogging bottoms, his hair soft-looking and damp at the nape of his neck. He gave Liam and Niall an amused look. “Lads. Are you giving Harry here a hard time?”  
  
“Speaking of a hard time—” Niall started but Liam swiftly cut him off with another smack to the back of his head.  
  
Louis cocked an eyebrow and went over to where Harry stood by the counter, wrapping his arms around his middle and pressing himself into the warm skin of his back. “Do you need rescuing?” he asked.  
  
Harry chuckled happily. “Nah, just some friendly flatmate banter.”    
  
Louis hummed in response and snatched up a piece of sandwich, biting into it.  
  
Niall grinned. “Don't worry, Lou. We were just complimenting Haz on his apparently magical dick.”  
  
Louis choked on the mouthful of sandwich, coughing loudly and spraying both Niall and Liam in the face with bread crumbs. He smiled amusedly, desperately trying to pry the peanut butter off the roof of his mouth. “I beg your pardon?”  
  
Liam was laughing, Harry blushing and shaking his head into his hand. Niall, ever unabashed, continued on, slapping Harry on the shoulder as he spoke. “I’m just saying, mate, by the sounds of it, you were having a great time tonight. Most nights, actually. Well done.”  
  
Louis coughed again, tipping his head back to laugh up towards the ceiling. “What the hell? Why are you listening in?”  
  
“Hard not to overhear, Tommo,” Liam piped up.  
  
“Very hard,” Harry chimed in with a smirk.   
  
Louis shot him look. “Bunch of pervs, the lot of you,” he muttered shaking his head.   
  
“Now, if you’ll excuse us, Harry and I have some sandwiches to eat.” He snatched the plate from the counter and grabbed Harry’s wrist.  
  
“‘Eating sandwiches’, is that a euphemism?”  
  
Liam made a face as Louis turned around and reached out to smack Niall’s groin. “Piss off, you tosser,” Louis laughed.   
  
“Go get ‘em, Hazzy!” Niall called, huffing and cupping himself.  
  
“Keep up the good work, lads,” Liam added with a smile.  
  
"Thanks so much, boys," Harry said seriously. "Your support is overwhelming."  
  
Louis rolled his eyes and turned on his heel as Harry grinned, tapping his nose and pointing towards the two men. “Cheers, mates,” he called before following Louis into his bedroom. Louis got into bed immediately, curling his body under the thick duvet and burrowing low in the bed. He yawned loudly before looking up at Harry with a lazy smile. “Sorry ‘bout the lads. Overheard them chatting with you. Niall isn’t the most sensitive when it comes to er, personal matters. We all like to have a laugh about it. Ever since our first year when we were in the dorms and Liam and I walked in on Niall with some bird. It was like eleven in the morning, too.”  
  
Harry plopped down beside him, laying flat on his back. He turned his head and laughed out loud. “Did you really? Like full-on doing it?”  
  
Louis grinned. “Well to be fair, I only really got a glimpse of Nialler’s bare arse, but that was enough for me, to be quite honest,” he chuckled lowly. “I reckon Liam’s never really recovered. He's a bit delicate when it comes to anything even remotely risque, bless him.”  
  
Harry laughed with him. “Did Niall notice? Did he say anything?”  
  
“Oh, he was completely chill about it, you know how he is. Was all ‘Oh hey lads, bit busy can you come back?’ or something.”  
  
Harry laughed louder, clapping a hand over his mouth. “I can just see it.”  
  
“It was certainly something to see,” Louis answered wryly. “And you know Liam,  he tried to implement a system using the old sock on the door method after that, except we used some hair scrunchie that we found.”  
  
Harry shifted so he was pressed against Louis’ side, his curls brushing lightly across the delicate edges of his collarbones. “And how’d that turn out?”  
  
“Alright at first but then we lost the scrunchie. I reckon some girl on the floor nicked it.”  
  
Harry laughed. “What about you? Did the lads ever walk in on you? You were dating Wesley in first year, right?”  
  
Louis paused and Harry felt him stiffen slightly against his side at the mention of his ex. He quickly relaxed his face, giving a small cheeky smile. “Nah they didn’t. Just lucky I guess.”  
  
Harry knew Louis didn’t like to talk about his past relationships, least of all his with Wesley, so he didn’t press the matter. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Louis and flipped him on top of his body, kissing his lips softly.  
  
“Want to watch something before bed?”  
  
Louis yawned again. “I’ll probably fall asleep. Knackered today. What do you want to watch?”  
  
“Fancy a Christmas film?”  
  
Louis sat up on Harry’s chest giving him an amused look. “H, Christmas is over a month away. Bit early innit?”  
  
“Excuse you,” Harry scoffed. “Mid November is a totally acceptable time to get into the Christmas spirit. Besides, if I’m going to get through my Christmas movie list, best start early.”  
  
“You have a list?”  
  
“Of course. I have most films planned for specific days, based on my favourites and then there are ones I want to watch on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. But there is some wiggle room for you to choose,” Harry answered casually.  
  
Louis stared at him in disbelief. “You’re a freak. Who is that anal about Christmas films?!”  
  
Harry pouted. “I just want to make sure I watch all my favourites!”  
  
Louis leaned down and pressed a kiss on Harry’s soft cheek. “And that’s why you’re the most adorable boy in the world.”  
  
Harry smiled and reached for Louis’ face to reciprocate the kiss, caressing his jaw and pressing their lips together. “Adorable but ruggedly handsome right?”  
  
Louis raised an eyebrow. “Have you seen yourself? You look like an oversized kitten right now. All fluffy hair and flushed cheeks.” Harry continued to pout as Louis chuckled and pet his curly head. “Right, so what are my options for tonight? Which ones do you save for later?” He rolled off of Harry’s chest and onto his side, combing through the tangled curls around Harry’s face.  
  
“Well, we always save It’s A Wonderful Life for Christmas Day, that’s a classic. And then usually on Christmas Eve we watch White Christmas, it’s one of my very favourites,” Harry answered seriously.  
  
“You like White Christmas? I love White Christmas. It’s me mum’s fave. It’s usually the first one she wants to watch,” Louis laughed. He flopped onto his stomach and rested his chin on Harry’s shoulder.  
  
“It’s an absolute gem. My sister and I always had sing-alongs. And we still sing ‘Devoted Sisters’ to each other...I didn’t quite catch the concept when I was younger,” Harry grinned.  
  
Louis laughed and kissed Harry’s bare shoulder. “That’s sweet. Me sisters and I used to put on these sort of Christmas concerts on Christmas Eve, right? It was basically just us singing and dancing along to a CD though sometimes we threw a play in there too. Just for our family, but we made a pretty massive deal of it.  Anyways, one year, ages ago now, Felicite and Lottie wanted to do a duet to that song, yeah? They had these costumes all put together and everything. They practiced for absolute ages, literally, they were driving me up the wall. Then, Christmas Eve comes round and Lottie starts feeling poorly and starts barfing everywhere about an hour before the big concert was supposed to start.” Louis paused dramatically as Harry began to smirk.  
  
“Oh, please tell me you filled in for her. My brain is dying for the mental image of you in a blue feather costume.”  
  
Louis rolled his eyes but nodded seriously. “Because I am the greatest big brother of all time...I did indeed fill the coveted role of the second sister,” he answered, sighing deeply.  
  
Harry burst out laughing, ruffling Louis’ fringe. “God I hope your mum took photos.”  
  
“Only a roll or two, I reckon.” Louis grinned, a deep yawn stretching over his face. “Alright, so what about—”  
  
Harry held up a hand. “Wait! I’m not finished!”  
  
“Oh god. I’m going to fall asleep by the time you go through your ridiculous, overly anal-retentive Christmas film schedule.”  
  
“You’ll thank me when you haven’t missed a single Christmas film this season.”  
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “Well, we’ve already watched Love Actually, one of your favourites.” Harry nodded. “So what are my options here?”  
  
“Well, what’s _your_ favourite?"   
  
Louis pursed his lips and thought. “I like The Grinch, the original one, yeah? I reckon it’s too early for that, though. Hm. I like Christmas Vacation _,_ Muppets, The Holiday—”  
  
“The Holiday!” Harry interrupted, nearly shouting. “That’s a good one. Plus, it’s not overly Christmasy so it's perfect for a mid-November viewing. You reckon it’s on Netflix?”  
  
Louis arched an eyebrow. “You mean you don’t own it on DVD?” he asked, feigning shock.  
  
Harry laughed, reaching for the laptop. “It’s a real embarrassment to my collection, I know.”  
  
“Quite right.”  
  
The two snuggled together, Louis’ body wrapped around Harry’s tightly as the film played on. Neither one managed to stay awake very long and the last thing Harry remembered before falling into a deep sleep was Louis shutting the laptop down and curling underneath his arm, whispering, “One down,” before kissing his bicep and drifting off to sleep.  
  
***  
  
The weeks of November passed quickly, the cold, gloomy days somehow made better when spent together in a whirlwind of classes, Rom-Com's, and heated sessions in the warmth of tangled sheets. Louis and Harry slid into a simple and comfortable routine, the days passing like a broken record that neither one wanted to end. Everything seemed to be perfect.  
  
Until it wasn’t.  
  
Louis hadn’t intended on becoming so attached to Harry. It wasn’t something that was supposed to happen to him and Harry certainly wasn’t the person to whom he should be so enamored with. When he appeared in the kitchen of their flat that first day, he was like some mystical creature appearing out of thin air. There was an aura about him that was enchanting and he was the type of person so beautiful that anyone should be afraid to talk to them. Louis knew that had he met him in any other circumstance, he never would have had the courage to approach him. But he did and now he woke up most mornings still in shock that the beautiful stranger in his kitchen was now his Harry. His Harry, who was kind and funny and hummed Christmas carols to himself as he cooked even though it was only November. His Harry, who was as ruggedly handsome as he was sweet, covered in tattoos, always clad in tight jeans and cried at the drop of a hat over John Lewis adverts.   
  
A year ago, Louis never could have fathomed having someone as special as Harry in his life. He'd convinced himself he would never have someone to be close to in his life again, that he wasn't deserving of anyone to love. Or someone to love him. These thoughts became increasingly heavy in his mind, weighing down on him as though his body were filled with lead instead of blood and bones. He was desperate to shield Harry from the horrors of his wretched illness, but it was becoming more and more difficult. He did his best to disguise it, dragging himself out of bed in the mornings with Harry, smiling and eating breakfast as though he didn’t feel only half alive. Harry would go off to school while Louis went back to bed, burying himself under the confines of thick duvets as though they could hide him from the world. Louis even went as far as to set periodic alarms on his phone to ensure he texted Harry throughout the day and was awake before he arrived back at their flat in the evenings. It felt excessive. Exhaustingly so. There was a huge part of him that wanted to let Harry in completely, but another part of him, the part of him that still ached from the pain of the past, wanted to keep it hidden. The thing was, his depression wasn’t an outright secret—it was more like the elephant in the room. An elephant in a very crowded, very noisy room. It was an unspoken rule that neither one mentioned, even when it was the painfully obvious point of conversation.   
  
Louis knew Harry watched him take his medication before going to bed but chose to stay silent, choosing instead to wrap him up in his arms and hold him close. Louis suspected Harry was waiting for him to be the first one to initiate the subject but he just couldn’t bring himself to. He was better anyways, wasn’t he? He promised himself he wouldn’t ever let himself hit rock bottom again. He couldn’t do that to his mum, not again. Despite knowing that Harry was different and that he certainly wasn’t Wesley, he still woke up every day afraid that one day Harry would tell him he couldn’t do it any longer.  
  
Now, Louis was lying in bed, the melodic sound of Harry belting out Paul Simon in the shower seeping in the room from down the hall. He smiled softly to himself, loving the way Harry always sang shamelessly, loud and proud as though he were the only one in the house. Maybe the entire world. Louis loved the sound of Harry’s voice and welcomed it anytime he could hear it. He especially liked it when he would request a song and Harry would sing softly in his ear as he fell asleep. Louis stretched wordlessly, his muscles feeling stiff and sore. He’d lost track of how long he’d been in bed that day, the hours seeming to blend together as the days went by. He hadn’t been to class in what seemed like weeks and his brain spun at the mere thought of all the work he would have to catch up on. He yawned tiredly, rubbing his eyes and sinking lower under the covers. His anxiety attacks had been worsening, particularly in the middle of the night, and he was exhausted from lack of sleep. He sighed deeply, reaching out to dig through his nightstand. He found his bottle of pills rattling around near the bottom and was swallowing one down dryly when Harry emerged through the door, skin wet and hair smelling like coconuts. Louis flopped back down in bed and smiled at him.  
  
“Nice singing. Paul Simon tonight, right?”  
  
Harry grinned, dropping the white towel from his hips and running it up and down his long legs, drying roughly. Louis's eyes tracked the movements carefully, watching the way the fuzzy brown hair stood up as Harry rubbed over it.  
  
“One of my favourite albums of all time. The songwriting is just so, so good. It's iconic. I always love a good story song,” He replied, pulling on a pair of briefs and slipping into the bed beside Louis.  
  
“Hi,” he greeted, kissing his nose.   
  
Louis nuzzled against him and pressed a kiss to his neck. Harry rolled over to face him, his expression one of seriousness and not of arousal. “You alright, love?” he asked, stroking slowly over Louis’ shoulder.  
  
“Why wouldn’t I be?”  
  
"You look exhausted."  
  
"I always look like this."  
  
Harry sighed deeply. “Lou. Don't pretend to be okay if you're not. Let’s just talk about it. I’m here, babe, just talk to me.”  
  
Louis didn’t respond, flipping his body over so he was on top of Harry, running his tongue along the curves of Harry’s collarbones and sucking gently on the still wet skin. “‘M fine,” He murmured, continuing to suck. “I don’t want to talk. I want you,” he continued huskily, pressing his lips to Harry’s frantically and sucking harshly on his bottom lip.  
  
“Lou—”  
  
“Please. Let’s not. Just kiss me,” Louis protested hotly, licking into Harry’s mouth. His arms wrapped around Harry’s neck, combing his fingers through Harry's wet curls as he ground his hips down against him.   
  
“Lou—we need to talk, please babe—” Harry continued, breaking away from Louis’ lips. Louis ignored him, locking their lips together tightly and reaching a hand down to cup Harry through his briefs. His movements paused as his hand reached the material.   
  
Harry was completely soft.   
  
Louis immediately pulled away and moved off Harry silently, curling up on his side as he heard Harry protesting.  
  
“Louis. Babe —it’s not you, I just really think we should talk.”  
  
“Let’s just go to sleep, okay? I’m knackered,” Louis replied softly, his voice strained and low.  
  
“Louis…”  
  
“It’s fine, Harry, alright? I’m just tired and I want to go to bed.”  
  
He curled further into himself, his body tucked up near the edge of the bed. Harry sighed deeply, inching his body closer to Louis and gently pressing a hand to his back to hold him.  
  
“Lou?”  
  
Louis gave no response, his breathing heavy as his eyes remained open facing the wall. He felt cold and alone, longing for the warmth of Harry but remaining in his space, his back a divider between the two, desperately hoping it wasn’t a metaphor for things to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to note that depression and anxiety are obviously very complicated and terrifying illnesses that look different for each individual. I can only write from my own experiences as that's what I know to be real. I also wanted to add that although there will be more added storylines that include more 'moody' or 'angsty' chapters I don't plan to have loads of drama specifically around Louis' mental illness. I more so want to just include it as it interferes with everyday life because that's how it really is. The story isn't exclusively about his struggle with mental illnesses, it's about how that piece of him affects all the other pieces. And to be perfectly honest, I don't have this all planned out and I'm not entirely sure where it's going. Metaphor for my life. 
> 
> Thanks very much for reading and leaving kudos and comments, I appreciate it!
> 
> Please reblog the post [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com/post/153142405073/peachesandpetal-title-rather-be-sad-with-you) if you're enjoying :) 
> 
> Thank you to the lovely [nautilarrie](http://nautilarrie.tumblr.com//)  
> for betaing!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> xxx Sailor


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Christmas chapter update just for you, featuring naked yoga.
> 
> Ummm Harry talked about his love for Fleetwood Mac on the radio today, and specifically mentioned Songbird, I’M DEAD. Oh that boy.
> 
> Hope you enjoy, loves x

Harry was making pancakes.   
  
'[Graceland](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDXzLeFUkpc)' was playing softly in the background so as to not wake the rest of the flat, and the only sound was the gentle stirring of batter in the glass bowl and the low hum of Harry’s voice.  It was early, much too early to be awake and cooking, the sun only just beginning to rise, but Harry hadn’t slept much the night before. He lay awake most of the night, listening to Louis toss back and forth. He still hadn’t moved any closer to Harry but when he began to whimper softly under his breath as he slept Harry had inched closer to him, placing his palm over the jut of his shoulder blade and feeling the way Louis' breathing relaxed under his touch. He knew he had approached the conversation all wrong. God, he had practiced it in his mind for weeks, trying to concoct the best way to initiate it — his movements, the tone of his voice, which words would be most comforting and least condescending. Yet somehow, he had ended up failing on all fronts, instead making Louis angry and uncomfortable, and on top of all that, rejecting him in the process. He sighed as he worked, ladling several spoonfuls of batter onto the grill and watching as they spread into perfectly round circles.   
  
The sound of feet slapping on tile brought Harry out of his own thoughts and he turned to find Niall slipping quietly into the kitchen.   
  
“Morning, mate.”   
  
Niall looked up, eyes bleary and half-lidded. “Jesus, you’re up early, Haz.” He nodded towards the pancakes and grinned, “Just fancied some pancakes or what?”   
  
Harry smiled back. It was hard not to feel better when Niall was around. His carefree demeanor was infectious and one of the things Harry liked best about him.    
  
“Something like that. Didn’t sleep well. What about you? Early clinical?” He turned back to the grill, flipping each fluffy pancake with ease.   
  
“Yeah, clinical at 8a.m. and it’s sort of an exam."   
  
"Sort of an exam?" Harry repeated.    
  
Niall rolled his eyes. "We're being observed by the profs and graded, basically,” he yawned into his hand and scrunched up his face in annoyance. “I’ve got the worst prof, too. Grouchy old arse. Gonna be an absolute nightmare.”   
  
Harry scrunched up his nose sympathetically. He snatched a plate from the cupboard and loaded it up with the first batch of pancakes, holding the plate out towards Niall. “Pancake for your troubles?”   
  
Niall grinned, taking the plate eagerly. “Ah thanks, Haz. Really is great having you around, you know. My breakfast has improved one-hundred percent, that’s for sure.” Grinning, he sat down at the island and began to dig into his food happily.   
  
Harry smiled softly, even though inside his heart gave a tiny tug in pride.“That’s okay, mate.”   
  
“Oo gonna ‘ake suh mo’ for Lou?” Niall asked, his mouth so full, tiny bits of pancakes were spraying onto the table in front of him.   
  
“Yeah,” Harry answered after a beat. “Yeah, I am.” He frowned, running his hands through his curls and pursing his lips.   
  
“Haz?”   
  
“Hm?”   
  
“You’re frowning. Everything alright?”   
  
Harry gave a half smile, “It’s fine.” He turned back to the counter, stirring the already smooth batter absently as his eyes burned into the tiled background. He sighed again and turned around, resting his weight against the countertop.   
  
“It’s Louis.”   
  
Niall continued shovelling pancake into his mouth but raised an eyebrow in response. “Ah.”   
  
“You don’t seem surprised.”   
  
Niall shrugged. “I guess I'm not. Louis can be...difficult. He can be hard to get close to and he doesn't like to open up to people. I mean, I’m only a mate but Jesus, I know it can be tough. He's a stubborn little bastard he is.”   
  
Harry chuckled. “That’s the understatement of the year. But yes. He’s stubborn. And very guarded. I think I may have pushed him? Maybe too far? I just. I don’t know,” he frowned, scratching at his face in confusion.   
  
Niall popped the last bit of pancake into his mouth and headed to the fridge. “So what’d you bring up then? Was it the drinking? Sleeping? Meds?” He reached for the container of orange juice and began swigging straight from the bottle.   
  
Harry cocked an eyebrow. “So you’re aware of all that then,” he stated, his tone a mixture of both confusion and bewilderment.   
  
“Pretty familiar, yeah,” Niall answered. “He doesn’t like to talk about it. Admit when he’s having a rough time, you know?”   
  
“Yeah,” Harry nodded. “I tried to bring it up and ask him about it, get him to talk about it. I just feel like...I don’t know, Ni. I’m worried. I don’t think he’s okay. He’s been different the past few weeks. Distant, moody, and almost...like foggy, you know? Like he’s not really there. Not to mention he just seems...sad,” he sighed. “I just...I want to be there for him. Seeing him struggle...it breaks my heart,” he said slowly. “I don’t know what I can do.”   
  
“You be there for him, mate. You make him let you in. And you be there even if he won't. He needs people. But he doesn’t want to need people. He thinks he doesn’t deserve them. I mean, Liam and I are just his best mates and we know how hard it can be just as friends. I can’t imagine what it’d be like for you,” Niall answered. “Louis’ had some rough patches over the years, some particular times when he was really not doing well. It’s...it’s his story to tell you, H. But you’re right to be concerned. He needs us to look out for him, even if he won’t admit it.”   
  
Harry nodded, his brows furrowing as he listened warily. “Right. I just wish I knew how to be there for him without making it worse.”   
  
Niall shook his head as he emptied his dishes into the dishwasher. “You aren’t, mate. Lou really cares about you, I know he does. He wants you around. He just — I dunno. One of me aunties struggled with depression pretty badly when I was younger, yeah? But she wouldn’t ever admit that’s what it was. Always said she was fine, even though we all knew she wasn’t. Think maybe people suffering feel ashamed or something.” He turned to Harry and patted his shoulder reassuringly. “Louis’ a great lad. He’s the best. Think you’re really good for him, mate. I mean that.”   
  
Harry smiled softly.  "I think he’s good for me too.”   
  
“I think it’s all gonna be alright, mate. Just keep doing what you’re doing, yeah?”   
  
“Yeah. Yeah, okay. Thanks, Ni,” Harry smiled softly. “Oh, and good luck on your exam today!”   
  
Niall grinned. “Cheers, lad. Thanks for the pancakes! I reckon they’ll bring me good luck,” He added, giving a wave and padding down the hall to his room.   
  
Harry went about cleaning up his mess, covering the bowl of batter and placing it in the fridge for later. He sat at the island for what seemed like ages, long after Niall, and then Liam had left the flat. He scrolled through his phone absently, Niall’s words swirling around his brain and leaving him unable to focus. Eventually, his thoughts led him back to his bedroom where Louis lay still tucked away under a pile of warm blankets. He smiled at the sight and climbed gently into the bed, careful not to bounce the mattress and wake him. Harry lay close, curling up on his side and allowing his shoulder to press against Louis’, tucking his head ever so slightly so it rested against his soft caramel hair.

  
  
...

  
  
Louis woke to a warm weight pressed against his side and turned over gingerly to find Harry curled up on his side, his curls fanning out over the pillow.    
  
He looked like a lion. Or maybe, Louis thought, a cub in this state.    
  
Turning over, he carefully backed up his body so it slid gently against Harry's. The warmth of his chest immediately made him feel calmer and he allowed his breathing to slow and match Harry’s as he puffed lightly away. To his surprise, after a few minutes, he felt the weight of strong arms wrapping around his body and pulling him in closer. He felt the warm breath of Harry on his neck as he nuzzled his face into the sensitive skin there.   
  
“Hi,” Harry spoke, his raspy voice soft.   
  
Louis flipped over to face him and tipped his head up to meet his eyes. “Hi,” he rasped. “You’re here.”   
  
Harry stroked over his hair. “Of course, I’m here.”    
  
He continued running his fingers through Louis' soft hair, trying to find the words to say what he wanted to, before Louis interrupted his thoughts, his voice sounding smaller than usual.   
  
“Do you ever think about how good it feels to just be in bed? It's like — like nothing bad can happen to you.”   
  
“What bad things, baby?” Harry asked softly, moving his fingers to stroke across Louis’ forehead.   
  
Louis shrugged, tilting his head to lean into the touch. “Dunno. Just...things. Life, I guess. There’s just something so comforting about being in bed. It’s my favourite part of the day. Being able to just binge watch Netflix and hide under the duvet and not feel stressed or guilty or sad.” He paused, rubbing a hand across his face, “There are no obligations or deadlines. There’s not pressure to be...anything, really. It’s like a safety zone where you don’t have to worry about anything. I don’t feel like I should be getting my shit together. I can just...be.”   
  
He looked over at Harry who was listening attentively and chuckled, closing one eye as he stared into Harry’s warm green ones.   
  
“I sound proper crazy don’t I?”   
  
Harry inched closer to him, his long arms wrapping around Louis’ lithe frame, pulling him in closer so he rested against the warmth of his chest. “No babe, you don’t. You’re making perfect sense. I just...I’m worried about you, Lou. And I know you probably don’t want to hear this and you might hate me for bringing it up...but I just. I have to, Louis. I have to because I’m worried. And I care. I care so much.”   
  
Louis remained silent so Harry continued on, determined to get it all out. He paused momentarily, licking his dry lips as he chose his words carefully. “I — I know you haven’t been going to classes recently and I’ve noticed you sleeping a lot more. And…you just, you seem sad, Lou. You seem lost and it’s killing me. I know it’s out of your control and it’s hard and you’re struggling and you don’t want to talk about it, but I just..." Harry paused to suck in a breath, nervously running a hand through his curls before beginning again. "I love you, Lou. Maybe it’s too soon and maybe I shouldn’t say it but I just. I do. I love you. I love you so much and I’m here, baby. I’m right here for you, okay?” Harry's breath came rapidly, his green eyes wide and swimming with tears, searching Louis’ for any sign of response.   
  
Louis stayed silent for a moment, his expression blank. Harry was sure he had gone too far, sure Louis was about to throw him out of the bed for being a crazy, rambling, pushy sap. Instead, he watched as Louis’ whole face softened into a small smile. His pale eyes were bright with tears as he met Harry’s.   
  
“Say something,” Harry begged meekly. He bit his lip and watched as Louis reached forward, cupping his face with his small hands and gently rubbing his cheeks as he spoke.   
  
“Haz...I could never hate you. God. I don’t...I don’t know what I ever did to be lucky enough for you to come into my life,” Louis laughed softly. “Fuck you’re so good. You’re so, so good to me, H. I don’t deserve you, but fuck. I’m so glad I have you anyways.” He paused, wrapping a finger around one of Harry’s curls and leaning in until their faces were so close their noses brushed together.   
  
“I love you too,” he continued softly, voice barely above a whisper. “So much. It scares me how much. But I do. I love you.”   
  
Harry couldn't help the grin that spread over his face, his dimples popping out as he rubbed his nose against Louis’.    
  
“You do?”   
  
Louis laughed against Harry’s lips. “I do. You kale-loving, anal-retentive, Christmas freak. I really do.”   
  
Harry laughed with him, their laughter rippling from a warm place in their bellies and falling into each other’s mouths until eventually, the laughter turned to kissing and the kissing turned to panting and their bodies were entwined so closely it was impossible to tell where one stopped and the other started.    
  
Louis pressed open-mouthed kisses over the hot skin of Harry’s neck as Harry gripped his hair tightly, urging him on. He ran his mouth up the junction of his neck, kissing the sensitive patch around his ears and pressing light pecks around his mouth until Harry growled and flipped him over on the bed, sealing their lips together fiercely. He slipped his tongue into Louis’ mouth, running it along the inside seam. Louis pulled away, panting deeply as he gripped Harry’s biceps, flipping him back over so he lay flat against the pillows.   
  
“Hey,” he said breathlessly. “I’m in control tonight, you stay where I put you,” He finished, his eyes twinkling.   
  
Harry grinned in surprise, his cock instantly twitching.    
  
“Ooh, look at Baby Spice,” He teased. He ran his hands over the curve of Louis’ back and let his hands drape over his bum, tapping it playfully. “Alright mister, here I am, where do you want me?”   
  
Louis stared down at him and winked. He continued kissing slowly down his neck but, this time, allowing his kisses to drift lower, running his tongue along the lines of Harry's collarbones and down to the swallows on his chest.    
  
“I want you right here. Don’t go anywhere,” Louis breathed.   
  
“I’m here,” Harry murmured lowly. “I’m all yours.”    
  
His cock continued to fill and twitch at every press of Louis’ mouth, his skin burning as though it were on fire at each wet kiss. Louis continued to make his way down the plains of Harry's long body, his fingers circling each nipple as his mouth trailed down to his bellybutton. He dipped his tongue inside, loving the way Harry’s breath hitched and hips twitched at the sensation. He continued to delve his tongue inside, swirling it around and wetting the trail of hair that disappeared under Harry’s tiny black briefs. He rubbed his chin over the waistband before nosing along the top of his groin where the dusting of pubic hair was visible.   
  
“You know what I really want?” Louis asked nonchalantly.    
  
He paused to lick over the thick patch of hair, using the strong muscle of his tongue to slip into the waistband of Harry’s briefs. Harry’s hips stuttered in response and his breath hitched. He let out a soft moan and gripped Louis’ hair.   
  
“Wh-what?” He asked shakily.   
  
“Want to be close to you,” Louis answered softly. “Want to be as close to you as I can get.”    
  
He slipped his tongue as far under the briefs as he could manage, his nose nuzzling the dark hair as the scent of Harry — clean sweat and coconut milk — filled his nostrils. Sliding his hands up, he carefully peeled down the briefs to reveal the thick base of Harry’s cock.    
  
“Want to be inside you. God, I want to be inside you so badly,” he said, sucking over the top patch of hair as his fingers brushed along Harry’s shaft.   
  
“Holy fuck. Yes, yes. Please, want that,” Harry’s moans were breathless, his entire lower body shaking with adrenaline.   
  
Louis peered up from where he was perched over Harry’s groin and saw that Harry’s normally bright jade eyes were blown with lust and heavy in their sockets.    
  
He grinned, sliding the briefs off of Harry’s legs swiftly and sucking the head of his cock into his mouth with a wet 'pop'.   
  
“Shit.”   
  
Louis sucked lightly, at first, gently peeling down the foreskin and swirling his tongue over the pink skin of Harry’s dick. “Hmm. Have I told you lately how pretty your cock is?” He licked over the tip with the flat of his tongue, Harry making a high-pitched squeak at the sensation. “You have such a beautiful cock. Didn’t really know that was possible. I mean, a cock is cock. But yours...” He suckled on the head again, this time sucking in his cheeks as far as he could so the wet heat of his mouth completely enclosed the sensitive skin. “It’s perfect. You have the perfect cock. God, why is everything about you so fucking perfect?”   
  
Harry moaned in response, his fingers gripping the back of Louis’ hair fiercely. “Lou,” he managed. “God.”   
  
“So pretty,” Louis continued, sucking along the side of Harry now. He spread his hands over Harry’s groin and allowed his fingers to scratch through the hair there, Harry moaning at the touch. His mouth made an obscene noise as he popped off the wet head of Harry’s cock, lips moving to press over the hair of his groin again. He let the soft moans of Harry spur him on, lowering his kisses down the sides of his groin and into the soft milky crease of his thigh.    
  
“Hmm,” Louis sighed, smoothing his hands up and down and gently cupping each knee. He continued to move his mouth as he slowly began to spread Harry’s legs.   
  
Harry’s breath hitched, his hips pressing up ever so slightly.   
  
“Stay still,” Louis said with a grin. His tongue dragged down the soft skin of Harry’s thigh as he pushed on the backs of his legs until Harry’s knees were completely bent, leaving him completely exposed.    
  
“Fuck,” Louis muttered, grinning wickedly. “You look so good, H. So lovely all open like this for me.”    
  
He pulled on the backs of Harry’s legs, arms wrapped underneath as his nose nuzzled the crease of Harry’s inner thigh, inching down and rubbing along his balls before gently slipping his tongue out to lick a stripe up his perineum.   
  
“Oh, fuck.”   
  
Louis continued to grin, licking gently, not allowing his tongue to dip any lower.   
  
“Lou,” Harry whined. “You’re teasing.”   
  
“Am I?” He swirled his tongue around the puckered pink skin, wetting the light dusting of hair there but not daring to delve inside. He felt Harry wiggle as his tongue moved, his hands frantically scratching at his hair.    
  
“God, am I this mean when I eat you out?” Harry whined.   
  
Louis paused, peering up at him with a smirk. “Oh, eat you out, is that what you wanted? Well, speak up, mate.” He stifled a laugh as he felt Harry’s eyes bore into his head.   
  
“You’re funny,” Harry said, eyes narrowing. “You’re a funny man.”   
  
Louis grinned and continued to lick around Harry’s ass, tongue lazily sliding up each cheek and circling his hole. “I know,” he said cheekily. “Always have been.”   
  
“Please, Lou, please. You’re killing me,” Harry begged, his hips stuttering as his thighs began to shake around Louis’ head.   
  
“Alright then," Louis answered simply.   
  
Harry’s hips lifted immediately at the sensation of Louis’ tongue inside him, his back arching off the bed as he bit his lip. “Fuck, Lou. So good.”   
  
“You feel amazing, H. Shit, you’re so tight. So fucking tight,” He gasped for air before delving back inside. “Gonna have to open you up nicely. Get you nice and wet.”   
  
“Hmmgghjj,” Harry mumbled.   
  
Louis wasn’t normally one for dirty talk during sex, he usually became pliant and meek. Harry’s senses were in complete overdrive at his confident and sexy demeanor.   
  
Louis lifted his head then, his breathing laboured, lips red and shiny with spit.    
  
Harry looked down, eyes wide. “Why are you stopping?” He whined.   
  
“Flip over.”   
  
“What?”   
  
“Flip over,” Louis repeated. He pressed both hands to Harry’s hips and guided him over so he was flat on his belly. Harry craned his neck to try and watch Louis' movements as he wasted no time in prying his legs open, his hands immediately going to the fleshy skin of Harry’s small bum and spreading him open wide. “Gonna do it like this,” He said softly, sucking over his rim harshly.   
  
“Ahh, yeah, okay. Sure, whatever you want,” Harry laughed breathlessly, pressing his hips back to meet Louis’ tongue. “God, you’re good at that.”   
  
Louis’ tongue was strong and quick as it moved inside Harry, the thick muscle stretching the tight pink skin. “Gotta get you good with me tongue,” He said. “My fingers are small. Won’t be as good as yours.”   
  
“Oh yes they will,” Harry said. “Fingers, please. Want your fingers.”   
  
“Yours always feel so good in me. So long, god they fit so nicely. Hit every spot.”    
  
Harry groaned into his pillows in response, his legs trembling against the bed.   
  
Louis rubbed the pad of his middle finger along the rim before slowly prodding it inside. “I’ll give it a go,” He said cheekily.   
  
“Don’t be fucking ridiculous — ah,” Harry muttered, feeling Louis’ finger curve inside him and brush against his spot. “You feel amazing already.”   
  
Louis worked carefully, stretching Harry with one, two, three, and then four of his small fingers, his dexterous movements and the added slip of his tongue eliciting soft moans and high-pitched squeals from Harry above him.   
  
“Fuck,” Harry panted. “You’re so full of shit.” He peered over his shoulder, wiping the sweat from his brow as he glared at Louis.  “Pretending you’re rubbish at fingering. What a fucking joke.”    
  
Louis merely smirked and crooked his fingers hard to the left, causing Harry to shriek and bury his face in the pillow.   
  
“Fuck, oh fuck!”   
  
“Dunno what you’re on about, Curly.”   
  
Harry lifted his head and shot Louis a fierce look. “You better get in me soon or I’m gonna come. Holy shit.” He flipped back over onto his back and pulled his bent legs up towards his chest.   
  
Louis continued to grin wickedly but moved in seconds: reaching for the lube, slipping into the condom and pressing the tip of his cock into Harry gently, the thick head catching on the rim and stretching his hole slowly.    
  
“Fuck, you feel so good. I knew you would. So wet for me, babe.”   
  
“You feel good,” Harry panted back, wrapping his legs tighter around the curve of Louis’ waist. “So good, fuck.”   
  
Louis’ hands pressed flat against Harry’s chest, the skin flushed and slick with sweat. He bent forward and ran his tongue in a straight line between Harry’s pecs, the taste of salt making him lick his lips hungrily.    
  
“God, you’re delicious,” he breathed, sealing their mouths together messily. “I like you as a bottom,” he grinned.   
  
Harry grunted in response, lifting his hips to meet the practiced thrusts of Louis’. “I like you as a top,” he laughed. He hitched his hip slightly and Louis gripped it to help him, holding his thigh up and pressing it back towards his chest.   
  
“Look at you, mister former ballet dancer. And you thought I was flexible.”   
  
Harry laughed and pressed his foot against Louis’ collarbone, wiggling his toes to tickle the skin there. Louis rolled his eyes as Harry continued to move his foot, his toes tapping  first against his shoulder before moving to his hair and finally against his cheek   
  
“Oi!”   
  
Louis slapped his foot away, watching Harry cackle and wrap his legs around his waist again, his feet now pressed over the swell of his bum.   
  
“I’m trying to fuck you and you’re bloody putting your feet all over me face,” Louis panted. His hairline was damp and tiny beads of sweat had formed on his upper lip. He wiped at his forehead clumsily, his fringe matted and wild around his face.   
  
“You’re doing a decent job, mate,” Harry answered with a grin, reaching forward to grab the back of Louis’ neck.    
  
“Hmm,” he sighed, pressing their lips together, his tongue licking along Louis’ lips. “Salty.”   
  
“You know, if you’re not enjoying yourself, I can stop at any time. Just say the word.”   
  
Harry raised an eyebrow. “Sassy.”   
  
"Look at you, pretending you're all calm and cool as a cucumber, making jokes and being a little shit. "    
  
Louis reached under Harry’s lower back, his hands sliding over the skin  hot and slick with sweat. He gripped the layer of padding around Harry’s hips and lifted his body gently, Harry arching his back and crying out at the change in angle. His cock lay heavy on his hip, flushed and leaking out the tip.   
  
“Fuck! Oh, fuck. Oh, do that again, please.”   
  
“Yeah, think you deserve it? You’re being quite cheeky, Hazza.”   
  
Louis watched as Harry’s face twisted into a grimace as he pumped his hips faster, Harry’s entire body shaking with the rhythm of his movements. He reached a hand forward to brush the sweat-matted curls off his forehead, locking eyes with Harry’s blown-out lust filled ones.   
  
Harry could feel the coil in his lower belly starting to build as his balls begin to tighten and draw up against his body. His thighs shook around Louis’ hips and his brain began to feel foggy. His cock was desperate for friction, but his body was in such overdrive that he couldn’t seem to coordinate his hands to reach down and touch himself.   
  
“Lou, please,” He begged softly.   
  
“Yes, love?”   
  
“Touch me — touch me, please.”   
  
Louis bent forward to kiss him; their lips meeting in a tangle of sweat and tongues. His hand slinked down to grip the thick base of Harry’s cock and he began to tug it gently to the same beat of his hips, Harry panting and lifting his hips to meet each thrust.   
  
“Fuck baby, like that, keep going. You’re so fucking hot H, you feel amazing. You have no idea. So fucking good. God, you’re beautiful,” Louis was babbling, the pressure on his cock tight and overwhelming as his orgasm took over, taking both men by surprise.   
  
Louis groaned breathlessly, tugging Harry’s cock faster. “Sorry love, couldn’t wait,” he mumbled, quickly replacing his cock with two of his fingers, thrusting them hard as Harry continued to pant.   
  
“Come on baby, just like that.”   
  
“Louis, fuck .”   
  
“Yeah? Feel good, love?”   
  
“So good, so good, holy fuck, oh god right there!”   
  
It was messy and blurry; Louis’ movements clumsy as he tugged Harry frantically, his thumb pressing into the wet slit of his tip as his fingers pressed harder and faster inside. When Harry came, his voice cracked with a strangled cry, legs kicking out as he spilled over himself. His back arched, vision blurring as he gasped for breath. Neither moved for several minutes before both men were collapsing back on the pillows, the sound of their laughter ringing out throughout the flat.   
  
...   
  
“Those pancakes were really ace. Hit the spot. Cheers, mate.”   
  
Harry winked. “You’re welcome, mate.”   
  
Louis was sat up in bed, a flannel blanket wrapped around his still naked body as the remains of their late breakfast lay stacked on the bedside table. He yawned loudly, stretching his arms over his head. “Fuck, I’m sore.”   
  
Harry smirked and stretched his own long arms out to the sides before pulling them across his chest. “I’m telling you, you need to do yoga with me. It’ll change your life.”   
  
“Alright, calm down, yogi,” Louis snorted.   
  
“It will! You’ll feel better, you’ll sleep better...”   
  
“Uh huh.”   
  
“Plus, I get to watch you bend over in lycra trousers. It’s a mutually beneficial scenario.”   
  
“Why do we have to do yoga for that to happen?”    
  
Harry chuckled. “We don’t, but we should. Come on, Lou, you know how much it’s helped my back. Just try a few poses with me? Please?”   
  
Louis sighed. He adored Harry. He especially adored him when he was going off about something he loved. Even when it was some weird health trend like adding a spoonful of coconut oil to his morning coffee (Louis gagged and told him this was exactly why tea was the far superior morning beverage). The way Harry's eyes lit up, dimples popping out as those deliciously pink lips curved into a smile - it was hard to say no to. He pursed his lips, pretending to contemplate his decision for another minute.   
  
“Will you be naked during this session?”   
  
“You bet," Harry grinned. "It’s my favourite way to do it.”   
  
Louis winked. “I hope you aren’t whipping out your willy at the gym. Niall told me you guys went to a class last week.”   
  
“Uh no,” Harry said with a chuckle. “Willy yoga sessions are reserved for at home only.”   
  
"Lucky me,” Louis grinned. 

  
  
...

  
  
“What in the actual fuck was that? I thought yoga was supposed to be relaxing,” Louis complained, collapsing into a sweaty mess on the carpet. “That was a proper workout. Jesus, no wonder you’re bloody fit.”   
  
"Ah, and you looked great doing it, love.”   
  
While Louis was curled up pathetically on the rug, Harry had continued the session and was currently balancing on one foot, his ankle clasped in hand as he stretched his quads. Louis stared at him brazenly, loving the way his creamy skin glistened with sweat, his curls pushed back with a headscarf. He watched Harry’s cock bob with his movements before it settled against his thigh in all its glory; long and pink, and making Louis’ mouth water.   
  
“You know,” he said. “It’s quite distracting to do a bloody warrior six or whatever when you’ve got that lovely cock of yours flopping about.”   
  
Harry glanced down at him. "Flopping? I’d say it’s more of a bounce.”   
  
Louis quirked an eyebrow, sitting crossed-legged on the rug and reaching a hand out to pat Harry’s groin sweetly. “Not that I’m complaining, really...quite a sight to see.”   
  
Harry laughed, stretching his other leg now. “It’s really liberating being naked. Especially when exercising. Don’t get as hot. Plus, you don’t have the awful moment when you peel your pants off and you just get a whiff of sweaty balls.”   
  
Louis wrinkled his nose. “Like a locker room after footie. Gross.”   
  
Harry was doing squat jumps now, Louis’ mouth nearly falling open at the sight.   
  
“Oi, yoga is one thing but how you can you jump around like that?! Your willy's practically smacking you in the face. Jesus.”   
  
Harry grinned as he lowered his legs, his penis bouncing gently with each movement, the pink tip of it brushing against his fern tattoos. “Dunno. Just can. It’s fun!”   
  
He reached down and gripped Louis’ wrist to yank him up. “Come on then, lemme see you squat. Wanna see that bum of yours in action.”   
  
"Like you haven't," Louis answered wryly, jumping up to join him.   
  
The two were laughing hysterically, naked bodies free, exposed, and slick with sweat as they jumped and stretched. Neither noticed the tap on the door and Liam bounding in, face buried in the cookbook in hand.   
  
“Hey Haz, I wanna make a dinner for — oh, Jesus Christ!!!”   
  
Liam peered up from the book and was greeted by the surprised expressions of Louis and Harry, both in mid jumping-jack, dicks flopping in the air.   
  
“Shit! Sorry, mates...didn’t mean to uh...didn’t know you were…whatever you’re doing...uh, carry on then!”   
  
Liam stuttered furiously as he backed out of the door, shaking his head and quickly closing it behind him.   
  
Louis roared with laughter, crumbling to the ground as Harry shook his head in mild embarrassment and stared at the closed door in disbelief. He plopped down beside Louis and covered his mouth with one large hand.   
  
“Right. Clearly Liam’s not a fan of naked yoga.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I’ve said, I moved to England this year from Canada, and this is my first time being properly on my own and away from my family during Christmas. It’s definitely been a sadder Christmas season than usual, but in a lot of ways, it’s felt very empowering to be on my own. I'm not an adventurous person by nature, so moving to another continent has been a huge deal for me. I know for many people, this time of year can be particularly difficult and causes more pain than happiness. I've definitely been struggling the past week to not feel lonely. If that’s the case for you, just know that you’re never alone in what you feel and there will always be better things ahead. I hope you’ve had a lovely day filled with all the things and all the people you love best. Wherever you are in the world, whatever you’re doing, I’m sending loads of love to you. Merry Christmas xxx 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and please leave your comments and kudos if you enjoyed it, it means so much!
> 
> Please reblog the post [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com/post/153142405073/peachesandpetal-title-rather-be-sad-with-you) if you're enjoying :) 
> 
> Thank you to the lovely [nautilarrie](http://nautilarrie.tumblr.com//)  
> for betaing!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> xxx Sailor


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a million years, here's a proper chapter. Thanks for your sweet words and suggestions on the fake chapter / whiny note I posted a few weeks ago. I really hope this means my writing hiatus is over. I'm trying my very best! x

Fucking Harry.  
  
Louis was sweaty and out of breath by the time he finally spotted ‘The Dolphin’ sign signifying that he was in the right place.  
  
He ran a hand through his damp fringe and scoffed at the dingy pub entrance. It had taken him twice as long as Citymapper had told him it would to arrive (and okay, it was mostly on account of his sense of direction being subpar, subsequently causing him to walk past the pub several times before actually realizing he had done so, but that was beside the point as far as he was concerned).  
  
Really, he blamed Harry.  
  
Harry and his incessant need to always be trying new things to keep life 'fresh' as he had passionately exclaimed one night over beer and a game of cards. Louis couldn’t remember the last time, if any, he had tried keeping life ‘fresh’ so he had merely rolled his eyes and tried to refrain from commenting. As he often did when he drank, Harry had launched into a long-winded speech about the importance of expanding one’s horizons and doing things that scared you in order to practice personal growth. (Harry also claimed he didn’t copy this quote from a Lululemon bag, but Louis knew better, he’d seen the bags in Harry’s closets). Louis had mostly tuned out, patting Harry’s thigh fondly, while Niall simply looked confused and continued chugging his beer. Liam, ever the faithful friend, was the only one who attempted to continue the conversation with Harry, kindly listening and telling him that making a list consisting of “one thing a day that scares you” tasks sounded fun and challenging. In his own head, Louis decidedly deemed them ‘unnecessary’ and ‘boring’.  
  
Which brought him back to tonight. Why Harry had chosen this particular pub was beyond Louis. It was located in an obscure part of Manchester, not remotely close to the university. The street was dirty, littered with cigarettes and crumpled posters about some hipster poetry reading happening at some cafe that Louis hoped to God he would never find out the location of. The pub itself was a decrepit old tavern style building and one glance inside told Louis that it wasn’t exactly a hip and happening place. The booths were mostly empty, despite the fact that it was nearly 11p.m., and the sounds of Motown music played softly throughout the bar.  
  
Actually, this was exactly the type of place Harry would pick. He was constantly dragging Louis and the boys to quirky places they had never heard of; old secondhand bookstores with creaky floors, antique shops (where Harry had purchased £20 of mismatched teacups), and tiny hole-in-the-wall cafes where wheatgrass shots were a ‘favourite’ on the menu.  
  
God, that boy was so fucking weird sometimes. Louis huffed under his breath, unable to keep his lips from quirking into a fond smile. Most wonderful boy.  
  
He spotted the boys huddled in a large booth in the corner. His eyes found Harry immediately, the bun on top of his curly-haired head bouncing enthusiastically as his arms gestured wildly, dimples popping with every enunciation.  
  
In all honesty, Harry was never hard to spot in a crowd, least of all for Louis. He seemed to draw people in wherever he went, no matter what he was doing.  
  
Of course, it didn’t help matters that Harry was currently sporting a loud purple and orange floral shirt that Louis assumed was a women’s blouse and was certain he had gotten at his favourite thrift shop. He shook his head fondly and looked up to find Harry still talking, no doubt telling some long-winded tale about a new fruit he discovered in the grocery store, while Niall, Liam, and Ed were chuckling softly and pretending to listen intently.  
  
Harry spotted him then, standing up and waving his hands in the air, a wide grin plastered on his pink lips. “Louuuuu! Baaaaby! Over here!”  
  
Louis snorted. As if they were hard to spot among the four other people in the pub.  
  
Harry’s eyes were bright and slightly dazed as he continued to grin stupidly at Louis, his body swaying gently offbeat to the sounds of ‘My Girl’ now playing in the background.  
  
So he’s already drunk then, Louis noted. He wondered what song was playing in Harry’s head.  
  
Coming closer, Louis noticed that Harry was dressed in a pair of extremely tight white trousers that were possibly leggings and probably women’s.  
  
Because of course he was.  
  
“Baby! Hi! You’re here. It took you aaaaaages,” Harry pouted, yelling too loudly in his ear and tripping over his own feet as he reached across the table for him.  
  
Louis was overwhelmingly endeared by the image of his sweet bambi deer of a boyfriend and moved forward to meet him, only cringing slightly at the loud intrusion in his ear. He nestled his hands in the silky material of Harry’s shirt and breathed in the scent of him: sweet and musky, his favourite contrast. He felt the warmth of Harry’s strong arms wrapping around him, awkwardly trying to pull him closer, ignoring the table that stood between them.  
  
“Hiya baby,” Liam echoed from his spot beside Harry, his voice overly high and breathless.  
  
Louis glared at him, ignoring the amused smirk etched on his face and flipping him the finger.  
  
“Missed ya, baby,” Niall crooned, a grin spreading widely over his face.  
  
Louis’ cheeks pinked. “Don’t be jealous, lads,” he huffed, turning his attention towards Ed. “Hey, mate.”  
  
Ed raised his pint to Louis. “Nice of you to show up,” He paused. “...baby.”  
  
“Dickheads. The lot of you.” Louis muttered, lips quirking as the four men laughed good-naturedly. Harry stood still grinning at Louis as he swayed to the music, oblivious to the fact that his friends were gently poking fun at him.  
  
“Be nice, Tommo and I might buy ya a pint,” Niall grinned. Louis glared at him, his crinkly eyes narrowing in annoyance.  
  
“I might’ve been here sooner if this place wasn’t in the middle of fucking nowhere,” he replied, attempting to maneuver around the booth to slide in beside Harry.  
  
Harry pouted and pressed a kiss into Louis’ temple, halting him in his tracks. “I love this place. They play really good music,” he insisted. “Besides, Angus is maybe, probably, like the nicest bloke alive.”  
  
Louis surveyed the table with a confused expression, only to be met with equally amused faces among the lads. “Angus? Who is Angus?”  
  
Ed groaned. “Oh god, don’t get him started again.”  
  
“Angus is the owner of this place. Apparently, Haz is mates with him,” Niall smirked. Liam and Ed snickered.  
  
Harry’s chest puffed out with pride. “I am,” he answered happily. “Am mates with him.”  
  
“Trading me in are you?” Louis joked.  
  
Harry hadn’t lessened his grasp on his waist so Louis awkwardly shuffled around the table until he was plastered against Harry’s side and yanked into his lap.  
  
“Hiya,” Louis said amusedly.  
  
Harry grinned. “Hiya petal.” He petted the back of Louis’ head with one hand, the other moving to stroke along his belly.  
  
Louis was glad that the pub was practically empty or else he might have felt like a bit of an idiot being cradled in his boyfriend’s lap like a child.Though if he was really honest with himself, Louis kind of adored when Harry was so affectionate with him in public. Harry had the type of invincible beauty that left him in a constant state of being ogled, so Louis reveled in the opportunity to be at the center of Harry’s attention where he could make all the onlookers jealous like the cocky bastard he was.  
  
Not that anyone was looking in this bar. Except maybe Angus.  
  
“Think he missed you, Tommo,” Liam chuckled.  
  
“Always miss you,” Harry agreed, nuzzling into Louis’ neck and causing his cheeks to flush.  
  
“You saw me four hours ago, Haz.”  
  
Harry merely shrugged and tipped his beer up to his lips, one arm still clutched around Louis’ waist to hold him in place.  
  
“And what a long four hours it was.”  
  
“Oh yeah, how was your meeting, Lou?” Niall scrunched up his face and tilted his head in deep thought. “What was it called? Academic appraisal?” He asked, loudly chugging the remainder of his beer and slapping his pint down on the table.  
  
“Assessment, Ni. Academic assessment,” Liam answered seriously. “The purpose of meeting with your academic advisor is to discuss the progress of the semester and determine whether you’re on track for exams and courses, ultimately, ensuring you’re set to graduate.”  
  
Niall shrugged, wiping his sleeve across his mouth. “Right.” He paused before turning to Louis. “So how did it go?”  
  
Louis hummed and took a large swig of Harry’s beer.  
  
“It was fine. Just standard academic stuff, going over courses and shit. I reckon it was just an opportunity for her to compliment me on my impressive paper writing skills,” he joked before lifting the pint to his lips and chugging the remainder of the glass.  
  
Stay vague and make a joke, that was Louis’ policy. It usually worked in deterring others of suspecting that anything was less than fine. Which, of course, was a blatant lie, but nevermind that.  
  
Niall nodded, having already lost interest or forgotten the conversation completely. Either way, Louis was grateful.  
  
Liam replied, ever the proud parent, beamed. “That’s great, Lou!”  
  
Harry nodded enthusiastically, the same dreamy smiled plastered on his face. “Heyyyyy,” he whined suddenly, only just noticing his now empty beer mug.  
  
“Sorry. I’ll get us a couple more,” Louis replied, dipping his mouth close to Harry’s ear.  
  
Harry responded by standing up abruptly, Louis still in lap, causing him to screech loudly and cling to Harry in a desperate attempt not to fall to the ground.  
  
“You ogre!!!”  
  
The table erupted in laughter as Harry pouted at the name-calling. He continued to squeeze Louis around the waist and shake him gently from side to side before placing him delicately on the floor.  
  
“Oi, I’m not a ragdoll!” Louis protested hotly.  
  
“You’re just so cute,” Harry protested, bopping Louis’ nose as the lads continued to snicker.  
  
Louis huffed and tugged his sweatshirt down where it had ridden up on his belly revealing a smooth sliver of skin. “Yeah, yeah.”  
  
“He is quite darling,” Liam replied, trying to keep a straight face.  
  
“Quite,” Niall added.  
  
“Like a little lamb,” Ed nodded.  
  
Harry beamed. “Little Lou the lamb!”  
  
“Are you quite finished?” Louis groaned before turning to Harry. “You,” he rolled his eyes fondly, “Are ridiculous.”  
  
Harry planted a loud, sloppy kiss to his cheek. “You love me,” he crooned. “And aren’t you meant to be getting me another drink?”  
  
“Don’t think you need another, love.”  
  
Harry’s nose wrinkled in disapproval. “I haven’t even done any dancing yet,” he whined.  
  
“I definitely want to see this,” Ed grinned.  
  
Niall cocked an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you were a good dancer, Harry.”  
  
Louis snickered.  
  
“When you’re a bit drunk you can throw some crazy shapes, mate.” Liam chimed in. “I’ve had to pick you up once.”  
  
“I don’t have to be drunk to throw some crazy shapes, Liam,” Harry scoffed smugly.  
  
“That’s true,” Ed replied. “Harry is a maniac on the dance floor. I’m thinking of the BioMed social last year…” he trailed off with a wink.  
  
“Harry used to do ballet,” Louis smiled, nuzzling the curls behind Harry’s ear. “He’s a right little twinkle toes. Except with giant clown feet.”  
  
Harry snorted loudly into his shoulder. “Heyyyyy.”  
  
“You have to be in the moment with Harry, I think.” Ed mused.  
  
“Just gotta feel it,” Harry agreed. “Sometimes you just have to go to a place, you know?”  
  
There was a bit of a crowd circling the bar at this point and Louis had to endure being squished between two very large, very sweaty men for several long minutes before finally retrieving two pitchers of beer.  
  
“So what did I miss?” he asked, sliding into the booth and pushing a pitcher towards Niall who eagerly snatched it up and began refilling each glass.  
  
“We were just discussing summer jobs we had when we were kids.”  
  
“‘Cause you’re so old now, Payno,” Louis grinned.  
  
“Louis,” Liam continued, looking rather cheeky, “Used to be a swim instructor.”  
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “Lifeguard,” he corrected. “I was a lifeguard.”  
  
“How is that different?” Niall snorted.  
  
“You taught the three and four years olds, Lou,” Liam countered. “Swim instructor.”  
  
“Lifeguard sounds much more macho,” Louis grumbled, throwing his hands out in defense.  
  
Niall looked up and down Louis’ appearance exaggeratedly, taking in his tiny frame swimming in his baby blue t-shirt and tight khakis rolled up to show his slight ankles. “When have you ever tried to be macho?”  
  
Louis laughed and gave him the finger, “Bastard.”  
  
“Heyyyy, stereotypical!” Harry shouted, kissing wetly over Louis’ cheek. “I think you’re macho,” he added proudly as Louis snorted.  
  
Niall reached across the bar and ruffled his hair sweetly. “Only ‘cause I love ya, Tommo.”  
  
“Calling a spade a spade, love.” Louis chuckled to Harry patting his cheek and flipping Niall off again with a smile. “Gender norms are for losers, Nialler.”  
  
“Wasn’t the class called ‘Guppies’?” Liam chimed in helpfully.  
  
Harry burst out laughing, placing a hand over his heart. “Oh my god, that is the cutest thing.”  
  
Louis glared at Liam. “How did you know that?”  
  
“Your mum told me,” he said, shrugging absently.  
  
“What?!”  
  
“Yeah,” Niall agreed, “She also mentioned you taught the Mummy and Me classes for a bit in the summer. Said she went with the twins after they were born. According to her, Lou was very popular with the ladies!”  
  
“Aw Lou,” Harry grinned.  
  
Louis’ cheeks flamed hotly. “What the fuck? When did the two of you start being all matey with me mum?”  
  
“We have a WhatsApp chat with her,” Niall said casually.  
  
Harry’s eyes lit up. “That's great! Can I join?”  
  
“Oh fuck off.” Louis paused, glaring expectantly at his friends. “You don’t do you?”  
  
Niall cocked one eyebrow as Liam snickered before breaking out into laughter. “No, but we do email. And she does have our numbers, in case she can’t get a hold of you, which, let’s be honest, is often.”  
  
“It is not!”  
  
“That’s a good idea,” Harry replied seriously. “Can I get her email off you lads?”  
  
“Oi, hang on—”  
  
“I had to leave before I could ask her, but those lemon scones she left round the house when we were there were amazing. I’d love the recipe.”  
  
“I’ll text it to ya, Haz,” Niall assured happily. “Jay’s the best.”  
  
“Quite fit too,” Liam added.  
  
Niall winked, nodding along, knowing how fired up Louis must be.  
  
“Can I get in on this?” Ed grinned wickedly.  
  
“Oi!”  
  
This was so not funny. Louis turned to Harry and Ed, “You are absolutely not getting my mother’s number.”  
  
Harry pouted. “But the scones...”  
  
“And you two,” Louis continued, giving Liam and Niall a death glare. “Stop hitting on me mum.”  
  
Niall grinned, shrugging innocently as he downed another gulp of beer.  
  
“And stop emailing her!!!” Louis added.  
  
“Not gonna happen, mate. I love her too much.”  
  
“Reckon I should drop her a line now, Nialler?” Liam pondered.  
  
“Go on then. Sure she’d love to know what her little swim instructor is up to.”  
  
Louis narrowed his eyes at the two men. “Don’t think I won’t track down both of your mother’s email addresses, boys.”  
  
Liam shrugged. “Eh, I reckon my mum would love to chat with you.”  
  
Niall covered his mouth to mask his laughter while Harry and Ed both looked on in utter amusement.  
  
Louis snatched Liam’s pint from in front of him and promptly ran his tongue all the way around the lid. “You’re a dick,” he concluded smugly.  
  
Liam frowned momentarily and swatted at Louis’ head before shrugging and lifting the pint to his lips. “We’re practically snogging, mate.”  
  
“Yeah you wish, Payno.”  
  
“I used to work in a bakery,” Harry jumped in suddenly, pulling the conversation back to the previous topic.  
  
Ed rolled his eyes. “We know, Hazza, you only remind us, like two or three times a day.”  
  
“Not to mention anytime you bake something,” Niall added.  
  
“You like it when I bake!”  
  
“I, for one, love hearing about your bakery days, babe,” Louis grinned. “Will you take me there someday?”  
  
“‘Course,” Harry answered, placing a wet kiss on the tip of Louis’ nose.  
  
“You two are so cute,” Niall grinned fondly over his pint.  
  
“The cutest,” Ed agreed. “I’ve never seen Hazza happier if I’m honest. He’s a right little ball of sunshine these days, honest to god.”  
  
Harry grinned. “Yes, yes, we’re absolutely adorable, we’re aware. Can we quit the chinwag and get dancing already?”  
  
He stood up from the booth, wiggling his slim hips exaggeratedly. “Arses on the dance floor, let’s go, men!”  
  
“What, this teeny, tiny little arse?” Louis grinned, patting over Harry’s bum as he stood.  
  
Harry continued to shake his bum under Louis’ touch. “We can’t all be graced with an arse sculpted by God himself, mate.”  
  
Louis turned towards Harry and caught his mouth in a sloppy kiss, hands still running over his bum.  
  
“And on that note,” Niall snickered, gesturing to the other lads, “Shall we?”  
  
...  
  
“I’m sweaty,” Harry whined.  
  
“You’re absolutely drenched,” Liam corrected, sagging slightly under the weight of Harry’s body. His arm was draped across Liam’s shoulder casually but with every step, Harry’s limbs seemed to lose more control as his body leaned into Liam’s frame.  
  
“Wonder why?” Niall snorted. “Perhaps because you spent the past two hours flailing about the dance floor like it was bloody Strictly.”  
  
“Yeah, I don’t think Haz here would have made it too far in a dance competition based on his moves tonight.” Liam shifted Harry off his body and patted his back with a laugh. “I couldn’t even make out what you were doing mate, you were literally just a streak of colour flying by.”  
  
Harry preened into his side as though this was the highest praise he could receive, rubbing his cheek against Liam’s and placing a wet kiss against his skin. “Why thank you, Liam.”  
  
Louis giggled. “Can we go to McDonalds? ‘M hungry.”  
  
Harry reached an arm out behind him and fumbled clumsily for Louis, who was being dragged down the sidewalk by Niall. “Yes! Chicken nuggets!” Louis screeched.  
  
“—And a cheeseburger, I reckon,” he added in afterthought.  
  
“Can you handle these idiots?” Liam turned to Niall with an amused grin and an eye roll. “Soph’s just texted that she’s done work so I’m going to meet her at her place,” he scrubbed a hand over his face tiredly. Sophia was a server at an upscale Italian restaurant and seemed to be consistently placed on the late shift schedule, much to Liam’s annoyance.  
  
It was nearing two in the morning, though Liam had been attempting to drag the boys out of the pub for nearly an hour. Ed, the lucky bastard, had managed to duck out earlier, claiming he was meeting up with a girl from Tinder (“Bros before Hoes,” Niall teased, earning a small slap on the arm from Harry. “I hate that phrase! It’s sexist and derogatory!” he had shrieked).  
  
Louis and Harry had spent their time on the makeshift dance floor, downing shots of vodka while requesting cringe-worthy early millennium tunes and grinding on each other as they sang along obnoxiously.  
  
Niall hadn’t been much better, his bleach blonde head bobbing through the crowd as he danced with a group of middle-aged women (the target audience at the pub). At some point, he requested “Stacy’s Mom” and spent the entirety of the song screaming loudly into Louis’ ear, “LOUIS’ MUM, HAS GOT IT GOING ONNNNNNNN! SHE’S ALL I WANT AND I’VE WAITED FOR SO LOOOOONG.”  
  
Louis promptly threatened to pour a pitcher of beer over Niall’s head.  
  
Despite out-drinking all of the lads (and likely most people at the pub), Niall stood steady and calm on his feet as he called for an Uber. Liam had stopped drinking over an hour ago, claiming he didn’t want to be sloppy when he met up with Sophia.  
  
“More like he wants to make sure he can still get his dick up when he sees her,” Niall snickered, Liam flipping him off as Harry and Louis giggled loudly, head’s pressed together.  
  
“Whiiiiiiskey diiiiiick!” Louis sang loudly, causing an older man in front ahead to shoot them a pointed glance over his shoulder.  
  
Back at their flat, Niall left Harry and Louis in Harry’s bed with greasy bags of half-eaten McDonald’s, glasses of water, and a large supply of paracetamol.  
  
Harry sloppily kissed both of Niall’s cheeks as Niall tucked him under the duvet. “Why thaaaaaank you Ni-Nialler,” He hiccupped happily, snuggling against an already grumpy Louis laying flat on his belly in just his pants.  
  
“You two are an embarrassment to the Irish community,” Niall muttered, patting Harry’s curls.  
  
“Not Irish,” Louis mumbled into his pillow.  
  
“Louis,” Harry whispered, not so quietly. “I think I have whiskey dick,” he nuzzled against the soft junction of Louis’ neck and shoulder, dissolving into a fit of giggles.  
  
“You didn’t drink any whiskey, though,” Louis giggled back, Harry laughing too loudly as though it was the cleverest joke he’d ever heard.  
  
Niall snorted. “And on that note, I think I’m off to bed.”  
  
“We love you, Niall,” Harry sighed happily, eyes closed and cheeks flushed.  
  
Niall grinned, flicking off the light and shaking his head in amusement. “And I you, my little ones,” He laughed, the door clicking shut behind him.  
  
  


  
***   
  


  
  
Harry and Louis spent the following day wildly hungover, Harry struggling to keep his eyes open and his stomach from lurching throughout his lectures. Meanwhile, Louis slept like the dead until 3p.m. before finally dragging himself out of bed to attend his 4p.m. lecture. (on Harry’s insistence, of course. Harry had started setting alarms on Louis’ phone in an effort to get him to his classes on time, using a slew of random emojis on each notification that made Louis smile fondly whenever he checked his phone.)  
  
By evening they were curled together on the sofa, surrounded by empty boxes of Chinese food and the sound of Criminal Minds playing softly in the background.  
  
“I think we’ve discovered the cure for hangovers.” Louis breathed heavily into his arm, running his forehead back and forth to wipe the sweat from his brow.  
  
Harry licked a wet stripe up Louis’ lower back, his tongue lapping over each vertebra of his spine.  
  
“Hmm, how smart are we,” he mused, patting Louis’ bum, and ducking his head to give a final lick to the top of Louis’ crack. “Have I told you lately how absolutely delicious your sweat tastes?”  
  
Louis snorted. “My arse sweat? Bit weird, Haz.”  
  
Harry shifted forward so he was sat on top of Louis, his broad weight perched directly over Louis’ bum.  
  
“Not your arse sweat necessarily,” he shrugged. “I’m not picky. Besides, you didn’t seem to mind when I was eating noodles off your arse...”  
  
“Ah, Jesus lads,” Liam’s voice appeared behind them, Louis peering up at him from under Harry’s weight.  
  
“Oh hey, Liam.”  
  
Louis slithered his weight forward, Harry lifting his bum up to allow Louis to sit up.  
  
Liam cocked one eyebrow, staring pointedly. “Please assure me that did not happen on this sofa, in this very communal space where I like to enjoy watching footie and eating an innocent bowl of cereal?”  
  
“Calm down, Payno, it was pretty PG,” Louis answered calmly. “Besides, we’re much too knackered from earlier when we were sat over there,” he smirked, nodding towards the kitchen island.  
  
Harry swatted at him. “He’s kidding.”  
  
Liam narrowed his eyes. “Are you naked under those blankets?” He asked suspiciously, jerking his head.  
  
“Course not,” Louis replied easily. “Got me pants on don’t I.” He reached a hand down and snapped the waistband of his briefs loudly.  
  
Liam hummed and turned to head to the fridge, reaching in to snag the carton of milk. “Good.”  
  
“Harry, however…”  
  
Louis reached for the side of the blanket wrapped tightly around Harry’s body and slid it up his leg, revealing the pale, creamy skin of his upper thigh. “Seems to be a bit bare here…” He mused, running his hand over the soft flesh.  
  
Liam whipped back around to the amused expressions of both boys. Harry giggled and yanked the blanket back down, rolling his eyes fondly at Louis.  
  
Liam sighed and rubbed his temples in a manner that was highly reminiscent of the way Louis remembered his geography teacher doing when he was being told off.  
  
“Haz, come on. We talked about this!”  
  
“Sorry Li. My bum’s not actually touching the couch, just Lou’s blanket, if that makes you feel any better?”  
  
Liam sighed begrudgingly. “I suppose that’s fine then…”  
  
“Yeah, but he did rub his willy all over your favourite throw pillow here,” Louis chimed in, gesturing to the pillow on his left.  
  
Harry squawked, “I most certainly did not!”  
  
He dove on top of Louis, gently smothering him with the blanket as it fell dangerously low on his hips, revealing the small swell of his pale bum.  
  
Liam sighed deeply, like an exhausted mother watching her children in frustration and walked carefully around the coffee table to sit in the chair farthest from the sofa.  
  
“That’s fine,” Liam spoke loudly, turning the volume up as he flicked to the news. “Just fine.You lot continue your nude wrestling and I’ll just be sat here watching the telly like a proper adult.”  
  
Louis poked his head out from under the duvet. “You know you could leave the room,” He suggested.  
  
“This is shared space!” Liam screeched, gesturing wildly.  
  
Louis snickered. “Just trying to get you going, lad. We’ll try and keep the nude activities to the bedroom, alright?”  
  
Liam’s face relaxed. “Thanks, mates. I just think we should all have some boundaries, you know? Just to—oh Jesus Christ, Harry!”  
  
Harry froze, midway rising from his seat, face relaxed and cock hanging proudly between his thighs, long and soft. “What?” he said in alarm, surveying the room frantically.  
  
“Your—your cock is out!”  
  
Liam’s eyes were focused intently on the television screen, adamantly avoiding looking in their direction.  
  
Louis clapped a hand over his mouth and tried to stifle his laughter. He wrapped one arm around Harry’s waist and pulled him back under the blanket.  
  
“Here Haz,” Louis said sweetly, retrieving his pants from the floor and tossing them on his face. “No willies out during the news.”  
  
“Or,” Liam muttered with a pointed eye roll, “No willies out where they are visible to those of us not interested in seeing Harry’s God-given gift to man swinging about.”  
  
Louis frowned. “Who’s not interested in that?” He asked genuinely.  
  
Harry merely smirked apologetically and reached for the container of food, his long arm reaching towards Liam.  
  
“Noodles?” He asked sweetly.  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
The rest of the week passed in a haze of exhaustion. It was the end of November, and as classes were winding down, everyone’s anxieties were winding up.  
  
Louis spent the remainder of the week and nearly the entire weekend revising for the upcoming exam season, a process completely fueled by Harry, who made a schedule and organized daily study sessions with the boys. Harry had a very specific method of revision, one being what he referred to as “forty-five fifteen” which consisted of 45 minutes of solid studying and 15 minutes of break. The break had to include some sort of physical exercise (Harry: yoga, Liam: squatting/jumping/punching, Niall: getting up to walk to the toilet or refrigerator, and Louis: rolling his eyes and retreating to the sofa) with a snack as the reward.  
  
In typical Harry fashion, he had spent Friday morning baking a selection of treats for them to enjoy. He had even made a special trip to the campus bookstore and bought a hefty supply of highlighters, pens, pencils, erasers, colourful post-its, yellow legal pads, and whiteout.  
  
“You bought all this at the campus store?!” Liam cried. “Everything in there is outrageously overpriced. Seriously, how much did you pay for this pen?”  
  
Harry looked bewildered as Liam shoved the pen close to his nose. “But isn’t it nice to support our school?” he asked.  
  
“Not when a pack of ballpoint pens is fifteen bloody quid,” Liam cried, tossing the price tag at Harry, who huffed and flicked it back at him.  
  
“But these ones are the best.”  
  
Niall chuckled. “Liam hasn’t quite gotten over the calculator mishap from first year.”  
  
“Do I even want to know?”  
  
“I paid twenty quid for a scientific calculator and it DIED during my stats midterm. Can you even believe that? What in the fuck.” Liam practically growled over his flatmate's laughter, his face flushed and eyebrows set in a line.  
  
“And oh for fuck's sake, they even say Man U on the side.”  
  
Louis grinned, pressing himself up against Harry’s back. “Hazza’s a posh boy, Li. Only the best for our Cheshire boy.”  
  
Harry pouted and whined high in his throat. “Hey. ‘M not posh.”  
  
Louis kissed his neck and chuckled. “Okay, Holmes Chapel.”  
  
Louis was incredibly endeared by Harry’s geekiness and total dedication when it came to his studies even if he wasn’t on board with the strict study schedule. Harry didn’t push him of course, instead, giving him praise when he got through a chapter and over enthusiastically complimenting his notes. He made no remarks when Louis ventured into his room after only a couple hours of revision, bringing him tea during breaks and curling up beside him as he listened to his lectures on a podcast and made notes.  
  
By the time Sunday night rolled around, the atmosphere of the flat felt sullen.  
  
Louis had given up working half an hour before his flatmates, having hastily scribbled together an introduction for his final paper. He was now spread out on the sofa, a plate of cookies balanced on his belly, a pillow over his face.  
  
“Ugh,” Liam sighed deeply from his spot at the island, nose pressed into his open textbook.  
  
“Agreed,” Harry muttered, running a hand through his greasy fringe and reaching up to stretch his arms above his head. “I feel like my brain is melting. Literally melting to nothing.”  
  
Niall plopped down beside them, ruffling Harry’s hair. “Chin up, lads, there’s only a week of classes to go.”  
  
“I’ll be dead by then,” Louis muttered into the pillow.  
  
“And,” Niall continued, cracking open a beer, “Your best mate Niall, out of the goodness of his heart, has just ordered take away curry for us all.”  
  
“Fuck yeah, Niall, you’re a legend!” Louis called.  
  
“Didn’t you get a free coupon from that bird Lucy who works there? The one you shagged last week?”  
  
Niall’s smile doesn’t deter. “You’re welcome, Liam. I know, I know, I’m the best.”  
  
“Git,” Liam muttered under his breath, though it didn’t stop him from inhaling a plate of curry when it came.  
  
Harry and Louis were the last ones in the living room, both Niall and Liam retreating back to their rooms after the film had finished.  
  
“Notting Hill is a highly overrated film, don’t you think?” Harry yawned silently, rolling his neck into the dip of his shoulder.  
  
Louis arched an eyebrow in mock horror. “What’s this? Harry Styles, president of the Rom-Com appreciation club, lover all of things sappy and sweet, doesn’t like Notting Hill, a critically acclaimed, absolute classic film among romantic comedies?” He rose from the sofa, rubbing his hand across his belly and scrunching his face up in discomfort before turning towards Harry. “ _And_ it’s British. How dare you.”  
  
“Pretty sure it’s not critically acclaimed,” Harry snorted. “I mean, I liked it, but it was a bit average, I dunno.”  
  
Louis flicked the telly off and crossed the room to tug on a lock of Harry’s hair.  
  
“Somewhere in the world, Hugh Grant is crying into his pillow,” He teased.  
  
Harry snickered and reached a hand out to grip Louis’ waist. “What can I say, I’m a cold-blooded critic.”  
  
“This coming from a man who tips the seventy-year-old man who drunkenly slurs his way through Hungry Like the Wolf  outside Tesco’s every week.”  
  
“He really tries his best!”  
  
Louis snorted. “You’re a real bad boy, Harrabella.”  
  
“Heyyyyy.” Harry tugged Louis against his body harshly, planting his hands firmly on his bum. “That’s enough out of you, mister.”  
  
Louis laughed into his shoulder and wiggled free, pressing his hand against his belly briefly.  
  
Harry frowned, tracking his movement. “What’s wrong? Is your stomach upset?”  
  
“Nah, it’s fine.”  
  
It wasn’t the first time Louis’ stomach had acted up recently but exam season always brought on a fresh wave of stress and Louis was accustomed to his body reacting to emotional discomfort this way so he hadn’t given it much thought. Considering the news of his potentially doomed future, he couldn’t exactly blame the sense of uneasiness swirling around his abdomen.  
  
“What does it feel like?” Harry questioned, dragging Louis out of his own thoughts. “Is it queasy? Cramping? Hmmm, maybe it’s from dinner… Oh god, I wonder if it was the curry? But I feel fine….” he paused, brow furrowing in thought. “Are you experiencing any diarrhea?”  
  
Louis wrinkled his nose. “Jesus, you’re so sexy.”  
  
Harry smirked. “Well, are you?”  
  
“No, shut up. We are not discussing this.”  
  
“A little talk about feces has your panties in a bunch?  
  
“Don’t say feces,” Louis said, rolling his eyes and turning down the hall to Harry’s room. “And don’t say panties.”  
  
“Why? Does it make you uncomfortable?” Harry asked, unabashed and grinning stupidly. He followed Louis into the bedroom and plopped down beside him on the bed.  
  
Louis glared at him as his weight bounced the mattress and began scrolling on his phone, opening up Instagram and liking a photo his mum had posted of the twins in a sea of bubbles in the tub and ignoring Harry completely. He was rewarded with several peaceful minutes of silence as Harry slipped out of his jeans and jumper, folding them neatly over his desk chair and climbing carefully back into bed.  
  
“When did you last have a bowel movement?” he asked nonchalantly.  
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “Would you stop?”  
  
“Recently? Or are you feeling constipated?  
  
“I’m not constipated,” Louis huffed. “ I’m fine. It’s just a bit of indigestion or something. ”  
  
“It’s a natural human bodily function, Lou.”  
  
“I’m aware,” Louis answered dryly. “But I really don’t think we need to discuss it,” he added, not meeting Harry’s eyes as he tapped away on his phone to answer a text Fizzy had sent him three days ago.  
  
Harry snatched the phone from out of his hand as Louis huffed and rolled his eyes. “Are we feeling childish, Haz?”  
  
Harry cocked an eyebrow, his expression the picture of innocence. “Why can’t we discuss it?”  
  
“Harry. Honestly.” Louis snatched his phone back and finished his message.  
  
“I’m just trying to help, babe,” Harry placated, smoothing a large hand down Louis’ chest.  
  
“You’re trying to embarrass me,” Louis muttered, now thumbing down his Twitter feed.  
  
Harry laughed and poked his side. “Aw. Only because you’re so easy to embarrass, petal. How can you engage in anal sex and be so uncomfortable discussing poo?”  
  
Louis coughed. “Alright. I’m leaving now,” he sighed, promptly marching out of the room and stopping in front of the loo. He felt Harry follow him, his breath hot on the back of his neck, and turned back around abruptly.  
  
“What? I’m going to brush my teeth,” he said, narrowing his eyes.  
  
“Alright, sure,” Harry responded easily, a lopsided smile lifting the corner of his plush mouth.  
  
Louis slammed the door in his face in response.  
  
“I hope you’re not pregnant!” Harry called from outside the door.  
  
“Would you please get out of here?”  
  
...  
  
  
  
Harry slurped noisily, his pink lips wrapped around the head of Louis’ rosy cock.  
  
“When, when,” Louis laughed, shifting his hips. He blew out a heavy puff of hair, eyes closing briefly.  
  
“God, your mouth.”  
  
Harry popped off, lips shiny and red, the remnants of Louis’ orgasm barely visible. “God, your cock,” He grinned slyly.  
  
Louis wiped a hand over his forehead, pushing his sweaty fringe away from his eyes. “I’m knackered now. Sleep?” He rolled over, curling his body against Harry’s side.  
  
“Does your tummy feel any better?”  
  
Louis groaned. “I feel fine. What is it with your incessant need to discuss bodily functions tonight?”  
  
Harry grinned, petting over Louis’ crotch gently. “I’m quite interested in your bodily functions, Lou, you know that.”  
  
“Cute.” Louis rolled his eyes. “Can’t we just enjoy our post-coital bliss and go to sleep peacefully without the mentioning of shitting?”  
  
Harry shrugged, tugging his hair into his messy sleep bun and nuzzling in beside Louis. “Again, I remind you of the not so unlikely correlation between coitus and shitting.”  
  
“You have such a way with words,” Louis snorted. He paused, forehead wrinkling as he raised his eyebrows in understanding.  
  
“Wait have you…err, had that happen before?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“What?!”  
  
Harry chuckled lowly, still curled against Louis and absently stroking along his arm. “I told you…it happens.”  
  
“Umm when? Who? How?” Louis stuttered.  
  
“Oh so now you wanna chat about it,” Harry teased, ruffling Louis’ long fringe into his eyes and rolling over on his stomach.  
  
Louis blew a puff of air over them and curled down to lay flat beside Harry.  
  
“Fine, so I’m being nosy…just. Wow. I know it’s like, a thing, that could happen obviously…but. I’ve never had it happen. Don’t know anyone who has. Until now. “  
  
Harry shrugged. “It wasn’t like he full on shit himself. It wasn’t a lot. Just a bit, like, on the sheet, after, I dunno.”  
  
“Was it Matt from the student radio?” Louis asked, thinking of the guys Harry had mentioned he’d slept with. He wrinkled his nose. His history of sexual encounters wasn't exactly a prized collection of precious moments but he found himself flushing with secondhand embarrassment at the mere prospect.  
  
“I’m not saying!” Harry laughed and shook his head knowingly. “It was a minor thing. You know, I had a girl start her period during sex once too.”  
  
Louis turned his attention back to Harry, who was laying peacefully with his hands folded behind his head as though they were discussing the weather. “Really? Wasn’t that embarrassing?”  
  
“Well, not for me,” Harry replied. “I wasn’t, like, bothered or anything. I felt really bad for her, though. She was pretty unnerved.”  
  
Louis snorted. “I’d reckon so. What did you even do?” He had loads of sisters and was well acquainted with the likes of periods, though he still couldn’t imagine what he himself would have done in that particular scenario.  
  
Harry shrugged. “Sorted her out. Changed the sheets. Then we made ice cream sundaes.”  
  
“Of course you did.”  
  
“It wasn’t a big deal.”  
  
“You’re so chill. About everything.” Louis traced an invisible flower over Harry’s palm absently.  
  
“That’s sex,” Harry shrugged. “Real sex at least. It’s rarely ever pretty and simple; it’s almost always messy and a bit awkward at some point. I like that about it.”  
  
“You like that,” Louis repeated.  
  
“I do.”  
  
“You like that someone may shit in the bed or bleed on your dick... or like pee or fart or…almost vomit on your dick during a drunken blow job…”  
  
Harry chuckled loudly, head falling back, curls trailing down over his shoulder blades.  
  
“Okay well I could maybe do without a few of those things but it does happen. It’s a body. It does things. It makes weird noises and there are fluids and smells and it’s messy but…it’s also the most vulnerable you can be with someone, I think, you know? When it’s good, I mean. You’re stripped down and exposed in more ways than just being naked, you know? It’s nice. Being real with someone. Like, properly being with them. Through the messy bits. It’s nice,” he repeated.  
  
“You really are so lovely,” Louis answered, his voice hushed as he stroked along the smooth skin of Harry’s cheek bone. “The loveliest.”  
  
Harry hummed, his lips brushing against Louis’ for a brief kiss. “You’re the loveliest.”  
  
Harry’s voice came a moment later, startling Louis out of the blissful calm he was in. “Are you going to tell me about your academic appointment?”  
  
His body visibly tensed, jaw tightening, eyes widening, the very mood of the room shifting like a cold gust of wind blowing through an open window. Louis rubbed his cheek against the coolness of the pillow, purposely not meeting Harry’s eyes.  
  
“Now why would you go and ruin a perfectly good moment like that, Harold?” he asked softly, trying for humour despite his voice falling flat and harsh.  
  
“Louis.”  
  
“It’s nothing, Haz. It’s fine.”  
  
They both knew it wasn’t. Louis knew from the moment he set foot in the bar and slid into his spot beside Harry that Harry could see right through him. Through his embarrassment and confusion and insecurity. Somehow, he always could. In his usual way, Harry hadn’t said anything, instead he waited, hoping that Louis would be the first to reach out. But of course, he never was. It was always Harry reaching, grappling at things he knew were there by the tips of his fingers, waiting for Louis to reach back and let him in.  
  
Louis remained silent, his eyes wide and defeated as he finally looked up and felt the warmth of Harry’s stare on his skin. Harry extended a hand out to cradle Louis’ face, his warm palm circling the sharpness of his jaw. A wet kiss landed on Louis’ nose.  
  
“It’s just—”. Louis scrubbed a hand roughly over his face, trying to push away the unwanted emotions bubbling under his skin from emerging. “It’s all gone to shit, Haz.”  
  
"What has? What’s happened, love?” Harry asked softly.  
  
“I’m not going—going to graduate—not,” Louis swallowed shallowly, his voice cracking. “Not the way things are going. I— I’m failing almost all my courses. I—I just can’t, Haz, I just can’t. It’s too much. It’s all too much. ”  
  
Harry’s face fell as he watched Louis’ face sag in front of him, eyelids drooping with the weight of the soft tears slipping out onto his flushed cheeks.  
  
Louis wiped wetly across his nose, his face scrunching up as he continued. “I’ve missed a bunch of assignments and like, a couple of profs are willing to let me do extra work and resubmit a couple things but it’s just—it’s a mess. I can’t, Haz, I can’t, I just. I can’t breathe—”  
  
Louis let out a wail deep in his throat, his face crumbling as strong arms pulled him close. Harry’s body moved underneath him, pulling Louis’ limp frame against his chest and holding tightly.  
  
“Oh, baby. Shh, shh. It’s alright,” he kissed Louis’ temple. “It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.” Louis began to shake against him, his sobs muffled against Harry’s worn t-shirt. “I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”  
  
Harry kissed Louis’ forehead after a few minutes, his hand on the nape of his neck moving in gentle strokes over the soft hair there. “We’re going to figure this out, Lou. Okay?” Louis’ sobs turned to a low whimper, his breathing slowing against Harry’s chest to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. “You and me. We’re going to sort this all out, petal.” His warm hands moved to the juts of Louis’ shoulders before gently cupping his face, “I promise.”  
  
Louis whimpered quietly into Harry’s t-shirt before his face emerged into the cool air, meeting the ever-present warmth in Harry’s worried stare. Louis began to laugh wetly, petting mindlessly over Harry’s messy curls.  
  
“I was so afraid to tell you.”  
  
Harry frowned. “But why, baby?”  
  
“I—” Louis paused, trying to choose his words carefully though his brain was foggy and fraught with emotion. “I mean—don’t like take this the wrong way, yeah? ‘Cos I totally fucking love you, like. So much.” His breath hitched, peering down to eye Harry’s stomach, “It’s just. You make me feel like such a failure.”  
  
“Not! Not like—” Louis stuttered, the expression on Harry’s face enough to make him want to run out into the streets and dive in front of the nearest car. “Not by anything you’ve done, Haz. Never. You’re perfect. That’s just it,” he chuckled.  
  
“You’re so amazing. At everything, in everything. You’re so good, Harry. You’re so, so good. You’re perfect. And I’m a fuck up. And I just—no let me say this,” Louis held a hand out, Harry already shaking his head in protest as he tried to pull Louis tighter into his embrace. “I just feel like I’m bringing you down, Haz. Like, all my stuff just gets in the way and—I don’t want that. I don’t ever want that. I don’t want who I am to be...a burden on who you are. To get in the way, you know?”  
  
Harry’ voice was nearly at a growl when he finally spoke. “Who you are,” he said firmly, “Is not a burden. _Never_ a burden. You don’t get in my way, Lou. You make me better. You’re the kindest, funniest, most incredible person I’ve never met, ” he brushed Louis’ fringe out his eyes. “I love you, you know that?”  
  
Louis’ eyes crinkled as a soft smile spread over his face, the last bits of moisture slipping down his cheeks. “Even the messy bits?” he asked softly, a slow grin lifting his lips.  
  
“Even the messiest bits,” Harry grinned.  
  
“Even though I nearly barfed trying to suck you off?”  
  
Harry’s grin widened, dimples popping deeply in his cheeks as his eyes twinkled in the barely there light of the lamppost out the window. “Even then.” He shifted Louis so he was flat over his body, the weight of him seeping into his bones. “I,” he said slowly, kissing over Louis’ damp skin, “Love every inch of you.” He kissed over each eyelid, “And then some.” His thumb brushed over the tip of Louis’ button nose, “And then some.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Angus, who really does exist and works at The Dolphin pub in East London and was my hero and best mate on my 24th birthday.
> 
> Cheers also to my boys Arkells for the use of their lyric, I've been listening to "And Then Some" on repeat, what a tuuuuune. 
> 
> As always, thank you so very much for reading.
> 
> Please reblog the post [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com/post/153142405073/peachesandpetal-title-rather-be-sad-with-you) if you're enjoying :) 
> 
> Thank you to the lovely [nautilarrie](http://nautilarrie.tumblr.com//)  
> for betaing!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> xxx Sailor


	13. Chapter 13

The flat was dark and silent when Harry entered. Empty take away containers and a smattering of mugs spread out over every surface from the kitchen to living room, the remnants of Liam and Niall’s revision session, Harry suspected. He figured they must be out as they were usually still awake when he came home. He toed off his boots in haste, shivering as he closed the door softly behind him and stripped out of his coat and beanie. It was half ten at night and Harry was only just arriving home after a very long, exhausting day in the library. The weather had been particularly grey and dismal that day, accurately depicting the very mood of every student on campus and allowing Harry to wallow and feel especially sorry for himself. The cold November air still lingered on his skin and sunk all the way down to his bones as he trudged through the flat to make himself a cup of tea as a means to appease his weary mind.   
  
The week had felt utterly relentless now that the end of classes was behind them and the whole campus seemed to be in a constant state of panic. Harry’s routine had been incessant, beginning with early morning study groups and holding office hours for his tutorial groups (two hours mostly consisting of comforting overwhelmed first-year students)  followed by  grueling study sessions in the library. Harry felt as though he never saw the sun anymore; most days he left the flat before sunrise and came home late into the evening. It didn’t help that November was potentially the most depressing month of the year, each day as damp and gloomy as the one before. Not to mention that he scarcely had time to do anything unrelated to school like sleep or eat or watch films with the lads or spend time with Louis.   
  
It was hardly an exaggeration to say that Harry had never looked forward to something as much as he currently did the upcoming Christmas break.   
  
Now armed with a steaming cup of tea balanced carefully in hand, Harry padded softly down the hall to his room and gently pushed the door open. There he found Louis disguised as a warm lump in the corner of the bed, bundled snugly in one of Harry’s jumpers. Harry set his mug on the nightstand and stretched out on the bed, carefully closing and moving the laptop that was still playing something quietly as Louis remained soundly asleep. It was some music documentary Harry thought, not bothering to check before he moved it onto the floor.  He brushed a hand over Louis’ forehead, letting his knuckles linger on the warmth of his cheekbone for a moment. Louis stirred in his sleep, his nose scrunching briefly at Harry’s touch. He batted a hand in front of his face and slowly opened one eye.   
  
“H?”   
  
Harry smiled fondly at the soft raspiness of Louis’ sleep-worn voice and traced a finger down the bridge of his little button nose and curled in close, “Hey, babe.” He tucked his head into Louis’ shoulder, yawning as his messy curls rubbed into the scruff of Louis’ chin. Louis pressed his head over Harry’s, reaching an arm around him to gently pet his hair.   
  
“Alright love? Long day?”   
  
Harry hummed and mumbled something incoherently as his face stretched into another yawn. Louis chuckled softly above him and turned on his side to wrap Harry in a hug.   
  
“I’ll take that as a yes.”   
  
Harry pulled Louis on top of him so he was flat on his chest, smoothing both hands under the warmth of his jumper to stroke warm skin. Louis yelped at the touch, his body jerking and falling where it lay on Harry’s sturdy frame. “Jesus, Haz your hands are fucking freezing!”   
  
“Ah but they’re warm in here,” Harry grinned, wiggling his fingers further up the knobs of Louis’ spine to brush the nape of his neck. He pressed his lips to the side of Louis’ face and held him tightly. “How was your day? Alright? You didn’t reply to most of my texts throughout the day.”   
  
Louis shrugged. “Sorry. Just got busy I guess.”   
  
“Yeah? How’d your studying for Business Law go?”   
  
“It was fine,” Louis answered wearily. “I’ve done as much as I can, I reckon. I’m fucked either way. ‘S not much point in trying too hard is there,” he ran a hand through his fringe, pushing the greasy strands away from his eyes.   
  
“You’re not fucked, Lou,” Harry frowned. “Why don’t we study together tomorrow? I don’t have office hours or group study sessions, so I’m all yours,” he grinned widely, letting his hands fall down to rest over Louis’ bum. “I could make you flashcards,” his fingers inched just under the band of Louis’ joggers, “And give you a treat if you get the answer right,” he gave an exaggerated wink.   
  
Louis wiggled on top of Harry, batting his arm away. “I knew you were pervy the minute you moved in, Styles,” he smiled, Harry grinning even more broadly below him. “A filthy, filthy boy.”   
  
Harry’s fingers dipped further down Louis’ trousers, brushing against the hot skin of his cheeks, the tip of his thumb barely brushing over Louis’ hole. “You have no idea,” he murmured.   
  
“Oi! What kind of boy do you take me for?” Louis shrieked, rolling off him.   
  
“Oh, I know exactly what kind of boy you are, Louis Tomlinson.”   
  
Louis snickered, flopping onto his belly without another word. A beat passed, Harry staring at the back of Louis’ head before eventually swinging his legs out of the bed. This was, apparently, the end of the conversation.   
  
He waited another moment, hoping in vain that Louis might speak.   
  
He didn’t.   
  
Harry tried not to sigh as he sat at the edge of the bed, pushing his hair out of his face, and leaning back over to Louis, who turned his head to meet Harry’s eyes. “‘M gonna hop in the shower. My balls are like ice. Need to thaw them out.”   
  
Louis cracked a small smile at that. “Pleasant imagery if I’ve ever heard any.”   
  
Harry grinned, standing back up and shimmying out of his skin tight black jeans, letting them fall to the floor with a soft plop. “Wanna join?” he asked, trying for a tone that he hoped was husky rather than hopeful, allowing his briefs to follow. Admittedly,  it was a last ditch attempt to try and flag Louis’ attention but Harry figured it couldn’t hurt to try. Again.   
  
“I always find my balls much easier to warm up with a bit of company.” Harry wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, pulling his jumper over his head and only briefly getting his head stuck in the collar.   
  
Louis snorted and rolled over so he was flat on his belly once again, face pressed into the downy pillow so his voice was muffled when he spoke. “H, I’m tired.”   
  
Harry’s face fell, the mood of the room instantly shifting and losing any hope of lighthearted comfort. Louis’ face was still hidden in the pillow, his body now curled up in the thick blankets and facing the wall. Harry felt his cheeks heat up, the sting of the subtle rejection an unpleasant prickle on his cold skin. It’s not like he should have expected anything more. Louis had become more distant the past several days, ever since he had opened up to Harry about his school troubles. It seemed to be a natural reaction for Louis, to open up and share a little piece of himself and then promptly shut down afterward. This, Harry knew, was a mechanism Louis used for most people around him; his classmates, his professors, his family. Despite that fact, Harry couldn’t deny it hurt for him to be included in this list after all his efforts to pry open a small piece of the tightly wound box in which Louis kept his most treasured secrets.   
  
Still, Harry knew that logically he shouldn’t feel this way. It was selfish, he scolded himself. Louis was overwhelmed and struggling. What he needed right now was Harry’s love and support. If he didn’t want to be intimate, then, of course, that was okay. Harry could put his own feelings of rejection aside. He told himself that he should absolutely be focused on academics anyway if he wanted to pass his exams and do well. Not to mention, apply for medical school, a decision for which the deadline was fast approaching, and Harry had been too preoccupied on Louis and his schooling to give much thought to. So yeah, sex should be the last thing on his mind. But Harry was a tactile person and had always found a deep sense of comfort in intimacy.   
  
That and his penis tended to have a mind of its own, something he had to acknowledge bitterly most mornings.   
  
“Alright,” Harry swallowed in forced cheerfulness, quickly snatching his fluffy towel from its spot on the back of his door. “See ya in a few then.”   
  
Louis didn’t answer, his laptop already back on the bed and perched on the spot beside him, filling up the silence in the room.   
  
Harry came back from his shower twenty minutes later, pleasantly warm, pink-cheeked, and completely starkers. He strolled in, stumbling over his own feet, and absently rubbing a towel over his mop of wet curls. He eyed Louis, who was still in bed, now sat up and staring intently at his laptop screen, a pair of headphones in ears.   
  
“Oh man. I feel so much better now,” Harry bent over and shook his head, gathering his hair into a towel turban. “You should have joined, babe. Water was so nice and hot.”   
  
Louis coughed from his spot on the bed, “Hold on a second.” He pulled one earbud out and nodded his head upwards at Harry who was still across the room. “I’m FaceTiming my mum, Haz.”   
  
“What ?!” Harry shrieked, immediately crouching down to the floor, his hands automatically moving to cup his groin as he frantically scrambled to find some pants.   
  
“She can’t see you, Harry,” Louis snickered. “Sorry? Alright, yeah,” he looked up from the screen and eyed Harry who was still sat on the floor cupping himself. “Mum wants to say hi to you. Reckon you can put your cock away?” he scrunched his nose. “Oops. Sorry, Mum. Hold on a sec, Harry’s just getting ready for bed.”   
  
“Louis!”   
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “She doesn’t care, Harry, would you just come over here already?” He yanked out the other earbud and unplugged it from the laptop without waiting for Harry’s response. Harry sauntered over, now dressed in a grey jumper and flannel pajama bottoms, his wet hair tied back into a bun. He plopped down beside Louis and curled in close. Louis tilted the screen to get them both in the shot, a soft smirk on his face.   
  
Harry smiled brightly into the screen and waved. “Hi, Mrs. Deakin!”   
  
Johannah smiled warmly back at him, blue eyes bright and crinkling as she waved. “Harry honey, hi! You’re looking nice and clean.”   
  
“Mum,” Louis laughed with a pointed eye roll.   
  
Harry pinched Louis’ thigh under the covers, out of view from the laptop, and stared sheepishly into the screen. “Ah, sorry about that,” he said, feeling the heat rise on his cheeks. “Didn’t realize you two would be chatting or I wouldn’t have been so, erm, underdressed for the conversation.”   
  
Jay shook her head, eyes twinkling as a mischievous smirk spread over his face, so very much like Louis’. “I’m only joking, sweetheart. I know it’s late to be calling. And I don’t know how many times I’ve told you to call me, Jay,” she smiled.   
  
Harry visibly relaxed against Louis, smiling warmly back. “Right.”   
  
“Mum’s been up with the twins just now so she thought she’d give me a ring,” Louis explained, leaning closer to Harry so his cheek brushed lightly against the side of his shoulder.   
  
Jay nodded and tilted her phone so her body was in the shot. She was curled up in an armchair and wearing a warm looking pair of red flannel pajamas decorated with snowmen. “It’s way past my bedtime,” she laughed. “All these children of mine are running me ragged, that’s why I’m starting to look like a right old bag. ‘Specially this one here,” she finished wryly tapping her finger against the screen as though she could bop Louis’ nose.   
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “Firstly, you’re forty, give it a rest,” he turned to Harry. “Just fishing for compliments this one,” he grinned, jerking his thumb towards the screen. “She knows she’s bloody gorgeous.”   
  
“Oi!”   
  
“—And secondly,” Louis barrelled on, ignoring his mother, “I, am an absolute angel. Top of the top as sons go.”   
  
Jay was shaking her head, mouth open as she laughed. “You’re a right pain in the arse is what you are,” she grinned narrowing her eyes at her son. “Harry, give him a smack on the bum for me will you?”   
  
“He is a pain,” Harry agreed cheerfully, wrapping an arm around Louis.   
  
Louis sniffed. “My life is worse for knowing you both,” he crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.   
  
Jay and Harry laughed together, the conversation flowing easily for another half hour. Jay told the boys various stories about the kids and asked Harry about his revision, providing the required sympathetic comments and encouraging words as needed. Louis stayed mostly quiet, only adding in that he would be happy when the semester finished for Christmas break. It was nearing midnight when they finally signed off, Jay blowing them both kisses as she waved goodbye.   
  
No sooner had Louis closed the laptop and set it on the floor was Harry stripping off his jumper and wiggling out of his pajama bottoms. He met Louis’ amused gaze and shrugged nonchalantly. “The clothing was only for your mother’s benefit. You know how I like to be free when I sleep.”   
  
“And every other second of the day,” Louis added with a yawn. He rubbed his cheek over Harry’s now bare chest and snuggled down under the warm comfort of the duvet.   
  
“I love it when your mum calls,” Harry murmured, cuddling Louis close, “You guys are so alike.” Jay checked in with Louis most days and usually liked to FaceTime once or twice every week. Harry liked to join the conversation when he could, to ask about the babies or discuss baking, though he usually pried himself away in order to give them their privacy. His own mother called on Sunday evenings, like clockwork.   
  
“Yeah?”   
  
“You’re both very cheeky. Warm. Pretty blue eyes. And you have the same laugh.”   
  
Louis smiled against Harry’s chest. “We just get each other, I suppose. She’s my best friend.”   
  
Harry faked shock. “I’m not your best friend?”   
  
“I’m a mama’s boy, through and through, Styles, you know this.”   
  
Harry pouted until Louis laughed and pressed a quick kiss over the swell of his bare pec. “I’m knackered. Sleep, yeah?”   
  
“Give me a proper kiss first.”   
  
Louis responded promptly, pressing his lips lightly against Harry’s, not lingering for even a minute before he pulled away and rolled over. He tucked the corner of the duvet under his chin and curled up to face the wall. Harry leaned over him, one arm carefully slung over his middle, a hand brushing across his fringe. “Love you,” he pressed a soft kiss above his ear.   
  
“Love you.”   
  
Louis’ voice was practically a slur at this point, already deep into sleep mode. Harry pulled him closer to press against his chest so he could feel the steady rhythm of his breathing. Louis was right there, Harry knew this, holding him in his arms as he lied awake in the cool darkness, five, ten, and fifteen minutes all passing. Harry could feel the warm puff of Louis’ breath over his bare arm, could feel his chest rise with each breath, and the sound of his soft snores. Louis was there, Harry knew, brushing a finger across his cheekbone, except he wasn’t. He was somewhere else.

  
  
 ***

  
  
“Turn the tree round a bit, Liam, that side’s a bit wonky.” Harry stared in deep contemplation at the tree, eyeing it up and down with one hand resting on his hip.   
  
“Better?”   
  
“I still think the left side looks fuller than the other, maybe turn it a bit more clockwise?”   
  
Liam looked up from where he was crouched on all fours, clutching the base of the tree where it sat in its stand. He blew out a frustrated sigh.“H, it’s fine, honestly.”   
  
Harry scrunched his nose and covered one eye with his hand to examine it more carefully. “Do you think it looks a bit crooked?” He stared at the tree a moment longer before turning to Niall and Louis beside him. “What do you guys think?”   
  
Niall shrugged. “It looks fine. This is taking fucking ages though and I have a date I need to get ready for in oh, six hours or so. Reckon we’ll be finished by then, Haz?”   
  
Harry stuck out his tongue at him in response. “Don’t be a grinch, Nialler, we’re being festive. Lou? Thoughts?”   
  
“I think,” Liam interrupted, standing up to brush the fallen bristles off his jeans, “That we’ve been at this for half an hour and I am two seconds away from tossing this bloody tree out the bloody window.”   
  
“Careful, Haz, Payno looks as though his left eye is about to explode,” Louis snickered from his spot perched on the end of the sofa, looking rumpled but terribly warm and soft in a knit navy blue jumper and flannel pajama bottoms. His long feathery fringe fell to one side of his face, serving as a curtain over one tired eye. Louis pushed it away and offered Harry a small smirk. “It looks good, love. I reckon it’s ready for some decorations. Shall we?”   
  
Harry beamed. “Yes! Lads, wait until you see the baubles I picked out!"   
  
It was December 1st and the boys were putting up their Christmas tree. Harry had woken up that morning exceptionally cheerful and bright, dragging Niall, Liam, and Louis out of bed by 9a.m. and sitting them down for a pancake breakfast before they all made a trip into town to buy a tree. Harry was a firm believer in starting Christmas traditions promptly on the first day of December and, according to him, buying a tree was at the top of that list (the first being opening day one on the advent calendars that he had bought for all of them and placed strategically along the windowsill). Exam period started that week and Harry reckoned this was a sort of ‘last hurrah’ before they were so buried in stress and revision they didn’t have time to properly enjoy anything.   
  
Admittedly, it was also a well-needed diversion tactic from the weighted tension filling the flat the past several days. As promised, Harry was determined to formulate a solid plan for Louis, something firm and stable that he could see on paper. He set to work looking over Louis’ coursework and grades, calculating the percentage he needed to achieve on each exam in order to receive a final passing grade, writing out a guide for organizing and revising notes (the same one he distributed to his tutorial students), even sitting with him as he completed extra credit papers and assignments for two courses. “You’re too good to me, Haz, honestly,” Louis had sighed as they lay in bed after his last paper was submitted. “I honestly...I can’t even imagine where I’d be this year if you weren’t here…” Harry had just kissed him and held him tight, telling him that he had everything he needed to succeed.   
  
After an hour of decorating, Harry seemed to be the only one still at it. They had tried their best to match Harry’s enthusiasm, a task on its own, but after Harry had rearranged the ornaments twice and once again pondered whether the tree was straight, Niall had turned on the Xbox.   
  
Harry took a sip of his beer and set it on the coffee table, slapping a palm over his thigh. “Okay lads. We need to decide on a Christmas film to watch. Thoughts?”   
  
“I reckon Elf ,” Liam replied, not taking his eyes off the screen.   
  
Niall huffed. “You reckon Elf ? Nah, mate, I think we need to start off with a classic, like The Grinch or something.”   
  
“The Grinch isn’t a classic and what’s wrong with Elf ?” Liam argued.   
  
“Well,” Harry said, stepping between them, “Actually, I would absolutely classify the original cartoon How The Grinch Stole Christmas as a classic, but I would still argue that the Jim Carrey version is a modern classic Christmas film because of its popularity.”   
  
Niall took a swig of beer and hummed in agreement. “Jim Carrey is a legend .”   
  
Louis chuckled fondly from his spot on the sofa. He could see the way Harry’s chest puffed out proudly as he spoke as though he were an expert settling some sort of philosophical debate. Perhaps this was his version.   
  
Louis shot Liam and Niall a pointed glance.“Listen up boys, our Hazza here is a resident maestro on all things Christmas films,” he grinned at Harry. “He has a very methodical method watching them too, isn’t that right, love?”   
  
“Absolutely,” Harry smiled. “Actually,” he continued, pulling out his phone, “I have a list of possible choices for tonight, so let me read them out and you boys can vote on what you fancy, yeah?”   
  
Niall stared at Harry in disbelief. “Lists? Methodical methods of watching Christmas films? What is this shit?”   
  
“Oi, don’t be slagging on the process, mate. Harry’s dead serious about all things Christmas.” Louis snickered and got up to wrap Harry in a hug from behind. “He’s a proper little weirdo, aren’t ya?”   
  
“It’s not weird!” Harry protested, swatting Louis’ bum. Niall shook his head and headed to the fridge in search of more beer.   
  
“I didn’t actually know there were people more anal than I am,” Liam mused thoughtfully.   
  
Louis’ face lit up smugly as he opened his mouth to speak.   
  
“Don’t even start,” Liam said pointedly. “I am referring to being fussy and orderly.”   
  
“Excessively so,” Niall said cheerfully, plopping back down on the sofa. Liam narrowed his eyes in Niall’s direction while Harry cackled.   
  
After several long minutes and one crucial debate, they finally settled on watching The Grinch (The Jim Carrey version because Niall was still offended at the mere suggestion that this wasn’t officially considered a ‘classic’), with Harry promising Liam he could choose the next film and presenting a tray of warm peanut butter chocolate chip cookies for them to enjoy as they watched.   
  
“So Nialler,” Louis started, mouth full of cookie, “What’s this about a date tonight? Do tell.”   
  
“Are you going back out with Emma again?” Liam asked. “She was sweet.”   
  
“Who’s Emma?” Harry asked, curling back against Louis. Louis nodded.   
  
“I’ve never heard of her either, you hiding things from us Ni?”   
  
Niall rolled his eyes and reached for the plate of cookies. “Maybe if you two idiots weren’t so sickeningly in love and obsessed with each other, you’d pay attention to a thing or two happening to the rest of us around here,” he said coolly.   
  
Harry frowned and sat up. Not a totally accurate summary of the past couple of weeks but he supposed it was true that they’d been a distracted thinking of little else but Louis’ school worries.   
  
“Look at Haz’s face!” Liam cried. “You’re going to make him cry, Ni.”   
  
Niall cackled loudly. “I’m just taking the mick, mate.” Harry visibly relaxed and sat back against Louis. “Emma’s a nice girl, a friend of Soph’s. Been out with her a few times but nah, nothing really came of it,” he shrugged. “Always ends the same with me, dunnit? Stuck in the friend zone.” He shoved another cookie almost entirely into his mouth. “I think I’m just too nice of a guy.”   
  
Liam stared at him amusedly, taking in the cookie crumbs spread down the front of Niall’s shirt and the smudge of chocolate on his lip. “I don’t think that’s it,” he said wryly.   
  
Louis giggled. “Anyone would be lucky to have you, Nialler. You’re a beautiful, beautiful man.” Niall snorted. “Not me, though,” Louis continued grinning. “You’re too bloody hyper.”   
  
They all laughed, Niall shrugging in apparent agreement.   
  
“So who is the new girl then?” Harry continued.   
  
Niall stood up, brushing the crumbs from his shirt onto the rug as Liam and Harry both cringed. “Don’t be nosey, lads. She’s just a girl from a coffee shop. I reckon nothing special.”   
  
“What a thoughtful mindset to have going into a date,” Harry smirked.   
  
“You don’t even drink coffee,” Liam pointed out as if this was somehow significant.   
  
Louis looked thoughtful, “You’re being awfully mysterious for a guy claiming this bird is no one special.”   
  
“You’re all a bunch of tossers,” Niall replied. “Mind your business, watch your bloody Christmas films.” He turned to head down the hall, “And I had a green tea latte, thank you very much, Liam,” he sniffed.   
  
“Cranky,” Louis commented.   
  
Liam smiled. “He’ll spill eventually.”   
  
“Aw, our little Niall, off on a mystery date. Maybe he’s in love!” Harry grinned.   
  
Louis rolled his eyes with a soft smile, “You’re such a sap.” Harry reached his arm around and pinched his thigh in response.   
  
Liam clapped his hands and looked at Harry and Louis hopefully. “Right, now that Niall’s off, can we watch Elf ?”   
  


  
  
***

  
  
The day before his first exam, Louis sat hunched over the kitchen table, eyeing the brightly marked lines of the highlighter on his page of notes. He had the flat to himself for the day as all three of the boys were out doing their revision elsewhere. Harry, of course, was in his usual spot at the library meeting with his group as he did every day. He had already met with one of his professors and had a mini session with a couple of his students who needed help with the revision material. Louis knew all this from Harry’s frequent texts updating him on the various events of his day. One had mentioned how frustrating his studying was going but that he was focusing on the feeling of being finished to get him through it, a sentiment Louis highly speculated was a subtle form of encouragement for his own benefit more than anything. He loved Harry for knowing that directly asking him how his studying was going in too much detail would only cause him more panic. He appreciated the subtlety of his messages, though he was far too concentrated on the feeling of dread that was slowly taking over his brain to properly read and reply to most of his messages.  
  
Louis felt as though he had been staring at the page for so long that everything was blurring together in a sea of colours, like the milk at the bottom of a bowl of Froot Loops. Which reminded him, he was starving and quite fancied a bowl of cereal. Unfortunately, his revision didn’t become any easier with a bowl of Coco Pops beside him. Louis could feel the nervous energy flowing in his veins and gathering in his mind making it impossible to sit still and concentrate. Everything was so overwhelming. If he thought about it for more than a few seconds, he could feel his head start to explode, legs and hands jittering as they lay still, lungs collapsing inside his chest. Deep breaths. He had to get this done. His first exam was tomorrow and he was going to pass. He had to. It was too much. Everything was too much. Harry had worked too hard, risked too much of his own precious time in helping Louis prepare, only for him to prove himself as a failure again.  His phone buzzed beside him.  
  
_You’re going to do great, my amazing boy xx Don’t give up and remember to take breaks for snacks and exercise! Should be home around 9, Xmas film? Your pick Xxxxx H_  
  
Louis smiled. God Harry was wonderful. Even though he was cheesy and insisted on signing all his texts even though he, Niall, and Liam (and most likely everyone Harry knew) had told him multiple times how redundant it was.  
  
“Right,” Louis said out loud. “Focus, Tommo, focus.”  
  
He picked up his pen and scanned over the top of his page once again. He tapped his pen once, twice, three times in a row. He reached for his textbook and flipped it open to the bright blue tab. He wiped at his dry mouth and read the first line on the crisp white page, looking down to his paper to the corresponding cliffs notes written in his scratchy handwriting. What if he couldn’t get through these notes? What if he didn’t pass this exam? What if he didn’t pass this semester? What if he had to drop out of school completely? What would Harry say? What would Harry do? What if he could never become the lawyer his family wanted him to be? What if he could never become anything? Anyone? What if everyone moved forward without him? What if he got left behind and was alone.  
  
Louis imagined Harry wrapping him in a warm embrace and reassuring him that everything would be fine, he could help, they could do it together. He cringed, pressing his fingers over both eyes until he saw stars. He sighed into his hands before pushing the textbook and notes away and retreating to the kitchen.  
  
“You can do this,” he said to himself again, scanning over the contents of one cupboard before slamming it shut and looking in another. “You just need to relax and focus. You can do this… you just need a little something to help calm...ah,” fingers finally grasping what he was looking for, he yanked out the bottle of whiskey and poured some in one of Harry’s snowmen Christmas mugs, adding a few splashes of Diet Pepsi. Liam would be pissed off when he noticed, Louis suspected, but that was beside the point. He settled back into his spot at the table, already feeling more at ease as he rearranged his notes and started from the top once again.  
  
“You got this,” he said confidently to himself, sipping slowly from the snowmen mug.  
  
“You’re going to pass,” he muttered, refilling half the mug for the third time and nearly emptying Liam’s dwindling bottle of diet Pepsi. By the fourth trip to the kitchen, Louis had used up all of Liam’s bottle and decided not to bother mixing his drink at all. He didn’t need it. He was doing amazing, getting through all his notes and staying focused and calm. He was going to do this.  
  
“You’re going to do this,” he repeated to himself, settling back into his spot. “You can do it.”  
  
  


  
...   
  


  
  
By 8p.m., Louis felt pleasantly warm and fuzzy. He’d managed to get through all of his notes for tomorrow and felt pretty confident that he could do alright. Or at least pass. Niall had been home for an hour and the two of them were settled cozily on the couch, controllers and beer in hands. Louis was so focused on the screen that he didn’t hear Harry bustling into the flat, looking pink-cheeked and adorable.   
  
“Hi,” he greeted, wrestling out of his boots, and walking over to the living room. He eyed the table of empty beer bottles. “It’s like a party in here. Successful revising day?”   
  
Niall snorted. “If you consider the fact that my brain is still mostly intact successful, then yes,” he grinned at Harry and held up the beer in hand. “Want one? You look like you could use it.”   
  
“I’ll have another,” Louis piped up.   
  
Harry shook his head. “I’m actually going to make some tea, I think. God, it’s bloody freezing out there.” He pressed a kiss to Louis’ forehead, “Hey you.” Louis’ eyes looked bright and unfocused, his hair disheveled and the smell of whiskey on his breath stagnant.   
  
“Hiya, love.”   
  
“How was your day?”   
  
Louis nodded several times silently before actually responding. “It was good, yeah.”   
  
Harry sat back on his heels. “Your Econ stuff went okay?”   
  
Louis still didn’t meet Harry’s eyes. “It was good, not too bad, yeah.”   
  
“Good, that’s good.” Harry stood up and shuffled awkwardly on his feet, going pigeon-toed as he brushed absently at his jeans before heading to the kitchen and putting on the kettle.   
  
“Do you feel ready for your exam tomorrow?” He called, reaching for the box of tea on the top shelf.   
  
“It’ll be fine, Haz, why the twenty questions?” Louis asked sharply.   
  
Harry bristled. “Just a question, Lou.”   
  
“Well,” Louis rubbed over his nose and said nothing.     
  
Niall shuffled in his seat and gently set his controller on the coffee table. “Was your—was your day alright Haz?” he asked tentatively.     
  
Harry shot him a weak smile. “Alright, yeah, thanks, Nialler.”   
  
Louis drained the last of his beer and padded off towards the hall, briefly pausing before turning into his own room. “I’m going to lay down.”   
  
Niall and Harry lingered in the silence for a moment, the stiff tension in the air settling over them. Harry concentrated intently on pouring the tea, holding one out to Niall.   
  
“Tea?”   
  
Niall shook his head. “No thanks, Haz,” he lowered his voice. “Listen, Lou’s just stressed, I reckon, don’t take it personally. He seemed a bit stressed when I got home, probably just needs to chill out a bit, ya know him.”   
  
Harry smiled weakly. Louis was stressed, of course, he was, Harry understood that full well. It was the distant moodiness and constant over-drinking that was tugging at him. “Yeah,” he laughed. “Anyways, mate, I’m knackered, think I’ll just take my tea and head to bed, sorry to be antisocial.” They both knew this was a polite attempt at an excuse for Harry to go face Louis and the inevitable fight Harry could feel bursting under his skin.   
  
“Night, mate.” Niall clasped a hand on Harry’s shoulder and let it linger for a moment before saluting him goodnight.   
  
Louis was stretched out on the bed watching something Harry didn’t recognize by sound alone when he entered the room, setting the tea neatly on the table beside the bed. He sat on the bed wordlessly, Louis continuing to ignore him as he focused intently on the screen. Harry could see now that How to Get Away With Murder was playing, something they’d started together only a couple days ago.   
  
“Not going to wait for me on the next episode?” Harry pouted, keeping his voice light.   
  
Louis paused his laptop and turned to look at him in surprise, as though he expected something else to come out of Harry’s mouth.   
  
“Oh,” he said meekly. “Sorry. I’ve only just started this one,” he gestured to the screen. “Can catch you up.”   
  
Harry reached for their tea and handed one to Louis.   
  
“Thanks,” Louis said softly.   
  
Harry could feel the tension lingering, waiting to burst, like a rubber band stretched too far waiting for release. He couldn’t leave it like this, Harry knew he couldn’t. He knew Louis must feel it too as he hadn’t yet hit play on the episode.   
  
He cleared his throat awkwardly, deciding to bite the bullet.   
  
“Lou...I know you said it was fine, or like revision or whatever was fine,” he stumbled. “But just...the drinking...and like, I know you’re stressed and well,” he paused and bit his lip nervously. “I sent you some texts today and didn’t hear from you so I didn’t know…”   
  
“Well, there were so many it was difficult to keep up.” Louis’ voice was light and airy like he was jokingly poking fun of Harry even though they both sensed the undertone of annoyance. Harry inhaled sharply and felt a twinge in his chest at Louis’ words.   
  
“There wasn’t that many.”   
  
Louis snorted. “Pretty sure there were about nine between the hours of two and three p.m. alone, shall I go check?” His tone was still light enough to be considered calm but Harry had a sneaking suspicion he was about to slip into angry mode real fast.   
  
Harry simply raised one eyebrow and blinked his eyes innocently. “Well, if my boyfriend checked in with me, I don’t know, once or twice throughout the day to let me know he’s doing okay, that’d be peachy.”   
  
That, apparently, was it. The band snapped.   
  
Louis sat up abruptly, carefully climbing past Harry, cup of tea still in hand. “For fuck’s sake, Harry,” he spat, his voice already gone high and breathy. “I’m not your fucking child. I’m your boyfriend. Give me a fucking break.”   
  
Harry sat up calmly and set his cup of tea, now lukewarm, on the table. “Yes, Louis. You’re my boyfriend. I care about you. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for you to respond to a simple text message letting me know how your day’s going.”   
  
“But it’s not one fucking text message! It’s a hundred! A hundred patronizing text messages—”   
  
“It wasn’t a hundred bloody texts!”   
  
“—Asking am I okay? Am I fine? Am I drunk? Am I asleep? Have I failed?” Louis’ chest was heaving as he paced around the room, back and forth, back and forth.   
  
Something in Harry snapped then too. “I didn’t—I don’t. I’ve never said that. I’m just asking, I’m just trying to help, Louis! Now I’m patronizing? So what, I’m not allowed to ask my boyfriend about his day? What is it Louis, tell me the etiquette here because clearly, I have no idea.”   
  
“It’s what you’re implying when you ask! You want to make sure I’m not slacking off, right?”   
  
Harry shook his head, his green eyes flashing with a spark of fire that normally never showed. “No. I just want you to be okay! Sue me! What an absolute fucking dick I am for trying to help my boyfriend when he’s having a hard time.”   
  
Louis snorted. “I’m always having a hard time!”   
  
“And you’re not helping yourself!” Harry cried.   
  
Louis raised an eyebrow. “Go on, Harry, say it. You know you want to.”   
  
Harry blinked. “Your—the drinking, Lou. I just—I worry…”   
  
“Why does it always come down to the bloody drinking? So what I drink when I need to chill out. Is that a crime? Is that some foreign concept that is so very different from any other university student?”   
  
Harry felt his fire dwindling quickly. He wanted to stop, he wanted to reverse, to start over.   
  
“No, Lou... but it’s not just having a beer with Niall is it? The difference is, I know you use excessive drinking as a coping mechanism when you’re overwhelmed and I just think there are healthier options—”   
  
Louis scoffed cruelly, “So you’re pre-med and now you think you’re an expert on depression huh? An expert on me? Why? Because you spend your time policing me, babying me, checking up on me? I don’t need that from you, Harry.”   
  
It was ugly. Louis knew he was being ugly but he just couldn’t stop. It was overwhelming, everything inside him was too overwhelming, it was too much, it was all too much, it had to come out, and he just couldn’t stop.   
  
A beat of silence. Harry wiped a hand over his face and sucked in a deep breath. “I—I think. Maybe we should—cool off,” he waited a beat, but Louis remained silent. “So. I’m going to bed. In my room. Okay?”   
  
Louis didn’t expect that. He had taken it too far, he knew he had taken it too far but this? Harry was going to sleep in his own bed without him? Louis felt himself collapsing within, every bit of anger and rage melting into shame as he felt his stomach filling with lead.  He swallowed. “Haz, I—”   
  
“I just think we could use a night alone, okay? It’s just a night.”   
  
“Yeah,” Louis cleared his throat. “Yeah, okay.” He felt Harry press a dry kiss to his head and then he was heading for the door. His voice was flat when he spoke.   
  
“Night. Love you.”   
  
The door closed before Louis had a chance to respond.

  
  
…   
  


  
  
Four hours later and Harry still wasn’t sleeping.   
  
He’d been lying awake, alone, headphones in ears as he tried to drown out the sounds of his own thoughts pounding in his head. Even the soothing sounds of Fleetwood Mac couldn’t send him into blissful sleep tonight. He kept replaying the fight over and over in his head. He and Louis had never had a fight like this before. In fact, they had hardly had any fights at all, Harry realized. And they knew it was coming, Harry knew they both could feel something coming. Their relationship was a whirlwind, everything from day one had happened so quickly and Harry had never really considered how easily they had melded into each other’s lives, one ending where the other began. Surely, it made sense that things couldn’t stay peachy forever. Harry turned over. But these were big things. Was Louis right? Did Harry smother him? Did he baby him? It was a helpless feeling, watching someone he loved so much he could practically feel his heart bursting, struggle the way Louis was. Harry rolled onto his back again. But it wasn’t about him and how he felt. It was about Louis.   
  
The door creaked open, a sliver of light slipping through. Harry jolted up and out of his thoughts, eyes flying open and trying to adjust to the dark. He yanked his earbud out, the soft melody of Songbird still playing out in the empty earbuds.   
  
“Haz?”   
  
Harry’s eyes hadn’t fully adjusted and he was half asleep but he knew that whisper anywhere.   
  
“Lou.” He sat forward and fumbled on his bedside table until he found the lamp. Louis’ frame appeared even smaller as he stood in the harsh yellow glow of the light, hunched over with his arms around himself.   
  
“I—I know you said we should cool off and that a night by ourselves would be good and I… well, you’re probably right and I should go, I know, but. I—” he stared at Harry helplessly, eyes wide and scared and exhausted. “I can’t sleep without you, Haz. I can’t fall asleep.”   
  
“Lou,” Harry whispered, inching forward towards him. Louis reached a hand forward to stop him.   
  
“No, wait. I—I need to say something. God, Harry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so awful. I was so awful,” he scrubbed his hands roughly over his face and sat down in the middle of the floor. “It just felt like so much. It’s just so much. It’s too much. Everything is too fucking much, Haz.” Harry sniffed but sat frozen in place, not daring to move or speak, just letting Louis be.   
  
“I just. I just want it to be easier,” Louis swallowed, his face finally beginning to crumble. “I just want to be a boyfriend you can be proud of, you know? I try so hard. But. Everything feels hard all the time. I don’t want you to have to take care of me and I just feel so guilty. You’re so amazing, you’re the best person, Harry and I just. I’m so sorry, Haz, I’m so sorry. I—oh, Harry .”   
  
Harry was crying silently, tears streaming down his face as he hugged his knees to his chest. He sniffled loudly and rubbed the back of his hand over his running nose. Louis stumbled forward until he was stood right in front of Harry. He reached out his hand tentatively, placing it on Harry’s knee to make the first contact.   
  
“I’m sorry," he whispered. "For what I said. I'm sorry.”   
  
“I’m sorry too.”   
  
Louis stepped forward to sit beside Harry on the bed. “I love you, Harry. So much,” he stroked his hand over Harry’s cheek to brush away a wet streak, smoothing his thumbs over his eyebrows and tucking a curl behind his ear. “Do you know that?” Louis whispered.   
  
Harry smiled softly, “I do.” He reached a hand out to brush Louis’ fringe, “I love you too. So much.”   
  
“I’m sorry. Please don’t—don’t give up on me, Haz.”   
  
Harry turned to study Louis’ face, eyebrows knitting together. “I won’t, baby,” he said softly. “I won’t.”   
  
They scooted closer until they were touching. Knee to knee, arm to arm, forehead to forehead.   
  


  
  
***

  
  
“This,” Niall mumbled, mouth full of food, “Was an excellent idea.”   
  
“If you do say so yourself,” Liam snorted.   
  
“Well, for once, I wholeheartedly second his idea.” Louis agreed.   
  
Niall frowned. “What do you mean ‘for once’?”   
  
“Christmas burgers, kind of has a nice ring to it, innit?” Ed grinned.   
  
“It’s not Christmas yet,” Harry scolded. “It’s not Christmas until exams are over, god help us all.”   
  
After another truly horrifying day of revision (Liam won the prize for the most horrific day as the girl sat beside him in the library had gotten herself so upset that she became ill and violently vomited all over the floor) the boys had decided to meet at Gourmet Burger Kitchen for dinner before gathering back at the flat for a film.   
  
(“Lad pad Xmas extravaganza!” Niall had shrieked happily, with Liam standing directly in front of him and pointing one finger in his face. “No,” he said firmly.)   
  
“Soon, lad, soon,” Niall reassured, patting his shoulder.   
  
Louis turned to Harry, burger in hand. “Want a bite, love?”   
  
Harry wrinkled his nose. “I dunno babe, that looks kind of…”   
  
“Awesome?”   
  
“—Gross,” Harry finished.   
  
“Nonsense! I would like a bite, please, babe,” Niall grinned.   
  
Louis had gone for a burger called ‘The Stack’, a giant beef burger topped with  grilled chorizo, red Leicester cheese, house onion ring, smoked chili mayo, rocket, pickled onions, and relish. Harry claimed his digestion was screaming in agony simply by reading it off the menu. All of the boys had chosen similarly loaded burgers, aside from Harry who went for a simple veggie burger with avocado. Though he did get a chocolate milkshake.   
  
Louis grinned and handed his burger to Niall. “So, Ni, have you seen your mystery coffee shop girl since the infamous mystery date?”   
  
“There’s a coffee shop girl?” Ed asked. “Bro, which coffee shop?”   
  
Niall chewed loudly, shaking his head. “Horny bastards is what you boys are. Get outta my pants and get yourselves laid.”   
  
Harry, Louis, and Liam all laughed rather shortly but made no move to comment, while Ed scoffed.   
  
“Hey now, I went out with Poppy Kensington last week, she’s cool as shit. Way too good for you, Horan,” Ed grinned. Niall promptly flipped him the bird.   
  
“She’s a lovely girl,” Harry noted earnestly.   
  
“She is,” Ed replied. “I like her.”   
  
“Well,” Niall smiled. “Maybe my coffee shop girl is too good to meet a bunch of tossers like you lot.”   
  
Liam rolled his eyes, “God.”   
  
“I resent that,” Louis said.   
  
Niall glared at him. “Remember when I brought Alice over for dinner and you spent the whole time telling her how she looked like the girl you lost your virginity to?”   
  
Liam snorted into his milkshake. “Oh yeah, that was bad.”   
  
“She did!” Louis protested, “I thought it was an interesting conversation starter.”   
  
“It wasn’t.”   
  
Harry giggled. “I’d watch him, Ni, you don’t have to worry. He’d be on his best behaviour.”   
  
Niall rolled his eyes. “I’m sure.”   
  
“Again, I resent that,” Louis pouted.   
  
“Alright lads, shall we head back? I need to be asleep by ten-fifteen at the latest,” Liam said looking at his watch.   
  
“Don’t worry, Liam," Harry grinned. "I’ll  make sure you get to bed on time and I’ll even make you a snack and tuck you in. Give you a goodnight kiss if you want.”   
  
Liam smirked. “I’d love that, cheers mate.”   
  
“What film we watching, then?” Ed asked. “I fancy watching The Grinch .”

  
  
***

  
  
Harry was in his pajamas, cooking. Patsy Cline crooned softly in the background. He tapped his phone. No new messages. He didn’t want to be that person, especially after their last fight, and he knew that Louis was with Niall and they were out being free and happy but it had been six hours and Harry was going a bit crazy. He raked a hand through his hair, stared at the pot of spaghetti sauce, then to clock on the stove and back to his silent phone.   
  
“Fuck it,” he muttered, throwing down his wooden spoon and snatching up his phone.   
  
_ Hi baby, just wanted to check in and see what time you boys will be home? Spaghetti is nearly ready :) xx H _   
  
Harry was now the only member of their flat who hadn’t yet finished his exams and he was a little bitter. Niall, only having the one practical exam had finished early in the first week, Liam finishing shortly after, and now, Louis had written his final exam today at noon. It was all of the bad luck that Harry had managed to get the absolute worst exam schedule, which began on the first day in early December and ended on the last, three days before Christmas.   
  
Niall, who was so giddy he could hardly sit still, had insisted on a post-exam celebration at his favourite Irish pub in town. With Liam disappearing to Sophia’s almost immediately after finishing his last exam and scarcely being seen since, and Harry having a study group before his 7p.m. exam (plus the begrudging realization that he still had a week of torture left to endure) it was only Louis and Niall setting out to the pub. He shot a text off to Niall as well, thinking that the lull of spaghetti would surely be more than enough to entice Niall. He tapped through his phone absently, replying to a text from his mum (she sent him a photo of the Christmas baking she had done that day for which he was extremely jealous) and answering a few emails from distraught tutorial students. One girl, in particular, was so absolutely convinced that she was going to fail that Harry had attached a link to an acoustic Christmas playlist on Spotify with the recommendation that she take the night off and listen with a cup of tea, along with an offer to meet with her and go over the readings the following day.   
  
After fifteen more minutes of silence, Harry couldn’t decide if he was more annoyed or worried, but he knew for sure he was too exhausted and hungry to bother waiting any longer. He considered diving straight back into his revision but decided he would take his own advice and take the rest of the evening off. He settled on the couch with a blanket, a warm bowl of spaghetti in his lap and The Santa Clause on the telly.

  
  
…

  
  
  
  
Harry snorted awake with a start to the sounds of banging and voices. He glanced at his phone. 1:14 a.m.  
  
“Louis, get your trainers off, come on now. There’s a good lad.”  
  
Harry shoved the blanket off his lap and found Niall and Louis in the hall, Louis slumped against the wall as Niall fiddled with his trainer. He glanced up at Harry with a grimace. “Hey, mate.”  
  
“Hi,” Harry frowned taking in the scene and immediately bent down to Louis’ level. Louis’ eyes were bright and slightly unfocused as they stared at up at him.  
  
“There he is! There’s m’Hazza. Hello, Hazza. Hazza. Haz.”  
  
Harry ran his hand through the front of Louis’ fringe, matted with sweat and sticking to his forehead in wisps. “Hi baby,” he said softly, cupping Louis' chin and gently lifting him to his feet. Niall emerged from the kitchen then, holding a water bottle out for Louis, which he ignored, instead leaning all his weight forward onto Harry’s chest. Harry took the water bottle and tucked it under one arm, wrapping the other around Louis’ waist to steady him.  
  
Louis wiggled in his arms. “Are you freeballing in your joggers?” he slurred, running his hands up Harry’s thighs. “I can see the head of your cock.” He giggled, dragging his fingers over the crotch of Harry’s trousers and swaying on his feet. Harry gripped onto Louis’ wrist and gently pulled them away, moving to cup his chin in one hand. He met Niall’s worried glance. It matched his own completely. Harry had never seen Louis this drunk and he couldn’t help the worry he felt sinking into his stomach.  
  
“Let’s get you something to eat, petal.”  
  
“‘M not hungry,” Louis answered immediately. He rolled his eyes and turned to Niall. “He’s such a worry-wart, I told you he’d be like this.” He was grinning but Harry felt his stomach sinking again as the words moved sluggishly from Louis’ lips. Louis stumbled out of Harry’s grip and made his way over to the fridge where he began recklessly pushing aside bottles and containers in search of something.  
  
“Mate, you need to eat. I reckon your organs are floating in vodka right about now.” Niall moved towards Louis and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Come on.”  
  
“There’s no beer in here! What the fuck?”  
  
Harry pushed the fridge door closed abruptly and curled a hand around Louis’ waist. “Lou. I’m going to make you a cheese toastie, okay?” He tried to walk them over to the couch but Louis swiveled out of his grip and sank down beside the table, sitting flat on his bum.  
  
“Stay here for a second, okay? I’m going to get you something to eat. Then I’ll put the kettle on for tea, yeah?” Harry crouched down and pressed his lips to Louis’ sweaty cheek.  
  
He stood up, turning to Niall with a raised eyebrow. “What happened?”  
  
Niall swallowed, dipping his head close to Harry’s. “I dunno...he was fine. Better than fine. He was in great spirits, so chuffed to be finished exams. We met up with some mates, had some pints, had some laughs. Ed was there.” Harry nodded along, busying himself with filling the kettle and getting out the teabags.  
  
“The pub was massively packed and we were all kind of drifting to different groups after a while. I think he found some other mates and was catching up with them, playing darts or pool or something,” he paused, guilt spreading over his face. “I guess I lost track of him for a while...I just. He seemed fine, you know?”  
  
Harry sighed. “Ni, don’t. It’s not your responsibility to track his every move.”  
  
“I know, it’s just, well we both know what he can be like when he gets to drinking. When I tracked him down he was at the bar doing shots. Definitely not his first round either. He could barely stand up on his own when I finally got him away from the bar...took me a bit to convince him to leave.” Niall paused again, lips pursed. “He was...difficult.”  
  
Harry glanced over to Louis who was still sat on the floor, staring blankly into space. “Difficult how?”  
  
“He was getting into it with the bartender. Swearing, telling him off and that. He uh,” Niall glanced over to Louis on the floor, phone now in hand, his eyes blinking widely as he tried to focus on something on the screen. “He grabbed a bottle of vodka from behind the bar. It broke.”  
  
“Jesus.” Harry bit his lip. “So what? Security kicked him out then?”  
  
Niall shook his head. “No. Ed and I got him out before they got involved. It was Tom bartending, you remember my mate Tom?” Harry nodded stonily. “Anyways, he let us off. To be fair, it was an accident it broke. Lou didn’t like, smash it on the floor or anything. He was just flailing about and he knocked it. A bit outta control is all. I reckon it would have been a lot worse if it was someone else. Dead lucky it was Tom working.”  
  
“Yeah. I should go in and pay for the bottle or something I reckon, yeah?” Harry mused, pouring several cups of tea and turning on the stove for the cheese toastie.  
  
“Nah, Haz, Tom said not to worry, he’ll just say it was him,” he took a gulp of tea and gasped slightly at the hot burn. “We’ll have to tip him well next time we’re in, though,” he laughed.  
  
Harry gave a half-hearted smile.  
  
Ten minutes later, now equipped with a cup of tea and a plate of cheese toastie, Harry placed them in front of Louis and sat on the floor beside him.  
  
“Here, love. Eat this, okay?”  
  
Louis reached his hand forward and began stroking Harry’s face. “You’re so pretty, baby. So so so pretty.” Harry caught Louis’ hand and held it to his face for a moment before settling both their hands in his lap. They sat quietly for several long minutes as Louis ate before Harry turned to Louis with a sad sort of expression on his face.  
  
“Lou. What’s going on?”  
  
Louis’ face screwed up over a mouthful of food. “Nothing’s going on,” he slurred.  
  
Harry bit his lip. “Niall told me what happened tonight. Sounded like things got a bit crazy,” He said carefully. “Are you alright? Did something happen?”  
  
Louis shoved the rest of his food in his mouth and started to get up, swaying unsteadily on his feet until Harry placed both hands on his shoulders and held him in place. “I—don’t want to talk about this. I don’t want to talk...at all,” Louis tangled his hands through Harry’s mess of curls, his forearms resting on Harry's shoulders as he pressed sloppy, wet kisses up Harry’s neck. “Common,” he murmured. “Let’s go to bed. Come to—to bed with me, baby,” his hands gripped the waistband of Harry’s joggers and he pulled on him until he moved, leading them back and back, down the hall and into his room.   
  
Louis giggled. “We never hang out in my room anymore, why is that Harold?” he flopped onto his back and made grabby hands at Harry, who came over but loomed above him instead of lying down. “Probably cos it’s such a bloody tip,” Louis answered himself, laughing loudly. He caught Harry’s eye and frowned. “C’mere,” he smiled, wiggling one finger.  
  
“Lou,” Harry sighed, resting his palms flat over Louis’ bent knees. “You should get some sleep, love, alright? Let’s get you into bed.”  
  
Louis swayed as he sat up, wrinkling his nose at that thought. “You come to bed too,” he grinned, in a voice likely intended to sound seductive but instead was slurred. He ran his hands over Harry’s stomach, fiddling with the soft material of his t-shirt before slipping his hand underneath to brush across bare skin.  
  
“Lou,” Harry murmured.  
  
“God, you’re sexy,” he stumbled forward and pressed his mouth to the smooth, pale skin, his tongue laving over Harry’s belly button wetly, “So fucking sexy.” One pull to Harry’s shirt had him falling forward onto Louis’ smaller frame, his hands roaming all over Harry’s bare chest under his shirt as he struggled to meet Harry’s mouth, instead wetly mouthing over his jaw and cheek. Harry gently pushed his knees apart and settled himself more firmly over Louis, guiding his face so their lips met. It was all hot and messy, no finesse, Louis clinging desperately to every part of Harry he could touch.  
  
“Hmm,” he groaned softly. “Harry, Harry. Haz. Let’s fuck,” he reached for Harry’s joggers, rubbing one hand harshly over Harry’s groin as his other hand fumbled with the waistband. “Wanna fuck so badly, common, common.”  
  
“Lou, Louis. You need to sleep,” Harry cupped Louis’ chin and rubbed his thumb gently over his cheekbone.  
  
Louis ignored him, continuing to fiddle with Harry’s trousers until he successfully got what he was looking for as he got the joggers halfway down: the pink tip of Harry’s cock pressing up towards his belly. “Fuck me, your fucking cock. You have the perfect cock.”  
  
Harry pulled away abruptly. “Lou. We can’t. You’re drunk. You’re so, so drunk. And I’m not. I can’t baby, okay?”  
  
Louis frowned, reaching a hand out to grasp Harry’s cock in his palm. “But you’re hard,” he answered matter of factly. “You’re reeeeeally fucking hard,” he giggled.  
  
Harry knocked away his hand as gently as he could while shoving his cock back into his joggers and placing both hands on Louis’ shoulders. He closed his eyes momentarily before sighing and opening them again, blinking hard. “I don’t want to do this when you’ve had this much to drink, love,” he said slowly. “Okay?”  
  
“But we’re boyfriends.”  
  
Harry chuckled at that. “We are.”  
  
“And,” Louis said, crawling up on his knees so he was face level with Harry. “Your penis needs some attention,” he reached forward, Harry holding him at the waist as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “You have such a lovely penis, Hazza. And—” he leaned too far forward, Harry steadying him again. “—And you’re a lovely boyfriend and I wanna give your lovely penis some attention, please.”  
  
Harry smiled crookedly at that and struggled not to laugh as he sat Louis up. “C’mon, love, let’s get into my bed and I'll put on a film, okay?”  
  
“We haven’t had sex in ages.” Louis frowned. His eyebrows bunched together and he pursed his lips as though he was maybe only just realizing.  
  
Harry sighed again, rubbing a hand over his face. He knew. God, did he ever know.  
  
Louis burped crudely into Harry’s shoulder. “Actually,” he slurred, “I am kinda sleepy,” he rubbed his chin over Harry’s shoulder and yawned. “Ugh. I feel all sticky. Think I wanna shower before bed.”  
  
“Probably a good idea. You reek of booze.”  
  
Louis giggled all the way to the loo, he and Harry stripping off their clothes, Louis tossing his haphazardly on the floor while Harry placed his neatly into the washing bin before gathering Louis’ up too. Harry moved wordlessly around the room, turning on the shower and checking the temperature before leaning against the vanity as he brushed his teeth. Louis had only been in the shower five minutes before the glass door flew open and he was stumbling as he feet slid over the tile floor to the toilet.  
  
That was where Harry found him, bent weakly over the lid of the toilet tear stained and clutching his stomach.  
  
“Oh, Lou.”  
  
Louis grimaced, tears burning his eyes. “My stomach...it hurts.”  
  
And then Harry was moving again; stroking Louis’ hair while he threw up, wiping his mouth and leading him back to the shower where he sat him down and ran a flannel over his face and body, washing away any trace of vomit, vodka, hurt, shame.   
  
Harry whispered softly, resting his chin over Louis’ head and stroking his wet hair. “Oh, baby. Why do you do this to yourself.”  
  
"It hurts," Louis groaned again.  
  
"I know, baby."  
  
“Stay,” Louis mumbled, tipping his face into the hot stream of water.   
  
They spent the rest of the night there, curled up on the floor by the toilet while wrapped warmly in Harry’s duvet, waiting for sunlight to wash over them, waiting for a new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts.
> 
> Thank you to the lovely [nautilarrie](http://nautilarrie.tumblr.com//)  
> for betaing!
> 
> Please reblog the post [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com/post/153142405073/peachesandpetal-title-rather-be-sad-with-you) if you're enjoying :) 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> xxx Sailor


	14. Chapter 14

Louis was certain he’d never been this comfortable in his entire life.   
  
_ Cozy _ was the word he was feeling. He had cocooned himself in one of Harry’s oversized jumpers, snuggled deeply under the warm safety net of the plush duvet wrapped around his body. He had fallen asleep feeling calm and comforted, a Christmas film playing softly in the background and Harry’s warm frame wrapped around his. It was the first good night’s sleep Louis felt he had had all semester and he fully intended to dwell in dreamland for as long as possible. This made the fact that someone was standing over him, calling his name repeatedly and jostling him awake with harsh pokes to his shoulder even more annoying than usual.   
  
As if that were even possible in Louis’ world.   
  
He cracked open an eye and was met with a pair of soulful brown puppy dog eyes staring down at him.   
  
“Great, you’re awake!”   
  
Louis rolled over, pulling the duvet over his head. “I will murder you,” he mumbled into the pillow. He felt a heavy weight sinking down onto his legs and tried to kick them out in protest to no avail, “Ugh, get  _ off _ , you absolute oaf.”   
  
“Lou,” Liam whined. “Come on, wake up please.” He seized the corner of the duvet and flung it off, exposing Louis’ small frame curled into a ball to the harsh cool air. “It’s ten,” Liam added, as though this was further incentive for Louis to get up.   
  
Louis whipped around and faced Liam with an expression that could best be described as a ferocious snarl. “Ten in the morning?!” He screeched. “Are you out of your bloody mind? What the fuck, Payno, it’s Christmas holidays.”   
  
Liam shrugged, unperturbed. “We’re still at school, though, so technically it’s not. Besides, I need your help.”   
  
“Are you in immediate danger?”   
  
Liam sighed, “No.”   
  
“Then bugger off.” Louis tugged the duvet back over himself and tried to shove Liam’s legs out of the way. He grimaced and rubbed his belly, waiting patiently for another minute and hoping Liam would leave.   
  
He didn’t.   
  
“I need you to go Christmas shopping with me.” Liam flopped down beside him, pressing his face close to Louis’ and tugging on the duvet corner until Louis opened his eyes again. “Please, Lou? I’ll buy you a cinnamon bun at the mall.”   
  
Louis groaned and flipped onto his back, narrowing his eyes at Liam. “You know when people use spray bottles to train their pets when they do something naughty?” he said finally.   
  
“Yes?”   
  
Louis continued to glare at him expectantly. “We should get a spray bottle,” he finished wryly.   
  
Liam ignored his comment and threw the covers off Louis’ limp body once again, pulling him up by the sleeve. “C’mon, it’ll be fun,” Louis gave him a stern look. “Have you even done any Christmas shopping yet?”   
  
Louis shrugged, swinging out of bed and rubbing his hand over his sleep-crusted eyes. “I’m rubbish at gift-giving. Me mum usually buys the girls make-up and I just sign my name on the card.” He reached for a jumper and the worn jeans he’d worn yesterday, fumbling in his sleepy state to pull them on. “What about you? Soph and your parents and sisters and that. Clearly, you’ve not done all your shopping either.”   
  
“Yes, but I have a detailed list already made up, all I need to do is purchase a couple things I couldn’t get online.”   
  
Louis rolled his eyes, yanking his jeans over his bum and frowning when he had to suck in his tummy to button them.   
  
“What about Harry?” Liam asked leaning against the desk.   
  
“Ugh, I’ve no idea. Anything I get him will most likely pale in comparison. Harry’s the king of gift-giving.” Louis was now at his mirror, still frowning as he tried to rearrange his fringe over his forehead. He couldn’t remember the last time he had had a haircut and his hair was undeniable proof of that, the wispy strands in front falling into his eyes as the back hung over the nape of his neck, nearly touching the sharp edges of his collarbones. “Jesus,” he muttered, deciding it was hopeless and snatching a blue headband to hold it back. “Did you know Harry makes his own Christmas cards and actually adds baked goods to go on top?” He rolled his eyes fondly. “I mean, god.”   
  
“Oh I saw him baking those cupcakes to give to his students after their exam,” Liam smiled. “Harry’s a sentimental lad. I reckon he’d appreciate a gesture or something you’ve made more than anything you could buy in the shops.”   
  
Louis considered that. “Easy then. I’ll make him a gift certificate for surprise rimjobs anytime he fancies.”   
  
Liam snorted. “Well that’s...generous. A gift that really embodies the spirit of Christmas.”   
  
“‘Tis the season to be jolly,” Louis sing-songed with a grin. “Speaking of Harry, where is he? He already leave for the library?”   
  
Liam nodded towards the hall as he headed towards the door. “Showers on.”   
  
Louis heard the unmistakable whistling of their shower. “Right. I’m gonna pop in and say hello then.”   
  
Liam smirked. “Is this the start of an early Xmas gift?”   
  
“Shut up,” Louis chuckled, swatting him. “I’ll meet you by the door in five.”   
  
He opened the door to the loo without hesitation, finding Harry facing the wall in the shower stall, standing tall and lean, his long hair slicked back straight and hanging down between his shoulder blades. Louis eyed the pale expanse of Harry’s skin through the glass door, watching as water droplets trickled down over the swell of his bum and onto the back of his plump thighs. “Good morning, peaches,” he said softly.   
  
Harry whipped around with a surprised expression on his face, having apparently not heard Louis come in. “Lou,” he murmured, smiling sheepishly.   
  
It was then that Louis’ eyes travelled down Harry’s body to where his hand was wrapped loosely around the head of his cock, hanging pink and swollen against his thigh. Louis licked his lips and slowly slid the shower door open while Harry stared at him.   
  
“You’re jerking off?”   
  
Harry shuffled, wiping a drop of water out of his eye and dropping his hand to do so. His cock bobbed free and Louis watched it bounce off the slick skin of his belly. “Well,” Harry cleared his throat, clearly embarrassed. “Yeah.”   
  
Louis cocked his head, unsure at first whether he was upset or turned on or both. “We haven’t had sex in a while,” he said matter-of-factly.   
  
“Lou—that’s not. It’s just, you know, the morning,” Harry replied apologetically.   
  
“You didn’t wake me up,” Louis said slowly.   
  
He didn’t know why he was surprised, though. He hadn’t acknowledged Harry’s morning wood in weeks and Harry himself had ceased to attempt any sort of sexual activity for the same amount of time. Louis knew he was being careful so as to not pressure Louis or make him feel guilty for his lack of sexual desire. Except, of course, that Louis did feel guilty. Guilty and immensely annoyed with himself. He wanted to want to have sex with Harry. He missed it. The feeling of their bodies intertwined, their limbs sliding together, the beat of Harry’s heart against his own. While he knew Harry would probably volunteer to go a lifetime without sex purely for his benefit, Louis hated that he was the reason Harry was forced into celibacy. And he did want to—it’s just that other feelings—feelings of exhaustion or guilt or despair were proving to be more powerful than that of his desire to get off. Looking at Harry now, standing wet and hard and ashamed, Louis felt sick to his stomach.   
  
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, realizing he hadn’t been listening and didn’t even know if Harry had responded.   
  
Harry frowned and reached a wet hand forward to stroke Louis’ cheek. “Baby. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I’m fine. I’m not—whatever you’re thinking, don’t. You’ve nothing to be sorry for,” he repeated.   
  
Louis held Harry’s palm against his cheek and let their clasped hands fall down between their bodies, Louis’ sleeve getting caught in the stream of water. He took Harry’s palm and dragged it over his thigh, moving it up and down, up and down. Harry’s cock had softened some but Louis could see his arousal growing as he maneuvered Harry’s hand over closer and closer to his groin.   
  
“Lou,” Harry said softly after a moment. “What are you doing?”   
  
Louis brushed Harry’s fingers over the soaked patch of hair at the base of his cock and held it there. “Touch yourself,” he murmured.   
  
“What?”   
  
“Touch yourself. I want to watch you.”   
  
“You want to watch?”   
  
Louis nodded. “Yes. Wanna see you get off.”   
  
Harry swallowed. Louis’ eyes were bright and wide, not straying from where they were focused between Harry’s legs.   
  
“Touch yourself for me, love.”   
  
Louis pushed Harry’s fingers forward until they were wrapped loosely around the base of his penis. He stroked over his wrist, finally looking up to meet Harry’s eyes. They were wide, blown open and dark so only a spark of green remained around the rim. Harry swallowed again, his feet stepping apart an inch to widen his stance. “That’s it,” Louis murmured, watching Harry’s grip tighten, his palm cupping the wet head of his cock to peel the foreskin back. “There you go. That’s it. Feel good darling?”   
  
Harry nodded vigorously, still focused intently on Louis as he quickened his strokes. Louis leaned further forward into the shower, not caring as the water wet his forehead and jumper. He kept his palm flat on the top of Harry’s thigh, slowly stroking up and down as his fingers brushed the slick hair there. “God, Harry,” Louis ran his palm up and down again, his fingers stretching out to press into the crease of Harry’s groin. Harry squirmed against him, now jacking himself in long, quick strokes. “You’re so gorgeous, aren’t you?” Harry whined high in his throat, watching Louis intently as he spoke. “Missed seeing you like this so much. So gorgeous like this.”   
  
“Lou...”   
  
Louis reached for Harry’s unoccupied hand and dragged it down his inner thigh until it cupped the bottom of one wet cheek. He moved it slowly forward, allowing Harry’s fingers to brush against the soft skin under his balls. “Getting close, darling?”   
  
Harry nodded, his eyes closing as he brushed over the head of his cock with one hand and lifted his heavy balls with the other to brush over his hole. Louis watched him with wide eyes. He could feel that he was semi-hard in his trousers but he didn’t care. In this moment, he couldn’t care less. He had never been so focused on anything in his whole life they way he was focused on Harry now.   
  
“Put a finger in,” he instructed softly.   
  
Harry whined again, obliging immediately as he twisted his wrist and sank his middle finger into himself. Louis knew the angle was off but Harry looked so desperate he knew it didn't matter, mouth parted and nearly trembling as he pushed harder, his two front teeth sinking into his bottom lip. He wrapped his fist tightly around the head of his cock and pushed his thumb into the crown pressing into the sensitive ridge.   
  
“How’s it feel, love?”   
  
"Good, good, so good,” Harry groaned. He moved his finger faster, his face scrunching up tightly as he did.   
  
“Yeah? Feels good? Love getting your ass fingered don’t you baby?”   
  
“Yeah—fuck—yeah I love it.”   
  
“So gorgeous, baby, look at you,” Louis reached his hands behind Harry and spread his cheeks so Harry could sink his finger even deeper. “So pretty,” he breathed. “Such a pretty pink hole.”   
  
Louis could see how far gone Harry was at this point. His face was flushed pink and damp, his mouth still parted as his eyebrows scrunched together. Louis ran his thumb over the crack of Harry’s ass, touching the spot where Harry’s finger was slipping in and out continuously.   
  
“Have you been getting off in the shower without me, baby?”   
  
Harry whined and turned his wrist in even further. His right foot lifted off the floor an inch so his hip tilted up, allowing his finger to sink further into his hole.   
  
“Yeah? Couldn’t stand it, could you darling? Had to get those fingers in that gorgeous hole of yours didn’t you?”   
  
Harry nodded furiously, hair falling over his face and covering his eye.   
  
Louis reached to pry Harry’s wet cheeks apart again, holding him open. His hole was wet and pink, clenching around his finger as it bulleted in and out. “Look at that asshole,” Louis said softly. “So fucking pretty, darling,” Louis met Harry’s eyes, wide and begging and he knew to continue. “Bet you had trouble hitting your spot, though, right baby? Were you wishing I was here with you? Getting my finger so nice and deep in that hot little hole?”   
  
“Oh god,” Harry moaned. “Yeah, Lou, always want you with me. Can’t get my fingers to go in like I want,” he grimaced then, trying to push his fingers even further as though he was proving his point.   
  
Louis hummed. “Poor baby. You’re such a good boy, Hazza. So lovely. You always deserve to feel so good.” He ran his thumb over the pink tip of Harry’s cock, pressing into the slit and holding pressure.   
  
“Oh fuck, I’m gonna come,” Harry whined.   
  
Louis nodded, licking his lips. “Do it, baby. C’mon, come for me, love.”   
  
Harry tipped his neck up to the ceiling as his eyes closed. “Louis,” he breathed, jerking himself so hard that Louis noticed his hand shaking.   
  
“That’s it, Hazza, you’re so good, that’s it. Come for me, darling, you’re so gorgeous. Wanna see you come so badly.”   
  
Harry gasped as he came, white streaks shooting out over his palm onto the tile and instantly being washed away with the steady stream of now-lukewarm water. Louis stood up from where he kneeled on the mat, his arms and head still inside the shower and dripping with water. He brushed the damp lock of hair that had fallen over Harry’s cheek and smoothed it back with the rest of his slicked back mane.   
  
“You’re so good,” he murmured, moving his thumb to brush over Harry’s lower lip.   
  
Harry smiled shyly, still breathing heavily from his orgasm. “I missed doing that with you,” he admitted. He grinned as Louis raised an eyebrow. “Well, sorta doing it with you,” he leaned forward to press his lips to Louis’, dripping water onto the dry patches of his jumper. “Whenever you’re around, whenever I even think of you, I’m just gone. God,” he nuzzled behind Louis’ ear, “You get me so hot, I can’t breathe.”   
  
Louis smiled. “Me too, love. You know that, right? I’m gonna get there again, it’s just been—this month, it’s just been a lot.”   
  
Harry reached behind himself and twisted the tap off, stepping out of the shower and wrapping himself in his towel. “Babe,” he said, wrapping his still damp arms around Louis, “Don’t even worry about that, okay? I’m not worried and I don’t want you to feel worried. I don’t ever want you to do something you’re not comfortable with.”   
  
Louis nuzzled his face into the rich coconut scent of Harry’s curls and took a deep breath. “I know. And I love you for that. I just want you to know, it’s not gonna be like, a permanent thing. It’s not like I don’t want it or don’t think about it,” he looked up to meet Harry’s gaze. “It’s just that I’ve felt so overwhelmed with other things, it’s felt like I couldn’t get there. But,” he said cheekily, eyes drifting down to Harry’s crotch, “Somehow I think I’ll be in the mood in the near future.”   
  
Harry grinned. “And I’ll look forward to that very much,” he replied. “When you’re ready.”   
  
“Right,” Louis smiled back. He looked down at his damp jumper. “Shit,” he muttered. “I forgot the whole reason I came in here was to tell you I’m going Christmas shopping with Liam,” he glared at Harry with a smirk. “You and your stupid prick. Gonna have to change now. Liam’s gonna kill me.”   
  
Harry laughed, “Well, he didn’t come banging on the door so I suspect he had some inclination of what might be holding you up.”  His towel was now tied around his head leaving him completely naked, a fact he paid no mind to as he opened the door and stepped into the hall.   
  
“ Finally—oh. Haz, honestly!” Liam groaned and turned away to face the kitchen as Harry cackled and headed into his room, “Morning Liam!”   
  
“Louis!” Liam bellowed. “You had better be out here in five minutes or I’m leaving without you!”   
  
“That’s fine. I didn’t even want to go,” Louis reminded him. Liam was silent a minute before whipping around and eyeing Louis smugly.   
  
“Then I won’t buy you your cinnamon bun.”   
  
Louis sighed. Shit. He really wanted that cinnamon bun. “Fine,” he replied begrudgingly. “Lemme change outta these wet clothes real quick then we can go, yeah?”   
  
Liam nodded. “I’m not even going to ask,” he said rolling his eyes.   
  
“‘Tis the season to be jolly, Payno!” Louis called from inside his room. Liam rolled his eyes more forcefully as he heard muffled laughter behind the door before Harry sang out loudly,   
  
“ Fa lalalala lalala la!”

  
  
…  
  
  


  
Manchester Arndale was absolutely packed when they arrived, both men already irritated and damp from the ice cold rain that had begun pelting down as they stood to wait for their bus.  
  
“I need a cuppa before I can do any shopping,” Louis informed Liam. He gestured to the Costa up ahead.  
  
“Yes, your highness,” Liam answered snippily.  
  
“Why are you being such a tit?” Louis asked, standing in line. “You’re dead moody today, Jesus.”  
  
Liam was staring keenly at the list of drinks on the wall behind the counter as though he were looking at it for the first time. He crossed his arms across his chest as Louis ordered. “Sophia and I broke up,” he answered calmly. He tilted his head, “I think I fancy a gingerbread latte, have you tried it?”  
  
Louis stared open-mouthed at him, ignoring the barista as he turned around to face Liam. “Wait what?”  
  
Liam shrugged, handing a note to the barista over Louis’ shoulder and ordering his own drink. Louis didn’t get any information out of him for several long minutes, Liam finally breaking the silence after sipping quietly at his latte.  
  
“She dumped me,” Liam’s voice had lost some of its stamina and sounded flat and sad.  
  
Louis continued to stare at him in shock, completely unsure of what to say. God, why was he here on his own for this? Harry would have known what to say. Harry always knew what to say. Maybe even Niall. He could give mature advice when he wanted to. Louis, however, was totally caught off guard. Liam always had everything together in his life.  He was the picture of a perfect, responsible person. He never needed comforting, as far as Louis knew. Even when they drank, Liam was always the responsible one. He never got out of control or sloppy, never needed taking care of. He was always the one holding everyone else up. Literally. Liam was never a mess, he was the one helping to clean up other people’s messes, like Louis’ own. This was unfamiliar territory. And Liam and Sophia over? They had been together for as long as Louis had known them and even before that. He felt a burning ache in his gut. How could something so solid fall apart?  
  
“Liam, I’m. I’m so sorry,” Louis swallowed and slid his hand around the warmth of his cup of tea. “I don’t know what to say. I—I mean what happened?”  
  
“Last week,” Liam answered carefully. “I met her at the restaurant to walk her home as usual. We were walking through the park and everything was fine. I thought everything was fine,” he licked his lips and paused to take a sip of his drink. “She did it right there on her front step,” he went on. “And it happened so fast, like one minute we were walking and it was snowing and beautiful and the next minute she’s telling me that she can’t do this anymore and running inside.” He laughed darkly and Louis watched his dark eyes shine wetly with tears, “She literally left me out in the cold.”  
  
“Li…” Louis reached a hand out awkwardly over the table and gripped Liam’s forearm gently. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”  
  
“Me too,” Liam smiled weakly, wiping his eyes and sipping absently at his drink.  
  
“Did she say anything else? I mean, have you talked or anything? That couldn’t have been all there was.”  
  
God, Louis hated Sophia in that moment. He had always loved her, from the moment he met her, but in this moment, looking at Liam’s sad eyes he thought this was the worst he had felt in a long time.  
  
Liam nodded. “We had coffee the next day. She said she was sorry, that she was overwhelmed and it just came out but that she hadn’t changed her mind,” he fiddled with a loose thread around one of the buttons on his shirt. “She said, uh. She said she’d been thinking about this for a long time,” he finished, looking down.  
  
Louis frowned. “But why?”  
  
“She said she thinks we got too caught up in each other over the years. That we need to figure out who we are without each other. She thinks we’ll be happier.” Liam sighed deeply. “She also said,” he paused looking almost ashamed, “That she doesn’t think we’re in love. She says we love each other but we’re not in love. And we both deserve that. We deserve more than we can give each other.”  
  
Louis considered that, “And what do you think?”  
  
Liam shrugged. “I don’t know...I mean, we’ve been together for so long, it’s like I don’t know anything different anymore,” he raked a hand through his fringe and bit his lip. “I mean. Could we really have been together all this time if we weren’t in love with each other? How could that be?”  
  
Louis pursed his lips. “I don’t know, man. God knows I’m no expert when it comes to relationships,” he said thinking of Wesley.  
  
“But now you have Harry,” Liam pointed out. “You guys have a brilliant relationship.”  
  
Louis nodded, knowing it wasn’t the time to talk about his own relationship and its flaws. “Yeah,” he agreed, sitting silently for a moment before speaking again. “You know, me mum reckons people love each other as much as they can for as long as they can but sometimes it’s just not meant to last.”  
  
Liam tilted his head. “Yeah?”  
  
“Yeah. She says, everyone you meet, you meet for a purpose. Good or bad, you always take something away,” he shrugged helplessly. “Mum has a lot of experience dealing with heartbreak. She’s the strong one. Sorry, I’m so rubbish at this. I reckon she’d give you some great advice right about now.”  
  
Liam gave him a small smile, “It’s alright, Lou.”  
  
“What can I do?” Louis asked, feeling hopelessly helpless as Liam’s eyes seemed to grow sadder and sadder. “Maybe we should call the lads? We could do...something,” he suggested lamely.  
  
Liam smiled softly again and stood up, gathering their empty cups and tossing them in the bin. “I’m fine, Lou. It’s fine. Let’s shop, yeah? S’what we’re here to do.”  
  
Louis bit his lip, trailing behind Liam as he set off. “Are you sure, Li? We could just go home and have a cuddle on the couch. Eat junk food and watch one of Harry’s films.”  
  
Liam smiled at that. “That does sound good. After we shop yeah? I need to go to Jo Malone and buy mum this perfume. Wrote it down,” he rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a sheet of yellow legal paper, perfectly folded into a square. “Blackberry and Bay...Got it.”  
  
“I reckon I should pick up something for me mum in there too. Think she likes Jo Malone too,” he smiled, rubbing absently over his belly. “What would I do without you, Payno?”  
  
“God knows,” Liam answered. He eyed Louis’ grimace and the motion of his hand on his stomach. “Alright?”  
  
Louis nodded. “Just a bit of indigestion.”  
  
“Does that mean I don’t have to buy you a cinnamon bun then?”  
  
Louis snorted. “Of course not, Liam. I cannot, and will not, let anything stand in the way of me and me cinnamon bun.”  
  
Liam snickered. “That’s just sad, mate. Alright, well let’s get our mum’s gifts first, yeah? Then we can eat.”  
  
Louis set off towards Jo Malone, stopping to face Liam with a huge smirk. “Get in loser, we’re going shopping,” he said triumphantly.  
  
Liam couldn’t help but laugh, if for nothing else than the look of pure joy on Louis’ face. He rolled his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “You should have said that as we were leaving the flat,” he pointed out.  
  
Louis sighed and draped an arm across Liam’s shoulders as they walked. “Ugh, I know. I only thought of it now. Bollocks.”  
  
“Well, it’s never too late for a Mean Girls reference.”  
  
“That’s the truth my friend,” Louis grinned. “That’s the truth.”  
  
  


  
…   
  


  
  
Harry was in the library. Because Harry was always in the bloody library these days. He was sat in his favourite spot: the corner desk that faced the window and was located in the quietest corner of the library. It even had a couch which Harry liked to stretch out on to quiz himself as a treat and relief for his back. Even so, Harry had spent so much time in this bloody library that even this spot, his favourite spot, with the sunshine streaming through the window and the view of birds sitting on bare tree branches, felt like a prison. Harry had been staring straight ahead out the window, eyeing a couple sat on a bench in the courtyard. They looked terribly cute and comfortable, he observed, both wrapped up in big wooly scarves and parkas, their knit mitten hands twined together. The taller guy of the two had a thick dark beard and was clutching a paper cup and sipping it intermittently between laughing at the smaller man and kissing the top of his head. It was sickeningly sweet; the smaller boy with round plastic frame glasses looking fondly into bearded guy’s eyes and shaking his head when he said something apparently funny. The longer Harry stared, the more envious he felt. He wanted to be on the bench, sipping tea and cuddling with his own boy. Why did this couple look so happy and carefree? Didn’t they have exams to be studying for? Or maybe, Harry thought bitterly, they, like everyone else on this bloody campus, had finished exams already.  
  
Stupid, stupid exams. _Hate exams_ , he thought to himself. Exams are life ruiners. They ruin people’s lives. That made him laugh out loud.  He would have to remember to text Louis that one. God knows they loved a Mean Girls reference. He was startled out of both his slightly incoherent jealous thoughts and his people-creeping by the sound of his phone ringing. He glanced at his screen.  
  
“Hey mum,” he answered, hoping his voice didn’t sound as dead as defeated as he felt.  
  
His mother’s voice rang out brightly over the phone, high and warm, and Harry could feel his mood lift instantly. “Hi darling, alright?”  
  
“Yeah, good mum, you?”  
  
“Oh fine sweetheart, it’s my free period so I’m having a bit of a break. Kids are wild today. They’re so eager for Christmas holiday. I think it’s making us all a bit bonkers,” she laughed.  
  
Harry laughed with her. “I can relate.”  
  
Anne hummed. “Are you in the library now?”  
  
Harry snorted. “I live here,” he joked. Anne chuckled sympathetically in his ear. “Yeah I am, still got a couple hours before my next exam.”  
  
“Second-last to go, is that right?” Anne asked. Harry nodded before remembering his mum couldn’t see him and answered 'yes' out loud. “What have you got today?” she continued.  
  
“Human Anatomy,” Harry answered tiredly, shifting his mobile to his other shoulder. He scrubbed a hand over his face and yawned as his mum chatted. He was only faintly listening, the amount of available space in his brain becoming increasingly limited and currently occupied with words like subscapular bursa and binuclear fibrocytes. He eyed the stack of cue cards beside him that he still had to go through one last time and sighed.  
  
“Harry? Are you still there darling?”  
  
Harry snapped his eyes open. “Sorry, mum. Spaced out for a second there.”  
  
“Poor baby,” Anne tutted. “You must be absolutely knackered,” Harry nodded in agreement. “Nearly there, though, love,” his mum was saying.  “Just another week before you’ll be home with your mummy to take care of you.” Harry grinned, hearing the smile in Anne’s voice through the phone. He loved the Christmas season most out of any time of year because of all the time spent with family. His mum always went all out with the festivities: baking, decorating the entire house, carols and Christmas music, Christmas markets and days spent entirely on the sofa watching Christmas films. Harry couldn’t wait to be home.  
  
“Can’t wait, mum,” he replied genuinely.  
  
“You’re my only baby home this Christmas,” Anne mused sadly.  
  
“More for me,” Harry joked to lighten the mood.  
  
Gemma wouldn’t be home for Christmas for the first time in their lives. She had been living in Victoria, British Columbia for the past six months while doing her masters in Neuroscience and had opted to stay in Canada to travel with some her friends over their two-week break. Harry knew his mum was taking it the hardest and while he too missed his sister terribly and knew having her gone for Christmas would be especially difficult, he couldn’t blame her desire to travel and continue her life abroad. Still, he planned to spend extra time with his mum to make up for her absence.  
  
“—and perhaps your boy will come to stay?” Anne finished.  
  
Harry jolted back to reality at the mention of Louis, realizing he had spaced out once again. “Pardon?” He asked meekly.  
  
“Louis,” Anne repeated. “Were you planning on inviting him for a visit over the holiday?”  
  
Harry hummed. How was it possible that he and Louis hadn’t discussed their Christmas holiday plans yet? They’d been so caught up in making it through the exam period that they clearly hadn’t considered what they were going to do when that joyous end was finally upon them. “We actually haven’t talked about it,” Harry admitted sheepishly.  
  
“But you do plan to see each other?”  
  
“Yeah, course,” Harry answered. “We’ll just have to sort out plans. Louis’ birthday is Christmas Eve and he normally just spends it with his family but I’m hoping I can maybe spend the day with him.”  
  
“That’d be lovely,” Anne agreed. “Well, you know he’s always welcome at ours. We don’t have much going on here, Nan and Granddad will be here of course but otherwise, we plan to be pretty relaxed. We’d certainly love to have him here and meet him officially. FaceTime doesn’t count you know,” she informed her son.  
  
“I’ll let him know,” Harry promised.  
  
“Good,” Anne paused, her silence lingering in such a way that Harry knew she had more to say. “How’s Louis doing by the way?”  
  
Ah. Harry had told his mum about how stressed Louis had been about school. She didn’t know all the details, but Harry trusted his mum and he could talk to her, so she was aware that Louis had been struggling with his mental health.  
  
“I think he’s doing a lot better,” Harry answered. “He’s finished all assignments and exams now. I think I mentioned that over text already? But yeah, he’s done now so hopefully he can take some time to relax.” Anne hummed in agreement. “Being on holiday will be good for him,” Harry continued. “Seeing his family and being able to relax a bit without the added anxiety of school. I think it’ll be really good,” he repeated.  
  
“I think so too, love. All the more reason to have him visit! I’ll make him my world famous butterfly buns. Or cherry cake. Or both.”  
  
Harry laughed. Baking was Anne’s ultimate form of nurturing, a trait he was pleased to have inherited. “He’ll love that.”  
  
“He’s a lucky boy to have you in his life, you know that?”  
  
“I’m lucky to have him too,” Harry smiled.  
  
They chatted for a few more minutes before Harry mentioned he should sign off and finish going over his notes.  
  
“Oh before you go, darling, you are going to dad’s for Christmas day dinner, right? He says you haven’t confirmed with him yet.”  
  
“Yeah I am,” Harry replied. “I swear I already told him that? I’ll text him.”  
  
“He says he’s planning on deep-frying the turkey this year,” Anne laughed, “I’ll be interested in hearing how that goes.”  
  
Harry laughed. “Oh god. So will I. I’ll keep you posted. You’ve talked to dad recently then?”  
  
“We Skyped Gem the other day together. He was down from London visiting your nan.” Anne replied. “God, Gemma has the most gorgeous view from her room. I can hardly believe it. Dad says he wants to go for a visit in the new year.”  
  
Harry smiled. “Gem would love that.”  
  
“You could go with him,” Anne suggested brightly.  
  
Harry snorted. “I’d love to but there’s no way I’d be able to get away from school. January and February are going to be some of my busiest months,” he added. “That’s when I start actually putting together my thesis and then there’s med school applications due end of February so…” Harry’s stomach felt tight just thinking about the amount of stress he’d be under in the coming months.  
  
“You work so hard, darling. Have you narrowed down your choices then?”  
  
Harry blew a puff of air out. He didn’t want to think about med school applications right now. He focused his gaze outside the window. The cute couple was gone now. “Queen Mary, UCL, Edinburgh, Imperial, Oxford, Cambridge,” he answered quickly.  
  
“That’s great, sweetheart. Okay okay, I’ll let you go, I know you want to get back to your notes.”  
  
“Thanks, mum. I love you. I’ll talk to you soon, alright?”  
  
“I love you too, my gorgeous boy. Good luck on your exam, you’ll do great! Let me know how it goes, okay?”  
  
“I will. Bye, Mum.”  
  
Anne blew Harry a kiss through the phone. “Bye bye, sweetheart.”  
  
Harry hung up the phone feeling a sense of calm wash over him. Talking to his mum always helped. He glanced down at his phone and saw there was a text from Louis.  
  
_good luck on your exam love !!! you’ll smash it ! Film tonight , Liam’s pick ! See you at home :)  love you X_  
  
Harry smiled at his phone. _Have fun shopping baby, can’t wait for a Lou cuddle when I’m home tonight. Love you most xxx H_  
  
Harry set his phone down and sighed over his notes, glancing at the time. Three hours until he’d be home snuggling on the couch with Louis.  
  
“Three hours,” he muttered. “Just three hours.”  
  
  


  
…   


  
  
  
Louis set the plate of warm cookies on the coffee table and plopped down on the sofa beside Liam. “Here we go, lad. Harry’s homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, fresh-ish and warm from the microwave,” he grinned. “Also, I texted Harry and Niall and let them know it’s lad night when they get home. Niall said he won’t be home for dinner, though”  
  
“Thanks, man.” Liam reached for a cookie and chewed on silently for several minutes, “Do you think he’s out on another date with coffee shop girl?”  
  
“Probably,” Louis grinned. “I cannot believe he hasn’t introduced us to her yet. I mean what is he playing at? It’s not like we’re going to embarrass him or something.”  
  
Liam laughed under his breath, shooting Louis a narrow-eyed glance. “Well, I won’t.” Louis laughed and flipped him the finger. The two sat in silence for a few minutes with only the sound of the telly playing an old episode of Love Island in the background.  
  
“Hey, Lou?” Liam asked quietly.  
  
“Hm?” Louis was stretched out now, hands gently placed over his belly.  
  
“Thanks for today. It means a lot.”  
  
Louis sat up on his elbows. “‘Course. I’m here for you, lad, whatever you need, yeah?” He smiled softly, “I reckon I owe you.”  
  
Liam cracked a smile, “Only a million times over.” Louis laughed and then winced, clutching his belly more tightly. Liam frowned, nodding towards him.  
  
“Hey. Stomach still bothering you?”  
  
Louis nodded, still stroking over his belly. “Yeah. Been getting this pain for a while now. Bloody nuisance. Reckon I should cut down on the curry takeaway,” he muttered.  
  
“Maybe we should order from Kale Baby for dinner tonight then,” Liam said wryly.  
  
Louis groaned. “Ugh. Haz will literally kiss you if we do. He’s been begging me for weeks.”  
  
“And your stomach will thank you.”  
  
“Ha. Maybe.”  
  
Liam was stood at the fridge now, scanning the Kale Baby brochure. “They have some good soup and salad meals. Oooh, they have a chicken and quinoa one that looks good. Definitely gonna go for that,” Liam said. “What about you? Soup? I reckon it’ll be easy on your stomach.”  
  
Louis nodded. He was still stretched out with his eyes now closed. “Sure. I’ll have the same as you. Minus any salad, though.” he sat up to look at Liam. “Are you ordering through Deliveroo?” Liam nodded, holding up the open app on his phone. “Harry likes that superfood kale salad with the sweet potato and hummus and all that shit in it. Oh, and the almond butter and banana chia seed smoothie,” he added.  
  
Liam chuckled. “Got it.”  
  
“I’ll grab you some cash, thanks mate.”  
  
“What time should I order it for? 7?”  
  
“Make it 7:30. Harry should be back by then,” Louis answered. Liam nodded, tapping away on his phone.  
  
“Done.” He flopped back into the chair and glanced at Louis. “You look a bit peaky, mate, maybe you better have a nap.Want me to get you anything? Antacid?”  
  
Louis shrugged, eyes still closed as he snuggled further down into the sofa. “Nah, I’m fine. Think I will nap, though. Just for a bit,” he yawned.  
  
Liam nodded. “Alright, lad. I’ll wake you when the food arrives.”  
  
Louis scoffed softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I can hardly wait.”  
  


  
  
…   
  


  
  
It was dark and pouring rain by the time Harry finally made his way out of the building. Just as his study spot had felt like a prison earlier in the day, the moment he opened that door and breathed in fresh air (though painfully cold and wet) he felt like he had just finished a long sentence. Harry decided to take the long way home to enjoy the outdoors and was making his way towards this chosen path before he remembered his phone was still tucked away in his rucksack. He bent down on the cold cement step to rummage in the front pocket. He powered on his phone and swung his rucksack back over his shoulder, nearly slipping on the wet bottom step doing so. He had just pulled out his earphones, ready to plug them in his phone when his screen up and began pinging incessantly. He scanned the screen. He had several missed calls and his screen was littered with texts, all of them from a couple hours ago.   
  
He thumbed through them, breath hitching the longer he stared.   
  
Missed call: (3) Liam Payne   
  
Liam:  _ R U out of ur exam?? Ring  me _   
  
Liam:  _ oh right it’s only just started _   
  
Liam:  _ ring me when your out  it’s urgent _   
  
Liam:   _ when u see this i’m w/ lou at MRI _   
  
Liam:  _ still in A&E waiting to see dr not sure whats wrong yet _ _  
_   
Niall:  _ hey mate give us a ring when you see this, louis’ havin stomach pains so we’ve gone to a&e _   
  
Niall:  _ @ manchester royal infirmary _   
  
Niall:  _ he’s ok just give us a ring. Hope your exam was ok _ _  
_   
Niall:  _ lou’s phone is dead btw bloody tosser never charges it so just ring one of us x _   
  
Harry swallowed and wiped across his dry lips, fumbling with the buttons on his phone with shaking hands as he tried to ring Niall. He didn’t even bother to listen to the voicemails.   
  
Niall answered after the second ring.   
  
“There you are Hazza!”   
  
“Ni, what’s happened? Is Lou okay? What happened?” Harry was dashing across campus now, cursing England and its stupid weather as the rain pelted down and slicked his face with cool moisture.   
  
“Calm down, Haz, calm down. Louis’ in with the doctor now and Liam and I are just sat waiting,” Harry heard Niall muttering something to Liam in the background.   
  
“Niall!” Harry bellowed. “What happened, you said he was having stomach pains? Is it his appendix?”   
  
“Sorry sorry, Liam’s just being...shut up, Li, lemme explain. I guess Louis’ stomach has been bothering him all day, Liam says—”   
  
“It’s been bothering him for a while now,” Harry replied. “God, I knew he should have seen his GP sooner, I told him...”   
  
“Harry,” Niall soothed. “It’s alright, mate. When I got home, Louis was in a bad state, said his stomach was burning and he felt like it was gonna explode. We thought he was gonna throw up but when he finally did…” Niall paused. “Don’t freak out, yeah? Anyway, when he finally did he was coughing up some blood—”   
  
“Oh my god.”   
  
“—and he passed out and that’s when Liam called for an ambulance. But listen Haz-”   
  
Harry was crying now, he couldn’t help it. God, of course, something like this would happen while he was writing an exam. Life. Ruiners. He had to get to Louis was all that kept running through his head. He had to get to Louis. “Ni did you drive? Can you come get me, please, I have to get to him Ni, I have to-”   
  
“Slow down, mate, slow down. ‘S’alright, I’m gonna come get you right now, okay? Where are ya?”   
  
Harry wiped at his eyes and slumped onto an open bench. “I’m right at the edge of north campus by bus stop F,” he said, his voice hitching.   
  
“Alright lad, I’m on my way, just stay there, yeah?” Niall said. “Louis’ awake, he’s been talking to us and he told us to tell you not to worry, alright? I mean, I know you will but just try and relax okay?”   
  
Harry sniffed wetly. “Does his mum know? Did anyone call her?”   
  
“She’s on her way, the nurse called her.”   
  
Harry nodded, shuddering a deep breath and blinking the tears from his eyes. This was too much, this day had all been too much. “Just come, Ni, okay?”   
  
“Coming, lad, I’m coming.”   
  
It felt like an eternity to Harry but only twenty minutes later he burst through the doors to the waiting room at MRI and found both Liam and Jay chatting quietly, both holding cups of tea and looking oddly calm. Harry himself felt like he was about to wee his pants he felt so overwhelmed. Harry eyed Jay and immediately noticed how much Louis looked like his mother. Jay was petite with bright eyes and soft-looking brown hair. Her nose was slight and curved up in the same slope as Louis’. She stood up as Harry made his way over to their chairs and Niall plopped down beside Liam.   
  
“Oh, honey,” Jay said immediately upon seeing his tear-streaked face. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in for a hug. Harry moved towards her easily, letting himself be held. “Louis’ going to be just fine, Harry. He has a peptic ulcer in his small intestine, one that’s been developing for a while now, and it started to bleed,” Jay explained cupping his cheek. “He’s going to be fine, love. Ulcers are serious but his isn’t life-threatening and can be treated with medication.”   
  
Harry sniffled and wiped at his runny nose. “Sorry,” he murmured. Jay smiled, pulling away to sit back down and patting the seat beside her.   
  
“Funny way to meet in person, isn’t it? I wish it were under better circumstances but I have to say I’m so thrilled to finally meet you,” She smiled at him again. The same as Louis’.   
  
Harry laughed wetly, “Me too. Maybe Lou orchestrated this whole thing just so he’d be out of the room when we did.” Jay laughed with him. “Where is he now?”   
  
“He should be in his room soon. The doctor did an endoscopy procedure to confirm the ulcer diagnosis and the nurse just came out to update me. She’ll be back in a moment.”   
  
Liam stood behind him and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Alright, Haz?”   
  
“Alright,” Harry replied weakly. “Thanks for bringing him in, Liam. I’m glad you were there with him.”   
  
“‘Course, mate. Niall and I are going to head home, kind of feeling like we’re intruding on everyone here. Are you going to be okay here?”   
  
Harry nodded. “I’m fine. I’ll stay with Jay.”   
  
Niall cupped a hand around the back of Harry’s head, petting his hair. “We’ll see you at home, lad, yeah?”   
  
“Thanks, Ni.”   
  
Harry settled back into the plush chair and waited. It vaguely occurred to him that he hadn’t eaten anything in hours but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He hadn’t looked at his phone since he arrived either. He wondered whether his mum had texted him, asking about the exam.   
  
Jay patted his arm, drawing him out of his thoughts. “Harry love, are you sure you’re okay? Can I get you something to eat? Cup of tea?”   
  
“I’m fine thanks, Jay,” Harry smiled. “I should be the one getting you tea.”   
  
Jay smiled, “He really is going to be fine, love.”   
  
“How did this happen?” Harry asked. “Has he had an ulcer before? He never mentioned.”   
  
Jay shook her head, “No. Ulcers are strange things. They often can go undetected for some time.”   
  
“Was it the stress?” Harry asked. “He’s been under so much stress lately, and I knew he was having some stomach pain...I should have made him go to the GP sooner...I didn’t think…”   
  
“Harry, don’t blame yourself, darling. Contrary to what people think, ulcers aren’t caused by stress. Or spicy foods,” she added. “Both of those things can exacerbate symptoms but they aren’t the root cause. Actually, the most common causes of peptic ulcers are infections or long-term use of aspirin and certain other painkillers like ibuprofen and naproxen sodium.”   
  
Harry nodded interestingly. “Do they often bleed like Louis’ did?”   
  
Jay shrugged her shoulders. “They can, depending on the severity of the ulcer. Peptic ulcers occur when acid in the digestive tract eats away at the inner surface of the stomach or small intestine. The acid creates a painful open sore that may bleed, but again, that's all dependent on a number of factors. Louis’ wasn’t too severe, he was only slightly anemic, and the bleeding was minimal so he was fortunate in that regard.”   
  
“I feel like I’m already starting my med school education,” Harry grinned.   
  
“Ah, yes, Louis mentioned you were planning to apply. Application season is coming up, isn’t it?”   
  
Harry nodded, trying not to shudder. “February!”   
  
“Well, I think you’d make a lovely doctor,” Jay spoke, smiling brightly. “You’re intelligent and kind. Word of advice, one key to being a great doctor: work well with the nurses,” she winked. “We run the show, anyways.”   
  
Harry chuckled with her. “No doubt.”   
  
The nurse came back then and Harry and Jay both stood. “Johannah Deakin?”   
  
“Yes, that’s me.”   
  
“Great. You can come on back and see Louis now. He’s been cleared to go home and can leave shortly, we’re just getting the paperwork ready for discharge. Dr. Michaelson will be around in a moment to speak with Louis before you go. Louis said he’d like you in the room when she comes by.”   
  
“Great, cheers,” Jay smiled.   
  
Harry stepped forward hesitantly. “Can I—can I see him too? Please, I’m his boyfriend.” He wiped at his face where his cheeks were still embarrassingly damp with tears.   
  
“Of course you can, love,” Jay said immediately.   
  
The nurse smiled. “He asked for you too,” she told Harry, leading them down the hall.   
  
Harry followed the nurse and Jay down the hall to Louis’ room and felt like he was in a cold sweat. Everything was so bland and eerie in here. God, he thought, what is wrong with me? I want to be a bloody doctor for god’s sake. Harry wasn’t afraid of hospitals. In Year Ten he’d volunteered for the reading program and spent every week in the pediatric cancer ward putting on funny voices and reading stories to kids. It wasn’t the atmosphere of the hospital but the fact that it was Louis in a hospital. Harry felt like something had finally crashed in him, like the weight of something he’d been trying to carry for weeks had finally collapsed and he couldn’t hold it any longer. All he’d done was worry about Louis and now here he was, blatantly hurt and in the hospital, and Harry hadn’t even been there. They’d only just stepped in the doorway to Louis’ room when Harry broke down. Louis wasn’t even lying in the bed. In fact, he looked totally fine, if not for the paleness of his cheeks and the bandage on his hand where the IV had been. But Harry couldn’t help it. He looked at Louis, seeing him there on the edge of the bed with his blue blue eyes and his messy fringe, smiling at Harry, after what had seemed like the longest day and Harry just fell to pieces.   
  
Harry felt his eyes start to burn first. Then his lower lip trembled and the tingling in his nose started. His head dropped forward as he began to sob and he buried his face into his hands in trying to cover himself.   
  
Louis’ face immediately fell and he slid off the bed and stepped towards Harry, placing his hands on Harry's bent arms, a startled look of bewilderment on his face. “Haz? Harry, hey. Don’t cry, love, don’t cry. It’s okay,” he rubbed his palms up and down Harry’s shoulders soothingly. “Harry, look at me, I’m fine, see?” He reached forward to lift Harry’s chin. “Totally fine,” Louis tucked a curl behind his ear and smiled widely to prove his point. That only seemed to make Harry cry harder.   
  
“I’m going to step out a moment and grab us all some tea,” Jay said softly.   
  
Harry sniffled pathetically. “I’m s-sorry,” he gasped.   
  
“Baby,” Louis said. He pulled Harry into a hug, having to stretch up on his tiptoes to gather Harry’s tall frame into his smaller one. “Why are you so upset?”   
  
“I just—I was so scared, Lou. I’ve been so worried about you and so stressed and then something like this happens and I hear you’re in the hospital and I wasn’t there and-”   
  
Louis was shaking his head, guiding Harry to the chair by the door. He sat down, still holding onto Harry and pulled him down onto his lap. It would have been funny if Harry wasn’t in such a fragile state, his gangly frame struggling to curl into Louis’ petite one.   
  
Harry sniffed, “Are you okay?”   
  
Louis pressed a soft kiss to Harry’s tear-stained cheek, “I’m okay, love, I’m fine.”   
  
“Are you still in pain?”   
  
Louis shook his head. “No, they had me on an IV earlier and gave me something good for the pain.”   
  
“Good,” Harry said softly. “That’s good...I’m sorry I wasn’t with you when it happened.”   
  
“Haz, don’t apologize for that, you were in an exam. Besides, it wouldn’t have helped anything even if you had been at home,” Louis said gently.   
  
“I would have been with you,” Harry protested.   
  
Louis just rolled his eyes and patted Harry’s hip gently. “Hey, how was your exam anyways?”   
  
Harry shrugged against him and gave a little laugh. “It was good, I think. My brain feels so overwhelmed I feel like I can’t even remember anything from the day.”   
  
Louis kissed him on the forehead, right between his eyebrows, “I bet you crushed it.”   
  
Dr. Michaelson and Jay stepped into the room then, and Harry jumped off of Louis’ lap shyly, wiping his wet eyes and sitting down in the chair.   
  
Dr. Michaelson stepped towards them and smiled kindly. “Okay, Louis so let’s go over your treatment plan. As I mentioned before, we believe your ulcer was caused by a combination of the helicobacter pylori bacterial infection and long-term use of non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs—that’s painkillers like aspirin,” she added with a wink. “Now, I’m going to have you on a few medications here. Firstly, I’ve prescribed a course of two antibiotics; amoxicillin and clarithromycin which each need to be taken twice a day for a week. We’ll have you come in about a month, after finishing your antibiotic course to see whether there are any bacteria left in your stomach. If there are, a further course of eradication therapy using different antibiotics will likely be given,” she smiled warmly at Louis. “Still with me?”   
  
Louis nodded. “I think so,” he laughed.   
  
Dr. Michaelson smiled and continued. “Secondly, I’ve prescribed a medication called pantoprazole. It’s a proton pump inhibitor which works to reduce the amount of acid your stomach produces, preventing further damage to the ulcer as it heals naturally. I’ve prescribed it for four weeks, but we’ll assess how well your ulcer is healing when you come in for your second endoscopy and I may prescribe the PPI for another month.” She unclipped a piece of paper from her clipboard and handed it to Louis, “All the information about your medication, plus additional useful information is on here for you to refer to,” she grinned. “I know it’s a lot to take in.”   
  
“Thanks,” Louis smiled. “Will these medications start to work right away then?”   
  
“All of the above treatments can take several hours before they start to work. So if you’re finding you need some relief right now, I recommend taking an antacid medication to neutralize your stomach acid.”   
  
Jay nodded. “We’ll grab some from the pharmacy while we're there.”   
  
“Now,” Dr. Michaelson continued. “As I mentioned before, I advise you to use an alternative painkiller not associated with stomach ulcers, rather than an NSAID. Paracetamol is fine.”   
  
“Okay,” Louis nodded.   
  
“Please also note that you cannot drink alcohol while on these antibiotics. Additionally, alcohol consumption and smoking cigarettes increase your risk for further ulcers to develop so I strongly advise you to limit both of those things. Any other questions for me, Louis? I know you’re probably dying to get home into bed.”   
  
“Bed would be nice,” Louis agreed with a laugh. “I don’t think so?”   
  
“Well, there’s a number on the paper I gave you that you can call if you have any questions, concerns, or your symptoms worsen,” she nodded towards Jay. “It’s nice that you have your own personal nurse to care for you. You’re lucky.” she grinned.   
  
“Remember that,” Jay laughed, eyeing her son. Louis laughed.   
  
“Alright, Louis, well if you’ve no questions you’re all set to go. Take care and get plenty of rest, okay? We’ll see you in a few weeks for your follow-up appointment.”   
  
“Thanks, Dr. Michaelson.”   
  
Jay chatted with her for a moment while Harry stayed close by Louis’ side and helped him gather his things. Once they stopped by the pharmacy and collected Louis’ medications they piled in Jay’s car and headed back to the flat. Harry had learned that Jay had gotten rooms at a nearby hotel for her and Louis tonight, deciding it was best for him to get some rest before they headed to Doncaster in the morning. Before Harry had had a chance to feel panicky about Louis leaving so suddenly and not being able to spend the last night with him, Louis had assured him that his mum had said Harry was welcome to stay with him.   
  
“I think the whole ulcer thing really helps my case,” he had grinned. “She already told me when you come round the house over the holiday you’ll stay in the guest room.”   
  
“That’ll be the same at ours,” Harry laughed. He supposed this confirmed that the two of them would indeed be seeing each other quite a lot over the break.   
  
The bed at the hotel was huge and plush and Louis and Harry easily snuggled into it together. Harry traced a finger over the collar of Louis’ soft sleep shirt. He was so exhausted he could feel his heavy eyelids dropping with each passing second but he wanted to stay awake as long as Louis was up.   
  
“I was scared today.”   
  
Louis wiggled closer to Harry so their chests were pressed up against one another, the warm heat radiating through down to his bones. “I know,” he said softly, tangling his hand through the soft curls at the base of Harry’s neck. “I’m sorry.”   
  
Harry snorted. “You can’t apologize for having an ulcer.”   
  
“Well, it’s a little bit my fault, isn’t it? Dr. Michaelson mentioned that my drinking was partly to blame.”   
  
“No, she didn't. You have an infection, Lou. The alcohol didn’t cause it-”   
  
“'Copious quantities of alcohol can irritate the stomach lining, making it red, raw, and inflamed. Areas of bleeding may develop',” Louis recited smugly.   
  
Harry couldn’t help but chuckle at Louis’ tone. “Right, the alcohol certainly intensified the irritation but she did say the primary cause was the infection. That and the added use of painkillers over time.”   
  
Louis nodded. “Yeah. Which I take all the time from the killer migraines my stupid depression causes. And when I’m hungover.”   
  
“Lou,” Harry frowned. “You can’t blame yourself, okay? It’s not your fault,” he stroked Louis’ cheek gently and pressed a wet kiss to the tip of his nose. “What’s important now is that you heal and get better. And we’ll work on everything else together, yeah?”   
  
Louis nodded, leaning his forehead against Harry’s. “You can’t blame yourself either, you know,” he said softly.   
  
“Hm?”   
  
“For not being there. For not seeing it coming,” Louis continued. “You know how much I love you and how deeply I appreciate the way you’re always there for me. But,” he cupped Harry’s jaw and tilted his chin so their eyes met. “It’s not your job to take care of me.”   
  
“I know,” Harry answered slowly.   
  
“Do you? Because it kills me to see you so distraught and upset over me, Haz. I know you’ll continue to worry and don’t get me wrong—I need you. I need you to be there and help me and support me, god knows I can’t do it alone. But. I also need you to know it isn’t your burden to shoulder alone. I have to be able to take care of myself and you have to make sure you’re taking the time to take care of you.”     
  
Harry’s lip lifted into a half smile. “You’re right,” he said.   
  
“I think,” Louis said. “If we do that, if we don’t forget that we have to be able to care for ourselves, then together, we can care for each other too.”   
  
Harry clasped Louis’ small hand in his and brought it close to his lips. “Love you,” he said kissing over his knuckles.   
  
“Love you.” Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck and pulled him down to rest against him. “Now let’s get some sleep. ‘M going home to Donny tomorrow, need all the rest I can get,” he grinned. “Land of the Tommo girls. God help me.”   
  
They laughed until their eyes couldn’t stay open any longer, drifting off together, this time with Louis’ arms wrapped around Harry, pulling him closer, holding him tightly against his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs I'm writing to at the moment:
> 
> 1\. Million Reasons - Lady Gaga  
> 2\. Still Falling For You - Ellie Goulding  
> 3\. Helplessly Hoping - Crosby, Stills & Nash (you've no idea how happy I was when I saw this on Harry's mixtape)  
> 4\. Insomnia - IAMX  
> 5\. This Town - Niall Horan  
> 6\. My Heart's Always Yours - Arkells  
> 7\. Fuck With Myself - Banks  
> 8\. Library Magic - The Head And The Heart
> 
>  Thank you for reading! Please let me know your thoughts in the comments.
> 
> Thank you to the lovely [nautilarrie](http://nautilarrie.tumblr.com//)  
> for betaing!
> 
> Please reblog the post [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com/post/153142405073/peachesandpetal-title-rather-be-sad-with-you) if you're enjoying :) 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> xxx Sailor


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this chapter references past bullying and homophobia. 

 

Recovering in Doncaster turned out to be far less of a bother than Louis had first anticipated. It was quite nice to be home, surrounded by his family, and away from the chaos and stress in Manchester. Though he wouldn’t admit it to her, he found it very comforting to have his mum by his side caring for him. Sure, it wasn’t ideal that he had had to suffer an ulcer in order for that to happen but Louis couldn’t deny that this was the most relaxed he had felt in a long while.

He needed that. He really, really needed that.

Louis spent the majority of his time the first couple of days he was home sleeping, but after that, his mum had insisted it was good for him to be up and doing something, so long as he was taking it easy. So Louis found himself falling into a familiar routine, helping his mum around the house and spending loads of time with his siblings. Luckily, aside from the baby twins, it was quite a bit easier than it used to be when the girls were younger and needed more taking care of. Louis spent his time sitting at the kitchen island chatting with his mum as she baked Christmas treats or cooked dinner, taking long strolls in the park with the twins in their prams, listening to Phoebe and Daisy as they chatted about school and the Year Six drama and tried to get him to be in their Snapchats, and curled up on the couch with Felicite and Lottie watching endless episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Admittedly, it was strange being in the house. Louis’ family had moved here only a year ago, right before the twins had been born. The house was a large red brick, completely private and secluded from the rest of the neighbourhood as it sat on a huge property surrounded by trees and even featured a huge rose garden. Still, it didn’t quite feel like home to Louis. The house was gorgeous and lovely, no doubt about that, but Louis sort of felt as though he was in a hotel. Interestingly enough, the small shared flat back in Manchester felt more like home to him, even with its tiny shower stall and stained carpet. Or maybe the fact that it was home had more to do with the people living there.

Louis stretched across the king-sized bed in his room and yawned. He gazed around his room, taking it all in.  It was spacious and bright with lavish cream walls and a big four-poster bed. He smoothed his hand over the pale blue striped comforter. Clearly, his mum had just redecorated in here. The last time he had slept in this room alone, the bed was just a mattress on the floor and he’d used an old Power Rangers sleeping bag to sleep in. He’d always been totally unconcerned and uninterested in making decor choices and it seemed that his mum had finally given up on waiting for him. The last time he’d stayed here he was with Harry, and they had stayed in the guest room down the hall as Louis had decided they needed a proper bed. Perhaps that’s what had made his mum bite the bullet and go ahead and decorate his room. It was certainly a big change from his room at school and utterly different from the room he’d grown up in. That room had been cramped and dim with a bunk bed and bright red walls covered with posters of David Beckham and Green Day. This bedroom had none of those things. There were three neatly framed photos of birds hung on the wall above the nightstand, each perfectly arranged, and a large bay window that faced the sun and had four throw pillows neatly positioned across it.

Louis peered out the window, making out the faintly exposed stars in the dark navy blue sky. The air looked crisp and cool. He wondered if there’d be snow for Christmas. He flopped back on his bed and stared at his phone screen for several long minutes. It was nearly midnight but he didn’t feel tired in the slightest, considering all he did was lie around all day watching films and talking to his mum. He’d already hung up from his nightly phone call with Harry an hour ago and he knew Harry was probably fast asleep by now. His final exam was two days away and he needed all the rest he could get. Louis continued his mindless scrolling through Instagram and Twitter before finally tossing his phone away in boredom. His sister had uploaded several makeup tutorials (she’d already shown him earlier and Louis couldn’t help but feel terribly old and nostalgic at how grown-up his baby sister was becoming) but there didn't appear to be much else happening. Ugh. Everything was boring. Louis was actually considering cracking open one of the books from the fully stacked mahogany bookshelf (seriously, where had all those books come from?) when he heard the faint whistling sound of the kettle downstairs in the kitchen.

Louis padded downstairs and followed the light into the sitting room. He poked his head around the archway and found his mum curled up in the loveseat with a steaming cup of tea and a fluffy blanket covering her legs. She looked up over the propped book on her lap and peered up at Louis over her tortoiseshell reading glasses. “Hi poppet.” She patted the spot beside her. “Can’t sleep?”

Louis shook his head. “Not tired yet.”

“Me neither. Come here and sit with me.”

Louis immediately curled up beside his mum and pulled the soft oatmeal coloured throw over his legs. Jay closed her book and set it on the coffee table, turning to examine her son’s face. She stroked over his cheek. “Are you feeling alright, love?”

“Yeah, fine,” Louis nodded. “‘M bored to tears, though. I was just lying up there, in the new room. Got to thinking.”

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“It’s just weird being in this house is all. Like, not in a bad way, really, it’s nice to be home obviously. It’s just different, innit? Sometimes I forget that this is home now.”

Jay hummed softly. “Well, it’s certainly a change from the old house. I think it’s fair to say we have a bit more room here,” she smiled.

Louis laughed with her. “A bit, yeah.”

“We had that house so full to the brim, what with all of us and then all of our _stuff_. I swear to God some days I was afraid it was going to fall right down on us,” Jay smiled wistfully. “It was a good little house though, wasn’t it?”

“It was,” Louis agreed. “And Nan and Poppy were right down the street.”

Jay smiled. “We had a lot of lovely memories there,” she reached out to ruffle Louis’ fringe. “Remember? You and me in that tiny kitchen every night trying to round up your sisters. You making that huge pot of spaghetti every week.”

“My speciality,” Louis laughed. “Nan’s recipe.”

“Mmhm,” Jay smiled. “You know, I remember the day she taught you. You had just come in from playing footie in the yard, you were twelve maybe? Thirteen?” she smoothed her palm over Louis’ leg. “And she insisted that it was the perfect time for you to help her make lunch and learn her secret recipe.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “I was well annoyed.”

“Maybe at first. I think you tried to pretend you didn’t love hanging around with her when you were younger, but by the time you were a teenager in secondary school, you were the best of friends,” Jay laughed.

“She was the first one I came out to officially, remember?” Louis traced his finger over the soft material of the blanket and looked down at his hands. “We were playing the piano one afternoon. She was teaching me to play _Songbird_. And then I just told her. Don’t know why...something about that moment or that song. I just wanted to say it. I think I needed to.”

“I remember,” his mum answered softly.

“And remember what she said to me?” Louis said, eyes twinkling. “I said, ‘Nan, I just want to tell you...that I’m gay,’ and she said, without even missing a single beat,‘Well good, lord knows this family could use another boy in it.’”

Louis and his mum laughed together, Louis leaning into Jay’s shoulder to curl against her.

“I miss her.”

Jay pressed a kiss to Louis’ forehead and gently patted his hip. “I know, darling. I miss her too.”

“I wish she were still here,” Louis sighed into Jay’s shoulder. “She would have loved to meet the babies.”

“She would have called me a mad woman for having more kids,” Jay said wryly. “But really, she’d be the happiest of anyone, wouldn't she? She loved children more than anyone I know.” She slid her hand across Louis’ forehead, brushing the messy strands of golden brown hair away from his eyes. “You know I told her I was pregnant with you before I told my own parents?”

Louis peered up through his lashes and gave her a soft smile. “I’d forgotten.”

“She’d come to pick me up from school in the red truck like she always did. I think she was dropping me off at the shop for work, I must have had a shift. I’d only known for a few weeks and I just had to tell someone. So I did. She let me have a good cry on her shoulder before setting me straight. We were parked on the curb right outside the shop, and she said, ‘Good lord, Hannah, you’re going to be a mother, what you doing sat here crying? You’ve got to pull yourself together, love. This baby needs you. It’s time to put on your big girl pants. Straighten up and fly right,” Jay laughed and Louis saw her eyes were shining brightly with tears.

“I’d forgotten she always called you Hannah,” Louis answered with a lopsided grin.

Jay rolled her eyes. “She was the only one. Hannah-banana, in fact. My mother always hated it. I think that’s partly why Nan carried on with it.”

Louis laughed. “Probably. She really was a brilliant lady.”

“She was.”

“She would have thought this house was way over the top though,” Louis pointed out.

Jay laughed. “I know.”

Louis yawned and let his head drop back onto his mum’s shoulder. “I miss the old house.”

“I know.”

“This is quite like old times though, innit?” He mused. “Just you and me. Sitting up after the babies had gone to sleep and dad was working a night shift. Watching rubbish telly and eating junk food that’d we hidden from the girls,” he grinned up at his mother.

“It’s still you and me, you know, poppet.”

“That mean I’m your favourite?” Louis teased.

Jay swatted him. “Oi, you bugger.”

Louis snickered, grinning widely and pressing a quick kiss to Jay’s cheek. “More tea?”

“Always,” Jay grinned. “I’ll come with you, I’m actually feeling a bit peckish.”

“Fancy a midnight snack?”

“Mhmm,” Jay said, uncurling herself from the sofa and standing up. “Ever since I had the twins my appetite seems to have tripled, honestly. More so than with any of the rest of you, I’ve noticed it.  Even the other twins. I’m just _always_ hungry.”

Louis hummed. “Niall must also be breastfeeding twins then because I swear, _every_ night, I hear him up in the kitchen rummaging through the cupboards, trying to find something to eat.”

“Perfect, tell him to give me a ring and we can compare snacks,” Jay winked.

“Hey, don’t even joke about that. It’s bad enough you lot all email each other, _honestly_.”

“I happen to think it’s cute.”

Louis stuck out his tongue at his mum. “For who?”

Jay stretched a leg out in front of her and gently prodded Louis in the bum with a chuckle. Louis laughed and jerked away, looking up and noticing his mother’s outfit for the first time. She was dressed in thick polka dot flannel pajamas, with her feet clad in bunny slippers and her hair piled messily on top of her head. He raised an eyebrow, “What are you wearing?”

Jay stared down to look at her feet and giggled. “I'm comfortable! I think these slippers used to be Fizzy’s. Why? Am I embarrassing you, poppet?”

“You look ridiculous,” Louis laughed. “You look like a little kid. Or maybe like Lottie with that hair.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Jay grinned over her shoulder, now busy rummaging through the cupboards. “But don’t tell your sister I’m stealing her look.” She finally settled on a box of cereal and began pouring herself a bowl. “Want some?” She held the box out to Louis.

Louis shook his head with a chuckle. “I’m alright, thanks.”

“Suit yourself!”

Jay settled on one of the stools around the island and dragged her spoon through the milk in her bowl as the two sat in comfortable silence for several moments.  Louis began scrolling through his phone as Jay snacked quietly. She watched her son for a moment before carefully opening her mouth. “Love?”

Louis looked up from his phone. “Hm?”

Jay shifted in her seat, carefully setting her spoon against the counter and adjusting her legs so she was sat cross-legged on the bar stool. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Alright.”

“It’s about school.”

Louis cocked his head, reaching for his tea and licking his lips nervously. “Okay…”

“I just think that you have a lot on your plate right now,” Jay said carefully, cupping her hands around the warmth of the mug of tea, “And it might be a good idea to discuss some options for you.”

“Options,” Louis repeated flatly.

Jay sucked in a deep breath. “Yes. Options for your next steps,” she scratched the back her neck and fiddled with her bun until her hair came loose, falling over her shoulders and around her face. She looked younger than her years this way and more nervous than Louis had seen her in a long while.

It made Louis’ heart clench. Jay was always the definition of calm, cool, and collected. She was tough as nails, with very little ever seeming to faze her, and always strong where Louis was weak.

Jay tucked her hair behind her ear and continued. “You know that the most important thing here is making sure your health and happiness come first. That has to be top priority, darling. I think there’s just a lot going on right now. School has been tough on you, your mood has been way down and I’m worried about how you’re dealing with all of it. Now with your ulcer, I think this really needs to be a wake up call. You’re struggling again and I’m worried, darling,” she wiped at her nose and sucked in another deep breath. “As your mum, there’s nothing in the _world_ more heartbreaking than to see you in pain and know that I can’t just make it all go away for you. All I want to do is be there for you and support you in any way I can, poppet.” Jay tapped her fingertips gently along the side of the mug and looked at Louis earnestly. “You’re not alone, Lou,” she reached for Louis’ hand and held it gently in her own. “I need you to tell me you _know_ you aren’t alone. Not ever, darling,” she whispered.

Louis squeezed her hand back and felt his heart tug painfully when he noticed Jay’s tearful eyes. “Don’t cry, mum,” he pleaded, cheeks flushing shamefully. “It’s alright.”

Jay wiped her eyes with the back of her palm and took a tentative sip of tea, smiling weakly. “I really do think we need to make some changes, Lou. We need to come up with a plan to get you to a place where you’re feeling better and I think the first step is taking some time away from school.”

Louis stared at his mum silently. He felt a prickle of shame and confusion making its way down the length of his spine and settling in his belly. His mum wanted him to quit uni? He certainly had not seen this coming. “Time away from school?” Louis repeated. “When you say ‘time away’, do you mean—?”

“Taking a medical leave and postponing the upcoming semester, yes.”

Louis cocked his head. “Really?”

Jay took another bite of her cereal and pushed the bowl away carefully. “I think it’s what you need, love. You need to take some time and think about what you really want. You need to make time to find what you’re passionate about and what makes you feel happiest.” She met Louis’ eyes and gave him a small smile. “I don’t think what you’re doing in school right now is hitting any of those marks right now. Would I be right in saying that?”

Louis nodded. “I just don’t know if I’m cut out to be a lawyer,” he confessed. Jay nodded and continued to sip at her tea. “I mean...I know that’s what granddad always thought I should do and everyone wants that for me but…”

“Love,” Jay frowned. “What we want for you is to do what _you_ want to do. We want you to be happy.”

“But granddad always said-”

Jay shook her head immediately. “It’s not about granddad. It’s about _you_ , darling. This is _your_ life, _your_ choice. You call the shots here, not granddad, or me, or anyone else. You have so much to offer, Louis. You’re bright and thoughtful and have the biggest, most wonderful heart of anyone I know. You can do anything. Anything you want to do that you set your mind to.”

Louis wiped messily across his nose and huffed softly under his breath, embarrassed that he was so emotional. He wiped at his eyes as he felt the tears spill over onto his cheeks. “I guess I’ve never really thought about it,” he said quietly. “I always just assumed I needed to become a great lawyer because Granddad is and Poppy was and he—I just always thought that was the plan set out for me.”

“There’s no set plan, poppet,” Jay said, brushing Louis’ fringe from his eyes. “You could be a great lawyer if that’s what you decide you want to do. But _you_ have to decide that for yourself. And if you want to do something else, then you should. I did. You know your granddad wanted me to follow in his footsteps and become a lawyer too?” Louis shook his head. “He did. It’s what he knows. In his mind, it’s the greatest profession there is,” Jay chuckled shortly and winked at Louis. “It may be great but it’s certainly not the only one out there.”

“I guess I don’t know what I want,” Louis admitted quietly, staring down into his tea as if the answer was floating around in there somewhere.

“You don’t have to have it all figured out, my love.” Jay stood up and draped her arms around Louis’ shoulders, hugging him tightly from behind. “Not tonight, or tomorrow, or even a year from now. All you need to do is take it one step at a time. Baby steps, okay?” Louis nodded as Jay pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I love you, Lou,” she paused and grinned against their pressed cheeks. “My Lou bear.”

Louis laughed wetly at the old nickname he had grown up hearing. He turned to bury his cheek into his mother’s shoulder, breathing in the comforting scent of peppermint tea and honey that was uniquely her. “Love you, mum,” he answered softly.

As he curled up in bed that night, drawing the duvet up tightly under his chin and drifting off surrounding by posh decor, Louis thought that they maybe this house still

felt like home after all.

…

                                                                                                          

Louis was awake with the sun the next morning, or maybe it was more due to the delicate tones of Doris and Ernest screaming at the top of their lungs. At any rate, Louis found himself awake and mostly functional at 7a.m. and actually found it to be quite nice. Once his mum and Dan had the twins in their arms with a bottle, everything was silent and calm. The Tomlinson home was rarely one that would be described as ‘serene’ but somehow, with the sun just barely peeking out over the bare tree branches, streaking bright splashes of orange and red hues over the crisp blue sky, and only the sweet morning chirps of the nearby birds, it was peaceful.  Louis sat at the kitchen island in a warm wooly jumper and soft cotton pajama bottoms waiting for the kettle to boil for his tea. He yawned loudly and rubbed at his sleep-stale eyes,  absently scrolling through his Twitter feed. He scanned through the first few boring news headlines, discovering there didn’t appear much of anything going on in the world. He paused when he spotted Harry’s name appear, chuckling as he read Harry’s latest status update.

**HARRY @hazzasays Dec. 21**

_Yes I'm wearing my long johns today, thank you for asking._

Harry was the king of Twitter in their flat, usually tweeting random or obscure song lyrics or cryptic messages that left them all thoroughly puzzled, but his account had been particularly active during the exam timetable. Louis giggled and retweeted Harry, adding a little message to the end.

**louis tomlinson @thetommo Dec. 21**

**@hazzasays** weirdo !!! #gottakeepyourbitscozy  


He poured a cup of tea and found himself lost in a sea of Harry tweets, scrolling through his feed and screenshotting some of his favourites:

**HARRY @hazzasays**

_Football, beer, manly things._

**HARRY @hazzasays**

_Pretty woman is on tv. Wooooooo!_

**HARRY @hazzasays**

_Watching The Biggest Loser. This show is intense._

**HARRY @hazzasays**

Playing scrabble with the mother.. She's very good.  


**Louis** _: you’re a ridiculous boy and i love you xx good morning :)_

 

Louis smiled to himself, attaching the screenshot photos to his message and setting his phone down as his mum came into the kitchen, Ernie propped up in the crook of her arm and an empty mug in her other hand.

“Morning, darling,” his mum greeted him pressing a kiss to his head. Ernie reached a chubby hand towards him and Louis scooped him out of his mum’s arms and settled him onto his own lap. “You’re up early today,” Jay commented over her shoulder as she refilled her mug of coffee.

“Yeah,” Louis answered, cringing as Ernie shrieked excitingly into his ear. “I’ve been waking up earlier since I’ve been here for some reason. Also, this little one was being rather noisy!” he added, reaching to tickle Ernie’s little belly.

“You’re telling me,” Jay laughed. She took a huge gulp of coffee and closed her eyes in content. “Doris and Dan have already fallen back asleep in the lounge,” she grinned.

“Of course they have,” Louis laughed. “And I suspect the girls won’t be awake for ages now that they’re on holiday.”

Jay snorted. “Oh, I wouldn’t be surprised if Fizzy and Lottie didn’t make an appearance until this afternoon.”

Louis’ phone buzzed on the table and he flipped it over to find several texts from Harry.

 **Harry** _: Look at you, early bird!_

 **Harry** _: You LOVE my tweets. And you love Pretty Woman. And the biggest loser. When we watched  it together you were completely hooked x_

 **Harry** _: also, hiiii, good morning my love. how’d you sleep? x_

 

Louis grinned. Another buzz.

 

**HARRY @hazzasays liked your tweet**

**HARRY @hazzasays @thetommo** _cozy but lonely, can you help? Xxx_

 

Louis snorted loudly and covered his mouth with his hand. He immediately sent Harry a line of crying laughing emojis and began tapping away a cheeky reply on his phone to tweet back. Ernest giggled with him and smacked a little hand against his chest causing Jay to look up from where she was preparing the twins breakfast.

“What’s so funny over there?” She grinned.

“Nothing,” Louis replied instantly, bouncing Ernie on his lap. “Just Harry,” he hit send on his new tweet and waited for Harry's reply.

 

 **louis tomlinson @thetommo @hazzasays** _shall I buy u a willy sleeve for crimbo?!_

 

“Just Harry,” Jay repeated teasingly. “Ah. Okay.”

Louis blushed and buried his face back into his phone.

  


***

 

December 23rd may as well have been Christmas Day itself according to Harry. He was so completely overjoyed to _finally_ be finished exams he had almost left the flat without any of the bags he had packed. Anne had insisted on picking him up after his final exam even though Harry had planned to take the bus, to which he was very grateful for in the end when he realized how much stuff he had to lug home. The two sat in comfortable silence on the drive home, Harry immediately drifting off, as the sounds of Anne’s favourite Christmas Classics CD played while wet drops of snow welcomed them into Cheshire. Holmes Chapel looked exactly as it had when Harry had left it. Gazing out the window, Harry felt his heart swell with something warm and fuzzy as they drove through the village, passing by the familiar old buildings; the chemist, the library, Mandeville’s bakery, his old secondary school, and the primary school his mum taught at. Most of the people he’d gone to school with couldn’t wait to leave the village and go off to somewhere bigger and better when they’d left 6th form, but Harry found himself missing this place terribly the longer he stayed away. He loved the simplicity of life here and the comforting notion that things never really changed. Gemma, on the other hand couldn’t have left faster. Harry supposed that’s how she ended up living on the other side of the world now. Harry couldn’t help but grin as they pulled into the driveway. With the monstrous exam season finally behind him it felt like Christmas could begin.

“Home sweet home!” His mum sang, smiling brightly.

Harry returned her smile and swung his rucksack over his shoulder and lugged his duffle bag from the back seat of his mum’s car.

“So,” Anne said, fiddling with the lock on the door and pushing it open as they went inside. “What’s your big plan for the evening now that you’re home, H?”

“Well, Jacob’s texted me,” Harry replied. “He said a bunch of the lads from sixth form are meeting at the pub later on. I thought I’d stop by, have a drink, catch up and that.”

“Oh, that’d be lovely,” Anne smiled. “You haven’t seen Jacob in a while, right? Wasn’t he gone away somewhere?  Italy? I can't remember now. I saw his mum the other day at the shops.”

Harry hummed, pushing the front door open and kicking off his boots. He immediately felt a warm presence at his feet as Dusty the cat wrapped around his socked feet.

“Hello, darling,” Harry murmured, lifting her into his arms. She immediately latched onto his shirt, tucking her head over his shoulder to look out behind him.“How are you? Are you well? I’ve missed you.”

Anne laughed, coming up behind him to first stroke a lock of Harry’s hair and then Dusty’s, scratching tenderly behind her silky black ears. “She’s missed you too. She’s always wandering into your room. Half the time I walk around here wondering where she’s gone off to and that’s where I’ll find her. All nicely curled up on your bed, like always.” She grinned at her son, cat cradled in his arms as they moved into the kitchen. Anne stroked her knuckles over Harry’s cheek. “I’m so chuffed to have you home, sweetheart.”

Harry pressed a kiss to Anne’s cheek. “Me too, mum. I’m going to go throw my stuff in my room and then we can hang out, yeah?” He pulled out his phone and sent off a few texts to Louis.

 **Harry** _:Home sweet home at last xxx_

 **Harry** _:Dusty for one was very pleased to see me. Hasn’t left my side yet :D_

 **Harry** _:How are you feeling? Need an update on that cute little belly  of yours and it’s wellbeing xxx_

“Sure, sweetheart,” his mum was saying. “I’ve made a chicken pot pie for dinner tonight.”

Harry looked up and sighed happily. “Have I told you lately that you’re the best mum in the world?” he grinned, looking back down at his phone as Louis’ reply popped up.

 **Louis** _: so happy you finally get to be home love !!_

 **Louis** _: [IMG]_

 **Louis** _: belly and i are good, see, its smiling just for you X_

Louis had attached a photo of himself sitting down with his shirt rucked up so his tummy was exposed and the little soft rolls there were exaggerated. Harry laughed out loud, shaking his head fondly.

Anne raised a brow at him suspiciously. “Shall I take a wild guess and venture that a certain Louis has texted you?”

Harry just continued to grin, dashing up the stairs to his room with Dusty at his heels.

 

…

 

The pub was loud and crowded when Harry showed up, another part of Holmes Chapel that was just as he remembered. There were already a decent group of people sat around their old booth by the time Harry showed up and though he had really only kept in touch with Jacob and Will,  it was still nice to chat with everyone and see what they were up to. The pub was small enough that most groups of people all ended up milling together at some point in the night, trading booths and tables and gathering around the pool table.

That’s how Harry found himself at a table surrounded by a bunch of lads from their secondary school’s footie team. Jacob must have been friendly with some of them because they stuck around, leaving Harry feeling awkward and left out of the conversation, instead scrolling through his phone to pass the time and chugging his beer a little too quickly.

“So Alf, I heard you hooked up with Cass Keegan the other night, that true?”

“Yep,” Alfie grinned. “Bloody hot, that one.”

“Did you get any ass?” The guy asked, grinning stupidly.

“Yeah,” Alfie answered nonchalantly. “Not on purpose though…musta slipped,” he replied with an exaggerated wink and a smirk.

George and Jack both laughed ferociously while Jacob blanched. Alfie turned to look at Harry who was sat still quietly, clutching his pint of beer tightly in hand and feeling utterly sick to his stomach as he stared pointedly down at his phone.

“Oh sorry, Harry, lad. No offense, mate.”

Harry’s head snapped up from his phone. He met Alfie’s eyes with raised his eyebrows and smiled stiffly. “Uh, no offense taken, _mate_...”

Alfie smirked. “I meant because you’re-”

“Yeah, I got that, thanks,” Harry said shortly, trying to keep his smile even. He brought his beer to his lips and took several long glugs until it was empty. It was his fourth of the night, more beer than he usually would drank on a casual night out but this night had turned out to be far from casual and it certainly wasn’t enough to help him get through the rest of the evening with the current company.

Jacob clapped his hands then and reached for the now empty beer pitcher. “How about a refill?” He said brightly. He turned to look at Harry and their other friends. “Haz? Shall I get another round, lads?”

“Actually,” Harry answered, standing up with his phone in hand, “I’m just going to pop outside for a minute.”

“Calling your boyfriend are ya?” Alfie asked.

One of the other guys at the table, maybe Phil? Harry didn’t really know, swatted harshly at him, “Piss off, Alf, don’t be a dick.” Alfie and the other lads just laughed and moved over to the pool table with their beers clasped in hand.

“Harry knows I'm just taking the piss, doncha, Styles?” Alfie called from behind. “He loves a good joke.”

Harry didn't respond, his skin feeling tight and clammy as he moved towards the door.

“Alright?” Jacob asked, reaching for Harry’s elbow. “I didn’t know they were going to be here,” he said quietly. “I know you didn’t get on in secondary…”

“It’s fine,” Harry replied with all the cheerfulness he could muster. “I’ll just be right back, I um, need some air.”

Harry’s teeth chattered as he stepped out into the icy December air. He stumbled over the slippery ground and reached a hand out to steady himself against the brick wall. He blinked several times, trying to focus. His mind felt hazy and his whole body appeared to be shaking with the zip of something coursing through his veins; alcohol, adrenaline, anger, or maybe a combination of all three. He peered around the small street outside the pub. It was pretty deserted, as was typical for Holmes Chapel. This was essentially their only pub and certainly the only business that stayed open after dark. It was beginning to sleet as Harry made his way over to the sidewalk and plopped down, yanking his phone from his back pocket and dialling Louis’ number. He answered after two rings.

“‘Lo? Haz?”

“Hey, baby.”

Harry could hear Louis’ smile over the phone, “Hiya, love. Alright?”

Harry nodded several times into the cold air before remembering Louis couldn’t see him. “Yeah, yeah, good,” he sighed. “I’m good, Lou.”

“Are you?” Louis’ chuckled shortly, his voice now edged with concern. “You sound pretty drunk.”

“I'm fine. What time ‘sit?” Harry answered instead, “‘M cold.” He rubbed a hand over the sleeve of his silky white shirt and shivered. Where was his coat? He scrunched up his face and tried to remember.

“It’s half twelve, love. Are you alright? Are you still at the pub?”

Harry hummed. “‘M still at the pub. Just outside now. Wanted to call you,” he explained. “Missed you.”

“I miss you too, sweetheart,” Louis replied. “I’m all snuggled in me big bed watching some random film on Netflix. It’s not the same without you, though. This bed is too big for just me. And too cold. I can’t wait until you’re here.”

Harry pouted, picturing Louis’ soft hair and warm little body dressed in cozy flannels. “No fair,” he whined. “I want to be in bed with you. I miss you, baby,” he said, voice beginning to slur.

Louis laughed. “Me too, babe. Soon. Are you having fun with your mates from school?”

“Kinda,” Harry paused. “It’s weird being here. Most of these people I haven’t seen in ages. I wouldn’t really care to either. Like, Jacob and Will and them are here but then there’s loads of people I’ve never even talked to and just...yeah a lot of people. I dunno.”

“Yeah,” Louis answered. “I totally get that. It’s the same in Donny. Mum’s been asking me if I’m gonna meet up with me mates and really there’s only Stan I’d like to see.”

Harry giggled suddenly. “Wanna know something funny, Lou? Like _really_ funny.”

“Well, if it’s _really_ funny, then yes,” Louis replied with a chuckle.

“Well,” Harry started, “there’s these lads here from year eleven, right? These blokes, right? Like, proper blokes. From the football team.”

“Right…”

“Yeah yeah, so they came tonight. I didn’t know they’d be here! Jacob never said,” Harry was laughing but his voice had gone oddly high-pitched and strained.

“Okay. Are they friends of yours, though?” Louis sounded puzzled.

“Well, actually, they’re not very nice at all, Lou! They really didn’t like me in school,” Harry laughed again. He scrubbed a hand over his eyes.

Louis paused, his voice sounding softer as he replied, “What? What do you mean, Haz?”

Harry didn’t answer right away, chuckling softly into the phone and locking eyes with the brick wall across from him. “Did I ever tell you I wanted to join the footie team, Lou?”

“No, babe, you never mentioned…”

“I did!” Harry cried happily. “Only, I wasn’t very good,” he continued. “So the coach had me join on like a trial basis, I guess. I was pretty much the waterboy actually, but I was allowed to practice with the lads and all that.”

“Hey, babe?” Louis asked suddenly. “Can we FaceTime instead? I want to see your face,” he said quickly.

Harry hummed. “Okay, yeah. Yeah, FaceTime, yeah…”

“I’m going to hang up and call you straight back, baby, okay?”

“Okay,” Harry mumbled. He sucked in a deep breath and blew it back out, watching the way it caught in the cold air in smokey white circles.

“Just one second, babe.”

Louis’ voice clicked off and Harry stood up and checked his surroundings. Still deserted. Still freezing cold. He jumped at the sound of his ringtone blaring out into the cold silence. He tapped the screen, nearly dropping his phone as he did. Louis’ soft, sleepy face appeared on the screen, his frame surrounded by plush looking pillows and blankets. Harry desperately wished he could dive straight into the screen and cuddle up in the bed with him.

“Oh, Lou!” Harry cried excitedly as though they hadn’t just spoken twelve seconds ago.“There you are!” He reached a hand forward and dragged his finger over his phone screen, trying to stroke Louis’ cheek.

Louis nodded. “Here I am. Said I was gonna call you straight back, love, remember?”

“Right, right,” Harry nodded easily.

“Okay, so tell me about these lads, love,” Louis prompted, eyeing Harry’s face with careful observation. Harry looked pale and cold in the dim light, except for his eyes which were glowing green by the light of his screen, his pupils wide and unfocused as he stared. “Did something happen?”

“Not really,” Harry answered nonchalantly. “What are you up to, petal?”

“Nothing, nothing, I’m just watching the telly,” Louis answered distractedly. “Listen, Haz. You were telling me a story about these lads from school, babe. You said they weren’t very nice,” he prompted. “Can you tell me about that?” Louis was becoming increasingly more frustrated and anxious by the minute the longer Harry continued to act strangely.

Harry swiped a hand across his nose. It had started to run the longer he stayed out in the harsh cold wind. “Y-yeah,” he chattered.

“Jesus, baby you’re shivering,” Louis said. He squinted and peered at Harry more carefully through the dim screen, noticing his bare arms and the thin silky material of his blouse. “Fuck, you’re not even wearing a coat! Go inside, love, you need to get warm, okay?”

“I’m fine,” Harry answered. “I’m fine.”

“Baby, it’s freezing out.”

“I know.”

Louis bit his lip. “Haz, what’s wrong? What’s happened?”

“The guys here tonight, they’re from my old footie team.”

“Okay,” Louis nodded, brows pursed tensely. 

“It—they brought back some old memories and I just…” Harry’s voice hitched. “I wasn’t expecting to see them here is all.”

Louis’ voice was quiet when he spoke, his brow furrowed in concern as he took in Harry’s red eyes. “What happened, Haz?”

“I wasn’t very popular,” Harry laughed quietly, looking down at his hands. “In secondary school. I was one of the shortest in my year and I was chubby with baby fat and bad acne and my hair had just started to get more curly so it was basically this huge poof on top of my head. I looked awful.”

“You’re beautiful,” Louis said protectively.

Harry chuckled flatly. “I really, really wasn’t, Lou. I was a loser. I was _such_ a loser, you should have seen me. I used to wear all these hand-me-downs that came from our neighbour, who was like twenty-five and a huge computer geek. I thought he was really cool, though. He gave me all his old polo shirts and cardigans and they were all massive on me but I loved them. Wore them everyday.”

“Babe-”

“So as you can imagine,” Harry continued, “I didn’t really fit the bill to play on the footie team. Also, I was bloody awful. I would always trip over my feet as soon as I got out on the field. But the coach was our neighbour and I think he just wanted to give me a shot to be a part of the team. It was a new school and I didn’t really have any friends so Mum had encouraged me to try out,” Harry paused and licked his dry lips, wiping at his runny nose again.

“So anyways, I’d been on the team for just like a week or something and we were all in the change room after practice, right? And a few of the lads, it was the captain and his best mates I guess, came over to me when I was getting changed and they said they had this ritual for new teammates.” Louis’ breath hitched instantly and Harry could see his face go a shade paler even in the horrible blurry lighting of the iPhone. “They said it was a bonding thing,” Harry continued, swallowing, once, twice, three times in a row. “To make sure we were manly enough to be a part of the team or something. They said they’d all done it…” Harry sighed heavily, looking down into his hands. His voice shook as he spoke again. “There were just three of us lads, newbies as they called us. They had us strip down starkers in front of them and then told us to go to the showers. We were all in there and… and they told us to—to jerk off.”

“Haz…” Louis croaked.

Harry was crying now, the painful memories spilling out slowly onto his cheeks as he spoke. “They said they wanted to know we could get hard. Like _real_ men,” he said, voice cracking. “Then they left us in there. For half an hour. They locked the door. I checked, I remember. It was horrible, Lou...I didn’t even know what to do but I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't do anything. So I started...and then,” Harry sobbed softly into his hand, his face flushed with shame. “I—I mean I was only _fifteen_ , it only took like the brush of my shorts against my cock for me to get hard and I—I didn’t mean to! I just…I came so quickly, and I was the only one...”

“Oh, Harry…”

“And. And then we had to just wait in the shower room. I went out and they had taken all our clothes, our bags, everything. The other two guys didn’t say anything really, I think maybe they were in on it? I don’t know. I went home that night and I didn’t tell anyone, obviously.  I thought it was over, it was fine, it was done...but then the next day I came to practice and the guys were all there,” Harry sniffled wetly. “There was _video_ , Lou. Except, you could only see me in it. No one else, not the other two lads who were there, just the backs of their bodies so you could tell there were other people there. And—and that they were guys. It was a short video. They had edited it. It was just me standing there, dick out, completely hard and coming into my hand with—with these two guys standing there, just that clip, playing over and over on loop and—” Harry’s voice crumbled, his breath hitching into thick sobs as he tried to get his words out. “The whole team saw it. They showed everyone,” he wiped away a single tear that had fallen over his lip on the shoulder of his silky shirt. “I quit the team the next day.”

Louis was crying quietly now too, his hand visibly clutching his blanket as he stared broken heartedly at Harry through the screen. “ _Harry_ , oh fuck, oh my Hazza. You never told me. I’m sorry baby, I’m so, _so_ sorry, god I can’t believe-I’ll—I’ll _kill_ them,” Louis stuttered brokenly. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that happened to you, baby.”

Harry sniffed. His heart was racing wildly in his chest and he couldn’t bare to meet Louis’ eyes. “It was a long time ago now,” he said hollowly. “I made other friends and eventually forgot about it. Nothing ever came of it. They just wanted me off the team because I was a fag, I guess.” Louis winced over the screen still watching Harry in shocked horror.

“I don’t even think about it anymore,” Harry rasped. “But then they were here tonight. The three of them. And they talked to me! They actually talked to me, Lou. Like—like nothing had happened! Like they hadn’t _humiliated_ me-”

“Baby,” Louis cut in. “You need to leave. You need to leave right now. Go inside and get your things, okay? Stay on the phone with me but just grab your stuff. Tell Jacob you need to leave. Tell him he should call a cab for you guys, okay?”

Harry nodded into the screen stonily. “I can walk home,” he said quietly. “Home is just down the road.”

“You shouldn’t go alone, baby. Can you ask Jacob to go with you?”

Harry nodded again. “Okay. Yeah, I’ll ask him.”

“And stay on FaceTime with me, love, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Harry?”

Harry focused on the screen properly now as Louis swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke, blue _blue_ eyes staring back at Harry through his phone.

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” Louis said firmly.  “I love you so much. _So so_ much, beautiful boy.”

Harry sniffled wetly, now leaning against the brick wall by the pub entrance.

“Okay?” Louis asked softly.

Harry nodded. “Okay.”

They stayed on screen together, as Harry entered the pub and gathered his things quickly and left with Jacob, as they walked in the cold winter air down the deserted street, as Harry softly closed the door to his house behind him and made his way upstairs, and as he finally lay down under the comfort of his duvet.

“Lou?” Harry asked softly, only the dim light from his phone visible in the darkness. “Are you still there?”

“Here, love.”

Harry snuggled down under his covers, burying the side of his head into his pillow. He heard the door creak softly open as Dusty made her way in and promptly leaped onto the bed, settling her warm body against Harry’s toes.

“Can we stay like this?” Harry whispered. “Until we fall asleep?”

“Sure, baby,” Louis whispered back. “I’ll be right here, okay? Sleep now.”

“Sleep,” Harry confirmed, feeling the rush of alcohol and the night’s events swirl around his brain. “Thank you, Lou,” he sighed.

“For what, love?”

Harry yawned, eyes already closed and voice barely audible. “Just. For being there. For loving me. For being you. You,” he yawned loudly again. “Are the best thing. I love you, Lou. My Lou.”

Louis grinned fondly. “My Hazza,” he said for the second time that night. But this time his heart was full, staring at the sweet sleepy boy on the screen in front of him. “I love you too, darling. Sweet dreams.”

Harry fell asleep first, snoring softly into his pillow with Dusty by his side. Safe and sound in their beds, together but apart, after both their tears had stopped. Their breaths hitching and falling together in the still air, filling the silence as night filled the house.

 

***

 

It was Christmas Eve and the Styles household was in full festive mode. Bing Crosby played softly in the background as the smell of cinnamon and apple filled the kitchen. Harry and Anne had spent the morning happily baking away in preparation for the Christmas carolling this evening. They went every year, for as long as Harry could remember, after they’d spent the day at the Dicken’s Christmas Market in town. Harry honestly looked forward to this day all year, he just loved it so much. The carolling took place at one of the local pubs in town, the one that was deemed the ‘oldies’ pub as it tended to draw in an older crowd. Though with only the two pubs in Holmes Chapel, Harry had always found that to be quite funny. It was one or the other, really. Not that he minded hanging out with an old crowd. Both the carolling and Christmas markets were two places that rarely had anyone his age. He kind of liked that more. He loved sipping hot mulled wine with the the old ladies, several of whom he had worked with at the bakery, and singing old christmas hymns. The couple in charge of the carolling had been doing it for over twenty years and were pretty particular about only singing what they determined to be classics, though Harry and Gemma always requested ‘Fairytale of New York’ at the end of the night. Since Gemma wasn’t here this year, Harry would have to carry on that tradition on his own. Maybe he could convince his mum and Robin to join in with him. Or maybe he should FaceTime Louis. He would get a kick out of the scene.

Of course, as it was Louis’ birthday, Harry had already FaceTimed him twice this morning (at 12:01 and again when he woke up) and sent him about a dozen birthday texts and photos. Both of them had decided that they wouldn’t see each other until Boxing Day, carrying on their usual holiday traditions with their own families. Harry felt horrible about spending Louis’ birthday away from him, but he knew that Louis’ family always spent the day together, having a fancy roast at his grandparents’. Louis had told him how his family hid presents for him around the house every year and made him a scavenger hunt in order to find them. Harry was practically bursting at the seams to shower Louis in his birthday and Christmas gifts but their celebration could wait. Harry would go to Doncaster on Boxing Day and visit with Louis’ family before they left for Brighton to spend a few days with Louis’ step-dad Dan’s side of the family, leaving Harry and Louis with the house to themselves. Harry could hardly control himself at the very thought.

“Whew,” his mother’s voice came from beside him. He turned to look at her and focus his thoughts elsewhere. “That’s the pies done then,” Anne said. “Why don’t we go for a walk and have tea before we head out?” she suggested. “We can go by the water and bring our thermoses, just like old times.”

“Sure,” Harry answered.

“Thanks for your help, darling. Looking forward to the Christmas market? Seeing your favourite ladies?”

“Absolutely,” Harry grinned.

He really was. Barbara and the other ladies from the bakery always had a booth set up at the market, selling some of their most popular items with the proceeds going towards the Christmas children’s stocking program. He missed all of the ladies and always looked forward to having a visit with them. They’d been so good to him. He’d started working there when he was only fourteen and stayed all the way through college before moving to Manchester for uni. Harry loved the whole atmosphere of the market in general. Everything was lovely and cheery and festive. There was always a huge decorated tree in the middle, Christmas music blaring out over the speakers, and more booths selling hot chocolate and mince pies that Harry could count. His favourite booth was the one selling vintage Christmas ornaments. He had plans to pick out one to give to the Tomlinsons when he went to stay with them.

“I saw Barbara the other day in the library,” Anne was saying. “She asked about you. Wanted to know when you’d be home.”

“I love Barbara,” Harry sighed happily.

Anne grinned. “She also mentioned needing to give you a good pinch on the bum,” she reached out to demonstrate and Harry laughed and pulled away.

“I bet she did,” he answered, smiling crookedly and reaching for his coat. “That cheeky gal.”

Harry and Anne drove down to their favourite spot by the water, parking the car and sitting on the edge of the boot with their tea. It was a spot Harry always remembered coming to. He and Gemma had come here as kids to play, exploring the nooks and crannies in the forest as they played games of hide-and-seek or walked their childhood dog. Now, sat here with his mum, bundled up in his favourite brown suede coat and big red flannel scarf, it looked exactly the same as it always had.

“So,” Anne said blowing gently over her thermos. “How’s Louis feeling? Has his stomach been causing him any more problems?”

Harry shook his head. “He’s doing really well. The medication seems to be doing its job. And I think being at home, away from school, and just having the chance to relax and hang out with his family really helps too.”

Anne nodded. “Oh, I would imagine so, yes.”

Harry took a sip of his tea, “I was really worried about him for a while there. Going to the hospital...it scared me.”

Anne patted Harry's thigh. “I know, sweetheart. You’ve been under a lot of stress this past month.”

“Yeah, well, exam season. Everyone was stressed, I reckon,” Harry shrugged.

“I worry about you, though, honey. I want to be sure you’re taking care of yourself. You do so much, I just want to make sure you aren’t forgetting about your own needs.”

“Meaning?”

“You have a huge heart, Harry Edward. You’re generous and kind and loving and I _know_ you. You would do anything for anyone who needed it. Give anything you had if it meant helping someone else.”

Harry sighed, “Mum, if this is about Louis—”

Anne shook her head, “It’s about you, sweetheart. Those are good qualities. Great qualities. Your kindness and your goodness are who you are and will get you far in life. I’m not trying to diminish that, darling. I just want to make sure, that in being you, in being the wonderful boy that you are, that you don’t forget to be good to yourself. To remember what _you_ need, what’s important in making your happiness come true,” Anne brushed a lock of hair that had slipped out from Harry’s beanie and tucked it back in, stroking over his forehead as she did.

“Mum, Louis isn’t holding me back or anything.”

“I’m not saying that, darling, I’m not,” Anne said kindly. “I know how happy he makes you, I’ve seen it on your face, in your smile, the way your eyes lit up when you’re texting him or telling me stories of things you two have done together. I love that he’s in your life. I love that you’ve found someone who seems to fit your soul so perfectly,” she smiled. “Taking care of someone who you’re in a relationship with is important. But so is letting them take care of you and making time to care for yourself.”

Harry rubbed his thumbs over both sides of the warm thermos and leaned closer to his mum, curling his head onto her shoulder, “He takes care of me, Mum, I promise. We take care of each other.”

“Well,” Anne said smiling brightly. “I couldn’t ask for more than that for my baby boy, could I?” Harry felt her press a warm kiss to his forehead, “I’m looking forward to meeting him, darling.”

Harry grinned, “You’ll love him.”

“I don’t doubt it, love,” Anne patted Harry’s thigh again and stood up. “Now then. Shall we head to the market?”

“Christmas Eve Day festivities await!” Harry agreed.

 

***

 

“Mum spent nearly half an hour looking at the hospital gift shop booth with all the knitted slippers.”

“Slippers are a good gift,” Louis replied.

“I think she was more interested in the little knitted booties and jumpers for babies,” Harry laughed, adjusting his screen to get a better angle.

“Bit eager, is she?”

“Oh yeah. She’s obsessed with babies.”

“Tell her to come round to mine, then, she’ll have all the babies and kids she can get her hands on,” Louis joked.

“Yeah, don’t tempt her,” Harry answered wryly. “She’d want to be best friends with your mum and we’d probably never have another second alone ever.”

“God forbid,” Louis said shockingly. “Though, you have to admit it would be pretty cute if our mums were besties.”

“The cutest,” Harry agreed. “So how was your birthday, babe? I loved the photos you sent of the map for your scavenger hunt. That was maybe the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Phoebe and Daisy made it,” Louis replied happily.

“That and the photo of the babies trying to stick their hands in your cake.”

“That was great. And also a little bit gross. And what about you and your little carolling gig? I died laughing at the video of you singing _Fairytale of New York_ ,” Louis giggled. “You were literally the only one, screaming, _‘It was Christmas Eve baaaaabe, in the drunk taaaaank’_ , and all the old ladies were just staring at you like you’d lost your mind, oh god, I _died_.”

Harry giggled, “My mum was just stood there shaking her head at me. She’s used to it, I reckon. But hey, eventually people joined in!”

“Who could say no to that face of yours?” Louis’ smile lit up the screen as he began to sing, “ _You were handsome_ …”

Harry grinned. “ _You were pretty, queen of New York City._..”

_“When the band finished playing_

_They howled out for more_

_Sinatra was swinging,_

_All the drunks they were singing_

_We kissed on a corner_

_Then danced through the night”_

They laughed loudly together, Harry cupping his hand over his mouth to stifle his laugh.

Louis laughed, “It was a good day. It just felt nice to be there with me family, you know? It made me feel good. Settled, even,” he paused and cleared his throat. “I felt better today, H. Better than I have in a while.”

Harry’s face softened into a slow smile, “That’s good, baby. That’s so good. I’m so glad.”

“Can’t wait to see you, love.”

“Soon, babe, so soon. I’ve got to give you your presents!”

“And you yours,” Louis smiled.

Harry glanced at the top of his iPad, “Hey look, Lou. It’s 12:19. It’s Christmas.”

Louis’ crinkly-eyed smile filled Harry’s screen. “Happy Christmas, my love.”

Harry pressed a sloppy kiss to Louis’ face on screen. “Happy Christmas, my love.”

 

***

 

“Louis, love, sit down.”

Harry was supposed to arrive any minute now and Louis was _not_ calm. He shuffled his feet and brushed at imaginary lint on his jumper looking up at his mum with a haggard expression.

“You lot aren’t going to be weird when he’s here, right? I mean, you’ve already met him.”

Jay scoffed indignantly. “When have I ever been weird about anything in my life?”

“I’m not even going to respond to _that_ ,” Louis snorted. “But honestly, promise to keep the girls under control?”

“I promise,” Jay laughed. “Lottie and Fizz are both having their boyfriends over today anyways, I’m sure they won’t be bothered to harass you.”

“Ugh,” Louis said shaking his head. “As if they both have boyfriends. They’re like seven years old in my mind still.”

Jay laughed, calling over her shoulder as she headed down the hall for the kitchen. “So are you, poppet, so are you.”

…

When Harry finally arrived around noon, flushed warm from the heat in the car and looking terribly adorable in an oversized jumper, he hardly had a chance to say hello to Louis’ family or even take his boots off before Louis dragged him upstairs and pounced on him, pressing him against the door, the desk, the edge of the bed, and touching him everywhere he could get his hands on.

“God, I missed you,” Louis gasped, running his lips over the warm skin on Harry’s collar bones. “Missed seeing you, missed touching you, missed kissing you.”

Harry groaned and tilted his head back to further expose his neck. “Me too, Lou, me too,” he curled his hands under Louis’ jumper to stroke over the warm skin there and let his hands drift lower until he was cupping his bum in both hands. “God, I don’t know how I even survived the rest of exams without you to come home to. I just had to come home alone,” he sighed deeply as Louis’ lips sucked on the front of his throat now, “to a cold, empty bed, and ahh—and watch Netflix. Alone.”

Louis hummed, reaching down between their bodies to cup Harry through his jeans. “Hmm. Did you have to jerk yourself in the shower again? Huh? Just to get by?” Harry whined and thrusted his hips forward into the touch, desperately trying to create more friction.

“That was so hot,” he breathed. “So so hot. I loved you directing me like that.”

“Yeah? Liked me showing you how to get off? Needed my help didn’t you, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, yeah, I did. Always need you, Lou. Always better with you.”

“C’mere, then. Get these trousers off. Wanna taste you.”

“But, Lou it was your birthday, not mine, shouldn’t I be the one...”

Louis shook his head, grabbing Harry’s hips harshly and flipping him around so his front was pressed against the side of the bed. “If it’s my belated birthday,” he replied lowly, moving his mouth so pressed against the soft cotton of Harry’s briefs. “Then for my present, I’d like to get my mouth on that gorgeous little bum of yours,” he ran his tongue over the fabric, wetting it as each hot breath warmed Harry’s skin. Louis pointed his tongue and pushed into Harry’s crack through the fabric. Harry whined and gripped the bed tightly. “Is that alright with you, Hazza? Can I have that for my birthday? My tongue in the gorgeous pink hole of yours?”

“Yes, yes,” Harry gasped. “Please, Lou, please. I want that.” He felt Louis pull away and tug his briefs down, the cool air an unwelcome sensation compared to Louis’ warm breath. He wiggled his hips in anticipation. “Please, Lou, please.”

“I’ve got you, baby,” Louis whispered against his hole, carefully spreading his cheeks apart. Harry moaned as Louis pressed a quick kiss right over his hole, dragging his dry finger over the spot before moving to nibble on his cheek. “Hmm, taste so good, Hazza. Your skin is like candy,” he let his lips linger on the meatiest part of Harry’s bum before licking a fat stripe all the way up and back down. His tongue licked under the crease of Harry’s right bum cheek and Harry felt Louis nibble his way up until his lips rested over his hole once more. “Sweet and bitter,” he pointed his tongue and let it sink into the hot muscle. “God.”

Harry shivered against the touch, his thighs already beginning to shake with the anticipation of what was to come. “Lou,” he whined, “Oh my god.” He gripped onto the bed tighter, allowing himself to bend over further so his ass stuck out higher in front of Louis’ face.

Louis groaned below him. “That’s it. There you are. God, look at you,” his tongue darted out and licked firmly around Harry’s hole while his hands moved to pry his cheeks open again.

“So fucking gorgeous. You’re twitching it for, love.”

“Louis, please, please, baby, I can’t - I,” Harry’s voice caught in his throat as the thick muscle of Louis’ tongue pressed into his hole. He could feel the weight of Louis’ face as it pressed eagerly between both his cheeks, his lips suctioned over his rim as he tongue-fucked in and out.

“ _Oh_ ,” Harry cried. “Yes, yes, like that, Lou, just like that.”

Louis’ hands kneaded his cheeks as he continued to suck harshly, pulling the skin on Harry’s bum open and plumping up the meaty parts of his cheeks.

“Lou,” Harry gasped. “I’m not going to last.”

Louis hummed against him, the vibrations zipping up Harry’s spine like electricity. “Good, baby, good. You’re doing so good.”

“Talk, Lou. Please, talk, talk,” Harry panted, trying to crane his neck to look over his body and meet Louis’ eyes. “I need you to talk to me.”

Louis looked up, taking his mouth off Harry and sucking in a much needed breath. His already bright eyes lit up. “Yeah? Need me to talk you through it, love?”

Harry nodded frantically, ducking his head and trying to push his hips back.

Louis hummed and reached his hand forward to stroke along Harry’s crack. He pushed his tongue in harshly and wiggled it around for a few seconds before gently pulling it out.

“You’ve no idea how much I missed you this week, Hazza. Missed this gorgeous little bum of yours,” Louis dropped his hand down to cup underneath Harry’s cheek. “Your pretty little pink hole,” he rubbed his thumb over Harry’s rim and dragged it down to press under the soft skin of his balls. With one hand he began to gently massage Harry’s perineum, letting his lips suck against the warm skin of his cheek, and wrapped his other around Harry’s waist to gently tug on his cock.

“And this _cock_ ,” he groaned. “Such a perfect fucking cock, baby. It drives me absolutely mad, you’ve no idea.”

Harry whined high in his throat, gripping the duvet with clenched fists and bucking up into Louis’ movements.

“I love how it feels in my hand,” Louis went on, the slow drag of his palm against the hot skin of Harry’s shaft making Harry’s skin prickle. “So big in my palm, baby. So long and thick.”

Harry keened, beginning to fall forward as his legs gave out. “Faster, faster, Lou, so close…”

“Have to get my mouth back on you, love, can’t stay away, need to taste…”

Louis licked his palm and quickened his strokes over Harry’s cock, wrapping around the head and squeezing as he pressed his lips back around Harry’ rim and began to suck. “Ugh,” he groaned, letting his tongue slip back inside the wet heat of him. “So good, baby, so fucking hot.” Louis’ thumb pressed into Harry’s taint, the pressure causing Harry to keen and groan so loudly Louis feared his family could hear them from two floors down. Louis rubbed his fingers faster, massaging Harry’s prostate from the outside, feeling his balls tighten up as his tongue fucked into his hole over and over.

“Right there, Lou. Yes, yes, oh fuck, oh _fuck_!”

One more press against his prostate had Harry jerking forward and spurting hotly all over Louis’ duvet. His hips jerked as he came, mouth gasping for breath as he pushed up into Louis’ fist. Harry collapsed forward onto the bed, wincing as his softening cock rubbed against the bed.

“Holy shit,” he looked over his shoulder to where Louis was still on the floor on his knees. Louis peered up at Harry through his eyelashes, wiping his sweaty fringe off his forehead and grinning smugly up at Harry.

“I came in my pants.”

…

 

They spent the rest of the evening curled up on the couch watching It’s a Wonderful Life with Louis’ family and eating all the leftovers from the roast dinner the day before. Eventually, they were left on their own again.

“I can't believe about Sophia and Liam,” Harry said softly. “Like, I didn’t see it coming. Did you?”

Louis shook his head. “No. I really didn’t. He never said anything to me. Did you know things weren’t going well?”

“No, I knew nothing. What did he say to you when he told you at the mall?”

“Well, it sounds like it was entirely Soph’s choice, not his. Apparently, she thinks they need to figure out who they are without each other. Liam said Sophia told him she thought they weren’t in love anymore. That simply loving each other wasn’t enough.”

Harry frowned. “Wow. Poor Liam. And what did you say to that?”

“I told Liam what my mum's always said,” Louis replied. “That people love each other as much as they can for as long as they can. But it doesn’t always last.”

Harry considered that, nodding slowly. “I think that's like my parents,” he said.  “They were always best friends. I mean, it's different now of course, but they’ve always got on well. Their divorce wasn’t messy or anything. My mum always says that they had a great marriage. Just a short one. She says, people we love come and go. But it doesn't take away from the love we have for them at the time.

Louis hummed. “Doesn’t it, though? It seems like it would be so hard not to be bitter. I mean, look at my parents. With mum and dad. It always seemed hard. They worked too much. They fought too much. They loved each other, sure, but it never seemed to be enough. And I feel like with how it ended, well, that definitely takes away from all the years they had together.”

“But they’ve got you and your siblings,” Harry pointed out. “That’s the love they take away from their marriage if nothing else.”

Louis snorted. “I’m not so sure. I heard him tell mum once that he was never cut out for so many kids. They were _so_ young when mum got pregnant with me. Dad wanted my mum and my mum wanted me and then eventually my sisters came along and suddenly he had this huge family. He was a good dad, don’t get me wrong. He loved us. But. He had some mental health issues and he couldn't really take care of himself enough to take care of us too, I guess. One day it just became too much. I haven't seen him in about a year.”

“You never said,” Harry said softly, gently stroking over Louis’ hand. “Do you know where he is?”

“Dad? I've never said? He's in America,” Louis said casually. “Chicago, last I heard. He works in construction. Or at least he did.”

“And you don’t hear from him much? He doesn’t visit?”

“He sends cards for birthdays and Christmas,” Louis replied. “Mum has full custody but he used to visit with the girls every other weekend when he was still in England. I was already at Uni by then, though. He’s always said he’ll fly us out to see him. But it never happens.”

“I’m sorry, Lou.”

“It's not a bad relationship,” Louis shrugged. “It is what it is. I think he did the best he could.”

Harry hummed and continued tracing his fingers softly over Louis’ skin, drawing invisible stars. “So. Liam. What can we do for him do you think?”

Louis grimaced, “I dunno. I mean, I feel awful. I never really asked him how things were going. I just assumed they were going well because...they always have been. Or so I thought.”

“I don’t think you have to feel bad about that, though. Liam knows he could come to you or any of us he needed advice.”

Louis pursed his lips, “Does he, though?

“Why wouldn’t he? We’re his best mates.”

“I know,” Louis nodded. “I just feel like I’ve been so wrapped up in my own shit lately, maybe I didn’t give him an opportunity. I feel like people look at me as more of a burden than a real friend these days.”

“Lou,” Harry said quietly. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s got to be true though, innit? I mean. I just don't understand how you all can stand it. How do you have room for me? With how whiny and pathetic and frustrating I can be-fucking messed up brain”

Harry’s voice was practically at a growl when he reached forward to cup Louis’ face in his hands. “ _No_ , Lou, no,” Harry reached for Louis’ hand and placed it firmly on his chest. “Mental illness isn’t all of who you are, you know. It’s one part of you. It doesn't mean you aren't an amazing friend or a thoughtful son or a person who loves and laughs and sings in the shower and experiences joy and is completely worthy of love friendship,” he stroked over Louis’ soft cheek, “Besides. I have all the room in the world for you, petal. Right here.”

Louis’ lip lifted into a small quirk. “You’re the most wonderful boy in the world, do you know that?” He fell forward into Harry and tucked himself into his shoulder. “I mean, that was ridiculously cheesy but still one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. You’re the nicest.”

Harry kissed the top of Louis’ head and squeezed him around the waist, “I’m the luckiest.”

“Cheesy again.”

“You love it.”

Harry stood up from their warm spot on the couch and stretched his legs carefully before slowly making his way around the room to look at all the photos on the walls. He lingered by the grand piano in the corner, gently smoothing the back of his hand over the smooth black surface.

“I don’t think I noticed this the last time we were here,” he said thoughtfully. “Do you still play?”

Louis stood up and came to stand beside Harry. “Sometimes,” he shrugged. “Not much anymore.”

“Will you play for me?”

Louis tilted his head, “You’d want me to?”

“Are you kidding?” Harry laughed. “You at a piano? Your dainty little fingers spreading out across the keys as you play while you serenade me? I’m hard.” He cupped his groin and grinned seductively.

Louis reached out and swatted his hand away. “You’re an idiot. First of all, you’re a horny bastard. Second, my mum is in the next room. And third, I never said anything about singing _and_ playing.”

Harry pouted. “It’s Christmas.”

“It’s Boxing Day.”

“Please, Lou?”

Louis sighed, “You really want me to play?”

“Play me a song, you’re the piano man,” Harry grinned.  

“You’re such an idiot,” Louis laughed. Harry’s pout became more pronounced, his bottom lip puffing out so obscenely that Louis wasn’t sure if he was more endeared or turned on.

“Only because you’re so cute,” he winked, patting Harry’s jumper-clad chest.

Harry was dressed festively, his plain cream jumper now swapped for a red and green wool jumper with striped sleeves and a christmas tree with bells displayed across. It was truly hideous. Apparently, Louis learned, Harry had a whole box filled with Christmassy jumpers that he had collected from Oxfam and various other charity stores over the years. Harry had several in his collection that he suggested Louis wear but Louis sure as hell wasn’t going to agree to _that_ without a fight. Even his wardrobe, which consisted mainly of Adidas jumpers, jogging bottoms, and v-neck t-shirts that he had had since sixth form, had more pride than that. Louis’ Nana however, had taken one look at Harry in his little jumper and instantly become attached, claiming he was impossibly adorable, kissing both of his cheeks and practically force feeding him every baked good imaginable.  Louis, of course, had rolled his eyes as Harry preened at the attention. Though, in all honesty, he could hardly argue. Harry was pretty fucking adorable.

“What would you like me to play?” Louis continued, taking a seat at the piano bench. “Something Christmassy?”

“If you want,” Harry shrugged.

“Babe?” Louis asked, running a hand through the soft curls around Harry’s baby ears.

“Hm?”

“About the other night...with the guys...the locker room story. Why haven’t you told me that before?”

They hadn’t discussed since that night. Louis hadn’t wanted to bring it up partly because he didn’t want to upset Harry again, not after Harry had literally fallen apart in front of him, and also because he thought he may actually explode with rage. If he hadn’t been on FaceTime with Harry that night, he thought he may have gotten a baseball bat and ran all the way to Cheshire just to find the bastards. Even now, with Harry curled next to him, happy and safe and warm in front of the fireplace, Louis’ heart hurt at the very idea that anyone could have been so cruel to this boy.

“I dunno,” Harry answered calmly. “I guess I just never saw the need to.”

“But you were bullied, Hazza. Harassed, actually. So _horribly_ , like I can’t even believe how horribly, what they did-”

“It doesn’t haunt me, babe. It doesn’t keep me up at night or make me afraid to be who I am inside. Not anymore. I stopped letting it. I _won’t_ let it.”

Louis felt his eyes burning with hot tears. He brushed them away with the back of his hands. “But they were so awful to you, Harry. How could anyone be so cruel? And I never knew. All this time I’ve known you, I never knew something so - so personal and I just. I hate them. I hate them so much, Haz. I want to kill them for doing that to you. Hurting you.”

Harry tugged Louis against his chest and cradled him in his arms. “I know you do,” he smiled, running his lips over the warm skin of Louis’ temple. “But they don’t matter to me. Not anymore.”

“How can you just let it go, though? That kind of pain...I just. It kills me, H. How can you just be okay?”

“It doesn’t just happen over night, petal.”

“But you _are_ okay, aren’t you?”

Harry pressed his lips over the hot skin of Louis’ forehead, “I’m okay.” He pulled Louis against his chest and let his fingers run through the wispy bits of hair at the nape of his neck. “I don’t know. It was hard for a long time. I was afraid every day getting up and going to school. And then one day I wasn’t.”

“But what changed?”

“I just decided I wasn’t going to be afraid anymore. I wasn’t going to let these awful people determine how I lived my life anymore. I told myself I had to learn to be strong on my own, and I kept telling myself that. Every day. Until one day I realized I was. I was working at a bakery, hunting for vintage boots in charity shops after school, and dating a boy called Marcus. Then one day I started wearing the floral blouses I had been collecting and I just didn’t _care_ anymore. I knew who I was and I had people in my life who loved me for exactly that person. That was enough.”

Louis curled over in Harry’s arms and pressed himself against his chest. He could hear the steady rhythm of Harry’s heart beating against his ear. “That’s what I want,” Louis said quietly. “To be strong on my own. To be okay on my own. To know that who I am is enough.”

“It is,” Harry whispered into his hair. “It is, baby.”

They sat silently for several minutes, the beat of Harry’s heart soothing Louis.

“Hey,” Louis said finally, craning his neck to look at Harry. “Do you still want me to play?”

“Of course, I do, silly,” Harry nodded.

“Play me a favourite then, something you love.”

Louis hummed, pausing to think as he brushed his fingers absently over the piano keys. His fingers tapped slowly against the keys as he met Harry’s stare before a grin settled over his face. “How about I play something we both love?” he said softly, his wrist lifting elegantly as his fingers danced over the keys filling the room with the gentle melody.

Harry’s face lit up as he watched Louis’ movements, beautiful and precise as his fingers moved over and over the keys but as though it was no effort at all. There was no music in front of him and he wasn’t he even looking at his hands as he played.

“Know this by heart by now I reckon?”

Louis smiled softly. “Don’t think I could ever forget it, could I.”

Harry traced his finger over the bump of Louis’ knuckles as he played, feeling the way the soft skin bent and lifted over and over with each movement. He leaned against the side of the piano, still watching Louis as he began to sing along. _“'Cause I feel that when I'm with you, it's alright, I know it's right.”_

Louis looked up at him and smiled brightly. “Keep going,” he prompted.

Harry cleared his throat, his voice singing out louder now. “A _nd the songbirds are singing like they know the score..._ ”

Louis reached out to Harry with one hand, the other still playing gently, and tugged him forward until he was sat beside him on the small bench. Harry leaned closer to Louis so the warmth of their shoulders pressed together and dipped his head down so his chin was just peeking over Louis’ shoulder.

_“And I love you, I love you, I love you, like never before.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 15 writing playlist:
> 
> 1\. joanne - lady gaga  
> 2\. shout out to my ex - little mix  
> 3\. think about you - leon  
> 4\. love they say - tegan and sara  
> 5\. silver springs - fleetwood mac  
> 6\. and then some - arkells  
> 7\. you and me - penny & the quarters  
> 8\. this woman’s work (cover) - greg laswell 
> 
> So, my original plan for this chapter was for it to be a nice, easy one with lots of Christmas fluff. 
> 
> Okay then. 
> 
> However, there were some important conversations that needed to take place for both boys and their development and I wanted them to be with each of their mums. Harry's past experience with bullying is a storyline I always had planned for him (and dropped some hints about) and I decided that him returning to Cheshire was an opportune time to explore this. It's very ugly, I know. I wanted these painful, ugly bits of Harry to be brought up. His character very much strong, capable, and in Louis' eyes, 'perfect'. Louis sees him as a person without any struggles or flaws and of course this isn't true. Harry's past is an important part of his history and helped shape him into the person we see now. I think it will also be a helpful tool for Louis in their relationship. I hoped to put some emphasis on Harry and his needs in this chapter, and I think him revealing his past experience to Louis gave Louis an opportunity to see a whole other side to Harry and be there to take care of him. This chapter was both draining and cathartic to write. As always, my aim is to write about mental illness in a way that's sensitive, real, and hopefully still has some humour to it. Because that's what it's like for me. 
> 
> This chapter was also the longest one I've written so far and hopefully, there were still enough soft and lovely bits!
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know your thoughts.
> 
> Please reblog the post [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com/post/153142405073/peachesandpetal-title-rather-be-sad-with-you) if you're enjoying :) 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> xxx Sailor


	16. Chapter 16

“Hurry up, hurry up,” Harry bounced on the bed eagerly, hands slapping against his thighs in anticipation.   
  
“God, you’re a toddler. Seriously, I reckon Doris and Ernest weren’t this chuffed on Christmas morning. ”   
  
“I’m excited for you to open your gifts is all,” Harry huffed hotly.   
  
Louis plopped down beside Harry and kissed the side of his head, “I couldn’t tell. If you were a puppy, you would have done a wee on the floor by now.”   
  
Harry frowned, “Hey now. If you’re not careful, I might not give you your gifts at all.” He crossed his arms and tried to turn his back to Louis, who promptly wrapped his arms around the back of Harry and clung to his neck.   
  
“Aw,” Louis cooed. “You’re so fucking cute when you try and be angry. Like a grumpy kitten.”   
  
Harry hummed and let his head drop back on Louis’ shoulder. He looked up over his forehead and peered at Louis through his eyelashes, trying to stifle a grin. “Meow.”   
  
Louis giggled and ran his fingers through a particularly tangled mess of curls in the back. “You’re actually more of a disgruntled lion, I reckon. Look at this hair. You’ve got a proper goldilocks-mane now, love. I didn’t realize how long it was getting.”   
  
Harry craned his neck to lean further into Louis’ touch and sighed softly. “You still need to braid my hair, don’t forget. You promised.”   
  
“Oh, I remember.”   
  
“Well, I’d get to it if I were you,” Harry joked. “The twins have already offered their expert services. And they’ve sweetened the deal by offering to include clips and barrettes.”   
  
Louis harrumphed and tugged on Harry’s curls gently before pecking him on the forehead. “Somehow I think I can beat that.”   
  
Harry flipped himself over until he was sat up and facing Louis. “Oh? Big talk, mister. You know I’m partial to pretty things. Preferably bright and sparkly.”   
  
“Well,” Louis replied slowly, leaning forward to press his lips against the soft shell of Harry’s tiny baby ear, “what about if I offered to braid your hair when it was freshly washed and wet from a luxurious bubble bath? A bath, may I add, in which you had blissfully soaked in for a good hour whilst I fed you strawberries and champagne and scrubbed you from head to toe?”   
  
Harry raised his chin and parted his lips as he eyed Louis slyly, “Go on.”   
  
“And then, when you were nice and clean with pretty pink skin and warm under the covers, I’d braid those gorgeous curls of yours. Two french braids, neatly parted in the middle. Hanging down these lovely strapping shoulders of yours. And,” Louis said grinning widely, “I’d finish each braid with a piece of silky red ribbon, tied perfectly in a bow.”   
  
“A bow, huh?”   
  
“Mmhm. I can picture it. You’d look so gorgeous with little ribbons in your hair.”   
  
Harry smiled, “I like the sounds of that.”   
  
“Then, only because you’d already been naked and all clean, I’d most likely have to ravish that nice little body of yours by doing unspeakably dirty things to it.”   
  
“Only because I’d be clean and naked,” Harry repeated.   
  
“It’s only fair,” Louis shrugged and twirled a particularly bouncy ringlet through his fingers.   
  
Harry smiled wryly and wound his arms around Louis’ neck, smoothing his palm over the delicate slope of his collarbones. “And do I get a preview to any of this ravishing?” He wet his lips and nibbled gently on Louis’ chapped bottom lip.   
  
Louis hummed into his mouth, opening wider to meet Harry’s slow, searing kiss before pressing his palms to Harry’s cheeks and pulling slowly away. “Ah, not so fast my dear Hazza,” he offered another quick kiss against Harry’s pouting lips and hopped off of the bed. “We have gift-giving to get to, remember?”   
  
Harry’s pout lifted at the mention of that, a slow smile returning to his face. “Fine,” he sighed deeply. “To be continued though right?” He rolled over onto his back and reached a hand down his jeans to adjust his crotch. “I was getting all worked up.”   
  
“You always are,” Louis responded easily, his voice carrying from somewhere on the floor.   
  
Harry shifted himself forward until his head was hanging over the edge of the bed. “What are you doing down there, mister?”  Only Louis’ lower half was visible, his bum poised proudly in the air as he rummaged around under the bed. “Though, I must say, I’m enjoying the view,” Harry added, giving Louis’ bum an affectionate pat.   


Louis’ voice came out muffled and frustrated. “I stashed your gift under me bed but apparently mum’s decided to hide a bunch of the kid’s gifts under here too. Bloody hell. I’m trying to find mine…”   
  
Harry tried to stifle his laughter as he watched Louis’ hips wiggle as he shifted further under the bed.   
  
“Shouldn’t be hard,” Louis was saying with a huff. “It’s the one that looks like it was wrapped by Doris and Ernie.”   
  
Harry laughed, “That’s sounds like an honour.”   
  
“Aha!”   
  
Harry leaned further over the bed until his head hung down to rest on the carpet. “Lou?”   
  
“Got it!” Louis called, his voice now loud and clear from the other side of the bed. He pounced onto the bed, plopping himself straight on top of Harry’s lower half as he struggled to bring himself back up. Louis giggled and rolled off Harry easily, grabbing his arm to lift him back to a flat position.   
  
“Ouch,” Harry whined. “I think I’ve put out my back now.”   
  
Louis smiled mischievously and reached behind himself to reveal a large, crinkled package wrapped haphazardly in candy cane striped paper and what was potentially an entire roll of sellotape. “Here,” he said. “I think this will make up for your poor old grandad of a spine.”   
  
Harry smiled sweetly at him but swatted him teasingly on the shoulder. “Lou, it was your birthday, I’m supposed to give you your gifts first.”   
  
Louis rolled his eyes and pushed the poorly wrapped package forward to nudge against Harry’s knee. “Just open it.”   
  
Harry tugged on one end of the package where a corner of the wrapping paper was already coming loose. He fiddled carefully with the paper, gently peeling off each piece of tape, folding it into neat squares and placing them on the duvet. Beside him, Louis let out a deep sigh and rolled his head back in frustration.   
  
“Haz, c’mon. Just tear it off, love, no need to be precise.” Louis reached forward and promptly tore a large strip of wrapping paper straight down the middle of the package. “See? Done and done.”   


“Excuse me, I was trying to save the paper in case someone wanted to reuse it,” Harry sniffed, finally beginning to peel the paper more vigorously though still at a much slower pace than Louis would like.   
  
“Yeah, I don’t think there was any chance of that happening, look at the state of this thing,” Louis snorted. “I admit, I’m not the best gift wrapper in the world.”   
  
Harry tossed the final bit of tape and paper onto the bed and pecked Louis’ cheek. “I love your wrapping job.”   
  
Louis rolled his eyes fondly. “Kiss-ass,” he grinned.   
  
Harry shook his head and raised his brows at the plain brown cardboard box in front of him. “I’m intrigued,” he said.   
  
“God, you are truly the worst gift-opener in the history of...gift-opening,” Louis cried in frustration, burying his face in one of the posh throw pillows. “Open the bloody thing before I suffocate you with this pillow.”   
  
“All right, all right.”   
  
When Harry finally got the box open and saw what was inside, he immediately fell silent.   
  
“Lou…”   
  
Louis rested his chin on Harry’s shoulder carefully and nuzzled his nose into the warmth of his shirt. “Do you like it?”   
  
Harry lifted the blouse out of the box and ran his fingers carefully over the material, “Baby, I love it.”   
  
The blouse was beautiful. Dusty pink satin with a colourfully embroidered bird and tiny white buttons.   
  
“I think it’s probably going to be too big for you... like we might have to it tailored, I don’t know. But, I just saw it and I thought it would be perfect for you and I-”   
  
Louis’ words were cut off as Harry desperately pressed his lips into his and captured him into a kiss.   
  
“I guess you really do love it.”   


Harry nodded, his grin so wide it reached all the way up to his bright eyes. “I do. I really, really do. Where did you find it?”   
  
“Surprisingly, it was in the first thrift shop I tried,” Louis answered. “Well, it was an antique market actually.”   
  
Harry’s grin only grew wider. “You went to an antique market?”   
  
“Just for you,” Louis smiled. “And the best part is, I dragged Niall and Liam with me. Although, I think they both enjoyed it much more than they were willing to admit. Niall found this old typewriter that he nearly bought.”   
  
“See? I will make proper thrifters out of you lot in the end,” Harry said smugly.   
  
“All right, I mean don’t get carried away now…”   
  
“I think this the prettiest blouse in my wardrobe,” Harry went on.  “Maybe in my entire closet. Maybe in the entire world,” he said proudly. “I’m going to wear this every day.”   
  
“As long as there’s appropriate washing in between, I am on board with that. You do look lovely in pink, I must say.”   
  
Harry wrapped Louis into a tight hug and pressed a warm kiss to his temple, “Thank you, petal.”   
  
Louis pulled away and  _ tsk _ ed. “Hey now, don’t get ahead of yourself, there’s another something in there for you.”   
  
Harry raised a single brow and dug through the substantial pile of tissue paper until he reached the bottom of the box. There at the bottom was a gorgeous caramel brown suede journal. It had a single emerald green ribbon tied around it and a small line of writing scrawled on the front.   
  
_ “Always in my heart, H. _ _  
_ _ Yours, L.” _   
  
“I know you mentioned you used to love journaling when you were a teenager and I thought you might want to start again,” Louis said softly. “I always see you jotting down lyrics or little poems on scrap paper, so I thought you should have a proper place to keep them.”   
  
  
Harry sniffled wetly, his eyes bright with tears and an overwhelmed sense of love. “It’s perfect, Lou, thank you, thank you so much. I love it,” he gathered Louis in his arms once again and pressed soft kisses all over the side of his face. “And I love you. Thank you.”   
  
Louis brushed a tear from under Harry’s eye and laughed softly. “I love you too, my little crybaby,” he said fondly. “Merry Christmas, darling.”   
  
Harry made an awkward honking noise through his nose and chuckled. “Hey, now, I can be a proper romantic boyfriend and write you a song in here,” he said. “Or a poem. About your bum. How it is the most beautiful thing to exist on this planet...the very brightest star in a sky of darkness…”   
  
Louis snickered, “Wow. You’re so talented.”   
  
Harry swatted at him and wiped his sleeve over his tearstained face. “All right you,” he said, “Time for your gifts.”   
  
Louis rubbed his hands together excitedly. “That’s what I like to hear. I’m an excellent gift-opener because I know the sacred value of time,” he said easily. “Plus, I’m also a bit greedy if I’m honest.”   
  
“Idiot.”    
  
Harry slid off the bed and headed towards the door. “Be right back,” he said, closing the door behind him. Louis heard him trip in the hall and stomp noisily down the stairs.   
  
Harry returned a minute later and opened the door a crack. “Close your eyes,” he said.   
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “Oi, if you’re naked, I would have preferred you hadn’t streaked all the way up from the main floor…”   
  
“I’m not naked,” Harry laughed.   
  
“Really? ‘Cause I was kidding, you can show off your cock to my family if you want to.”   
  
“Lou!”   
  
“Right, right,” Louis answered. “All right, me eyes are shut. Just warn me if you’re gonna slap me in the face with your dick.” He paused, “Or don’t. ‘M ready.”   
  
Harry shook his head and closed the door behind him. “You’re spoiling the mood with your dirty mind,” he said, setting the tray down on the edge of the bed and rummaging in his pocket for a moment.   
“Hmmm, something smells good...is this food play?”   
  
Harry flicked Louis’ ear. “Okay,” he said after another moment. “Open.”   
  
Louis opened his eyes to see Harry grinning madly, a mouth-watering looking pie with a single lit candle on top in his hands.   
  
“Haz,” Louis laughed as Harry broke out into song.   
  
_ Happy birthday to yoooou _ _  
_ _ Happy birthday to yoooou _ _  
_ _ Happy birthday dear, Loooouis _ _  
_ _ Happy birthday to yooou _   
  
Louis blew the candle out and pulled it out to lick the end, grinning up at Harry.   
  
“Happy birthday, babe!”   
  
“You made me pie?”   
  
“Not just any pie.  _ Cherry _ pie. Your  _ favourite _ pie.”   
  
“How did you know I preferred pie over cake? And that cherry was my favourite. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned it.”   
  
“I emailed your mum, of course.”   
  
“Of course.”   
  
“Barbara even let me come into the bakery to make it. I think she wanted to supervise me, to be honest. Just to be sure it wouldn’t turn out complete shit,” Harry laughed.   
  
“Like anything you’ve ever made has turned out shit.”   
  
“Oh, don’t be so sure. There was a batch of cookies that suffered back in the day when I swapped the salt and sugar,” Harry explained grimly.   
  
“Really? Isn’t that like a stereotypical baking disaster?”   
  
“I know. How embarrassing, right?” Harry set the pie on the tray and went to Louis’ closet to retrieve the rest of his gift. He returned to find Louis already digging his spoon into the pie.   


“God, this is amazing, Haz. Best boyfriend ever hands down.”   
  
Harry climbed up onto the bed and placed a gift bag in Louis’ lap. “And you haven’t even opened your gift yet.”   
  
Louis riffled through the neatly arranged tissue paper in the bag and lifted out a small wooden box.   
  
“For all my jewellery?”   
  
“Just open it.”   
  
Louis slid the lid off the box to reveal a plain white envelope. Inside he found a stack of index cards, each artfully decorated with symbols and neat block lettering. Louis held up the first one reading ‘HOME COOKED MEAL OF YOUR CHOICE’ and grinned, looking up at Harry gleefully.   
  
“Happy birthday,” Harry replied happily.   
  
Louis flipped to the next card. ‘DATE NIGHT: YOU PICK, I PLAN’. And to the next, ‘WILD CARD: SEX EDITION’.   
  
“Now we’re talking,” Louis laughed. “Haz, this is brilliant.”   
  
Among the rest of the stack, Louis found half a dozen more cards with things like ‘MOVIE VETO’ and ‘PIE OF THE MONTH CLUB’.   
  
Louis cupped Harry’s face in his hands and kissed him softly between words. “You,”  _ Kiss _ . “Are the,” _ Kiss _ . “Best,”  _ Kiss _ . “Boyfriend,”  _ Kiss _ . “Ever.” He stroked Harry’s curls off his forehead and pressed a single kiss to the tip of his nose, “Really. This is so you, and I love it.”   
  
“I’m glad,” Harry said, smiling softly. “It’s kind of a gift for me too, getting to spoil you like this.”   
  
“Even more than usual, you mean.”   
  
“And now,” Harry grinned. “For your Christmas gift, you’ll have to follow me downstairs.”   
  
Harry led them downstairs and through the foyer into the mudroom leading to the garage door.   
  
“You bought me a car? Aw, Haz, you’re too much!”   
  
“Not quite. Has anyone ever told you, you’re the king of ruining gift-giving?”   
  
Louis chuckled and hugged Harry from behind. “Sorry, mate,” he peered around the empty garage, save for his mother’s car and several shelves of unorganized tools. “But seriously, what am I looking for in here?”   
  
Harry smiled slyly. “Take a gander around the other side of your mum’s car.”   
  
Louis darted around and stopped dead in tracks when he reached the other side. He looked up at Harry over the hood of Jay’s Range Rover.   
  
“Harry…”   
  
“I know it’s not properly wrapped but I figured a nice big bow was sufficient.”   
  
Harry saw Louis sink down to his knees, making breathy little sounds of awe. Harry made his way around and sat down cross-legged beside Louis, who was gently tracing his finger over the shiny black surface.   
  
“I can’t believe you did this,” Louis said softly.   
  
“I want to hear you play again,” Harry said simply, taking the shiny red bow off the keyboard and pressing it to the top of Louis’ fluffy golden hair. “You’re never happier than when you’re reminiscing about playing piano with your Nan. I just...I’d like to see that every day.”   
  
Louis peered up at Harry through glistening eyelashes. “I love it,” he whispered. “But Haz, an electronic keyboard? This is a really good one too. You shouldn’t have spent so much on me.”   
  
“It’s an old vintage one. A guy was selling this on Craigslist, I couldn't believe my luck. It was a good price too because it didn’t work and needed a bunch of repairs,” Harry wrapped his hands around Louis’ waist and tugged him back into his lap to rest against his chest. “Robin has a friend who restores instruments so I took a chance and bought it, hoping he’d be able to sort me out,” he ran his lips through the fine wispy strands of hair near Louis’ temple. “Guess I got lucky.”   
  
“I’m the lucky one,” Louis replied, peering up at Harry’s face from upside down. “Thank you, love. This is so special to me...just. Thank you.”   
  
“You’re so welcome, Lou. So welcome.”   
Louis turned around in Harry’s lap to hug him from the front. “Now you really do deserve that bubble bath,” he joked.   
  
Harry giggled. “And I didn’t before?”   
  
“Well, now you deserve an extra ten minutes or something. Maybe even some hand stuff under the water,” Louis winked.   
  
“I’m charmed,” Harry grinned. “Do you really have strawberries and champagne?”   
  
“No,” Louis admitted. “I could spike some apple cider for you, though?”   
  
Harry laughed and stood up, Louis still planted firmly in his lap, to seal their mouths in a searing kiss. “Man, do I love you.”

  
  
***

  
“Are we really doing this?”

  
Louis stopped and looked up skeptically at Harry. “Hazza. You have about a million tats all over your body. Are you getting cold feet?”   
  
Harry laughed. “No. But this is different. It’s special.”   
  
“It’s not like we’re getting our arses tattooed with each other’s names.”   
  
“Now, there’s an idea. Would you get a heart around it, though?” Harry asked thoughtfully. “I feel like that really adds to it. Or, we could each get the name on one cheek and a peach emoji on the other one.”   
  
“I fear you’ve put too much thought into this,” Louis answered.   
  
Harry continued to grin as he reached into his rucksack for his camera. “Shall we take a pre-tattoo selfie?”   
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “You think you’re so fancy with your new camera,” he teased, shuffling closer to Harry and sticking out his tongue as Harry adjusted the lens and stretched out his arm to snap several shots of them.   
  
  
“Hey,” Harry protested, protectively clutching the Leica M3 camera to his chest. “It’s vintage. And it’s my baby, so don’t you go getting all sassy.”   
  
  
“Oh, god. You’ve become even more of a kale-loving hipster than before. I didn’t actually know that was possible, to be honest.”   
  
Harry snickered and snapped another photo, this time capturing the look of pure fond exasperation on Louis’ face. It was all in his eyes, Harry knew. He’d come to easily recognize and adore this particular expression over the past months.   
  
“Oi!” Louis cried, covering his face. “Enough paparazzi, thank you. Come on, let’s get this done.” He held the door to the tattoo parlour open and gestured for Harry to go ahead. “And don’t get a boner when Tim gets out the gun. Cause, you know, I’ll put that camera of yours to good use and take a photo.”   
  
Harry turned around and stared at Louis with a mixed expression of confusion and amusement. “Why would I get a boner?”   
  
Louis snorted and stuck out his tongue at his boyfriend. “Oh, please.”   
  
  


  
…   
  


“All right, man, you’re good to go.”   
  
Tim wiped over Louis’ forearm a final time before pushing himself back on the rolling chair and reaching for Harry’s camera on the table beside him. “Ready for your photo-op then lads?”   
  
Louis stood up beside Harry, the two holding their arms side by side in front of their bodies and grinning for the camera. Tim snapped the photo and was about to set the camera down when Harry held up a hand.   
  
“Wait. Can you do one more?” He turned to Louis, “Don’t smile this time. Just look...like, thoughtful or...pensive. Yeah, pensive. Straight into the lens.”   
  
"'Pensive'?" Louis rolled his eyes before schooling his features towards the camera as Tim shot them an amused smile and took several more photos.   
  
“Lovely,” he said as Harry and Louis both relaxed. “Okay, lads, you know the drill. Keep them clean and don’t forget about the cream, yeah?” He held out his hand to Louis first and then Harry. “Good to have you in, boys.”   
  
“A pleasure, Timothy. Thanks again, mate,” Louis replied.   
  
“Hold on a second,” Harry said as they exited the tattoo parlour and ventured into the cold wintery air. Louis smacked directly into the back of Harry’s suede coat as he stopped abruptly on the sidewalk and huffed in exasperation.   
  
“What now?”   
  
Harry was concentrating hard on the lit up parlour sign as he snapped several shots on his iPhone.  
  
“I want to post this to Instagram,” Harry answered distractedly, adjusting the lighting and choosing a filter on his screen.   
  
Harry tapped away on the screen as Louis hopped from one foot to the other and wrapped his arms around himself to keep warm. “Hurry up, then, bloody freezing my tits off here.”   
  
“Done,” Harry smiled smugly.   
  
Louis stood on his tiptoes and rested his chin on Harry’s broad shoulder to peer at his phone screen. The photo was black and white, of course, with only a simple caption written in all caps lock to match their newly scripted ink.     
  
_ LANDSLIDE. _   
  
  


  
  
…   
  
  


“Hmm,” Harry sighed deeply, leaning his head further back to rest against the slippery contours of Louis’ collarbones. “This is even better than I imagined. I love these bath salts. Lavender?”   
  
Louis nodded, “Borrowed them from mum.”   
  
“I like the shampoo you used, too.”   
  
"It's Lottie's. I like it cause it smells like the sea.”   
  
“And this bathtub,” Harry groaned. “This is the bathtub of dreams. I think this is the bathtub they have in every room of heaven.”   
  
“Are clawfoot tubs a massive demand in the afterlife?”   
  
Harry hummed and bent his knees deeper to sink further into the warm water. “They are in my afterlife,” he said contently. “Hey, remember the day we met? And you gave me a tour of the flat?”   
  
“How could I forget,” Louis laughed. “A super fit science geek had just become my new flatmate. Best day ever.”   
  
Harry giggled, “Remember showing me the bathroom?”   
  
“Ah, yes,” Louis snorted. “Little mister Holmes Chapel couldn’t bear the idea that our poor wretched Manchester flat only had a wee little shower stall to bathe in.”   
  
“Hey,” Harry laughed, “I’ve since discovered that tiny shower stalls have the utmost of perks.”   
  
“I believe the phrase you used was ‘Louis-sized’.”   
  
Harry snorted loudly and flipped himself over so he was lying chest to chest with Louis. He ran his tongue neatly over the splattering of golden-reddish chest hair and rested his chin on Louis’ sternum to meet his amused gaze. “That is still very much true, my little Lou.”   
  
Louis huffed and pushed his groin upwards to rub against the rough, wet patch of Harry’s pelvis. “Little, huh?” Louis breathed softly, sucking softly over Harry’s jaw and lifting him to a sitting position. Harry wrapped both his legs around Louis’ waist and gripped his neck tightly in one hand as he began sliding his body up and down over Louis’ cock.   
  
“Lou, fuck, you feel good.”   
  
Louis gripped tightly to the soft flesh of Harry’s hip with one hand as his other hand braced against the porcelain tub and he shifted to try and propel Harry’s movements.   
  
“Yeah, yeah, keep going, baby. Keep going.”   


The pink head of Harry’s cock poked out of the sudsy water intermittently and slid over the slick skin of Louis’ soft belly. Harry could feel Louis beneath him, hard and willing as he pressed his hips up into him. Harry ducked his head, sliding his tongue down the center of Louis’ neck, allowing his breath to linger over the beating of Louis’ pulse. “You look so perfect like this,” he said softly into the crevasse of Louis’ collarbone, his hands a steady weight on Louis’ sternum as he guided them up and down over the expanse of skin. “So warm and wet and solid under me,” Louis let out a soft moan as the rough pad of Harry’s thumb brushed over the dusty pink skin of his nipples. He bent his knees on either side of Harry’s lower half, trying to hold himself firm and steady as Harry continued his slow, tortuous movements over his nipples until they were hard and tingling.   
  
“Haz,” Louis breathed. He was dying to reach under the water and touch himself but he knew if he tried, Harry would go toppling off of him. As though reading his mind, Harry’s hand grasped him abruptly from under the water, the sensation of Harry's hand, big and firm with the slickness and weightlessness of the underwater sending his senses into overdrive.   
  
“We have to get out,” Louis squeaked.   
  
Harry slowed his movements to look up at Louis in amusement. “Out?”   
  
Louis nodded frantically, trying to shift himself under Harry’s weight, his hand slipping across the lid of the tub as he tried to steady himself. “I can’t do it like this,” he said, voice high as his cheeks flushed pink. “Can we get out? Please, Haz, please. I’m so horny, fuck.”   
  
Harry giggled and wiggled his way off of Louis’ lap to stand up. His cock stood straight up, flushed and hard and directly at Louis’ eye level. Harry reached his hand down for Louis to grab. “Come on then, lover.”   
  
Louis nearly slipped getting out of the tub, only to be steadied by Harry’s firm hands on his hips. Their lips met in a hot kiss, quick and dirty, no finesse needed to get them back into their rhythm. Harry gripped Louis’ hips and sat him firmly on the lid of the tub as he sank to his knees. Harry immediately spread Louis’ knees wide so his feet dangled above the floor and took him into his own mouth in one breath, wasting no time in sucking the head of him needlessly. Louis was warm and sweet smelling from their bubble bath, both of them still dripping wet, their skin prickling with cool air and adrenaline.   
  
“Haz,” Louis breathed. “Good, good, take me, yeah,” he lifted his legs higher in the air and bent his knees to rest his feet flat on Harry’s shoulders. Harry groaned happily and took hold of both of Louis’ ankles, gripping them firmly in both hands as he lowered himself further on the length of him.   
  
Harry popped off and took a gasp of air, pushing the mess of wet curls out of his eyes and grinning at Louis. “You look so lovely.”   
  
“I’m not going to last if you keep going, you gotta stop, want you to fuck me,” Louis huffed, pushing gently into Harry’s  mouth.   
  
Harry started to get up but Louis reached for him to hold him still, hopping off the side of the tub.   
  
“Here, here,” Louis gasped, tugging Harry down so they both collapsed onto the shaggy cream rug.  “Let’s fuck right here.”   
  
Louis moved quickly, finding the lube stashed under the sink cupboard and starting to prep himself with eager fingers before Harry knocked his hand out of the way.   
  
“Mine,” he growled, biting firmly into his left cheek and licking over the mark. He fingered Louis open effortlessly, his movements steady and smooth like he’d done this all his life. Like he could do it in his sleep, even, because he probably could. His fingers moved efficiently, only ceasing their movements to be replaced with the warm weight of his mouth on Louis’ hole. When he was finished, Harry sat firmly on the rug, legs spread, back resting against the solid porcelain. He gripped his cock easily and slid the condom on,  pumping it once, twice, three times, and watching the way the shiny slick slide over his swollen head. He held himself steady as Louis stood above him and carefully lowered himself down onto him. Their rhythm came easily, Louis taking his time to adjust before moving and even then, only rocking his hips gently back and forth, allowing Harry to hit his spot at just the right angle. They moved together as they always did; passionately and chaotically, with hands sliding over sweat-slick skin, teeth banging together, and limbs twining into one.   
  
“You’re so good, Hazza, you’re so good,” Louis breathed, tangling his hands in the damp messy curls around Harry’s face as he pressed forward into his chest.   
  
Harry bent his knees and grasped Louis firmly around the waist to keep their movements going. “So good with you, my love, only this good with you.”   
  
Louis’ voice was loud that night; carrying out high and strained, reverberating off of every corner of the space and beyond until they had both finished, weary but triumph, collapsing onto the plush rug below them. They only barely made it into the bed, wobbling on weak legs after haphazardly washing off with a flannel.   
  
“I think I might be too knackered to do your plaits tonight, babe,” Louis said, breathing heavily. “You really brought it tonight, Styles. Well done.”   
  
Harry giggled and snuggled closer to Louis, yawning and tugging the duvet over their shoulders. “Cheers, mate. Back ‘atcha. I’ll take a raincheck on the plaits but you’ll have to remember to bring the ribbon to mum’s tomorrow.”   
  
“As you wish, my love.”   
  


  
...   
  
  


  
  
“You know what we haven’t played in a while?”   
  
Louis hummed and glanced over to where Harry sat in the passenger seat, grinning like the Cheshire cat. He peered into his rearview mirror and changed lanes easily. “What’s that?”   
  
“A little old game I like to call ‘twenty questions of Louis’.”   
  
“Again, that is neither a real game nor is it how twenty questions is played.”   
  
They’d only been in the car twenty-five minutes on their way to Harry’s parents and was hardly surprised. While he was partial to driving in peace, listening to something like Bon Iver, Harry was intent on cramming as much activity and conversation in one car journey as humanly possible.   
  
Harry shrugged, “It’s more fun, though.”   
  
“You don’t need to hear any more random facts about me! I mean who really cares about imaginary childhood friends or first boner experiences?”   
  
Harry quirked an eyebrow, “Are those two things mutually exclusive? Because that feels like something I should have been aware of sooner in this relationship.”   
  
“Funny.”   
  
Harry giggled. “For the record, I’d be interested in hearing both of those stories.”   
  
“That’s because you’re a nosy-rosie.”   
  
“That  _ is _ true. Okay, so what are we going to listen to? It’s your pick.”   
  
Louis snorted, brushing his fringe from his forehead and fixating his gaze on the road. “Actually, there is something I wanted to tell you, H.”   
  
Harry paused his hand on the dial and glanced over at Louis’ face, taking in his weary expression. “Okay. What’s up, babe?”   
  
“It’s not—it’s nothing  _ bad _ . I don’t think. I actually think it’s going to be a good thing. It just. Feels hard. It feels hard, right now.”   
  
Harry nodded, biting his lip. “Okay...”   
  
Louis licked his dry lips. “I’m going to take the semester off. A medical leave from school.”   
  
“You’re—really?”   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
Harry slid his hand up the steering wheel and squeezed Louis’ wrist, letting his thumb stroke over the delicate bone of his wrist. “I’m proud of you, Lou.”   
  
Louis met his gaze. “You are?”   
  
“Of course, I am. I think this could be just what you need. You need a break from the way things have been. You need a change, the opportunity to be kind to yourself and find out what it is you want for your next steps in life. You deserve that, love.”   
  
“Mum basically made the decision for me,” Louis admitted. “In a good way,” he added quickly. “I’m not sure I would have been able to make that choice on me own.”   
  
Harry moved his palm to rest over Louis’ thigh. “You’re much stronger than you think you are, Lou.”   
  
“I don’t know. I just feel so exhausted from all this weight on my shoulders. But, then mum sat me down and gave me this big long speech about how I can be whoever I want to be, I just felt like that weight had been lifted. It’s like —I dunno. There’s a lot of things I’ve never liked about myself. I was always trying so hard to be the best version of myself but the thing is, I always thought that the best version of me was the version that other people had been telling me I was. In my family, I was this nerdy, flamboyant, smart kid who came from this legacy of lawyers and was destined to follow that same path. And in my relationships...well. I just needed their validation so badly.”   
  
“And now?”   
  
“I mean, obviously all these things don’t just go away but for once in my life, I feel like I’m in a position to make a change. I feel...kind of excited to figure out what I want to do with myself? And it actually kind feels pretty fucking good.”   
  
Louis glanced over to see Harry’s eye bright and wide, dimples popping as his grin stretched up to his eyes. “I’m so proud of you, Lou. I am so,  _ so _ proud. Love you.”   
  
Louis squeezed their hands together. “You’ve changed my life for the better, Haz. You make me better. I’m so grateful for you. I love you. Every day. Always. ”   
  
“We are so cheesy and adorable,” Harry said, unable to wipe the grin from his face.   
  
“That is the truth,” Louis replied. Now, because you’re just so adorable, I’ll give you control of the radio for the remainder of the trip. What’ll it be, Hazza?”   
  
“Sticking with smooth Xmas,” Harry replied cheerfully, turning the up the volume dial.   
  
“Shakin’ Stevens, excellent,” Louis grinned as the tune began blaring out of the speakers. “A true Christmas classic if I’ve ever heard one.”   
  
Louis found it easy to make himself feel at home once they arrived in Holmes Chapel safe and warm, albeit slightly strung out on Christmas tunes. Harry’s house embodied everything Louis knew and loved about Harry himself. It was warm and cozy, the rich scent of something sweet and freshly baked assaulting their senses as soon as they walked in the door.  Each room was filled with loads of family photographs, art, and other quirky memorabilia.   
  
Harry’s room hadn’t changed much from his childhood. He had the same twin bed and Sailor Moon sheets (Gemma had had them on her bed first but Harry threw a fit and begged his parents to have his own set too), his walls scattered with his school photos and Man United posters, and a tall bookshelf holding a row of stuffed animals among his books. The only real difference, Harry said, was the row of his dad’s old records lined up above his desk. Louis spotted them immediately, matching the records to Harry’s favourite songs.   
  
“You’re always singing this,” Louis noted, pointing to Paul Simon’s ‘Graceland'.   
  
“Mmhm,” Harry nodded. “I sing Paul Simon in the kitchen and mum always sings Stevie Wonder. So, you can look forward to that.”   
  
Louis flopped onto the bed and wrapped himself in the thick white quilt, closing his eyes and sinking his head back into the pillow. “I quite fancy these Sailor Moon sheets to be honest,” he said lazily, tucking the end of the sheet under his chin to gaze up at Harry.   
  
“Well, don’t get comfortable, mister, you’re sleeping in Gemma’s room.”   
  
Louis pouted. “Will you sneak over in the middle of the night to come visit?”   
  
“Gross,” Harry said, shaking his head. “There will be no fornicating in my sister’s bed.”   
  
Louis chuckled. “Right, that’s fair. Okay, well how do you feel about fornicating in one’s own childhood bed? Particularly if that bed is covered in Japanese anime sheets?”   
  
Harry crawled over Louis’ warm body and settled himself on top of him. “Hmm,” he hummed crashing their lips together. “I feel pretty fucking good about it. In fact, I think it’s absolutely necessary.”   
  
  


  
  
…   
  


  
“Okay, Louis, now I’ll get you to whisk the eggs for me, just in that bowl there,” Anne pointed.   
  
“Right, sure, whisk.” Louis peered around the kitchen counter and looked at Harry with a desperate expression. “Erm?”   
  
“This one, Lou,” Harry handed him the whisk and pushed the carton of eggs towards him. “Just crack them in and then use this to mix them together.”   
  
“Right.”   
  
“It’s all in the wrist, sweetheart,” Anne told him minutes later, standing over Louis as he clanged the utensil awkwardly around the bowl. “Like this,” Anne demonstrated. “Just little movements...ah, there you go! Now he’s got it, Haz.”   
  
Harry watched him in deep amusement. “Well done, love.”   
  
“Victoria sponge cake doesn’t take too long, we'll have it for after tea tonight. Harry?” Anne asked scraping the mix into the cake tin. “Were you going to take Louis down by the water?

Or actually,” she mused. “Why don’t you boys pop over to the farm and visit Sal and Rich? I reckon they’d love to see you.”   
  
“Mum and dad’s best mates,” Harry told Louis, gathering up the dirty dishes and loading them into the dishwasher. “They were the witnesses at their wedding when they eloped.”   
  
“You eloped?” Louis asked Anne, handing Harry the mixing bowl.   
  
“Mmhm,” Anne replied with a chuckle. “I was nineteen and fancied myself a bit rebellious,” she winked at Louis. “I wasn’t.” Anne popped the cake tins into the oven and tapped her fingers on the smooth counter surface. “I had always wanted to teach. My parents were chemistry professors and wanted me to follow in their footsteps.”   
  
“You didn’t want to?”   
  
Harry leaned against the counter and watched as Louis eyed Anne with intrigue.   
  
“Not entirely,” Anne replied. “I wanted to teach but I wasn’t sure I fancied being a professor. And as a teenager, I just wanted to do my own thing. So, I decided to paint. That’s what I wanted to do, that’s what I loved. I met Harry’s dad at an art gallery in London. It was for a mate of his. We lived in France when we were first married. He was working for an architecture company and I was taking an Art History course at the university and spending my days painting on our little balcony and gorging myself on wine and cheese.” She wrapped an arm around Harry and patted his hip, “I was the epitome of a French stereotype,” she laughed. “I loved it.”   
  
Louis smiled. “I guess Harry gets his free-spirit from you.”   
  
“Lucky him.”   
  
“So what happened?” Louis asked with interest. “I mean, you did become a teacher eventually.”   
  
“I did indeed,” Anne smiled, her blue eyes twinkling. “And I love it. Teaching is what I was always meant to do, it’s what I love. I knew it and my parents knew it. But I had to get there on my own and I had to choose the path I was going to take to get there. Des was transferred back to England a year later and I decided even though I loved painting, being an artist wasn’t my ultimate goal. It was a hobby I loved and always will. I was passionate about teaching, working with children, shaping young minds, all that,” she winked. “I got my Art History degree with a teaching option and went to weekly painting classes. Eventually, I started holding my own group at the house. That’s that.”   
  
“And she’s a bloody wonderful teacher, too,” Harry boasted, kissing Anne’s cheek.   
  
“That’s why you’re my favourite son,” Anne smiled. “Now then. Robin and I are going to head over to Granny’s in a bit and then we’ll bring her back for dinner,” she pressed a kiss to Harry’s forehead. “Bundle up if you do go to the farm, loves. It’s chilly out. And be back by six for dinner, alright?”   
  
“Hear that?” Harry asked, wrapping his arms around Louis as Anne bustled out of the kitchen. “We’re going to need to bundle you up and keep you nice and cozy. Can’t have you catching a cold.”   
  
Louis hummed, “Might have to borrow a scarf.”   
  
“Mittens for your little paws? Wool socks for your little tootsies?”   
  
“‘M not a cat.”   
  
“You are a cat,” Harry said. “A cozy cat,” he nuzzled against the rough stubble on Louis’ cheek. “Maybe I should just keep you like this and button my coat with you inside.”   
  
  


  
  
…   
  
  
  


The farm itself sat on several hundred acres and was home to cows, sheep, chickens, and horses. It even had a big red barn that Harry and Louis found themselves taking refuge from the cold in. Louis returned to the barn after Rich took him round to visit the horses to find Harry sat cross-legged on the ground, a steaming cup of hot cocoa in hand and a fat brown and white rabbit curled in his arm.   
  
“Her name is Pancakes,” Harry informed him. “That’s right,” he said softly to the animal, stroking her fluffy belly, “that’s you. Aren’t you just beautiful? You’re so lovely.”   
  
“Oh my god,” Louis gasped, squatting down beside Harry. “Where did she come from?”   
  
“We found a whole litter by the mailbox last month,” Rich said, coming up behind them. “Happens quite a lot, actually. People see a farm and figure it’s a safe option for drop off. We’ve got all kinds of stray cats around here. Rabbits are new, though,” he said thoughtfully.   
  
“I love her,” Harry said.   
  
“Look at these adorable floppy ears,” Louis cooed, gently stroking the rabbit’s silky fur.   
  
“There’s another one around here,” Rich commented. “Only two left out of the bunch, Katie’s managed to find the other’s homes. She likes to roam around out of her cage...ah I see her.” He strolled over to a big lounge chair in the corner, lifting the curtain around the bottom and gently scooping up a plump black bunny. Rich plopped the bunny into Louis’ awaiting arms. “There ya go.”   
  
“Do they have names?” Harry asked.   
  
“Sal and Katie named them,” Rich nodded. “This one’s called Martha,” he patted the black rabbit's coat. “And you’ve got Pancakes there,” he said pointing.   
  
“Hello, Pancakes,” Harry murmured softly. “It’s nice to meet you. They’re lovely,” he smiled at Rich.   
  
“Hey, if you’re interested…” Rich grinned.   
  


Harry glanced over at Louis, who was now holding Martha up to his face and nuzzling his nose against hers. “Ugh,” he groaned. “Don’t tempt me.”

 

…

  
“Are you growing a beard, Louis?” Anne asked cheerfully, bringing her glass of wine up to her lips.   
  
Louis nodded. “It’s me winter beard,” he said. “Face gets chilly,  I need the extra warmth.”   
  
Harry snorted beside him, choosing to take a large gulp of wine rather than respond.   
  
Anne laughed, “Robin says the same thing.”   
  
“Or, you’re just too lazy to shave,” Harry replied.   
  
“Says the boy who can at best grow a tiny patch of peach fuzz,” Louis retorted, eyes twinkling. Anne covered her mouth with the back of her hand and took another sip of wine to stifle her laughter.   
  
Harry frowned. “Hey. I  _ choose _ to shave it.”   
  
“Sure, love, sure.”

“You know, your father never had much of a beard either,” Anne added thoughtfully.   
  
“Cheers, Mum.”   
  
“I’m just saying.”   
  
“He’s got more facial hair than he does chest hair, though,” Louis chimed in. “He’s got like, three rogue hairs poking out from his blouse.”   
  
Harry stuck out his tongue in Louis’ direction. “All right, you, that’s quite enough.”   
  
Anne stood up from her chair and padded over to the sofa where Harry sat, throwing one arm around him and pressing her cheek against his. “No matter, love. You’ll have the gift of youth,” she grinned wickedly and pinched Harry’s cheek, prodding his dimple as he began to smile. “Just look at this sweet baby face.”   
  
Harry tried to shuffle away from his mother, laughing happily and holding his glass of wine above his head. “Oi! You’re gonna spill my wine.”   
  
“My handsome boy,” Anne pressed a loud, sloppy kiss to his forehead and stood up. “Alright, well, I think it’s already past my bedtime, so I’ll leave you boys to it.”   
  
“We have a stack of Christmas DVDS to get through still,” Harry said. “Gotta get through them before January 1st!”   
  
Louis rolled his eyes. “Oh, boy.”   
  
Anne grinned knowingly, “Night night, darlings.”   
  
“Night mum, love you.”   
  
“Night, Anne. Thanks again for dinner, that was a proper roast,” Louis replied happily.   
  
“Oh, you’re welcome, sweetheart. Goodnight,” She blew a kiss in their direction and headed for the stairs.   
  
“Your mum is amazing. Really lovely,” Louis remarked. “And gorgeous, did I mention that? You look just like her.”   
  
Harry grinned, “It’s the teeth, isn’t it?”   
  
“It’s the whole face, honestly. Same eyes...well I know yours are green but they’re the same. It’s just like the features and mannerisms are all alike. It’s quite cute.”   
  
“You know you look exactly like your mum too, right? Like, exactly,” Harry laughed.   
  
“I guess we really are proper mummy’s boys then,” Louis chuckled, leaning into Harry’s side. “Now, do we really have to watch all these films before the new year?”   
  
“I told you, I have an intense schedule for Christmas films.”  
  
“I cannot believe I’m dating such a weirdo.”   
  
“Believe it, baby,” Harry scooted closer to Louis on the sofa and leaned forward for a kiss. “Hmmm,” he mumbled. “You taste like red wine.”   
  
“Your mouth is stained red,” Louis retorted quietly. “Looks so pretty,” he rubbed his hand over the crotch of Harry’s jeans and sucked gently on his bottom lip. “Are we really going to watch a film, or can we just go to bed?”   
  
Harry laughed and gently pushed against Louis’ chest, taking Louis’ hand away from his crotch and folding it into his lap. “It’s nine p.m. and yes, we’re watching White Christmas since neither of us ended up watching it yet. Besides, you owe me some braids, remember?”   
  
“How could I forget. I’ll get the ribbon,” Louis grinned.   
  
  
  


  
…   
  
  


“Shit,”  Louis groaned softly, digging his toes into the duvet. “I didn’t think it was possible…but I severely underestimated how hot you’d get me with your hair like that. So fucking pretty, Haz.”   
  
Harry hummed against Louis’ skin, licking and sucking all around his pink hole. “You’re pretty,” he murmured.   
  
Louis pressed his flushed cheek against the cool material of Harry’s sheets and bit on his lip heavily to stifle another moan. “Haz, please,” Harry pressed both thumbs around Louis’ opening and gently spread him further apart before licking a wet stripe from the soft skin under his balls all the way up to his tailbone.

  
“Hmm, you taste especially delicious tonight.”   
  
“You say that every time,” Louis panted over his shoulder.   
  
Harry hummed again and licked over the slippery skin, delving his tongue inside for a taste. “Maybe it’s true every time. You’re especially bitter tonight though...like,” he licked over the puckered pink skin. “A cinnamon cookie,” he decided, “Bitter but with a lovely sweet aftertaste.”   
  
“Jesus,” Louis moaned. “You gotta stop, Haz. Don’t wanna come yet. I wanna fuck you.”

 

“Oh yeah?”   
  
Louis hummed and reluctantly flipped onto his back, pulling Harry’s warm sweat-slick body on top of his. “Please.”   
  
Harry wrapped his arms around Louis, squeezing their bodies tighter and tighter, the warmth of their skin electric as they moved. He flipped them over so Louis was on top now, opening his thighs to allow Louis between them.   
  
“You’ve no idea how gorgeous you look right now,” Louis murmured into the heady crease of Harry’s thigh, one arm reaching for the lube and condom they’d set out and the other tracing a single finger over Harry’s hardening nipple. Louis let his fingers drift down the slick skin of Harry’s torso and scratched them gently through his pubic hair before slicking his thumb up and slowly pushing it inside. “You’re so lovely, Hazza,” Louis whispered into Harry’s ear, bending his body over Harry as his thumb gently circled inside the wet warmth of him. His thumb slid out only to replaced by the slim push of his middle finger. Harry groaned at the intrusion, lifting his hips into Louis’ touch and running his hands through Louis’ soft hair.   
  
“Do I look pretty with my ribbons in, Lou?” Harry asked smiling innocently up at Louis with twinkling green eyes.   
  
Louis groaned into Harry’s neck and immediately sped up the movement of his finger. “God, you’re such a tease,” he laughed into Harry’s hair.  "You look so fucking pretty, darling. The prettiest boy I’ve ever seen.” He added another finger and gently stroked one of Harry’s plaits with his other hand, tugging on the silky ribbon on the end. His lips pressed against Harry’s damp neck and drifted down, down, down until they reached his nipples. Louis pursed his mouth over the brownish bud and sucked harshly until it was puffy. Harry was writhing below him, winding his legs around Louis’ soft middle as Louis now had three fingers pumping slowly in and out of his ass.   
  
“Ready, ‘m ready, please, Lou.”   
  
Louis pulled his fingers out and rocked firmly over Harry’s hips, grinning at him as he reached for the lube, adding slick over his cock and pumping it twice before settling over Harry. Louis thrust shallowly at first, just smooth gentle rocks, watching the way Harry’s eyes gazed brightly up at him. They moved silently for several minutes, an oddity for them, save only for the breathy sighs slipping out of Harry’s mouth and the wet slide of Louis’ cock.   
  
“My gorgeous love,” Louis whispered, twisting his fingers round Harry’s braids and beginning to quicken his pace. Harry whined immediately and pulled his thighs further apart, bending them back to his chest and tipping his head back in pleasure.   
  
“Yeah, oh, like that, just like that, Lou.”   
  
Louis gripped Harry’s knees and pushed into him, sliding his hands down to tilt Harry’s hip upwards the way he knew Harry liked. Louis reached forward to tug on Harry’s braid as his breaths began to increase.   
  
“Shh,” he breathed as Harry let out a particularly loud moan, pressing their mouths together in a hot kiss.   
  
“Lou, Lou,” Harry gasped. “Wanna ride you, love.”   
  
Louis grinned, manoeuvring to flip them at once, and running his thumb over Harry’s puffy rim as his cock slipped out. “Do it love, wanna see you. Love seeing you take my cock.”   
  
Harry sunk down on him with a gasp, rotating his hips and pressing his palms to Louis’ chest as he began to bounce.   
  
Louis reached to untie the silky ribbon from Harry’s braid, twisting it in his fingers and gently grazing it across Harry’s pink lips. “So pretty,” he murmured, watching Harry’s lips part as he let another soft moan.   
  
Harry whined high in his throat, arching his back as his face scrunched up in concentration. He tilted his head to the ceiling as he bounced faster and faster, his hips just barely lifting off of Louis’ thick thighs before he planted himself back down. Louis noticed Harry’s hair becoming more and more disheveled as he moved and reached up to tangle his fingers through Harry’s wavy undid plait. Harry curved his neck towards Louis’ touch and preened as he panted.   
  
“Close, Lou, I’m so close…”   
  
“Yeah? Gonna come for me, darling?” Louis gripped Harry’s cheeks as he bounced, spreading his cheeks apart to get deeper inside.   
  
“Yes, yes,” Harry gasped.   
  
“Come for me, Haz. Love seeing you come. My beautiful boy.”   
  
“Lou,” Harry whined, reaching for his cock.   
  
Louis beat him to it, wrapping his fist tightly around the swollen head and twisting it around. “That’s it, darling, that’s it…”   
  
“Lou...baby, baby,” Harry nearly collapsed forward as he came, spurting hotly into Louis’ hand and nuzzling into the damp hair over the nape of his neck.   
  
“Baby, baby, baby,” Louis chanted softly into Harry’s ear, stroking his spine, the ribbon still clutched tightly in his fist and now damp with sweat. He pulled out gently and rolled Harry onto his side, slipping the condom off and stroking furiously over his own cock. He came a few seconds later, silently, breath hitched as he painted over the black ink of Harry’ butterfly.   
  
Afterwards, they crept quietly to the toilet together, brushing their teeth and ridding themselves of any traces of sex before heading back into Harry’s room.   
  
“I do like this t-shirt,” Louis smiled, tugging on the soft material of Harry’s Rolling Stones shirt. It was his favourite shirt to sleep in, by far, big, worn in, and always smelling of Harry. It was so oversized on him that it only hit the middle of his thighs, the pink tip of his cock poking out under the hem. “I hope you know I’m never returning this.”   
  
“Noted,” Harry grinned.   
  
“I’m absolutely knackered now,” Louis sighed contently, pressing his front to Harry’s warm chest.   
  
Harry kissed his forehead and wrapped him in a hug. “How’s my hair look?” he grinned wryly, raising his eyebrow.   
  
“Like you’ve just been fucked. Hard.”   
  
“Oi, the mouth on you,” Harry said, feigning shock.  
  
Louis sighed and nodded towards the door. “I reckon I should head back to my humble guest room now.”   
  
“But,” Harry pouted. “Don’t you want to stay for a slumber party? Sleep blissfully on Sailor Moon sheets?”   
  
“Yeah, right, and have my ass thrown out when your mother finds me in here?”   
  
“How would she know?”   
  
Louis shrugged, “She might check. Your mum’s a real badass.”   
  
“That’s where I get it from then.”   
  
“Must be,” Louis snorted, kissing Harry’s chapped lips softly.    
  
"I don't think she really cares. I mean, she must know we sleep together every night...in the same bed, I mean."   
  
Louis just grinned. "Well, Harry, I am a guest in this household and I will act as such like the true gentlemen that I am. So with that, I bid you goodnight."   
  
Harry snickered. "Should we shake hands?"   
  
Louis stepped in front of him and wound his hands around Harry's neck, kissing him firmly on the lips, then the corner of his mouth, his cheek, his forehead, and finally his nose.  “Goodnight, my little Sailor Moon.”   
  
“Sweet dreams, my little Lou."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 16 writing playlist:  
> 1\. beach baby - bon iver  
> 2\. hang with me - dan mangan  
> 3\. i will - the beatles  
> 4\. heaven is a place on earth - belinda carlisle  
> 5\. lady wood - tove lo  
> 6\. dust to dust - the civil wars  
> 7\. grigio girls - lady gaga  
> 8\. walls - kings of leon [this whole album tbh]
> 
> Please reblog the post [here](http://peachesandpetal.tumblr.com/post/153142405073/peachesandpetal-title-rather-be-sad-with-you)  
> if you're enjoying :) 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading! Please leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts. 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> xxx Sailor


	17. Chapter 17

The new year started slowly, the first couple days unravelling into a blurry sea, each one as cold as the next. Louis had never been a massive fan of celebrating New Year’s Eve, aside from the getting absolutely wasted part, but with his ulcer ordeal, he decided this year more than ever he should probably just stay home. 

Harry typically attended a family friend’s New Year’s Eve bash in Holmes Chapel, which mainly included a lot of old drunk men and the occasional karaoke sing-along but he had decided to forego it this year. With Gemma being gone, Harry claimed it wouldn’t be the same and he’d much rather spend it quietly with Louis anyway. 

Harry and Louis arrived at the flat on the last day of the year to find Manchester covered in a lovely veil of white snow and spent half an hour laying on their tiny patch of garden, printing angels in the fluffy snow and kissing each other’s pink cheeks until they couldn’t feel their fingertips. Later, they spent nearly in an hour in the shower warming up, bodies pressed together until they became one, the remnants of their handprints against the tile wall until the last of the hot water ran out. Harry’s original suggestion had been to spend the evening baking and watching the ball drop but he found that playing in the snow followed by sex was a much better plan. They brought in the New Year curled under Harry’s favourite quilt, with only each other and steaming cups of hot buttered rum. If this first day of the year was any indication of how they were meant to go on, it suited them just fine.    
  
As new year’s go, Louis found that this one, in particular, had the promise of the start of something new. The past several years had crept up on him like an unwelcome surprise and only brought the sour victory of surviving another year while everyone around him wrote resolutions about their already ideal lives. But something about this year felt different. He felt more himself than he had in a long time. He knew this was likely due to a combination of his recent life events, namely not having the sinking feeling of returning to a course that made him feel useless, but also, of course, Harry.

If Louis were the sort of person who made lists of gratitude, he’d start with Harry and end with tea. He didn’t have things all figured out but for once in his life he felt like he didn’t need to either. Simply being in a place where he could simply ‘be’ was a welcome new occurrence and the only premise he planned to focus on in the upcoming weeks.

And that was enough.  

Louis padded into their flat, cold and covered in damp snow, to find Harry leaning over his laptop on the kitchen counter, frowning. He was barefoot, dressed in a thick grey jumper and a pair of denim cutoff shorts that appeared to be several sizes too small for him. When he turned to greet Louis, Louis noticed Harry’s face was covered in a thick layer of white cream, his curls pulled back with a purple scrunchie.

“Hi, Lou.”

“Hey love,” Louis greeted, tugging his coat and hat off and tossing them onto the floor as he toed his damp boots off.  Louis kissed the tip of Harry’s nose—the only cream-free spot on his face and patted his denim clad bum. “You look cute. Whatcha doing?”

“I’m reading up on this juice cleanse,” Harry answered wearily. “It seems kind of complicated, though.”

Louis grimaced. “Aren’t  juice cleanses supposed to give you really awful diarrhea?”

“Lou,” Harry laughed, still scanning over the web page.

“I’m serious!”

“No. They’re not  _ meant _ to give you diarrhea. They’re  _ meant _ to detox your body.”

“Well, I think they do.," Louis shrugged. "Why would you need to do a juice cleanse? You’re like, the picture of health. Some might even call you a health freak.”

Harry frowned. “I feel gross. I ate loads of sweets over Christmas.”

“No more than I did. I look pregnant.”

“No, you don’t,” Harry smiled and lifted Louis’ jumper to stroke over the small swell of his belly. “I love this cute little tummy.”

Louis hummed and wound his arms around Harry’s neck to press their bodies close. “I missed you. What have you got all over your face?”

“Acne cream.” Harry patted over his own skin. “Yet another reason I should do a juice cleanse. My skin has been so horrible for weeks now, every morning I wake up and it’s worse. Loads of spots. Everyday. It’s like going back in time. In puberty. It’s horrible.”

“I think you look beautiful.”

Harry nuzzled the soft hair behind Louis’ ear and breathed him in. “Thanks, petal. How was work tonight?”

Louis had been working at the University’s main coffee shop, the only one besides Starbucks on campus, and creatively named  _ The Coffee Lounge, _ for three weeks now and felt surprisingly content. The job had fallen into his lap as something of a late Christmas gift. His academic advisor had guided him towards the university’s job website and told him he may find something for the upcoming months but not to get his hopes up as most of the positions for January will have been filled.

 She turned out to be right. It was only when Harry was wishing Ed a happy Christmas that he mentioned in conversation the coffee shop he sometimes did open mic nights at was hiring. Apparently, the last barista had quit abruptly because of a personal crisis. 

Louis had never been so grateful to learn of someone else’s misfortune.

He liked the lounge. He liked the warm smell of coffee in the air and the comforting monotony of each day.  It was mostly quiet and peaceful during the early hours of the day when students bustled in from the cold and sat quietly working with their headphones in. 

Louis’ only main responsibility was to refill mass amounts of coffee to keep them going as they worked. It was the kind of simple, straightforward work that Louis needed, his main duties an easy checklist for him to tick off mentally and give himself a sense of pride as the hours passed.  He liked having a stable purpose to fill his day and he didn’t mind that it was serving tea, coffee, and baked goods. He found that he enjoyed the gentle presence of being around people without the obligation to engage in strenuous conversation. He would greet customers as they came in and recited their orders, sometimes offering kind words to students who looked particularly sad or stressed, or defending his choice of music when it was his turn to man the Spotify playlist.

His coworkers were great too, perhaps the most surprising part of working here. Maybe he had forgotten some of the traits he once possessed or maybe they had drifted away after so long spent in hiding, but Louis was pleasantly surprised to find that his co-workers seemed to find him both witty and fun to be around. That was news to him. 

Lexie, who had quickly and easily become a friend had started referring to him as a ‘sassy elf’ on only his second day of work because she was deeply amused by the way Louis spoke to rude customers while remaining sweet and pixie looking.

“Work was good,” Louis said tiredly. “Long.”

“Yeah?”

Louis tucked the top of his head under Harry’s chin and allowed his eyes to close as Harry stroked his hair. “Mmhm. I worked with Lexie again so that made it a lot easier.”

Harry smiled. “She seems great.”

“She’s really funny,” Louis nuzzled his ear against Harry’s chest. “Plus, we’re still serving Christmas drinks for the whole of January and I accidently made a white chocolate latte with soy milk instead of almond milk which meant that I got to drink it myself on break.”

“Lucky you,” Harry laughed. “Though to be fair, soy milk is horrible and almond milk is superior so I totally support the person sending the latte back.”

Louis rolled his eyes against Harry’s chest, “You’re impossible. You’re the worst type of customer, I know you.”

Harry huffed, “I am not.”

Louis scoffed, “You stroll up to the counter with that stupid charming grin of yours. Take an extra obnoxious second to look at the barista’s name tag before saying in that stupid charming voice, “Oh, good  _ morning, _ Jenny! The ultimate dad joke.”

Harry was shaking his head and laughing against Louis’ head, peering down at him with amusement as Louis continued.

“And then once he or she was totally under the spell of your charm, you’d proceed to order a large sugar-free, two pump vanilla latte, with an extra espresso shot, almond milk, no whip.”

“That’s-”

“ _ Oh _ . And a banana on the side,” Louis finished with a shit-eating grin.

“You!” Harry cried, turning Louis around and smacking him on the bum as Louis cackled, “Are a menace.”

“And I’m right,” Louis smiled sweetly.

Harry led them to the lounge and pulled Louis against him on the sofa. “Yeah, yeah. So tell me more about this Lexie girl. You’ve had a bunch of shifts with her, right? She seems cool.”

“She is,” Louis nodded. “She’s worked there a couple years now. She’s a grad student in the psychology department. She’s teaching a few tutorials this term and working here at the same time. She’s just got this really amazing way about her, really no-nonsense attitude, and doesn’t take any shit from anyone but she’s still always so kind and polite. Whenever a customer gives her shit she just handles it seamlessly, it’s hilarious. Like, the more of a tosser they are, they nicer she is.”

“Nicer than me?”

“No one is nicer than you, Hazza.”

Harry reached for the control and laughed as he flicked through their Netflix list. “I’m kidding. She sounds really lovely, Lou, I’d love to meet her. I’ll have to pop by sometime. Perhaps order an almond milk latte.”

“Just don’t try your charm on her. I think she’s got a boy already.”

Harry snorted. “And so do I.”

“You know what we have to talk about?”

“Hmm?”

“Your birthday! It’s already nearly the end of January.”

Harry shrugged, “I don’t fancy doing much. As long as I’m with you, I’m happy.”

Louis stared deadpan at Harry and rolled his eyes. “Okay, that’s nice but really, what are we going to do?”

“Babe, I’m serious. Med school applications are due the tenth of February, I’m not going to be able to concentrate on anything except that until they’re sent in.  _ Besides _ ,” Harry chuckled, watching Louis’ pout deepen, “I never make a big deal out of my birthday. Why don’t we just do a nice date night, just the two of us?” Harry planted a kiss between Louis’ furrowed brows.

“I do not accept this.”

Louis tugged on a lock curls near Harry’s collarbone, perhaps his very favourite curl, the one that always fell into a perfect ringlet no matter how the rest of Harry’s hair looked. “I want to do something special for you, love. And don’t say every moment spent with me is special,” Louis added, seeing the twinkle in Harry’s eye as he opened his mouth to speak.

“Okay. I won’t say it,” Harry grinned smugly.

“I’m going to surprise you,” Louis said determinedly. “Wait for it.”

“Can’t wait, babe,” Harry smirked, selecting an old episode of  _ Scrubs _ for them to watch. “This okay? I can’t be bothered to devote much energy to much of anything right now. Spent the whole day going over my essay for my application,” he sighed.

“Sure,” Louis answered. He turned to Harry seriously and wound their hands together tightly. “Baby, everyone is going to want you.  You’re the smartest, kindest, most passionate person I know. You’re a superstar.”

“If only it was up to you,” Harry hummed.

“It’s gonna be good,” Louis insisted.

“Thanks, love. Are you going to your session in the morning?”

The weekly counselling sessions. Another added part of Louis’ new routine. They were mandatory on account of his mother but also highly recommended by all of his advisors and, of course, Harry.

“Yeah.”

Louis had been apprehensive at first, certain that digging into his past and talking about all the things inside him that hurt would only make things worse. But he’d been pleasantly surprised. He liked his counsellor and felt more at ease talking with him after only a few sessions.

Harry kissed Louis’ forehead, “I’m really happy you’re doing this, baby. You seem happier. You really do.”

Louis smiled shyly and loosened Harry’s bun ran his hand through the loose waves. “Nice scrunchie, by the way.”

Harry flashed him a grin, “It’s Lottie’s, actually. I borrowed it.”

“Well, it’s very you. Hair is really getting long now,” Louis smiled, tangling his fingers through the soft curls.

“I want to grow it really long I’ve decided. So I can donate it at some point, I think,” Harry mused. “I think you need like ten inches.”

Louis considered this. “Done and done.”

“Mature.”

Louis smiled sweetly. “I know. But hey, you may as well grow it down to your bum.  I can braid it for you every night before bed. And you can do those really tasteful nude photo shoots where you cover all your bits with your long mane.”

“Sounds like a great Christmas gift, to be honest.”

“For the mums,” Louis agreed. “And then I can call you Rapunzel.”

“Perfect,” Harry murmured, wrapping his arms around Louis’ waist and tugging him onto his lap. “Except if I was doing a nude photoshoot, I definitely want my bits to show.”

“As would I,” Louis said seriously. “That can my next birthday gift. And I’d like a bow right on your willy, front and center.”

“Your wish is my command,” Harry grinned. “I missed you today, you know,” he breathed against the shell of Louis’ ear.

“Oh yeah?”

Harry pressed his thumbs against Louis’ hipbones and stroked the warm skin slowly. “Mhmm.” His hands drifted around Louis’ waist to cup the top of his bum and his fingers dipped into the waistband of his work trousers.

“I missed having you around whenever I needed a study break.”

Louis sighed contently at Harry’s touch, automatically lifting his hips up and letting his trousers and pants be gently tugged down. Harry stroked a single finger over Louis’ soft cock and gently passed it between his palms, feeling the way it twitched warmly against his skin as he sucked a wet kiss to the center of Louis’ neck and covered his lips with his own.

Louis peered down at his cock and slid his hands under Harry’s jumper to thumb over his nipples. “Well, as it happens, I missed you too, love.”

Harry hummed softly, arching his hips to Louis’ touch and swiping his thumb over the wet head of Louis’ cock, eyes still locked with Louis’.

“Haz,” Louis whined softly.

Harry hummed again, gently rolling Louis onto the sofa and crouching over his hips. He nosed into the hair of Louis’ groin, his scent thick and heady from a long day before nuzzling his cheek against Louis’ cock, now stiff and pink against his hip.

“Pretty pink cock,” Harry murmured softly.

Louis humped his hips forward in frustration, watching his cock bounce angrily on his belly. “Hazza,  _ please _ ,” Louis sighed.

Harry tucked his lips over the head of Louis’ cock and began pulling his trousers and pants down his thighs to his ankles, lifting his mouth off of him only to discard the bottoms onto the floor.

“I like this part,” Harry sighed. “Feeling you get hard in my mouth. God, Lou. It feels amazing. You feel so good.”

Harry worked his mouth over Louis’ length languidly, hands spread across his hips, curls falling into his eyes. It was quiet save for Louis’ soft pants and the wet suckling of Harry’s lips.

When Louis stretched his legs out in content, Harry gripped his ankles and gently pushed his thighs open and back against his chest, hands now splayed over his cheeks. He popped off of Louis’ cock slowly, a trail of saliva still connecting them as he ducked his head lower and licked gently across his hole.

“You smell like sweat and salt,” Harry gasped, licking wetly over Louis’ rim. “And taste...bitter. And a bit sweet. Like coffee,” He ran his tongue over the hot pink skin and dipped his tongue inside where the taste was strongest, letting his lips cup over the puckered skin. “Like my favourite cup of coffee.”

“ _ Harry _ .”

“Taste so good, Lou. So fucking good. Wanna do this all the time.” Harry reached for Louis’ cock as his tongue delved further inside, the movement of his hand in pace with his mouth. He swiped over Louis’ slick head and pressed his thumb under the crown.

“Yeah,” Louis sighed softly. “Oh fuck. Yeah.”

Harry looked up at Louis, eyes closed, brow furrowed, his small hands in tight fists. “Gonna come for me, darling?”

Louis whined high in his throat, trying to reach for Harry’s hair as he nodded.

“Do it. Come for me, baby.”

Louis came with a cry, thrusting into Harry’s warm fist as he tongued his hole, “God.”

Harry wiped his mouth and sat up, wrapping a hand around himself in seconds and groaning lowly as he tugged on his cock and spurted onto Louis’ already wet belly a minute later.

“We should get cleaned up before Liam comes home,” Louis laughed.

Harry grinned. “New year, new Liam?”

“Not likely.”

“Boo,” Harry pouted. “Off to bed then.”

The next morning they woke up to a post-it on the fridge written in Liam’s neat block writing.

_ THE SOFA SMELLS LIKE JIZZ. :( :( :( _

“Ah, dear,” Harry frowned.

Louis laughed so hard he choked on his cereal. 

  
  
***

 

It became something of a routine for the month. Louis and Harry would wake up together and have breakfast, sometimes squeezing in a quick sex session in the shower before they went their separate ways for the day. Most often Louis returned home after Harry to find his dinner ready on the table while Harry poured over his books or laptop at the table.

When Louis finally returned home one evening, after staying two hours after his shift ended due to their espresso machine nearly exploding, he found the flat quiet and dark save for a single light in the living room.

Harry was sat on the floor, bent over the coffee table with his quilt wrapped around his shoulders as he worked. The yellow gleam of the lamp reflected on his face making his pale skin glow.

Harry rubbed his eye and peered up at Louis over his screen. “Hi, you.”

“Hiya, love.”

“How was work?”

Louis groaned and collapsed onto the sofa. “Brutal. Thank god I have tomorrow off. How was your day?”

Harry shrugged and yawned. “The usual. Hey, how was your session this morning?”

Louis shrugged. “It was okay.” He slid off the couch to sit cross-legged beside Harry and took a sip from his water glass. “We talked about Wes a bit,” he admitted.

“Oh.” Harry peered at him with raised eyebrows. “And was that—how was that?”

“It was...okay, actually. I mean,” Louis shrugged. “Obviously, it was hard and thinking about our relationship and everything that happened with us...was shit. To say the least. But. It also kind of felt, good? Like liberating. It was hard. But it didn’t hurt. Not anymore.”

Harry smiled softly and pressed a gentle kiss to Louis’ cheek. “I’m so proud of you, Lou.”

“Thanks, love.”

Louis stroked his thumb under the purpling skin under Harry’s eyes and watched him scribble away for several minutes. “Baby, you look so tired.”

Harry chuckled humorlessly, “I look like a corpse, you mean.” He scrubbed a hand across his face and groaned into his palms.

“Haz?”

“I’m just—I’m so exhausted,” Harry sniffed. “I’m  _ so _ tired, Lou. And my head hurts and I think I’m getting ill and I just. I can’t do it,” Harry lifted his head from his hands and rubbed at his wet eyes.

“Oh, love.” Louis scooted closer to Harry and wrapped his arms around him. “C’mere, sweetheart.”

Harry sniffled and tried to curl up on Louis’ lap, bending his gangly limbs to make himself smaller.

Louis stroked the messy curls around Harry’s face, “Poor, love.” He ran the back of his palm over Harry’s cheek and frowned, “You feel warm. I reckon you might have a fever.”

“I feel pathetic,” Harry mumbled into Louis’ neck tearfully.

“Aw, love, you’re not pathetic. You’re poorly, darling and you’re exhausted. You’ve been working so hard.”

Harry nodded against Louis’ collarbone, “There’s just so much to do.”

“I know, babe. But we can’t have you worn down like this. Let’s get into bed, yeah? I’ll tuck you all in nice and cozy and make some tea. Then we’ll put a film on, yeah? Sound good?”

Harry nodded again.

“Good. Okay. Let’s do that then,” Louis pressed his lips to Harry’s forehead, brushing a loose curl back and patting gently over the back of Harry’s head. “Your birthday’s nearly here, love, can’t have you getting poorly. Need to get you well.”

“For my surprise,” Harry said into Louis’ shoulder.

“That’s right. And the hot birthday sex.”

Harry giggled and curled up into the warmth of Louis’ jumper, “But first tea.”

***

 

Louis slipped his cold toes onto the tops of Harry’s thighs to warm them as Harry typed something on his laptop.  _ Scrubs _ was playing in the background, a must, Louis had insisted, in order to keep Harry relaxed while he worked on his lab report. A few days of rest and a whole lot of love and attention from Louis seemed to have done Harry well and his cold was more or less gone. Still, Louis insisted he keep his school work to the bare minimum while he recuperated, claiming cuddling in bed and taking hot showers with him were the cure for any ailment.

“You’re just trying to ogle my willy, you creep,” Harry had said.

Louis had merely shrugged in agreement. “Well, it’s a very nice willy.”

They’d watched six episodes before Harry convinced Louis that he needed to get at least one good hour’s worth of work.

“Fine,” Louis huffed. “But only because I want to take a nap before my shift starts. And you have to drink tea while you work.”

“Deal,” Harry grinned.

Harry was so consumed in his work, eyes glued to his laptop, that he didn’t hear the door of the flat open as Niall came home. Niall stepped to the side and wrapped an arm around the girl behind him. She was nearly the same height as he was, with smooth dark skin and thick black braids tossed over one shoulder. She adjusted the neon green tote bag on her shoulder as Niall reached behind to close the door, smiling tentatively at Harry who still sat at the table in deep concentration, frowning at something on the screen.

Niall cleared his throat, “H.”

Harry looked up and immediately jumped up from his spot around the table. “Oh! Hello!”

“Where’s Tommo at?" Niall jerked his head subtly. "Kinda wanted to introduce you two to someone special.”

“He went to have a lie-down,” Harry said, grinning at the girl and holding his hand out towards her. “Hi. I’m Harry. Pleased to meet you.”

“I’m—”

“Ah, ah, let me do the honours, babe,” Niall grinned. “Harry, this is my  _ girlfriend, _ Alexandra.”

“Nice to meet you,” She smiled brightly. “Niall’s the only one who calls me Alexandra, though, because he absolutely insists, but you can call me-”

“ _ Lexie? _ ”

Louis appeared from around the corner at that moment and stopped abruptly at the sight of the crowd.

“Lou?”

Harry glanced between them amusedly as Niall stood flabbergasted beside him, “You know each other?”

“We work together,” Louis said confusedly. He turned to Lexie. “Wait, you’re going out with Niall? The funny, charming, incredible grad student you’ve been banging on an on about? That’s  _ Niall? _ ”

“You better believe it, Tommo.”

Lexie laughed into her hand and shook her head softly. “I can’t believe  _ you’re  _ Tommo!” She cried. “Niall’s always talking about two of his roommates ‘Hazza and Tommo’ like they’re these made up characters in a romantic comedy. I had no idea.”

“Coffee shop girl!” Harry cried out suddenly. “Ah, of  _ course _ .”

Lexie raised an eyebrow confusedly. “What?” She laughed.

“Shut up, Harry.”

“No no, I mean, it’s a good thing! Niall’s said a lot of great things about you. While, indirectly. Kind of.”

Louis nudged Harry’s arm, “Shut up, love.”

“Ignore them,” Niall muttered. “They’re idiots. Sit, babe.”

Lexie laughed and scooted into the chair Niall held out for her. “It’s okay. This is just so funny. But Lou, this is great, I was going to wait until our next shift together to tell you but this is perfect timing.”

“Oh? What’s up?”

“Why don’t I make us some tea?” Harry said, smiling like a proud parent.

“Well, I was telling Niall about The Lounge starting their open mic nights again and he mentioned that you played the piano? And then you got a keyboard recently.”

Louis raised an eyebrow at Niall knowingly and turned back to Lexie. “Right…”

“And,” Niall said, “I also just happened to mention that I know a guy who’s a great singer. Loves to give shower performances and is pretty fucking charming in front of a charm.”

“Niall…” Louis started as Harry laughed and set their tea on the table.

“And also, he’s your boyfriend and I think you guys should do a duet.”

“Fuck off,” Louis laughed at the same time Harry grabbed his shoulder and  _ ooohed  _ under his breath.

Louis turned to Harry in surprise, “You’d want to?”

“Lou, you’d be great,” Niall said. Lexie nodded beside him.

“I’m dying to hear you guys. Niall says you’re literally the cutest couple alive.”

“Niall’s an idiot,” Louis hissed, shooting him a dirty look.

“It could be fun, Lou,” Harry said. “You’ve really been getting back into playing this past month and you’re amazing. You should be heard by more people than just me.”

“I hear your impromptu duets,” Niall agreed. “You make a good pair. Also, Liam agrees with me,” he went on.

Louis rolled his eyes. “I hate you all.”

“Just think about, love, yeah?” Harry smiled sweetly. He stood up and wrapped Louis in a hug from behind, grinning smugly at Niall and Lexie. “I’ll wear him down,” he said. “I have a fail-safe method of getting him to agree.”

“Cheers to that,” Niall snorted, clinking his tea with Louis’ as Louis ducked his head and laughed.    
  


***

  
The first of February was cold and bright, the sun streaking orange across the blue sky as it lit the morning. Louis woke up early and pressed his cold nose against Harry’s shoulder, leaving a gentle kiss there and quietly creeping out of bed.

He bustled around the kitchen, only half-awake, propping his phone up on the counter and reading over the lit screen where his mum has sent her recipe for honey-banana pancakes. He knows the recipe by heart by now, having watched his mother prepare her infamous breakfast spread a hundred times in life but he was determined not to mess this up. Not on Harry’s birthday. Harry had gone on and on about these pancakes for the whole day after Jay had made them over the holiday and Louis wanted Harry’s birthday to start on a high note.

Harry appeared then, sleep soft and grinning, right as Louis ladled the first of the batter onto the hot pan. He jumped when Harry wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed behind his ear, shooting a fleck of batter up onto his nose.

Harry wiped the spot and promptly kissed over it. “Are you making me breakfast?”

“I am.”

“Banana pancakes?” Harry squealed.

“Just for you,” Louis smiled. “But I’m not singing.”

“Aw.”

Louis turned to wrap his arms around Harry’s waist, clinging to his lavender jumper and burying his nose in the sweet scent of Harry’s neck. “Happy birthday, darling.”

“Thanks, love,” Harry yawned, rubbing his cheek over Louis’ soft hair. “And thank you for making me breakfast.”

“Of course. Anything for the birthday boy.” Louis turned back to the grill and slapped a pancake onto a plate before handing it to Harry,  winking and scurrying off to his room. “One sec,” He came back a moment later with a gift bag in hand and plopped it on the table in front of Harry.

“F’me?” Harry grinned with a mouthful of pancake.

“For you.”

Harry set his fork down and carefully rifled through the bag, neatly setting the tissue paper on the table.

“Shit,” Louis said suddenly. “I forgot to get you a card. Shit, sorry, love.”

“It doesn’t matter, Lou,” Harry laughed. “How much tissue paper did you put in here?” He continued, standing up to reach deep into the bag before finally pulling out his gift.

“Lou,” he cried. “Oh, they’re gorgeous, I love them, petal, thank you.” He placed the pair of boots, a beautiful chocolate brown suede with a small heel and a buckle on the table proudly and squeezed Louis into a tight hug.

Louis pressed his face into Harry’s hair and laughed softly, “I reckon you were in need of a new pair.” He nodded his head towards the door where Harry’s usual tan boots sat lined against the wall, “Those are looking absolutely knackered.”

Harry huffed. “Hey, be nice. They’re vintage and elderly. I’ll still be keeping them. Just maybe on a shelf in my wardrobe,” he finished thoughtfully. “I really love them, Lou.”

Louis slipped a few more pancakes onto Harry’s plate and took a bite of his own. “I know it’s maybe not the most exciting gift but,” he trailed off and smiled smugly. “That will be coming later on.”

“Well, I think it’s very exciting. Really, Lou, this is already one of my favourite birthdays yet.”

Louis smirked knowingly, “Not yet. But it will be.”

…

After Louis gave Harry what he hoped had been the best shower of his life, one that included a combination of lavender-honey shampoo, blowjobs, and a massage, he attempted to get Harry out of the flat so he could get his surprise ready. He was currently in the middle of trying to convince Harry to run to the shops for him while he sorted things out at the flat.

“But I can help,” Harry insisted.

“Hazza, you can’t help.”

“Why not?” Harry pouted.

“Because it’s your birthday and I’m trying to do something nice for you?”

“Well. Fine.”

Louis smiled triumphantly. “Right. Bugger off then, love. I need you to run to the shops for me. And then your mum will be here.”

“My mum?”

“She’s taking you to lunch.”

“Why isn’t she at work?”

Louis sighed, “She took the day off, Hazza. In honour of your birth. Cute, right? I know. But really. Can you run to the shops for me please?”

Harry pouted. “Fine. But only because you made me those pancakes this morning.”

“Thanks, love,” Louis said sweetly.

He went to the window and watched as Harry left their building and headed for the street. He whipped his phone out and made the call he’d be dying to make for the the last fifteen minutes.

“Hi, it’s Louis. He’s just left, come on up!”

…

“Oh, my god. Oh, my god, oh, my  _ god. _ ”

“I think he likes his gift, Louis,” Anne said wryly.

Louis laughed, “Thank god.” He had nearly given himself another ulcer hiding in his room and waiting for Anne and Harry to return from their exceptionally long lunch.

“They’re just so precious,” Harry was murmuring.

Louis grinned, peering over Harry’s shoulder at the warm bundle in his arms. “Is that true? Are you precious, Martha?”

Harry cupped her body in his hands and rubbed his cheek over the soft fur. “She’s gorgeous, aren’t you darling?”

Louis sat back on his bum and stretched his legs out as Pancakes hopped onto the top of his thigh. “Hello there,” he laughed, stroking a velvet floppy ear between his fingers.

“I can’t believe you got them,”  Harry looked up at his mum who was grinning down at them. “And I can’t believe you two kept this a secret!”

Louis huffed. “I’m an excellent secret keeper.”

Harry kissed Martha’s head and plopped her into Louis’ lap with her sister before pressing his face against Louis’. “I love them,” he said. He kissed Louis’ forehead and scrunched up his nose fondly at the bunnies sitting happily in Louis’ lap. “And I love you. Best. Birthday. Ever.”

…

“Did you get everything you wanted for your birthday, darling?”

Harry gasped against Louis’ throat, his breath leaving hot traces over the sweat-slick skin. “Nearly.”

Louis hummed, clever fingers delving under the soft cotton of Harry’s shirt and dancing across the hair near his belly. “Nearly, huh? Anything else I can get you, love?"

“I can think of something.”

“Oh?” Louis’ hands moved to grip the warm flesh of Harry’s hips as he pinned him against the wall. He pulled Harry flush against his body so their clothed crotches rubbed together, creating a delicious wave of friction. “What do you need, baby? Hmm? Tell me.”

Harry’s voice was a high whine when he spoke, his chin lifting towards the ceiling as Louis sucked a searing kiss onto the side of his jaw. “You,” he sighed contently. “Just need you.”

“Me?”

“Always want you, Lou. Always need you.”

“Need me here, love?” Louis’ hand dragged over the bulge of Harry’s jeans in feather-light touches, the slow drag of his knuckles causing Harry’s knees to buckle.

“Lou. Fuck.”

“How about here?” He reached his wrist between the gap of Harry’s thighs to cup underneath him, letting two of his fingers hover between Harry’s cheeks and gently stroke across his covered hole.

“ _ Yes, _ yes, please.”

Louis smiled against Harry’s temple, opening his jeans and delving a hand inside. “Anything for the birthday boy. You’re so lovely, Hazza,” Louis pulled Harry’s cock out and gave it a few loose tugs before letting it go, watching it slap against his belly and admiring how pink and swollen it already appeared, “You’re so pretty, baby. So fucking pretty.”

“You like it?”

Louis hummed, “I love it.”

“Tell me,” Harry whispered.

Louis smiled into Harry’s ear, allowing his bottom lip to ghost ever so gently over the shell of Harry’s earlobe. Harry loved to be reassured during sex, he loved the vulnerability of it all, and Louis loved nothing more than to give Harry praise.

He stroked over the top of Harry’s head and let his thumb sink into the moist slit, “You drive me mad, love. Thinking of you. Thinking of this thick cock. How it tastes on my tongue, the weight of it. God.”

“Fuck, Lou.”

“So fucking good, baby. Need to get it inside. Stretching me out.” Louis bit Harry’s shoulder right at the sensitive bit where his neck and shoulder muscle came together. “Feels so fucking good filling me up, love.”

“Fuck,” Harry whined. “Want you to sit on it, petal. Want to watch you ride me. Have you sit on my cock and just bounce. You look so fucking pretty bouncing on my cock.”

“Fuck,” Louis breathed. “Yeah, yeah, want that. Come on.”

Harry opened Louis up quickly, clever fingers gently prodding inside as he whispered softly into Louis’ ears and slipped inside him.

“Tell me how it feels,” Louis murmured into Harry’s ear. He was moving ever so slightly, perched proudly on Harry’s lap and rocking his hips gently back and forth.

“It feels - it’s so good, Lou. So tight and hot and wet. I feel like - I just want to be closer to you, want to get as close as I can.”

Louis huffed a laugh as his hips quickened their pace, pressing his hands to Harry’s shoulders and lifting up before wiggling his bum back on Harry’s cock, “Think this is as a close as it gets, darling.” He lifted up once more before starting to bounce rhythmically, up and down, up and down, arching his back and tilting his hips forward to hit his spot. Harry was breathing heavily below him, his hands reaching Louis everywhere; running through his hair, pressing into his soft belly, and finally gripping tightly around his stiff cock.

“Please, please,” Harry whimpered, his knuckles turning white where they gripped Louis’ hip.

“What baby?”

“Faster, Lou, oh god.”

“Hazza,” Louis breathed, “My Hazza.” He cupped Harry’s face in his hands and brought their lips together in a hot kiss as he rocked his hips faster

Harry looked desperate when their eyes met, face scrunched up as he pulled away from Louis, pink mouth agape. “Please, Lou. Gotta come, need to come so badly.”

Louis wrapped his arms tightly around Harry’s neck and rolled them onto their side, hands sliding down Harry’s back as they readjusted.

“Do it, baby,” Louis whispered into Harry’s ear.

Harry ducked his head and panted, fucking into Louis and spreading his ass apart to get deeper.  Louis tangled his fingers through Harry’s curls and wrapped his ankles around his waist.

“ _ Ah, ah. _ ”

“You sound like you’re singing, baby.”

“ _ Lou, _ ” Harry cried. His damp forehead fell onto Louis’ shoulder as he came, Louis petting his head as Harry made soft whimpering noises into his neck.

Louis kept Harry close as he finished, his hand flat against Harry’s damp skin as he stroked over his own cock, the weight of Harry’s body on his pushing him over.

They lay back against the duvet, skin slick with sweat, the room filling up with heavy breaths and the soft sounds of Martha and Pancakes in their cage.

Louis covered Harry’s swollen lips with his own and curled into his side as their breathing slowed.

“Happy birthday, my love.”

***

The lounge was already crowded by the time they arrived, the rich scent of coffee beans lingering in the air and contrasting with the sickly sweet caramel muffins and the headiness of beer. It made Louis feel a bit ill. Why had he agreed to this? As predicted, Harry had easily convinced him that they should do this over the past couple weeks, though it took little cajoling and oral sex, as Louis was powerless to Harry’s perfect dimpled grin alone.

Louis clutched Harry’s elbow and bit his lip, “I’m nervous. There are a lot of people here. I didn’t think there would be so many people,” Louis craned his neck to scan the room for familiar faces. He looked up at Harry nervously. “Do you think there’s a lot of people here?”

“Relax, petal.” Harry wrapped his arm firmly around Louis’ waist and gently pulled him against his side. “You’re going to do great. You’re really talented, Lou. Besides, these people don’t matter anyway. This is just for us, yeah? You and me.”

“Right.”

“Lou. It’s going to be so fun,” Harry kissed his temple and gently patted him on the bum with a grin. “Plus, at the end of the night, we can go home feeling like total badass rock stars and have hot sex.”

Louis had to laugh at that, curling his arm around Harry and butting his head against his arm, “God. You’re an animal.”

“I’m a man in love.”

Louis wrinkled his nose. “You’re cheesy is what you are,” He pressed a quick kiss to Harry’s cheek and peered around the room. “Hey, there’s Ed.”

Ed waved them over from across the room, where he boasted about finding the ‘perfect table’.

“It’s right in the center of the room so we get a get view of the stage but there’s not a light directly above us like the other tables so we can make cringey faces without people seeing us. Plus, the seats are comfortable.”

They settled into the table, Louis busying himself in his beer as the lounge filled up. Liam, Niall and Lexie all joined before the first act was up.

“Happy I’m not working tonight, Louis, now I can give you and Harry my full attention when you’re up there!” Lexie said happily, draping her arm across Louis’ slumped shoulders.

“Great,” Louis said weakly. He licked his dry lips and looked  to Harry, who promptly grinned and winked back.

“Rockstars,” he whispered, making Louis giggle.

Louis could kick Ed for even insinuating that there would be rubbish performers to cringe at. Everyone was so fucking good. Louis felt like he might vomit. They were two acts away from their go on stage and each performer seemed to get better and better. The crowd was currently erupting in loud applause as a tall redhead bounded off the stage after her soulful rendition of ‘Jolene’.

“I mean, bit of a boring song choice but fuck her voice was incredible,” Ed said.

“Jolene isn’t boring, it’s a classic,” Harry argued. “How dare you.”

“You guys would have very pretty babies,” Lexie laughed into pint. 

Everyone appeared to be calm and collected, happily laughing and drinking away. Louis felt like he was about to wee himself.

“Fuck,” he muttered. “I need a shot of something.”

“Whiskey!” Niall agreed loudly as the MC announced a short break before the next set. “I’m on it, mates.”

“Lou,” Harry said beside him. “Try and relax, baby, okay?” He rubbed the nape of Louis’ neck between his thumb and forefinger gently.

“Just - just need a shot to calm me nerves a bit, Haz. Not going to get out of control, I promise.”

Harry covered Louis’ mouth with his own, ignoring Lexie’s high-pitched coo in the background. “Love you.”

Louis ran his tongue along the wet seam of Harry’s bottom lip but tore himself away as Niall plopped a tray of shots on their table. “Love you,” he sighed. “Now let’s get some whiskey in us before we make arses outta ourselves on stage, yeah?”

Louis and Harry had both downed one more whiskey shot each by the time they called on stage. The microphone screeched as Harry brought his lips forward to greet the crowd.  “Oops,” Harry smiled, fiddling with the mic, as Louis cringed, his fingers trembling where they hovered above the keys. “Sorry about that,” Harry started again. “Uh, hi. I’m Harry and that’s Louis on the keyboard,” he gestured towards Louis and turned back to the crowd with a stupid grin. “We’re boyfriends,” He added as the crowd laughed and Louis heard Niall let out a loud whooping sound.

“Hottest fucking boyfriends!” Lexie cried.

“Why thank you, Lexie,” Harry said smugly. “Anyway. We’re Harry and Louis and we’re going to do a song for you. Uh, this is one of our favourites. So.”

Louis licked his lips, his heart pounding in his chest so loudly he stole a brief glance out at the crowd to see if anyone could hear it. His fingers splayed across the keys, ready to move on the opening note. He looked blankly ahead for a split second, seeing nothing but the darkness of the gloomy sky outside at first. Then Harry tilted his head towards him and grinned broadly, sticking out his tongue and winking when their eyes met. Louis threw his head back and laughed into the bright stage light, his fingers finding their place as the melody began.

Harry gripped his mic and Louis’ eyes closed as Harry’s voice filled the room, a soft rumble falling over the quiet crowd.

_ When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be, _

_ I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next you _

Louis’ fingers seemed to move on their own. He couldn’t peel his eyes away from Harry, the way his pink lips pursed over each word, the song moving through him and reaching all the way to his bright green eyes. He was in his element. He was mesmerizing.

_ But I would walk five hundred miles _

_ And I would walk five hundred more _

_ Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles _

_ To fall down at your door _

Louis knew it must be the whiskey, that’s what he would tell himself and everyone else later on, but he felt his eyes well up as Harry belted out, the words seeming to sing straight from his heart. He was so overwhelmed with love for this boy. His boy. The one who had changed his heart forever.

Harry’s eyes were closed now, his long fingers wrapped tightly around his mic.

_ When I'm lonely, well, I know I'm gonna be _

_ I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you _

_ And when I'm dreaming, well, I know I'm gonna dream _

_ I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you _

Harry’s voice slowed, eyes opening and lips curving upwards as he turned to meet Louis’ eyes.

_ And I would walk five hundred miles _

_ And I would walk five hundred more _

_ Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles _

_ To fall down at your door _

… 

 

“I still can’t believe how fucking good you guys were!” Ed was yelling over the drums.

Niall whipped his lips and nodded vigorously. “Like,  _ so _ fucking good.”

“It was pretty bloody amazing, lads,” Liam agreed.

Louis tucked his head into Harry’s neck, “Harry was bloody amazing.”

“Lou, you were incredible up there,” Lexie said. “You’re a natural. The way you play...it was beautiful to watch. It’s like your hands were moving all on their own.”

“She’s right,” Harry beamed.

“It was very delicate,” Ed nodded.

“And your eyes were glued to Harry the entire song,” Lexie grinned.

Louis ducked his head shyly. “Alright lads. And Lex. Let’s just watch the rest of the show. Must be nearly over, yeah?”

“It’s nearly closing,” Lexie whined. “And I have to work in the morning.”

“Last round?” Niall asked.

“I’ll get it,” Louis said, moving to stand up on somewhat wobbly legs.

“Here, petal, I’ll go with you,” Harry said.

“Can’t go anywhere without each other,” Liam quipped. “Sickening.”

Harry grinned suddenly and peered up at the stage. “Actually, hold that thought...” He pecked Louis’ cheek and winked at the table as he pushed his chair back.

“Haz?”

“Alright folks, it’s the last song of the night, put your hands together, we’ve got Harry!”

Louis opened his mouth and closed it as Harry dashed up to the stage, stumbling over his boots as he made his way towards the microphone.

“What’s he doing?” Louis hissed.

“He’s sweeping you off your feet,” Ed laughed.

Harry tucked a ringlet behind his ear and smiled softly out at the crowd, the combination of the dim lights and the alcohol blurring everyone’s faces. All except for one. Harry cleared his throat and licked over his bottom lip before leaning forward into his mic.

“Uh, hi. hello. Again. I’m Harry. Again. Uh. I’d like to sing a little song for my very favourite boy in the whole world. This one’s for Louis.”

Louis bit his lip to cover his gasp, his fingers digging into his thigh as Niall and Lexie grinned stupidly beside him.

“He’s doing it,” Liam whispered happily.

Harry’s voice was low and ripe with emotion, soft and warm like honey.    


_ Though I've tried before to tell him _

_ Of the feelings I have for him in my heart… _

“Oh my god,” Louis breathed.

“This is so fucking romantic,” Lexie sighed.

Niall grinned stupidly and held his pint high in the air, swinging it towards the stage as Harry sang on.

_ Every little thing he does is magic _

_ Everything he do just turns me on _

_ Even though my life before was tragic _

_ Now I know my love for him goes on _

Louis could feel eyes on him as Harry sang, the whispered voices and high-pitched sighs of those around him. Liam draped an arm across his shoulders and pressed their heads together, drunkenly leaning into Louis.

“He loves you, Lou. You’ve found a good one,” Liam slurred happily. Louis rubbed the back of Liam’s head, biting his lip as his heart swelled.

“Fuck yeah, Hazza, thatta boy!” Niall cheered.

“You’re maaaaagic,” A girl at the next table whisper-shouted.

“Magic!” Lexie laughed.

“Maaaaaagic,” Niall and Ed sang.

Louis just laughed, watching the song come to an end as they locked eyes and Harry sang the words that Louis knew were just for him.

_ “Now I know my love for him goes on.” _

…

Harry and Louis were the last of their group to make their way out of  _ The Coffee Lounge,  _ stumbling over the slippery sidewalk and giggling together while Niall, Lexie, and Liam walked ahead, long since learned to leave them be when they were this drunk and in love.

“That. Was the best thing. Maybe ever,” Louis giggled into Harry’s neck. He  grinned and stroked Harry’s belly, wrapping him in a hug from behind, “ _ You _ are the best thing.”

“Proud of you, Lou. You were so good up there.”

Louis seared their mouths together and pressed his flushed cheek against Harry’s. “Thank you, baby. Thank you for doing this with me. And - and the song. For me. I - I just love you so much, Hazza.”

“I just love  _ you  _ so much, Lou.”

Louis tucked his cold fingers into the waistband of Harry’s jeans, “I reckon we should go home for that hot rockstar sex then,” he grinned. 

“Deal,” Harry giggled. “Just don’t expect too much from me. My willy’s had a long night.”

Louis was giggling into Harry’s side when a familiar voice caused him to stop abruptly in his tracks.

“Louis?”

Louis’ breath hitched, the hair on the back of his neck standing up as an icy chill ran down his spine.

Louis swallowed, his body moving slowly as he turned around towards the voice.

“Wes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 17 writing playlist:
> 
> 1\. home - aron wright  
> 2\. the one - kodaline  
> 3\. two weeks - grizzly bear  
> 4\. downtown train - everything but the girl  
> 5\. no one here - the 88  
> 6\. victoria - the kinks  
> 7\. your love - little mix  
> 8\. power - little mix  
> 9\. here you come again - dolly parton  
>   
> ALSO definitely listen to Sleeping At Last's covers of 'I'm Going to be (500 Miles) and 'Every Little Thing She Does is Magic' which inspired Harry and Louis' performances in this. They're incredible. 
> 
> I can't believe this story is nearly at the end. Holy.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please let me know your thoughts in the comments. Thanks as always to my lovely beta Alex! 
> 
> Please reblog the post [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com/post/153142405073/peachesandpetal-title-rather-be-sad-with-you) if you're enjoying :) 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> xxx Sailor


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say - I’m so glad I included Jay in my story. The relationship between Louis and her plays an important role throughout, just as I interpreted it to be in real life, and I am so happy that her legacy of utter love and devotion to Louis and her whole family will live on in our words to represent a small piece of who she was. 
> 
> Rest in peace, Johannah.

“Um. Hi,” Louis stammered. 

Harry cupped his waist protectively and shifted their bodies closer together.

The silence seemed to go on in slow motion, Louis unable to move or breathe from where he was frozen in place. He could feel the blood rushing in his ears, the tightening in his chest, the sinking woosh in his stomach, and the dread that seemed to reach his very bones.

Wesley stood in front of them, eyes wide with surprise and something that almost resembled fear. He looked the same, as if the past three years hadn't passed them both by and their past relationship wasn't a nightmare that haunted Louis' dreams for months on end. Louis swallowed the lump in his throat and avoided meeting Wes' stare as he shifted his weight and drew his hand from his coat pocket. 

“I’m Wesley,” Wes stuck his hand awkwardly towards Harry, still eyeing Louis carefully.

“Harry,” Harry said slowly, his tone lacking its usual charm but still able to pass as cheerful.

Louis licked his lips. “Harry’s my uh, my boyfriend.”

“I figured,” Wes smiled.

Harry tried to let his eyes roam over Wes as subtly as possible, though to be honest, he didn’t give much of a shit about being inconspicuous right now. Wes was still smiling, albeit tightly, straight, white teeth slipping out between dusty pink lips. He stood tall and broad, with glossy dark hair and a thick beard, towering over both boys in a way that Harry hated to admit intimidated him. His eyes were a warm brown and appeared kind but Harry couldn’t help the chill of anxiety slowly sliding its way down his spine. Wes had lovely skin, Harry couldn’t help but notice, a twinge of something like jealousy invading his space and making his jaw twitch; creamy and smooth, the colour of tea with a splash of milk. Just how Louis liked it, Harry thought absently.

Louis adjusted his fringe and tried to straighten his posture in an attempt to position himself more bravely than he felt. “So uh, what are you doing here? Were you uh, here for the open mic night?” Louis jerked his thumb down the street to the lounge where the chalkboard sign that he had written himself displayed details of the infamous music night. Louis and Wes had gone once before in the early months of their relationship and Wes had spent the entirety of the night critiquing other people's performances but claiming it was far too embarrassing of a venue for himself to sing. Louis, by contrast, had spent the night trying to shrink himself smaller in his seat and wish he had the courage to go on stage himself. Of course, he never mentioned that to Wes, the same way he could never tell Wes that his renditions of musical theatre tracks wouldn't be received well on stage.

“Mic night? No. I’m just going to meet...uh, Declan, at _Cowboys_? Down the way,” Wes said, gesturing to the country bar a little further down the street. It was grungy and disgusting in Louis’ opinion, and if he recalled correctly, was a place that Wes had long made fun of, telling Louis it was far below them to hang out in a place like that.

Louis bit his lip and nodded. “ _Cowboy’s_ , huh.”

“Well,” Wes gave a small, sheepish smile. “Declan. My, uh, boyfriend, he works there. So.”

“Right.”

Wes glanced behind them to the lounge and turned back to Louis. “Were you doing the mic night then?”

“We both did,” Harry said proudly.

Louis nodded weakly. “Harry’s got a really amazing voice.”

 _“Louis_ was brilliant,” Harry added. “He was on piano. Blew everyone away.”

Wes crooked an eyebrow and tilted his head towards Louis. “You played? That’s great, Lou. I didn’t think you liked to play anymore.”

“Well, I do,” Louis said tightly, his voice becoming higher and more strained the longer he stood there. “I guess there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me anymore,” he finished quietly.

Wes looked taken back. “I guess so,” he answered softly. 

Wes' eyes seemed to soften in that moment and staring him in the face, Louis felt as though Wes was searching him for answers, as though one glance into the clear blue of Louis' eyes would give him the reassurance that Louis had been okay all these years without him.

Louis blinked and looked away immediately, curtly reminding himself that Wes was not deserving of that privilege.

Harry’s chest felt tight as he glanced wearily between the two men. He curled his arm more tightly around Louis’ waist and tugged him closer so their hips pressed together. “Well," Harry smiled tightly. "We should probably head off, yeah? Long night.”

Louis licked his dry lips. “Yeah.”

“Right,” Wes said. “It was great to see you again, Lou.” Wes’ right arm twitched as though he were deciding whether or not he’d make the reach forward and touch Louis.Harry coughed quietly into his hand and inched his pinky finger closer towards Louis’ hip, his body language sending a clear message that this was an entirely unwise move. 

Harry coughed quietly into his hand and inched his pinky finger closer towards Louis’ hip, his body language sending a clear message that this was an entirely unwise move. 

Wes carefully folded his hands into the pockets of his peacoat.

Louis’ heart thundered in his chest. He wanted to tell Wes no. He wanted to tell him he wished he wouldn’t have seen him again. He wanted to tell him seeing him made his chest feel as though it were cracking into two, like every tiny piece of hurt and pain that Louis had ever felt about himself was breaking all over again in Wes’ presence. He wanted to tell him that he was better without him. That he had Harry in his life now. Someone kind and good and who loved him for exactly who he was.

But Louis didn’t say any of those things. He wanted to. He felt the words ready in his mind, weighing heavily on his tongue. Instead, he swallowed the words in his throat, meeting Wes’ eyes, and sucking in a new breath. “You too," he said softly. "Take care, Wes.”

Wes hesitated for a moment, eyes roaming over Louis’ face so intensely, Louis swore he could feel the thump of emotion in his blood.

Louis knew his hand was shaking. He felt Harry’s fingers brush over his cold knuckles and clap their hands tightly together, pulling him along as they moved away into the night. Harry’s hold on him remained tight as they walked silently up the street but they only made it to the corner before Harry stopped abruptly and turned to Louis. He kept their hands clasped together but brought Louis’ hand up to his lips and kissed it softly.

“Lou? Are you alright, darling?”

“Course I’m alright.”

“Lou," Harry frowned. "I know that wasn’t easy. Running into exes can be-”

Louis scoffed and cut Harry off. “Let's just forget about it. Where are the others?”

Harry raised his eyebrows. “They’re at the pub,” he reported slowly, after a cursory glance at his phone. 

“Excellent, we should head there then, yeah?”

Harry frowned. “I don’t know, Lou, maybe we should just go home?”

“Fuck that!” Louis cried. “Let’s get drunk, Harold, come on, then.”

…

“Louis. Lou. Baby.”

“Let’s have _sex,_ Harry, do you want to? Let's do it. ‘M ready.”

“No, you’re not," Harry laughed. "You can barely stand.”

“Alright, lad?” Niall draped an arm across Louis’ shoulder and held him steady. “Reckon we could all use a good sleep tonight.”

“‘M not tired,” Louis said. He pushed his fringe out of his eyes and grinned widely at Niall. “Harry and I are fucking when we get home.”

Harry scrunched up his nose and laughed. “Louis!”

Niall merely snorted. “Good to know. I’ll wear headphones to bed then.”

“Good idea. Harry is _loud,_ ” Louis shouted happily, equally unaware and unconcerned by the crowd of strangers walking up the road ahead of them. Harry smiled politely at them and gently guided Louis down the rest of the walk towards their building.

They’d more than overstayed their welcome at the pub, in Harry’s opinion, after Louis had made his rounds around every booth in the place, loudly singing Christmas carols, doling out fashion tips, shouting about Harry being a famous singer, and generally providing unsolicited commentary on other people’s lives. They’d managed to wrangle Louis out of the pub and away from the whiskey with little resistance and Harry was hopeful that he could get Louis home peacefully and quietly tuck him into bed.

Louis, apparently, had other ideas.

Harry had only just closed the door to their flat behind them when Louis pushed Harry against the wall and began pressing hot kisses up and down the pale column of his neck. Harry indulged him for the moment, holding Louis’ waist gently, keeping them upright and clearing a path away from the line of shoes in the foyer. Louis pressed his damp forehead against Harry’s collarbone and held it there, relishing in the feel of his cool skin against his own. They carried on for several minutes, their love for one another expressed in wet, desperate kisses. Louis reached down to cup Harry between his legs and nearly fell over trying to keep his balance. 

Harry held Louis around the waist tightly and smoothed his sweaty fringe off his face. “Lou. Love, we’re not having sex.”

Louis pouted. “Why not?”

Harry yawned into his hand. “It’s been a long night, darling. And you’ve had about an entire bottle of whiskey.”

“You _are_ an entire bottle of whiskey.”

Harry sighed fondly. “Come on then, you.” Harry led them into the bedroom and tossed Louis his pajamas from the desk chair. 

Louis smiled softly at Harry as he undressed, collapsing onto the bed in his briefs. “Why don’t you ever wear pajamas, Haz?”

“I get too hot,” Harry shrugged. “Plus, I like to be free. Give everything some air to breathe, you know?”

Louis hummed. “You need a lot of air.” He jumped off the bed then and padded barefoot out into the kitchen.

Harry sighed tiredly, following Louis to the kitchen where he immediately began rummaging through the cupboards. “Lou. Let’s just go to bed.”

“”M hungry.”

“You had McDonalds less than an hour ago.”

Louis rolled his eyes. On any given day, Harry was judgemental about Louis' so-called addiction to McDonalds, but to rub it in after a night of drinking was just cruel. “So. ‘M hungry.”

Harry frowned. “Babe, you’re going to make yourself ill. Let’s just grab some water and get in bed.”

“No,” Louis huffed, ignoring Harry’s comment and snatching the bag of bread to make himself a peanut butter sandwich.

“Do you want some help?” Harry asked after a moment of watching Louis struggle with the lid of the peanut butter jar. He wobbled slightly on his feet and reached a hand out to clutch the counter.

“Not from _you,”_ Louis sniffed, glancing over his shoulder at Harry like he was an intruder. He was. An intruder trying to get in the way of Louis and his peanut butter sandwich. 

“Lou,” Harry laughed, wrapping his arms around Louis’ waist to steady him and pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “Be nice to me. I’m sleepy.”

Louis hummed with his mouth full. “Want some of my peanut butter sandwich?” he asked. Harry turned Louis around in his arms and pressed their lips together, licking the seam of Louis’ dry lips and tasting peanut butter.

“Hmm,” Harry laughed. “Alright, give me a bite then.”

“I knew it!” Louis cried. "You're just as bad as me, Hazza. Can't resist a little late night snacking."

"It's terrible for your digestion," Harry frowned, kissing into Louis' mouth again, both their mouths thick with peanut butter. 

Louis giggled and hopped up onto the counter, wrapping his legs around Harry's waist and tugging him close.

When Liam came around the corner severals minutes later and went to open the fridge, he found Harry and Louis sprawled on the floor and stopped abruptly. “Err, hello.”

“Payno!”

“Tommo," Liam said amusedly. "What are you guys doing on the floor? And why are you in your pants, Lou?”

“We were getting ready for bed," Harry shrugged. "And then Louis got a bit peckish. He made a sandwich and then we just thought we’d eat it on the floor,” Harry finished fondly, giving Liam the full play-by-play as though this was the most interesting story of the night. 

"Also we wanted to snog," Louis added.

Liam laughed. "On the kitchen floor?"

"Cooking up some love," Harry grinned. 

Liam groaned. "Terrible, H. Absolutely terrible."

“Harry wouldn’t even have sex with me,” Louis chimed in unhelpfully. 

 _“Louis,”_ Harry said. “God.” He turned to look up at Liam, who was utterly unconcerned. 

Liam reached into the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk, snatching a bottle of water and squatting down beside Louis. “For you, lad,” He told Louis laughing quietly under his breath. He turned to Harry. “Is he alright?” 

“He’ll be fine,” Harry nodded. “Tonight was just...unexpected.”

Liam frowned and nodded slowly, lowering his voice, as Louis dug through the cupboard under the island for another snack. “I can’t believe...it was so mad seeing him there.” He looked up at Louis who was now preoccupied munching on crackers. "He really did a number on Lou. God, when I think back..." Liam shrugged and trailed off. 

“Yeah,” Harry agreed.

"Are _you_ alright?”

“Sure," Harry shrugged. "I just want to take care of Lou.”

“Right," Liam nodded in approval. "You two should head off to bed then.”

“Hey let's go to bed!" Louis said from the floor. "Carry me, Liam,” he cried dramatically, batting his eyelashes and stretching his hands up.

Harry immediately pouted and reached for Louis, pulling him up off the floor. “Hey, why can’t I carry you?”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Because, Harold, you have a bad back.”

Harry just continued to pout. “I could do it,” he insisted.

Liam moved swiftly, taking control of the situation as he lifted Louis easily into the air and propped him over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. “There’s a good lad,” He said with a laugh as Louis squealed childishly. “Don’t worry, Hazza,” Liam said turning to Harry as he trailed behind them to the bedroom. “I’m just the messenger. He’s all yours once I get him down.”

“I bet _Liam_ would have sex tonight,” Louis said wryly to Harry as Liam plopped him onto the bed.

Liam wrinkled his nose. “Not with you.”

“Oh, for god’s sake, Lou,” Harry laughed.

“Ew,” Louis said. “Of course not with  _me,_ Liam. We need to find you a nice lady friend.”

“I won’t hold my breath,” Liam said, shaking his head and heading towards the door.

“Or a man,” Harry suggested.

“I’m not...I don’t...no,” Liam said, flustered as his cheeks pinked. “No that I…”

Louis laughed loudly and poked Harry in the bum with his foot. “Be nice, Haz.”

“I’m just saying! You never know,” Harry said seriously. “Don’t knock it until you try it, Liam. Sexuality is a spectrum.”

“I’m going to bed,” Liam said firmly, promptly leaving the room. 

Harry and Louis giggled together before Harry sent Louis off to the bathroom to finish getting ready. He appeared in the doorway several minutes later, stark naked and knocking against the doorframe as he stumbled inside from the bathroom.

“Harry.”

Harry cracked an eye open from where he was stretched out across the bed to eye Louis. “Yes, love.”

“Harry," Louis whispered. "Harry, my willy’s not working.”

"What?" Harry furrowed his brows in confusion and sat up. “Did you...have trouble…?” He jerked his head vaguely towards the bathroom.

 _“No,_ no,” Louis laughed.

Harry raised an eyebrow. “Okay...so?”

“I’m not getting hard," Louis pouted as though this should be a surprise. "I don’t think we can have sex. My willy isn’t up for it apparently,” Louis laughed too loudly at his own pun and grinned stupidly at Harry until Harry started to laugh with him too, grinning widely so his dimples popped. 

“Maybe he’s asleep.” Harry opened the duvet up to Louis to bundle under and patted his lap.

"He is," Louis giggled, climbing up on the bed and into Harry’s lap. “Absolutely knackered, I reckon.” He humped playfully against Harry's lap so his soft cock brushed along Harry's warm thighs. 

“Let’s get into bed, petal.” Harry flicked the lamp off.

“We are in bed.”

Harry stroked the back of his hand over Louis’ cool skin and tugged Louis down to lie against him, holding him gently in silence as they both drifted off. “Baby?”

Louis yawned against Harry’s neck in response, the warmth of his breath causing Harry’s skin to prickle. “Hmm,” he mumbled.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“About what? My willy?” Louis giggled. “I think it'll be fine, Hazza.”

“No, Lou,” Harry said. “About tonight. Seeing Wes. Don’t you think we should talk about it?” He couldn’t see his face but Harry could tell by Louis’ tone that he was rolling his eyes. “What’s there to talk about, Haz. We saw him. Whatever.”

“What’s there to talk about, Haz. We saw him. Whatever.”

“It’s not whatever, Louis. You drank your weight in whiskey afterwards.”

Louis turned over so he was flat on his back and huffed loudly into the dark air. “He’s a dickhead, Harry," Louis said finally. "He left me and broke my heart. What else could there possibly be to say about it?”

“I know,” Harry said softly. He reached a hand forward to rest lightly against Louis’ chest. “I’m sorry.”

Harry felt the weight of Louis’ chest rise and fall as he blew out a frustrated breath. “It’s just annoying," Louis said finally, voice small. "The way he acts as though we’re old friends. I mean, you saw him.”

Harry nodded into the silence, gently stroking down Louis’ bare chest and settling his hand on the swell of Louis' belly.

“And then he brings up _Declan_ ,” Louis snorted. “Just to rub it in our faces. Like I don't already know who he is. Like I _care_.”

“You already knew about him?” 

“Wes cheated on me with him,” Louis said flatly. “I found out via a text.”

Harry sat up, pressing his hand into Louis’ stomach and causing Louis to let out a loud grunt. “Sorry,” Harry said. “A text message? _Really_?”

“Not from him,” Louis said with a small laugh. “Wes probably would have dragged me along for god knows how long if I hadn't found out by mistake. No, the text was from a friend of Wes', basically asking him what he was planning to do about the two of us. I looked through the rest of the conversation between them and apparently, it had been an ongoing discussion. Must have been hard,” Louis snorted. “Trying to sort out how to let your mentally disturbed boyfriend down easy.”

“You are  _not_ mentally disturbed,” Harry growled. “And Wes is a fucking asshole. God, I wish I had punched him.”

Louis had to laugh at that. “Hazza. Have you ever even come _close_ to punching someone?”

“No. But. Well. I’ve _wanted_ to,” Harry said darkly. “Never as much as I did Wes, though. With his perfect fucking skin and model hair. God. Tosser.”

Louis sat up and cradled Harry’s head in his hands, pulling him down so Harry was pressed against his chest. “Do _not_ even think of comparing yourself to him,” Louis said harshly. “No one comes close to you, Hazza. Not even close."

Harry nuzzled his matted curls against Louis’ warm skin and pressed a kiss over Louis’ heart.

“You,” Louis whispered. “Are art.”

“That's you," Harry whispered. "I’m so lucky.”

“I’m _luckiest,_ ” Louis said against Harry’s head. He smoothed over Harry’s curls and licked his dry lips.  “Baby? Who did you want to punch? Besides Wes, I mean.”

Harry hummed. “The guys I lived with before here,” he said softly. “They, uh. Well. They were just bastards, I suppose.”

“What?” Louis shuffled underneath Harry and strained his eyes in the darkness to try and make out Harry’s eyes. “Your old roommates? You never mentioned them before.”

“Not important,” Harry shrugged.

“Did they - did they hurt you?”

“Nah. I mean, not physically. They just didn’t fancy living with someone quite as ‘out there’ as me, as they put it.”

“'Out there',” Louis repeated flatly.

“Literally,” Harry said. “Told me they didn’t want me flaunting my lifestyle around and that I wasn’t to bring any guys like me back to our flat,” he said softly. “Because you know, gayness is contagious.”

“Fuck them,” Louis whispered harshly. _“Fuck_ them. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”

Harry shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. If I hadn’t been there first, I wouldn’t have found you now.”

Louis shifted Harry in his arms, so they lay face to face, warm skin on warm skin, hearts pressed together in the still darkness.

“Now you’ve got me,” Louis whispered. 

“Now I’ve got you.”

***

England had decided to quite literally rain on everyone’s parade for the end of January. The weather had been so damp and painfully gloomy that everyone had been forced to stay indoors for a full seven days without any hope of sunshine or happy tomorrows.

Safe to say, the whole of the flat was feeling a bit dramatic.

“I reckon it’s a conspiracy theory engineered by the university to force all the students to actually do readings and assignments for the start of the term,” Liam said.

“Get that head start on midterms,” Louis added.

Harry nodded seriously. “I feel like they’re shutting me in a dark room with my med school applications and locking the door until I finish. Metaphorically speaking, of course, except that's actually what's happening...” He wrinkled his nose. 

“Times are tough, boys,” Niall said. "First sign of sunshine and I’m buying us a round of pints.”

Thus found the boys, plus Lexie, in the university’s pub on a Tuesday evening, empty pints of beers scattered among the table. They had just finished a round of truth or dare, on Harry’s instance, of course. A game which he would quickly come to regret as Louis had just been forced to hand over his phone so the table could look through his camera roll.

Lexie snorted and turned to Harry and Louis, quirking her eyebrow and smiling crookedly as she glanced through a few recent ones and promptly handed the phone back to Louis who grinned cheekily at the photo.“Whoa. You two are a fan of sexting I take it?”

“Yes,” Niall immediately answered for them.

"I do like how you've written the captions straight on the photos, Harry," Lexie giggled. 

Louis smirked. “This one really has a way with words," He said jerking his thumb towards Harry who flushed and dipped his head downwards. "And camera angles.” 

“Lou,” Harry muttered. "I didn't realize you were saving all those."

"Saving them? I'm going to put them in an album and leave them on the coffee table," Louis grinned. "Might even frame a few and hang them on the wall. I'm thinking above the bed would be nice, you reckon?"

"Lou," Harry cackled, gently smacking him on the shoulder.

"I need to get my own place," Liam muttered, shaking his head. 

Lexie pressed her forehead against Niall’s shoulder to stifle her laughter. “Am I right in saying you’ve had the misfortunate of being on the receiving end of said photos? Accidental, I’d assume.”

“Yeah,” Niall answered bitterly. “And some things you just cannot unsee, boys.”

“That's my bad, mate, my bad,” Harry said, wincing and resting his pink cheeks against his hand as Liam snickered. 

 _“I’m_ not sorry,” Louis shrugged. “It was a great photo.”

Harry flashed him a wide grin. “Thanks, mate.”

“That’s alright, mate.”

Lexie scrunched up her face. “Are you guys always like this?” She turned to Louis with rolled eyes and a fond smirk.

“Yes,” Liam and Niall said in unison.

“Anyway,” Harry said. “Enough of my dick pics. You know what we should discuss?" He turned pointedly to his side. "Liam.”

Liam frowned. “What about me?”

“Well," Harry said cheerfully. "There’s a girl in my biology seminar who I think you’d get on with really well.”

“Harry,” Liam sighed.

“Oh!” Lexie cried with a smile. “Are we playing matchmaker? Because there’s a girl at work. Adriana, right Lou? Wouldn’t she be great for Liam?”

Louis nodded. “She’s really sweet, Payno. Your type too.”

“Thanks, mates but I really don’t think I need any help meeting people.”

Niall snorted and stared at Liam in disbelief. “I beg to differ." Liam glared at him.   
  
“Hey, if you’re not ready, Li, that’s fine,” Harry said gently. 

“I hooked up with someone,” Liam blurted. The minute the words were out he seemed to already regret them, cringing into his beer and taking a hefty swig before staring pink-cheeked down at the table.

Niall rubbed his hands together excitedly. “Payno! Get it. ”

Louis grinned and patted Liam on the shoulder. “That’s great, lad. Who? When? Where?” 

“Saturday night. At _Blue’s,"_ Liam said flatly. _"_ I didn’t even get her name.” 

Louis raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Well go on, Liam, give us a story then.”

"There's not a story."

Niall frowned. "Clearly there is."

“We got each other off in the toilets,” Liam muttered weakly.

 _“Excellent,”_ Niall grinned.

“It wasn’t,” Liam said flatly.

"Oh." Niall frowned. “Too much to drink?”

“Couldn’t get things going?” Louis chimed in sympathetically. 

“Shut up. No, it wasn’t that. Just,” Liam sighed and scrunched up his face as he peered down pathetically at his hands. “It wasn’t Sophia. It didn’t feel right.”

“Ah, mate.” Louis’ face fell and the table fell silent. “I’m sorry.”

Liam rubbed at his face and sighed. “I feel awful. Like I used some poor girl to try and get Sophia out of my head and it didn’t even work.”

Harry frowned. “Liam, no.  You’re both adults. It was consensual. You didn’t do anything wrong. Besides, it was in a toilet at the club so I doubt the girl had any higher expectations than what it was.”

"I hope not." Liam wrinkled his nose. “She gave me a dry handjob.”

Louis cackled loudly, immediately covering his mouth with his hand when Harry elbowed him in the side. “Ouch. I mean, oh.”

“I mean. It was still good," Lima continued. "Like, I erm, _finished,_ and that. But. It _was_ a bit painful.”

“Maybe she was nervous?” Lexie said. “Or inexperienced?”

“This is exactly why I carry lube with me at all times,” Harry said seriously.

“Thatta boy, Haz,” Niall said, slapping him on the back with a hearty laugh.

“What do you mean ‘exactly’,” Louis laughed, looking pointedly at Harry. “Planning on getting a dry handjob from a stranger in the toilets anytime soon?”

“I mean, I’ll try my luck."

Louis rolled his eyes. “Go on, mate, we’ll make it a competition.”

Lexie chuckled. “I can’t tell if you guys are serious or not…”

Harry cackled and wrapped his arms around Louis, pulling him into his lap. “I’m just saying, lube is a necessity. Take note, Liam.”

“I don’t use lube,” Liam hissed, craning his neck to see if the people in the booth behind them could hear their conversation. “Why are you always making jokes about anal sex with me?”

Louis stared at him amusedly. “Don’t be so sensitive, Liam. Lube is not exclusive to gay men. Or to men at all.”

“No, I know,” Liam sighed. “I’m not, like, saying there’s anything wrong, you _know_ I’m not like that. I’m just. Uncomfortable. Here. Talking about this.”

“Lube or anal sex?” Louis asked, amusedly following Liam's frantic glance. 

“Stop saying lube!"

“When have I ever made any jokes about anal sex?” Harry deadpanned, eyeing the rest of the table. Louis snorted under his breath and poked Harry’s shin with his foot.

“Asshole stuff feels great,” Niall chimed in easily, taking a long sip of his beer.

Liam spluttered into his own beer. “What?”

“Go on, Nialler,” Louis grinned.

“I’m just saying, Liam,” Niall went on. “You need to take the stick outta your ass.”

“-and put something else there,” Louis finished. 

Niall grinned and winked at Louis. “Exactly," He said snapping his finger and pointing."The prostate is a gift. ”

“It _is_ magical,” Harry agreed. “And you know, if you’re not ready to uh, get back in the saddle, I can recommend some excellent options. There’s this great store downtown that does really realistic-”

“Shut _up_ _._ ” Liam flushed with embarrassment and carefully took the tray of drinks from the waitress who had appeared at their booth but gave no indication as to whether she had overheard their conversation. “Thanks very much,” Liam said with strained politeness, smiling tightly at the woman while simultaneously giving the boys a deathly stare.

“ _Jesus_ ,” Liam muttered after the waitress had gone. He turned to Niall and bit his lip, purposefully not meeting his eyes, before eventually saying, “So do you...with a...? Or, like just...you know what, nevermind.”

Niall grinned, sipping his beer calmly. “I’ve only done it myself with my own fingers, mostly for fun just to see what it was all about. But Lexie’s used her dildo on me a couple times.”

“Really?” Louis hummed and raised an eyebrow. “Go on, Nialler, you kinky little cat.”

Lexie laughed beside him. “You guys really are best mates huh? Nothing stays in the bedroom in this group.”

“Ha!” Niall pressed a kiss to Lexie's cheek. “With Louis and Harry, literally no. _Nothing_ stays in the bedroom.”

"Particularly Harry's dick," Liam said wryly. "It doesn't even stay in his pants most of the time."  
  
Harry frowned. "Is this about the blanket incident? That was one time!"

“Liam’s close to having an aneurysm because of us I reckon,” Louis laughed as Liam just shook his head.   
  
“It’s the bane of my existence,” Liam muttered, even as a smile beginning to tug the outer corners of his lips.

Louis slung his arm across Liam’s shoulders and pulled him into a side hug. “Try not to worry about it, mate. You don’t need to force yourself to try and get over Sophia, you have to give yourself time to mourn the relationship and move forward when you’re ready.”

“He’s right,” Niall said. “Plus, you’re young and fit, you’re a fucking catch, Payno.”

“Your person will come,” Lexie said firmly.

“You might even find your very own Harry Styles!” Louis cried, clinking his pint with Liam’s.

“And in the meantime,” Harry grinned. “I’ll grab an extra bottle of _Astroglide_ next time I’m out and leave it on your nightstand.”

  
…

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry from behind, pressing their warm cheeks together.

Harry hummed and pulled Louis into his lap, pushing his laptop back on the coffee table. “Ah. Just the distraction I was looking for.”

“Happy to be of service.”

“I missed you today,” Harry sighed. “Thank god, these applications will be over within a week. I literally feel like my eyeballs may fall out.”

Louis pressed a wet kiss against Harry’s jaw. “Just think, love, when you’re finished, we can celebrate.” He shifted in Harry’s lap, wrapping his arms tightly around Harry’s neck and straddling his hips firmly.

“How should we celebrate?”

Louis shifted his hips forward and brushed the tips of his fingers gently over Harry’s nipples.

“I actually had a few ideas,” Harry murmured, shivering at his nipples hardened under Louis’ touch.

“Yeah?”

“Mmhm.” Harry slipped his hands down the back of Louis’ trousers and palmed both bare ass cheeks in his hands. “Loads of ideas,” he continued, breath ghosting over Louis’ earlobe as he middle finger slowly grazed between Louis’ cheeks.

“What are you going to do?” Louis swallowed. He squirmed in Harry’s lap, unsure if he should push back against Harry’s finger or forward to rut against the hot bulge below him.

Harry hummed into Louis’ ear, gently pressing his finger against the warm skin of Louis’ rim. “First, I’d slip my finger in dry, just a little bit. Just so you could feel it.”

Louis sighed and pressed his thumbs against Harry’s hardened nipples. “Go on.”

“I’d just leave my finger here for a bit, just lightly pressing in until you were shivering."

"And then what?"

"Then I’d have to get you wet.”

“Fuck,” Louis breathed, Harry’s lips now sucking hotly on the side of his neck.

“I’d have to bend you over, pants around those gorgeous thighs of yours.” Harry spread both hands wide over each cheek and gripped them firmly. “I’d spread you open nicely so I could get a good look at that pretty pink hole. So fucking pretty, baby.”

“Haz,” Louis whined and gently humped forward, desperate for friction on his cock.

“I’d start slowly, just licking a neat line all the way down your crack, right over your balls and back up again,” Harry whispered. “Over and over again until you were twitching for it.”

“And then?” Louis breathed.

“Then I’d have to get my mouth on you,” Harry said. “Would need to have a taste of you. So sweet,” he licked under Louis’ earlobe and gently prodded at his hole with his finger again. “So bitter. So lovely.”

“You’d get me all wet,” Louis murmured.

 _“So_ fucking wet, darling. I’d have you so on edge, cock so hard and desperate for it, it'd be dripping, and that gorgeous little hole just begging to be fucked. ”

"Shit." Louis tangled his fingers through Harry’s curls and brought their lips close together, both of them so engaged in one another that neither of them heard the creak of the door or the footsteps in the kitchen. “And then?”

Harry squeezed Louis’ bum tightly in his palms and sucked a kiss behind his ear. “Then I’d fuck that tight little hole until it was dripping wet from me.”

Louis let out a high whine in his throat and went to press their lips together before a clang in the kitchen caused them both to jerk a part.

"Lads," Liam groaned as his spoon hit the counter. “I’m eating  _yogurt."_

Harry jerked his head around and shot Liam a lopsided grin. “Whoops, didn’t see you there, Liam, sorry mate.”

Louis wound both arms tightly around Harry’s neck and shuffled closer on his lap, pressing their crotches close together and looking entirely unapologetic. “You’re cramping my style, Payno. Trying to get it on with my hot man.”

Liam narrowed his eyes back at Louis. “I can see that. And why must you always insist on trying to get it on in every place in this flat besides the privacy of your own bedroom?”

Louis snickered. “It’s my resolution for the new year. Fuck in every room in the flat. Your room is up next.”

Liam rolled his eyes, making both boys giggle as they carefully untangled their bodies from the couch and made their way down the hall to the bedroom, not even bothering to adjust their crotches. Liam shook his head and sighed in defeat, waving them off and settling onto the opposite end of the couch, the volume of the telly desperately trying to outdo the high cries and laughter from down the hall.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's playlist was, of course, Just Hold On. And some Christmas tunes in between :) 
> 
> Just a short chapter but nearly at the end! There will likely be one more chapter and then an epilogue. That's my plan as of now, but we'll see how writing goes!
> 
> Thanks for reading! Merry Christmas and lots of love from me. I hope however you spend your day, it's a good one. 
> 
> Reblog the post [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com/post/153142405073/peachesandpetal-title-rather-be-sad-with-you) if you're enjoying :) 
> 
> Thanks as always to the lovely Alex for betaing!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> xxx Sailor


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 19 playlist:  
> sign of the times - harry styles  
> river - leon bridges  
> this feeling - alabama shakes  
> liability - lorde  
> where we belong - fleetwood mac  
> cold little heart - michael kiwanuka  
> galway girl - ed sheeran  
> don’t worry baby - the beach boys  
> don’t leave - shakehips, MØ  
> blinded by your grace, pt. 2 - stormzy ft. MNEK  
> love - land del rey  
> save myself - ed sheeran  
> room for 2 - dua lipa  
> the drugs - mother mother  
> by your side - the 1975 (sade cover)  
> all night - chance the rapper ft. knox fortune  
> no surprises - radiohead  
> beth/rest - bon iver  
> higher - rihanna  
> nothing’s gonna stop us now - starship  
> barcelona - ed sheeran  
> digital love - digital farm animals ft. hailee steinfeld  
> scared to be lonely - martin garrix, dua lipa  
> the courtyard - LOLO

_February_

Harry shut the door to the flat softly and crept inside, leaving the cold February wind behind him. It was cold and dark inside, the air stagnant with the scent of old Chinese takeaway and musk. A truly delectable combination, born from the wallowing state of four boys trapped in their apartment, studying through the day, and eating through the night leaving little time to shower. Harry kicked off his boots and threw his coat and bag on a chair, wrinkling his nose at the pile of fast food wrappers greeting him on the center of the table like a vase of flowers.

Louis’, no doubt, Harry thought to himself, gathering the rubbish and tossing it away. Harry felt a tug of guilt in his chest staring at the greasy hamburger wrapper in the bin. It felt like the millionth evening he had come home to find Louis had had takeaway for dinner because he hadn’t been home.

The past few weeks had been relentless, Harry’s days completely consumed with the overbearing pressure of med school applications and the eerie whisper of midterms around the corner. Long gone were the days where he sat at the table on Sunday evenings and drew up a menu and shopping list for the week, coming home from the day and losing himself in a Motown track as he busied himself around the kitchen. Harry prided himself on his ability to provide good, healthy meals for all the boys. It was his thing, part of his very being, to nurture and this was the best way he knew how. His grandmother always told him cooking was the surest way to capture someone’s heart and earn their trust. “Young folks today are too preoccupied with things,” She’d told him. “Everything flashy and over the top. There’s no need for all that nonsense. Give someone a good, proper meal, Harry, and they’ll always love you.”

Harry had taken her advice to heart, along with her rule of always washing utensils first, “So they get the hottest water, of course!”. Growing up, some of Harry’s best memories were made in the kitchen talking with his mum, helping her prepare a meal. He recalled coming home in tears at age 14 after his first date with a boy named James who ran out of the cinema before the film had even begun. He’d cried on his mum’s shoulder while she began making a pot of Potato Leek soup. By the end of the evening, Harry was right by Anne’s side at the stove, stirring the big wooden spoon and laughing into their bowls of warm goodness.

“There’s very little that can’t be cured with good soup and good conversation,” Anne had said that night as she kissed Harry’s forehead goodnight.

That’s what Harry wanted. Moments like that. That’s what he had, cooking together with the boys, laughing over Louis and Niall’s piss poor attempt to pitch in, Liam constantly trying to create order and becoming increasingly frustrated, and Harry pulling together a meal out of it all, gathering the boys to sit at the table when he could, and settling in their cozy lounge for a film when he couldn’t.

And now it was midnight on a Wednesday, and Harry had spent the entirety of the day in back to back to lectures, followed by an evening spent polishing off his applications before hitting send. His dinner that evening had been a banana at 9:30 pm. Now he was exhausted, freezing and wanted nothing more than a soft bed and a warm Louis to curl up with.

Harry ignored the mess of the kitchen in favour of heading straight for the bedroom, staggering through cloaks of darkness and slipping inside, narrowly missing the sharp corner of the bed as he climbed up where Louis lay softly snoring. Harry kneed his way over Louis’ limp body and crawled forward until he was flat against Louis’ chest.

“Lou?” Harry brushed his fingertips across the plains of Louis’ back before settling his palm flat against the warm material of his sleep shirt. “Baby?” Harry tried again, gently pressing down as Louis snuffled and shifted.

“I did it, Lou,” Harry said quietly into the silence. “I applied to med school.” Harry stroked his hand over the expanse of smooth skin, feeling the ripples of goosebumps left from the traces of his cold fingers. “If I get in...if this happens for me…” Harry licked his lips and let his head fall onto his hand, resting his cheek on Louis’ back. “I’m going to be a doctor,” He whispered.

Harry jolted as he felt Louis shift onto his side, his warm skin wrapping around Harry’s cold weary limbs and pulling him snuggly forward. “You’re going to be a doctor,” Louis repeated horsely, pressing his stale lips to Harry’s chapped ones.

“Lou,” Harry sighed softly, cupping the back of Louis’ head and moving their lips softly together, the soft comfort of the familiar embrace sending warmth straight to his heart. “I’m going to cook for you this week,” he finished softly, yawning and tucking his head into the crook of Louis’ neck. “I promise.”

Louis hummed. “Shh, baby. Sleep,” he said, pressing a kiss to Harry’s temple.

It was the last thing Harry remembered before slumping against Louis’ collarbones and drifting peacefully off to sleep.

  
…

“So boys, Valentine’s day this Sunday,” Niall chirped happily into his coffee, setting a cup in front of Lexie and taking a seat beside her at the table. “Anyone got any big plans?”

Niall had been insufferable the past several weeks, vying for the spot as the most romantic boyfriend in a competition that only he was aware of. Louis reckoned Niall fancied himself something of a relationship guru after successfully maintaining a secret romance for so many months. God.

Louis rolled his eyes from his spot on the sofa. “Valentine’s day is stupid,” he scoffed. “It’s a fake holiday completely commercialized by Hallmark and intended to make people feel shitty about their lives.”

Liam smirked and flicked a hand towards Louis, eyes never leaving his iPad as he scrolled through the article he was reading. “What he said.”

“Great,” Niall continued swiftly, ignoring both comments, “because I’ve got plans for us all.”

“Not interested,” Liam said firmly.

“Hey, you haven’t even heard the plan yet,” Lexie pointed out. “It’s good, I promise.”

“Doubtful,” Louis called from the sofa just as Harry came into the kitchen and settled into a kitchen chair.

“Mum says hello,” Harry said happily, setting his phone on the table and reaching for a mug. “What are we talking about?”

“Valentine’s day,” Liam said darkly, now up refilling his cup of coffee and sitting back down, setting the carafe beside Harry. “Apparently Niall has big plans for us all.”

“Oh, good!” Harry said cheerfully. “I like Valentine’s day. Any day devoted to showing the people I love how much I care is a great one.” Louis rolled his eyes and scoffed from the living room feeling very much like he might vomit.

“Ugh,” he muttered. “Why am I dating you again?”

“God knows,” Harry called cheerfully. Lous wrinkled his nose and shook his head fondly.

Lexie laughed as Harry merely grinned and took a bite of his banana happily, cheesily sending Louis an air kiss with his mouth full.

“So anyway, there’s a quiz night happening at the lounge,” Lexie said, turning her attention back to the table. “Valentine-themed for the occasion but also lots of booze if you need another incentive.”

Louis clicked off the telly and made his way over to the table to plop himself down, taking a sip from Liam’s mug and ignoring his frowning protest. “Wait,” he said raising an eyebrow at Lexie accusingly, “ _you’re_ a fan of Valentine’s Day?”

“Not particularly,” Lexie shrugged easily. “I think it’s rather silly to have one day that’s intended to be dedicated to showing love to the people in your life. Not to mention it’s totally impersonal when everyone else on the bloody planet is doing the same thing but that’s not the point,” Lexie said. “The Lounge is hosting the quiz night to raise money for women’s services. They’re starting an after-school program for children of the women in house and they need help getting started.”

“You’re starting, you mean,” Niall said proudly, gently tugging on Lexie’s braid and stroking a thumb across the top of her cheekbone. “Lex has been volunteering at the shelter since what? Year 10?”

“Eleven.”

Niall grinned. “They love her there. This is her pilot program.”

Lexie shook her head, smiling softly at Niall. “It’s not. I’ve just offered to help just them get started. The kids deserve it.”

“That’s really great, Lex, I had no idea,” Louis said. “And Simon agreed to the fundraiser?” He wrinkled his nose thinking of their miserable, middle-aged boss who was scarcely even around the shop but constantly sent condescending emails about how they could improve the work environment.

Lexie nodded smugly. “I can be very convincing. Besides, it should bring in a big crowd so Simon should be bloody kissing my ass. We’ve got cheap valentine-themed drinks and the karaoke machine ready to go. Sweet Tooth bakery down the street has even agreed to donate loads of cupcakes,” She watched Louis with knowing eyes, seeing the sweet recognition of interest flickering across his baby blues. “Oh, and Ed’s going to play a set,” She finished smugly.

“Well shit, ” Louis cried, crossing his arms. “You could have fucking lead with that, dickheads. Course we’ll bloody be there.”

Harry swallowed a mouthful of coffee, eyes gleaming and mouth already turning up in a wide grin. “I’m so pumped! Sounds amazing, Lexie. We should all wear red or pink!” Harry cried excitedly. He turned to Louis, “We need to think of a good romantic duet to sing for karaoke ASAP!”

“Haz,” Louis winced. “Really?’

Harry pouted. “It’s Valentine’s Day, baby.”

Louis sighed. “No outfits,” he grumbled taking Harry’s mug and taking a sip. Harry grinned and kissed his cheek, patting his thigh triumphantly under the table.

“Brilliant. I’m so chuffed you’re all coming,” Lexie said, draping her arms over Niall’s shoulders from behind his chair. “Told you I could convince them,” She grinned. “Piece of cake.”

“I helped,” Niall shrugged.

Liam closed his iPad case and stood up. “Sounds like it’ll be a great night for you guys,” He said over his shoulder rinsing his coffee mug in the sink and starting for his room. “Have fun.”

Harry and Louis exchanged looks while Lexie bit her lips and Niall frowned.

“Wait, you’re not coming?” Harry asked.

Liam shrugged nonchalantly. “Not my scene.”

Louis scoffed. “Hey, if i’m going and singing a fucking valentine’s duet, you’re bloody coming along, Payno.”

“I’m not coming, Lou.”

“Aw, Liam, it’ll be a good night, I swear,” Lexie said.

Liam sighed. “Sorry Lex, I think it’s really amazing what you’re doing but I just...look I don’t want to be surrounded by happy couples all night. I’m going to be a fifth wheel…” He frowned. “Times, like, a million.”

“Totally untrue!” Niall frowned. “Mate, you have to come. It’ll be fun, I promise. We’ll get drunk and eat our faces off and demand they play all the terrible 90s tunes that you love-”

“There’s no such thing,” Liam interrupted.

Louis smirked. “Right. So you’ll come?”

“I dunno, boys…” Liam sighed and shook his head.

Niall stood up and clasped Liam on the shoulders with both hands. “Won’t be the same without you, Liam, come on mate. It’ll be like old times, lads night! Except with Lex. And Harry.”

Louis snorted as Harry frowned and peered around the table. “Heyyyy.”

Lexie rolled her eyes. “Maybe we should do a valentine’s duet together and leave these three on their own,” she said wryly to Harry.

Harry grinned and draped an arm across Lexie’s shoulders. “How do you feel about Elton John?”

“I make a perfect Kiki Dee,” Lexie grinned back.

“Oi,” Louis laughed.

Niall merely shrugged. “Great, so you two will be busy and that leaves the three of us to have lad time like the old days! Right, Liam?”

Liam groaned. “I fear whatever plans you have in mind.”

“I’m a lad,” Harry muttered.

“Aw, of course, you’re a lad, love,” Louis said to Harry, climbing into his lap and ruffling his curls. Harry preened and planted a kiss on the tip of Louis’ nose.

“Liam?” Niall said.

“Fine. But I’m leaving early.”

Niall grinned victoriously. “I reckon a few swigs of tequila and you’ll be whistling a different tune.”

“No tequila,” Louis and Liam groaned together.

“Glad that’s settled,” Niall said excitingly, leaning to kiss Lexie. “Babe! This is going to be good.” He turned back to face the boys. “Also, we’re going to need some help setting up during the day,” Niall continued.

“Pushing it, lad,” Louis growled.

“I plan on doing plenty of baking but otherwise I’m free to help,” Harry said cheerfully.

Louis sighed. “I hate you,” he said to Harry, unable to resist leaning in and kissing the tip of Harry’s nose.

Liam sighed into his mug. “What else have I got going on,” he said darkly.

“Excellent!” Niall grinned smugly, holding the carafe up in the air as a peace offering. “More coffee?”

…

“It _is_ centered,” Louis grumbled over his shoulder, shooting Liam a deathly stare from his spot near the ceiling.

They’d been at The Lounge setting up for close to two hours at this point and Louis was nearly at the edge of his rope. Despite his initial reluctance towards the valentine’s bash, Liam had arrived promptly that afternoon and, in his usual fashion, had a bullet-point to do list of all the preparation that needed to be done. It was three pages long and included assigned tasks for each of them.

Louis had protested, attempting to plop himself firmly in one of the comfy chairs by the fireplace and look busy without actually doing anything. In the end, he’d compromised, finally settling on organizing the music playlist for the night, a task he felt confident in completing from the sanctity of his beloved chair. He’d only gotten up to help Harry, who was dangerously close to toppling off the top of the ladder while wrestling the banner, with his stupid Bambi legs and the coordination of a drunk toddler. And now he had had Liam barking orders at him from down below for the last 8 minutes.

Eight. Minutes.

“It’s not centered,” Liam argued. “Lift the left corner a quarter inch upwards.” He frowned. “No, not like that, Lou. A quarter inch!” Liam sighed. “Give it here then, let me do it.”

Louis let the end of the banner fall and jumped down from the stool. He turned to Liam. “Liam, with all due to respect, eat my entire ass,” Louis said cheerfully.

Harry dropped the banner of twined hearts exaggeratingly and frowned at Louis. “I beg your pardon, Louis?”

“Just an expression, my love,” Louis said sweetly. Harry grinned and winked, promptly going back to hanging his own banner over the bar.

Liam rolled his eyes. “See this is what I mean,” He said, neatly pinning the end of the banner and hopping down off the ladder. “Couples everywhere. The whole night is going to be one massive fifth wheel of me having to listen to couples being sappy.”

“I wasn’t aware rimming counted as romantic discussion, to be honest,” Louis said wryly, ruffling Liam’s hair.

Liam continued his petulant frown. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Besides, they do that anyway,” Niall pointed out, coming to join them from his spot behind the bar. “Everywhere. Sometimes at the breakfast table, even.”

“Don’t remind me,” Liam sighed, wrinkling his nose.

“That was one time,” Louis insisted. Liam stared at him darkly.

“It’s gonna be good, mate. I promise, alright?” Louis patted Liam’s shoulder reassuringly.

Niall nodded beside Louis, tangling his arms around Liam’s neck much to Liam’s chagrin. “Gonna be sick.”

“And if it’s not,” Louis grinned mischievously. “Haz here will give you a good snog at the end of the night to make up for it.” Louis shot a winning smile at Liam and caught Harry’s eye from across the room where he was chatting animatedly with Lexie. “Won’t you, Hazza?” He called.

“Course, babe,” Harry called back with a grin, having absolutely no idea what Louis was talking about.

“See?” Louis said as Liam rolled his eyes and tried to push Niall off. “Or if you fancy, Niall and I can join in too and we can make it a group thing.”

Liam stood up and straightened his rumpled plaid shirt from Niall’s embrace. “No thank you on both accounts but cheers boys.”

Louis harrumphed indignantly and turned to Niall. “Bit rude,” He huffed.

Niall shrugged with a knowing grin. “Eh, you know Payno. Get a few drinks in him and he’ll be whistling a different tune…”

  
...

 

As predicted, Liam was in fine form a mere hour into the night, fueled by the shots of whiskey Niall fed to him by hand, and lured to the stage by the docile tones of R. Kelly.

“I’m feeling it, lads!” Liam exclaimed excitingly, making a show of straightening his shirt and wiggling his hips as he bounded up to the stage to write his name on the karaoke list.

Needless to say, listening to Liam's whiskey infused rendition of _I Believe I Can Fly_ , accompanied by a mass crowd of drunk screaming women was enough to make Louis’ entire year.

“I love Valentine’s Day!” Liam declared loudly in Louis’ ear after he’d finished his performance, happily hopping off the stage and dangling his arms across Niall and Louis’ shoulders.

The atmosphere of the lounge was carefree, the mood of the crowd in high spirits. Everyone was loud and drunk on sweet pink drinks, bodies slick with sweat, voices hoarse from singing along too loudly to the steady stream of early millennium pop hits in between a staggering amount of sloppy alcohol infused karaoke performances.

Harry himself had been on stage twice already since arriving at 9m after a brief pre-drink at the flat. Louis was content to stay seated in his front row seat, sipping his beer and watching fondly as Harry gulped his daiquiri in between verses of Whitney Houston's How Will I Know and swayed his hips along to the beat. Harry had bounded on stage, sheer blouse unbuttoned to his belly button, curls pulled back off his face in a loose bun with his Christmas ribbon and gold booted toes already tapping to the opening beat.

“This one’s for my boy!” Harry grinned into the mic. Louis ducked his head shyly, his feelings of embarrassment to be called out in the crowd outweighed by the sheer joy he felt watching Harry in his element on stage.

 _There's a boy I know, he's the one I dream of_  
_Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above_

Louis held his phone up proudly to snap a photo of Harry, grin wide with dimples as he popped his hip and pressed his lips up to the mic.

 _Ooh I lose control, can't seem to get enough_  
_When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love?_

“He’s proper going for it,” Niall commented with a grin, clinking his beer against Louis’.

“God, I’m so lucky,” Louis said.

_How will I know if he really loves me?_

Louis looked up to find Harry clutching the microphone so close to his mouth he was nearly kissing it and popping his hip as he sang out a rousing, “I say a prayer with ev-ery heart BEAT!”

“It’s on the regular rotation of shower songs,” Louis laughed. He stared at up at Harry and winked proudly, zooming in to take a cheeky Snapchat video. Louis flipped the camera around at the end and grinned into the camera, cheering “that’s my baby!” before adding a slew of heart emojis and adding the video to his story.

When Harry came off the stage a few minutes later, to drunk whistling and several sexually charged comments, he happily plopped himself straight into Louis’ lap. “Man, I love Whitney Houston,” he grinned, dimpled cheeks flushed pink and eyes bright.

“You were incredible up there, babe,” Louis said fondly as Harry preened into his neck and pressed a sloppy kiss to his cheek.

Niall nodded. “Could have done without you trying to ride the microphone stand like a stripper pole, though.”

“I couldn’t have,” Louis grinned. He pressed his lips against the shell of Harry’s ears and lowered his voice. “That was pretty hot. Reckon we should sneak off to the loo for some hand stuff?”

Harry leapt off Louis’ lap abruptly without a word to the rest of the table, clutching a giggling Louis and dragging him towards the toilets.

Niall stared at them knowingly and hooked an arm around Lexie’s waist as she sat down with a fresh drink. “Horny bastards,” he said shaking his head.

Liam shrugged, apparently unbothered at what Louis and Harry may or may not be up to for once. “What song should I do next then?” He asked the table excitingly.

Louis dragged Harry around the back hall to the employee bathroom, desperately hoping Lexie or Simon or any of his other coworkers weren’t around. Then again, he really didn’t care. Not when Harry was drunk and happy and looking like a proper rockstar.

He wasted no time slamming the door and pressing Harry hard against the door, running his hands over Harry’s torso desperately, his fingers digging into Harry’s soft hips. Louis nipped at Harry’s plush bottom lip, tasting the stale sweetness of alcohol and running his tongue over the slick opening of his mouth, spurred on by the soft moans escaping from Harry’s mouth.

“Loved seeing you up there, H,” Louis hummed. “My rockstar baby.”

Louis’ hands slid down the front of Harry’s sweaty t-shirt, one palm slipping into one of his tight jean back pockets while the other made it’s way up the front of Harry’s shirt, nails gently scraping over his belly.

Harry pushed back Louis’ fringe and threaded his fingers in the loose hair around his ears as he licked into Louis’ mouth. “Oh yeah?” Harry mumbled. “Did it get you hot seeing me up on stage?”

“God yes,” Louis sighed. “You were absolutely obscene. So bloody sexy,” Louis groaned. “Watching your pretty pink lips practically sucking on the microphone like a cock.” Louis reached down to press his palm against the growing bulge at the front of Harry’s jeans, feeling the shape of him and pressing two of his fingers over the head. “And the way you gripped that mic stand...fuck me. Practically rode that thing.” He pressed his palm firmly against Harry’s clothed cock, squeezing around the head before letting go abruptly. “Does things to me, love.” Louis slid both hands back up the front of Harry’s t-shirt and pressed his fingertips into Harry’s warm, sweat-slick skin with both hands now, pulling their hips flush against each other and firmly slipping Harry’s thigh between his legs.

Harry grinned slyly. “Does that mean you’re gonna get up on stage with me for a song then?”

“Maybe.”

Harry grinned. “I think I could convince you.” He lifted his hip to press his thigh deeper into Louis’ crotch, planting his thumbs hard against Louis’ hipbones to rock him against Harry’s thigh.

“Thought we were doing hand stuff,” Louis panted breathlessly, moving his hips faster now and mouthing hotly against Harry’s neck, giving no indication whatsoever that he wanted to stop their current movements.

Harry hummed and wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist, stumbling over his feet as he lifted Louis up and moved to the sink, holding Louis under the arms now as he sat on the edge of the counter. Louis could feel how hard he was against Harry, letting his hips move on their own accord now, winding his arms around Harry’s neck to hold himself up.

Harry pressed his lips against the shell of Louis’ ear and pressed a hot kiss behind his ear. “Or you could just keep rutting that gorgeous cock against me like a bloody teenager.” He shifted his hip and lifted Louis slightly so he nearly expelled in air riding Harry’s upper thigh desperately.

Louis whined high in his throat at the shift, feeling the head of his cock rub against the strong muscle just right. “Fuck, baby. Don’t wanna come like this. Can’t, ah, can’t come in my pants.”

Harry grinned, lifting Louis off the counter and pressing him against the wall before dropping to his knees. “Because you still have to get up there and perform, right petal?”

Louis hissed as Harry pulled his dick out of his pants and rubbed gently over the head, thumb pressing under the crown. “Yeah-ah,” Louis cried as he felt the sweet wet warmth of Harry’s mouth around him.

Harry peered up at him with wide eyes, lips stretched around Louis’ cock as he sucked wetly. “Good boy,” Harry said with a satisfied grin. He brought his hand around the base of Louis’ cock and began to stroke firmly so his fist met his mouth, twisting and pulling his wrist harder and faster, watching Louis fall apart. “Now. Gonna come for me, darling?”

Louis tipped his head back and sighed deep in his throat as he came, feeling his thighs tremble with the effort as he watched Harry’s eyes twinkle wickedly as Harry held his tongue out. Harry licked around his own mouth and captured Louis in a kiss so Louis could taste the bitter remnants of his own orgasm.

“You’re a filthy boy,” Louis said into Harry’s ear as Harry groaned under his breath and wanked furiously into his hand.

“You bring out the best in me,” Harry winked, coming into his palm, wet and warm.

They slid into their booth five minutes later, pink-cheeked and grinning, Louis helping himself to a handful of Niall’s chips as if no time had passed.

“‘Fanks, lad,” Louis said with his mouth full. “‘M starving.”

“Oi,” Niall laughed. “I just bet you are.”

Liam shot a knowing glance between Harry and Louis. “Subtle, boys,” He said rolling his eyes. “Extremely subtle.”

“What?” Louis shrugged. Harry smiled happily beside him and popped a chip into mouth smugly.

“It’s like I can’t escape your sex life.”

“So who’s up for a group number then?” Harry asked brightly, his completely transparent attempt to change the subject undeterred by the table.

“Are we still talking about your sex life?” Niall asked.

Louis choked on his chip as Harry coughed into his hand. “Um, no. Singing.”

Liam snorted. “Your flies undone, H.”

There were a few more drunken karaoke numbers before Ed finally took the stage to do his set. Despite spending the evening drinking head to head with Niall, he was in top form on stage, beginning with a cover of Stevie Wonder’s For Once in my Life before ending with several new original songs.

Predictably, Harry teared up and turned into a massive sap, throwing his arms around everyone at their table and dragging Louis in front of the stage to slow dance. Lexie and Niall got in the spirit as well, beers clasped in their hands as they swayed around the stage.

“You know, Lou,” Lexie slurred happily, loosely draping her arm across Louis’ shoulders. “We could use some help at the centre.” She swayed to the left and gripped the side of the table with her left hand. “Fuck, I’m so drunk.”

Louis chuckled under his breath and reached a hand around Lexie’s waist to support her rapidly swaying frame from falling completely over. “Help,” He repeated amusedly. “Here, love, sit down, yeah?” Louis gestured to the spot in the booth beside him.

“Yes!” Lexie cried. “I have a lot of ideas for the program.”

“Alright, love, tell me about them.”

By the time Ed pulled them up on stage after his set had finished, Harry was practically salivating with the need to perform a group number. Louis watched him bouncing on his toes, rubbing his hands excitedly as they gathered around the karaoke book.

“I think Harry wants us to do a song all together,” Louis told Lexie, jerking his head towards the stage.

Lexie groaned. “Ugh, I don’t think I can stand. Better go on without me.” She smiled and ruffled Louis’ hair. “Didn’t realize how badly I needed to let loose.”

“Oi! Lou!” Harry yelled into the microphone. Ed rolled his eyes and snatched the mic from Harry’s hand. Harry shrugged and cupped his hands around his mouth to yell to Louis, grinning wildly.

“Louehhhhhhh! Get up here!”

Louis turned to Lexie. “Alright, love? Want me to stay with you?” He looked up the stage where Harry was now chatting animatedly to the guy on piano. Louis’ lips quirked fondly. “It’s no problem, honestly. Reckon I’m about to make a complete tit out of myself.”

Lexie waved him off. “Absolutely not. Get your arse up there,” she stuck out her tongue and grinned widely. “I’m gonna wanna see this.”

In the end, their performance turned out to be an incredibly loud, slightly off key mash up of several of The Beach Boys hits. The crowd had begun to dwindle at this point but Lexie and a group of her friends were still seated front and center, shrieking and cheering. It started off fine, with Harry leading them in Don’t Worry Baby (a song Louis knew was his dream to perform if his shower sessions were any indication) while the rest of them sang background vocals and intermediately chugged their drinks. Somewhere around Wouldn’t it Be Nice and Good Vibrations, Harry had started prancing around the stage, hips swaying and hands above his head before wrapping Louis in his arms and kissing sloppily over his face and neck.

“Oi! No snogging on stage!” Liam complained.

“We should start a boy band!” Niall laughed as the music faded and transitioned into ‘God Only Knows’.

Louis snickered. “Shit, we’d be awful. Can you imagine?”

“Yes!” Harry cried. “I’m for it. God this song. This is our song, Lou!” He said excitingly, pulling Niall into a side hug. “And ours, Nialler. It’s all of ours.”

Ed rolled his eyes. “Such a sap, Styles.”

Liam turned away from the mic and hissed at them indignantly, “Am I singing on my own or are you lads going to join me?”

“Alright Payno, jesus,” Louis laughed. Harry wrapped his arms tightly around Louis’ waist and tucked his hands into the waistband of his jeans as they began to sing.

The crowd had dwindled down to a low buzz as couples drunkenly staggered out or huddled closely together in the back of the lounge but none of the boys noticed. The end of their set found Niall hugging Louis and Harry tightly and swaying them side to side happily as Ed jumped around the stage manically and Liam carried on singing, fading his voice out into the microphone and holding his whiskey glass triumphantly in the air.

They continued their singing as they drunkenly stumbled home that night, Lexie half asleep on Niall’s back, Liam and Ed at practically a running skip up a head, and Louis and Harry wrapped closely together as Harry’s voice rang out down the empty streets.

 _God only knows_  
_God only knows_  
_God only knows_

The ringing of the night before was still in Louis’ ears when he woke up the next morning but he couldn’t have been happier.

_God only knows what I'd be without you_

  
_March_

By the time March rolled around, the air felt lighter and it wasn’t simply because Spring was nearly there with the weight of winter gloom lifted with the outpouring of sunshine. Final exams were around the corner but the mere prospect of the end being near was enough to lift the spirits of Harry, Niall, and Liam.

Louis had been meeting with Lexie for a few weeks now, discussing plans for the program and despite his initial fear that he was absolutely not cut out for this type of role - he was incredibly excited. It felt like the first good thing to come into his life in a long while. Something real and tangible - something to be a part of, something to occupy his time and mind.

“So basically,” Louis said excitedly, turning to Harry as a steaming bowl of pasta was set in front of him. “Thanks, babe. I’d be heading up the activity portion of the program. Lex and the director of the shelter are still planning the details but I’d be in charge of all the good bits, really. Footie, and music. Just hanging out with the kids, really. ”

“That’s so great, Lou.”

Louis nodded happily with his mouth full. “She said some of the kids that are there right now are interested in learning to play the piano.”

Harry twirled a lock of spaghetti around on his fork and took a bite. “So you’ll be doing lessons?”

Louis nodded. “Yeah, if the kids are keen on it. Lexie said even just the opportunity to have access to instruments and sports equipment is going to be hugely beneficial. Niall and Ed are also helping out.” He grinned. “Officially, I think we’re called mentors as part of the program includes a peer counselling aspect and help with school work. The director at the shelter says it’s important to have male volunteers in the program to serve as positive influences for the kids.”

Harry smiled, setting his bowl on the coffee table and scooting over on the couch to curl close to Louis, wrapping his arms around his waist and nuzzling into the soft material of his jumper. “The program sounds amazing, Lou. I think it’s going to be amazing for the kids with everything you’re talking about offering. And I’m so happy you’re going to be involved. You’re going to be so great with the kids.”

Louis gave a soft smile. “You think?”

“Definitely. You’re amazing with kids. With people, really. Your siblings have given you a lot of good practical experience. You’re kind and empathetic and funny. Smart. Generous. You’re just good, Lou. You have so much to offer.”

“Well.” Louis twisted his fingers absently through the curls around Harry’s ears. “I don’t know about that. But I’m really chuffed Lexie’s asked me to be involved.”

“I think it’ll be good for you too, you know. I mean, obviously this program has the potential to make a real positive influence on these kids and families. But I also think it’ll be great for you to be a part of.”

“Thanks love.”

Harry sighed deeply into Louis’ belly. “I’m happy for you baby.”

Louis tilted his head to peer down at Harry. “Are you?”

“Of course.” Harry looked up to meet Louis’ gaze with a wicked grin. “It just means there will be less of you around to keep me company while I study.”

“Gonna miss your study buddy?” Louis grinned.

“Always,” Harry laughed. He stood up and wandered into Louis’ room, a room that Martha and Pancakes had now claimed as their own, with both bunnies tucked under his elbows. Harry plopped down beside Louis and placed Martha on his lap. “These two will keep me company.”

“Trading me in for a bunny are you?”

“Could do.”

Louis scratched Martha’s head and nuzzled her soft fur against his cheek. “I guess I could understand that.”

“You’re nearly as cute as a bunny,” Harry grinned.

“Nearly?”

“Just as cuddly,” Harry shrugged. “Not quite as fluffy.” He reached out to ruffle Louis’ messy fringe.

Louis swatted at Harry. “Oi.” He set the bunnies on the floor and let them scurry under the coffee table and launched himself into Harry’s lap.

“Oof,” Harry huffed. “Nearly took out my junk.”

“Speaking of which…” Louis grinned, settling himself nicely on Harry’s lap and gently rocking himself back and forth as he captured Harry’s smirk between his lips.

“Hmm,” Harry hummed, cupping Louis bum nicely in his hands. “Not in front of the kids, Lou.” He looked over Louis’ shoulder to see the two bunnies now off by the corner, hopping quietly, utterly unperturbed.

Louis grinned. “Just don’t tell Uncle Liam,” He said pushing Harry back onto the couch and sinking into him with a laugh.

…

  
Louis arrived home, exhausted, sweaty, and reeking with the thick stench of old coffee grinds, to find Harry stretched out on a blanket in the chair, completely nude, soaking in the sun like a cat. The sun lit up his bare skin, casting a pale glow over his winter pale skin.

Louis hummed in appreciation at the sight. "Suns out cocks out, I see."

Harry grinned in earnest. "That's how the saying goes isn't it?"

“It should,” Louis shrugged, shoving his bag on the floor and crossing through the living room to stand in front of Harry.

“Hi,” Harry grinned.

“You've got such a pretty cock," Louis commented in lieu of a proper greeting, his voice low and breathy.

“Grew it myself."

Louis gave him a crinkled eyed smile. “You're awful.”

Harry laughed and sat up, putting aside his book. “How was work?”

“Meh. It was alright.”

“Just alright?”

Louis shrugged. “I honestly really liked it in the beginning but now it’s becoming kind of monotonous you know?” Louis kicked off his trainers on the carpet and plopped down on the arm of the chair. “I just feel a bit...stifled working there all the time, I guess. Plus, besides Lex, everyone there just stresses me the fuck out. They’re so uptight.”

“Sorry, babe,” Harry frowned. “Do you think you’ll want to look for something else then?”

Louis sighed. “Dunno. Kind of just feels like this is my reality for right now. Which is fine. It is what it is.”

Harry hummed and patted Louis’ knee. “You know what you need?” he asked softly. He reached out to cup Louis over his jeans, pressing his thumb against the fly to feel his soft cock.

Louis raised an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

“You need to relax.”

Harry slowly palmed the outline of Louis’ crotch, up and down, up and down, stroking his knuckles down the outline of Louis’ cock slowly hardened to a thick line. Louis swallowed. “Harry.”

“There you go,” Harry breathed, continuing his slow movements.

Harry leant up onto his knees and sucked a kiss to Louis' shoulder, lapping over it gently before slipping his hand inside Louis jeans and pulling his cock out.

Harry rubbed over him with just his knuckles, making Louis whimper under his breath and lift his hips up to press into the touch.

Louis sucked in a breath. “Babe.”

“Look at you. So hard for me aren't you? So pretty and pink.”

Louis breathed hard through his nose and shuffled his hips, his back arching into Harry’s touch.

Harry looked up to meet Louis' eyes, lips quirking devilishly. “Does that feel good?”

Louis nodded silently, eyes wide and blown out as Harry's hand moved over him, playing with his cockhead torturously slow, tugging up gently and thumbing the wet head slowly. The slow drag of Harry’s bare hand was rough enough against Louis’ hot cock to make him shiver.

“Yeah,” Louis breathed.

“Good.” Harry lifted Louis’ t-shirt shirt up to lick his nipples, sucking a small brownish nub into his wet pink mouth as he jerked Louis.

Louis pushed his cock into the tight warmth of Harry's fist. “Feels so good, love.”

“That's right baby. Gonna make you feel so good. Look at you. You’re so gorgeous.”

Louis bit his lip as Harry gently pressed under the crown and ran his thumb over the wet tip of him.

“Hmm,” Harry hummed, wetting the seam of his lips. “Getting so wet baby.”

Louis groaned in the back of his throat. “Oh, fuck. Harry please.”

“What do you need, baby?”

“More,” Louis breathed.

Harry thumbed the tip of Louis’ cock again and reached down to roll his tight balls in his other palm, lifting them up and dragging his knuckle across the sensitive skin of Louis' perineum.

“Fuck. Yes.”

Harry pressed his finger harder against the thin skin, turning his wrist so his fingers dragged across Louis’ hole as it twitched. “Gonna come, baby?”

“Yes,” Louis breathed.

“Do it, baby. You’re so gorgeous. Come all over my hand, come on, love.”

“Fuck. Oh fuck, I’m coming,” Louis breathed, whimpering and furrowing his brow as he came hard into Harry's fast moving fist.

“Fuck that was so hot. You're so hot.”

Louis stayed silent, chest heaving as he lifted Harry's fist up to his own mouth and gently coaxed Harry to suck on his wet fingers.

Harry hummed, pink lips stretching over his long fingers as Louis moved them, slurping hard until they were clean. “What are you doing?”

Louis didn't answer, ducking his head to Harry's exposed crotch and sucking his cock into his mouth with a wet slurp.

Harry drew in a sharp breath as Louis lapped over the head messily, tangling his fingers in the coarse hair of his groin. “Fuck, baby. Eager, are we?”

Louis peered up at Harry through hooded eyelids and raised a careful brow as he slid his mouth further down the base before popping off. “Got me so hot, love. Just laying in our fucking living room with your dick out.”

Harry opened his legs to give Louis more room and swept his fringe off his forehead. “Yeah? You like that?”

Louis nosed along the side of Harry’s cock as it swayed upright against his belly and suckled on the head. “So pretty, baby. The way the sun hit your skin. You’re so gorgeous. Always so gorgeous.”

“Lou,” Harry groaned.

Louis thumbed the head of Harry’s cock. “You were just lying here, spread out with that pretty cock on display for anyone to see.” Louis could feel Harry tense, the sound of his breath hitching as Louis licked a fat strip up the base. “What if the lads had come home? What if they had brought some mates over? Hmm?”

Harry whimpered high in his throat as Louis sucked his cock loudly, mouth slick and messy as he stretched his mouth over the head and licked from the base to the slit and back again.

“You’d like that wouldn’t you, baby?” Louis slid his hand over Harry’s trembling abs and rubbed roughly over one nipple. “Want everyone to see how gorgeous you are, don’t you?”

“Fuck, oh fuck,” Harry said. “I’m gonna come, Lou. I can’t. Gonna come.”

Louis hummed, sucking earnestly on all fours and sliding both palms against the flannel blanket to cup underneath Harry. “Come in my mouth, love,” Louis said, spreading Harry’s ass cheeks and dipping his pinky fingers in between to draw teasing circles against his hole.

Harry came hard with a low groan, shooting wet and warm into Louis’ mouth and letting his head fall back onto the pillow before he even finished.

“Well,” Louis said, lifting his head and wiping wetly across his mouth.

“Fuck,” Harry laughed. “Do you feel more relaxed?”

Louis climbed across Harry’s naked lap and planted himself over his softening cock firmly. “I wouldn’t use the word relaxed,” He grinned cheekily, gently moving his hips on top of Harry’s. “Liam’s not due home for another hour.”

Harry raised his eyebrows, cupping Louis’ bum and pulling him forward. He nodded towards the door to their flat. “Shall we try our luck then?”

Louis grinned and bent down to capture Harry’s mouth in his.

…

Liam came in, toeing his shoes off by the door and collapsing onto the couch with a sigh. “Lads.”

Louis frowned and sat up, stretching his legs over Harry’s legs and glancing curiously at Liam, who was now lying back on the couch with his arm slung across his forehead and his eyes tightly shut. “Long day, Payno?”

Liam grunted. “It was shit.” He cracked one eye open to peer at Louis before rolling onto his side and curling up in a rather pathetic stance. “I’m just so done with school, you know?”

Louis nodded but kept his mouth shut. He could relate, of course, but seeing as he wasn’t currently doing the uni thing and was actually happier than he’d felt in what seemed like forever, he decided his perspective might not be welcome in this particular instance.

Luckily, Harry jumped in. This was an area he was somewhat of an expert in.“Tell me about it,” He groaned. “I honestly feel like I’m not even properly functioning anymore. I’m so drained. All the time.”

“Exactly,” Liam answered tiredly, eyes still closed. “It’s like being a robot. Getting up, going to campus, sitting in the library. Occasionally eating and showering,” He grimaced. “And repeat. It’s like we’re just going through the motions.”

Harry nodded solemnly. “I barely remember anything I did last week.” He snorted as Louis opened his mouth and then abruptly closed it with a sly smirk. “Be quiet you,” Harry laughed. “Honestly though, I was looking through my email yesterday at some of the responses I sent to my tutorial students and I literally don’t remember answering any of them. I’m lucky my responses were actually coherent. Could have written them in my sleep for all I know.”

Liam laughed lowly, opening his eyes and sitting up to hug the throw pillow to his chest. “God, tell me about it. I’ve been putting the final touches on my thesis draft before my advisor looks it over and I end up staying up until like four in the morning right? Then I’ll go back the next day and be like, ‘what was I going on about?’ and realize everything I wrote was utter shit and delete most of it and go back to the drawing board.” He sighed deeply. “Not to mention I’m bloody tearing my hair out applying to jobs. Seriously. Is it April yet?”

Louis plopped himself down beside Liam and draped an arm across his shoulder. “Steady on, lad, nearly there.”

“This higher learning thing though,” Harry commented wryly. “Overrated, I reckon.”

Louis scoffed. “That’s why you’ve applied to med school, yeah?”

Harry laughed and merely stuck out his tongue in Louis’ direction. “Yeah, but god knows that will only prolong the suffering. Four years of med school, at least five years of residency...shifts that last longer than is humanly possible...student debt that will hang over my head from now until eternity. How fun.” Harry grinned. “Bit of an idiot I am.”

Liam shook his head over his shoulder and reached into the fridge to pull out a six pack of beer. “It’ll be worth it, Haz. You’ll make a brilliant doctor.” He plopped the beers down on the dusty coffee table and plopped his feet up. “You’re going to be fine.”

“So will you,” Harry said with a grin, cracking open a can and handing it to Louis.

“I reckon,” Louis said, sitting forward and clapping his hands together, “what we all need is a proper lad night of the rom-com and junk food variety. What do you say, boys?”

“Will it be a film that makes me cry?” Liam asked. “I could use a good cry and blame it on something besides coursework.”

“A Walk to Remember,” Louis said immediately. “Guaranteed. Also, Niall has been requesting it. Where is he anyway?”

Liam held up his phone with a little shake. “Just texted. He’ll be home in 20.”

“I’ll get the pizza dough ready,” Harry replied, standing up.

Liam took a swig of beer and set it on the coffee table. “So what have you lads been up to?”

Harry coughed from in the kitchen, shooting Louis a careful grin and busying himself with ingredients for the dough.

Louis shrugged. “Not much.” He took a pointed sip of beer to try and cover his giggle, failing miraculously as Liam eyed him.

“You fucked in here, didn’t you?”

Louis opened and closed his mouth as if considering his answer. “No,” He said a beat later.

“Liar.”

“We used a blanket!” Harry called from the kitchen.

Liam whipped his head around and shoved the throw blanket on his lap onto the floor with a screech.

Louis laughed. “Not that one, Payno, relax.”

Liam snatched his beet off the table and shook his head as he took another long sip. “Whatever. You guys are so sickeningly adorable I can’t really even be arsed to care that you continue to fuck all over the flat.”

Louis ruffled Liam’s fringe. “That’s cute, Liam, cheers.”

“But if you go anywhere near my bed, I’ll kill you.”

“Noted,” Harry called cheerfully.

“I’m going to need chocolate if we continue watching this,” Niall announced, later on, mouth full of pizza as the film played on. “This film is emotionally exhausting.”

Louis snorted. “There’s leftover biscuits on the counter.”

“Brilliant,” Niall said standing up. “Anyone else want one?”

“Just bring the whole container,” Harry said.

Niall sat back down and held a chocolate chip cookie out in front of Liam’s nose, waving in front of his spaced out face. “Liam? Cookie mate?”

Liam shook his head. “So. Sophia texted.”

Louis stopped chewing to turn towards Liam who was still staring blankly ahead. “What? When?”

“Valentine’s day.”

“You were with us,” Harry pointed out. “Until, like, 2 in the morning.”

“Yeah,” Liam said sullenly. “It was late. To be honest, I hadn’t really been looking at my phone all night. I went to the loo right before our last song and there were about a dozen texts from her.”

“Saying what?” Niall asked, his mouth completely stuffed with the remains of his crust. He wiped messily across his mouth. “I mean, texting you repeatedly on Valentine’s day? She obviously misses you.”

“Of course she does,” Louis interjected. “That’s not the point.”

Harry turned to Liam who had pushed his plate away and was staring bleakly at the black screen of his phone. “What did she say, Li?”

Liam shrugged. “It was nothing specific. At first. Just ‘hi’, ‘been thinking of you’, ‘how are things’, just general small talk I guess.” Liam shuffled against the back of the couch and crossed his arms over his chest protectively. “But then she started to say she missed me. And that it was weird we weren’t spending Valentine’s Day together.”

“Shit,” Niall said.

Louis reached for a piece of crust off Harry’s plate and popped it in his mouth. “You didn’t say anything!”

“Lou.” Harry turned to Liam. “What did you say?” He asked softly.

“I didn’t answer,” Liam said quietly. “Barely read them, to be honest. I just felt...I don’t know. It was so unexpected. I mean, at first, after it happened I was texting her nearly every day but she never answered so I’d kind of gave up hope that we’d ever communicate again.” Liam shrugged again. “It was so unexpected to hear from her. And honestly? In that moment, it just felt like something I really didn’t want to deal with. I was having a good time with you lads and I just wanted to stay in that mindset. So I just ignored them. Put my phone away. Went back to join you lads.”

“You were right to, mate,” Niall nodded. “She can’t expect to start texting you again as if nothing has happened.”

“Absolutely,” Louis said as Harry nodded. “Trust me, mate. I’ve been there-”

“That’s not all though,” Liam interrupted. “She called me. Later on. It was like 3 or 4 in the morning, I don’t remember. I didn’t wake up the first couple of times but she had left voicemails.” Liam paused then, rubbing at his face. “She was so pissed I could barely make out a word she was saying.” He licked his dry lips. “Except that she was asking for me. She said...she said she needed me. And that she was scared and didn’t want to be alone. She was crying,” he finished quietly.

“Oh, Liam.”

Louis moved closer to Liam on the couch and rested his arm tentatively beside Liam’s thigh, not wanting to reach out just yet as Liam’s arms were still draped across his front as a barrier.

“So what happened then?”

“I went to her, obviously,” Liam said. “I mean I was worried. She was fine. We talked briefly, mostly about nothing, she could hardly string a sentence together, to be honest. I helped her to bed, stayed with her until she fell asleep. Left before morning. She needed me and I was there. That was that.”

Niall patted Liam’s shoulder. “That was good of you, mate, I know that must not have been easy.”

“Yeah.” Liam nodded. “But I also texted her the next day and told her I can't be that person for her. Not anymore. Not if we're like this. I-I told her she shouldn’t call me again.” Liam sighed deeply and let his face fall into his open palms. “But fuck,” he whispered, voice hoarse and cracking against the lump in his throat. “It’s really bloody hard.”

“Do you want to keep watching this?” Louis nodded towards the telly where Landon and Jamie were paused on screen. “Or maybe we should put on something with a bit more cheer?”

“A Christmas film!” Harry cried. “That’ll cheer you up.”

Liam sniffled and his lip quirked up in a half-smile. “It’s March.”

Harry shrugged. “There’s never a wrong time to watch a Christmas film.”

Louis smiled fondly and ruffled the curls around Harry’s forehead. “You’re such a little weirdo.”

“Yeah?” Harry snatched a throw pillow from behind him and gently tossed it at Louis’ face, tackling him as he spluttered and tried to move out of the way.

“Ugh,” Louis cried. “You ogre! Get off.”

Harry just grinned and continued to press all his weight over Louis frame, tickling his sides and licking wetly against his neck. “Tell me you love me.”

“You’re like a dog,” Louis laughed, wrinkling his nose at the intrusion and tilting his neck away. Harry remained undeterred, nuzzling behind Louis’ ear and licking against the shell of his lobe.

“Tell me you love me!”

“Oi,” Liam laughed shifted away as Harry and Louis continue to wrestle.

“We can keep watching this,” Liam said over the laughter. “This is good. A good cry, remember?”

Louis leant over a few minutes after they’d settled back in and squeezed Liam’s shoulder gently. “Alright?” He mouthed.

Liam nodded, mouth lifting into a small smile. “Alright,” he said softly.

  
***

The sound of music filled the flat with soft melody when Harry arrived home. He kicked off his boots and headed towards the sound of music, finding Louis sat at the keyboard in his room playing delicately. He stopped as Harry entered the room and smiled over his shoulder.

“Hi, love.”

“Hi, you.”

Harry climbed onto Louis’ lap, curling against his chest and tucking his face into the crook of Louis’ neck as his legs stretched sideways over Louis’ lap and the piano bench.

“You’re so gangly,” Louis complained, reaching around to rub at Harry’s lower back.

“Cuddle me,” Harry whined. “I had the longest day.”

“Me too.”

“Yeah?”

Louis stroked the curls at the base of Harry’s neck and nodded. “Fucking annoying customers today,” he said. “We ran out of skim milk and you wouldn’t believe the outrage it caused.”

Harry made a sympathetic noise. “I can imagine.”

“Stopped by the center after my shift though. There’s a new family, just moved in last night. Chatted with them a bit and had a kick around with the kids so that was good.”

“That’s good, baby,” Harry said softly.

Louis thumbed at the soft flesh of Harry’s hip and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Why did you have a long day, love? Alright?”

“Yeah. Just can’t bloody wait to graduate.”

Louis craned his neck to kiss at Harry’s forehead. “Soon, love. Less than three months. And you’ll be finished in another month.”

Harry smiled and rubbed his cheek against the collar of Louis’ shirt.

“We’ll have the whole summer. Soon baby.”

Harry gave a soft smile and sat up in Louis’ lap, tucking the loose strands of hair by his jaw behind his ears.“What were you playing?”

“Sigur Ros.”

Harry scooted off Louis’ lap to sit next to him on the bench, pressing their thighs against each other and peering up at Louis with a soft smile. “Play for me?”

Louis hummed and stroked his knuckles across the keys, his fingers splaying as he wiggled them before hitting the first note. “It’s called Fjogur piano,” he said softly to Harry.

“It’s beautiful.”

Harry traced over the bony ridge of Louis' knuckles as he played. "Play my favourite?" He asked hopefully.

Louis hummed in amusement. "Yes, darling." He played the last few notes of Sigur Ros, softly lingering the ending before transitioning in the opening of the Love Actually theme song.

Harry sighed happily and leant into Louis, pressing their shoulders together and gently pillowing his cheek against Louis' arm.

Louis launched into the next verse, fingers delicately dancing across the keys, chin gently dipping forward as he concentrated.

Harry squirmed beside him and Louis felt the loss of warmth against his thigh before the weight of Harry's nose nuzzling against his crotch. Louis felt hot and damp in his pants already just from Harry’s proximity but only stirred and kept playing.

He felt Harry sank between his legs, nosing along the seam of his pants and dragging a single finger down the hot damp bulge of his crotch. “H…”

“Hmm,” Harry murmured. “Keep playing baby. Sounds lovely.”

Louis gasped as Harry peeled down his joggers and took his exposed cock between his lips carefully.  
“Babe.”

“Keep going,” Harry whispered. He pressed his tongue flat over the head of Louis’ dick.

Louis bit his lip as his thighs twitched but kept the movement of his hands steady across the keyboard. He felt Harry's lips ghost over the side of his shaft before his hands pressed underneath to lift his balls and a hot mouth sucked into the thin sensitive skin.

Harry hummed low in his throat and ran both hands up Louis’ soft inner thighs to press against his groin, brushing the tips of two fingers across the tip of Louis’ cock. Harry kept his movements slow and deliberate as Louis continued to play gently, the soft high wines slipping between his parted lips the only indication that Harry was below him.

When Harry finally sucked the tip of Louis into his mouth, Louis jolted forward and moaned greedily. “Fuck, baby. You’re killing me.”

“Keeping going, darling,” Harry murmured, gently pulling back the pink of Louis’ foreskin and placing gentle licks over the head as Louis whined. “Good boy. You sound so lovely.”

Harry kept up his slow, gentle licks for several minutes, eyes closed tightly as the melody filled his ears before peering up to watch Luis’ eyes squeeze shut as his fingers began to stutter across the keys. Harry popped off and worked Louis’ cock with both hands now, thumbs meeting to brush under the crown on the upstroke.

“Fuck,” Louis stopped playing abruptly, dragging Harry onto the bed and pushing him down to lay on top of him. “Come on,” he urged, hands already moving desperately to undo Harry’s jeans.

Harry opened him up slowly, bracketing Louis’ body with his own and crushing their lips together as Louis moans sealed them together. Finally, Louis couldn’t stand it any longer and pushed Harry’s hand away to flip them and straddle Harry’s hips.

“Eager, darling?”

“You’re torturing me,” Louis panted, Harry grinning widely until Louis had a hand wrapped tightly around the base of his cock and slowly slid himself down until he was fully seated.

“Fuck. Yes baby, there you go.”

“Good?” Louis asked, bouncing neatly in place and tilting his head as he watched Harry’s face scrunch up with every thrust.

Harry sighed. “So good. Just like that, baby, just like that."

Louis continued to bounce in Harry’s lap for several long minutes, the room quiet except for the gentle slap of skin on skin before Louis collapsed forward onto Harry’s chest and let Harry roll them over so he was flat on his back.

“I’ve got you now,” Harry grinned happily.

Louis laughed breathlessly as Harry fucked into him in tight thrusts, making his thighs shake where they pressed along Harry's rib cage.

"Like that, yes." Louis reached for his cock where it lay hard against his hip and wrapped his fist around the tip to stroke himself in time with Harry’s thrusts. “Fuck,” he cried, spurting over his hand and sighing contently as Harry held his hips steady to press against his spot as Louis came.

“So good,” Louis sighed again, smiling up at Harry and keeping his legs wrapped around Harry’s waist to keep him there as Harry sped his hips off to chase his own release.

“Do it baby, wanna feel you come,” Louis urged.

Harry whined and slowed his moments down after a minute, cupping Louis’ face gently in hands before running his palms down the sides of his neck, over his collarbones, down his chest and resting over his heart.

Touching his bones, clothing him in love.

Louis reached up to brush Harry’s hands from his eyes. “Babe?” he asked, watching Harry’s eyes burn brightly as they welled up.

“Love you,” Harry breathed, burying his face into Louis’ neck and coming with soft gaps. “Love you.”

…

Later, they were sat on the sofa, both pleasantly sated and cuddled together watching _HGTV_ while they munched on crisps.

“So,” Harry said, gently stroking through Louis’ fringe, “I have news. ”

Louis hummed, craning his neck to nuzzle his ear against the press of Harry’s nimble fingers. “Oh?”

“Mmhm.” Harry looked at his hands and licked his lips nervously.

“Well? Don’t leave me hanging, love, what is it?” Louis grinned. He sat up to pat the messy curls around Harry’s face and tucked a strand behind his ear.

“I got early acceptance to UCL.”

Louis’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline as his lips collapsed into a wide grin that took over his entire face. “Baby,” He cried, leaning forward to cup Harry’s cheeks in his palms. “Oh my god, that’s brilliant, Harry, oh my god. Fucking get in!” Louis could feel the beginnings of Harry’ small smile without looking at his face, the warmth of dimples pressing against his skin. Louis stroked this thumb into the divot of one and pressed his lips to Harry’s fiercely. “You did it, darling, you did it.”

Harry smiled softly, blowing out a long breath of air. “I did it,” he laughed quietly.

“You did it! Fuck you did it.”

Harry shook his head in disbelief and leant forward to rest his forehead against Louis’ chest. “I can’t believe it.”

Louis pressed a kiss into Harry’s mane of curls and wrapped his arms tightly around Harry’s neck. “I can. I’m so proud of you, love. So, so proud.”

“Thanks, baby.”

Louis sat up and cupped Harry’s face in his warm palms, pressing his thumbs in his dimples. “We need to celebrate,” He decided. “A date. Something fancy. My treat. You can wear one of your pretty blouses.” Louis kissed the tip of Harry’s nose and grinned up at him. “I’ll even exchange my joggers for skinny jeans for the occasion.”

Harry’s lip quirked in a soft smile. “That sounds lovely.” Harry licked his lips, looking down at his lap and running his finger gently over the hem of Louis’ shirt.

Louis frowned. “Or we can just stay in?”

“No,” Harry said after a beat. “No, going out sounds good.” He peered up at Louis and gave him a small smile.

“Haz what is it? You look like you’re about to cry, baby.” Louis threaded his fingers through the soft curls around Harry’s neck and tilted his chin up so their eyes met.

Harry swallowed. “Lou, there’s...” Harry paused. “There’s something else.”

“Okay.” Louis’ brow furrowed and he watched Harry curl and uncurl his fists.

“They’ve offered me something else.”

Louis smiled then. “The school did? They want to give you some fancy scholarship or something for being so bloody clever?”

“No,” Harry laughed shortly.

“Then what, love?” Louis tipped Harry’s chin up.

Harry bit his lip. “One of the professors is organizing this trip, right? Well, not a trip really, it’s a placement. He’s putting together a team. We’ll be working in a mobile health clinic to provide outpatient treatments and consultations.”

“Babe, that’s brilliant!” Louis cried. “And your professor, he asked you to be part of the team?”

Harry nodded nervously. “It’s an incredible opportunity really, the professor’s research is focused on HIV care and he’s been working with a team there for three years now, and like, only a few students have been asked to join the team and I mean honestly I can’t believe I’ve even been asked but-”

“Wait, slow down, babe,” Louis said softly. He rubbed his palm over Harry’s biceps soothingly. “Where is the trip?”

Harry thread his fingers together and twisted them in his lap before looking up to meet Louis' eyes. “Malawi.”

“Malawi,” Louis repeated. “That’s...that’s in Africa.”

“Yes.” The silence lingered between them, heavy and stagnant in the air.

Louis sucked in a deep breath, his chest feeling tight. “Oh.”

Harry thumbed over Louis’ hip gently.“It leaves in May,” He said softly. “Last week of May. Until...until November.”

Louis swallowed. “It’s...it’s six months?”

“Yes.” Harry nodded slowly.

“Wow,” Louis laughed hollowly. “That’s...wow.”

“Lou,” Harry started. “It’s...I mean this opportunity...it’s incredible. I really want to take it. I mean, I have to take it.” He met Louis’ eyes, mouth lifting in a careful smile. “I have to take it right?” Harry bit his lip, eyes wide and wet with fear now.

Louis scrambled forward onto his knees in front of Harry, gripping Harry’s face in his palms once again, this time holding on as though he’d never let go. “Of course you do, love, of course. It’s a brilliant experience. You have to do it.” Louis felt the sting of tears well up in his eyes and blinked frantically to keep them at bay, rubbing his thumb over cheek and pressing their foreheads together. “You’ll be amazing,” He whispered against Harry’s lips.

“Lou,” Harry choked, pressing his lips so fiercely against Louis’ that Louis could taste the salt of his tears.

“You have to do this, darling. Think of all the people you can reach. The chance to be a part of a health team doing so much good for people who need it most? You’ll do so much good, baby,” Louis cupped Harry’s cheeks between his palms and held his gaze. “You’re so good.”

Harry’s face contorted where it was pressed in Louis’ hands, ducking his head as he began to cry softly. “I just…” Harry sniffled wetly, wiping his eyes and pushing his damp curls back from his forehead. “How can I just leave? What does this mean for us?” He whispered. “I mean...does this change…”

Louis watched Harry’s face crumble as he stuttered to finish his sentence. “Baby,” Louis said firmly. “It changes nothing. Not ever. You know that right?”

Harry dropped his head to Louis’ shoulder, allowing Louis to cup the back of his neck and hold him against his chest. “I’ll be gone for so long,” he murmured. “How can I just leave. I can’t just leave you behind, Lou. I won’t.”

Louis breathed hard through his nose and gently moved to cradle Harry’s head in his palms, fingers stroking over his curls as he moved to cup Harry’s cheeks. “Hey. Listen to me. I need you to hear me for a second, okay?” Louis said as Harry sniffled loudly.

Louis sucked in a deep breath and traced his knuckle over Harry’s cheekbone. “You changed my life, Harry,” he said wetly. “In - in so many ways. You showed me what it meant to be loved. Unconditionally. Through everything. In the messy bits. In the worst bits. And in the best bits. In the very best bits,” he smiled. “I was afraid before you. I didn’t know there was so much to love in life before I met you. You made me feel alive again. In the beginning, you spent a lot of time taking care of me. And I needed that. I needed someone to help me remember what it felt like to loved like that. But this? This is for you, darling.” Louis breathed gently through this mouth and wiped at his eyes. “You can’t stay here for me,” he told Harry gently, thumbing at his lips, pink and plush and wet with tears. “I don’t want you to, love. I - I want you to go. Go and do this. And know that I’ll be here when you come back.”

Harry closed his eyes and let the tears fall over his cheeks, chuckling wetly and clasping his hand over the top of Louis’ where they met against his own cheek. “Lou.”

“I’m not afraid anymore,” Louis whispered, reaching forward to pull Harry against his chest. “Because I just know. You and me, we belong together, Harry. You could be gone 6 months or 6 years and I’d still be here waiting for you.”

Harry fisted the soft material of Louis’ t-shirt and rubbed his face into his shoulder as Louis spoke softly in his ear. “I’d write you letters. One for every day of the week like in The Notebook.” Harry laughed, warm against Louis’ ear as he continued. “I’d fall asleep with you on the phone every night. Have you on facetime and sit you at the dinner table right beside me.”

Harry rubbed his cheek against Louis’ neck. “Lou,” He said as Louis twirled a loose curl around his fingers.

“We could watch films at the same time. And have loads of phone sex, huddled in dingy cubicles in the middle of the work day,” Louis went on. “I’d even get one of those creepy blow-up dolls and put a picture of you on it to spoon every night.”

Harry laughed wetly, lifting his head from Louis' shoulder and wrapping his arms around his neck to face Louis.

“I’d just love you every day, Hazza,” Louis said softly, voice cracking as he thumbed a tear from Harry’s lower lip. “Every minute of every day until you were back in my arms. Even from across the world. I’d just love you my whole fucking life, baby.”

Louis stroked the damp curls off Harry’s face and cradled him close to his heart, murmuring softly into his ear and pressing kisses over his face. “Always gonna wait for you, baby. Love you. Gonna love you my whole life.”

Harry blinked against the salty tears and pressed his forehead against Louis, breathing him in as their breaths melted together. “You’re it for me, Lou. You’re - you’re the love of my fucking life. I think I knew it the moment I met you. That doesn’t even seem possible but it’s true. It’s just always been you. I’m just going to go away for a bit. And then I’ll be back. Always going to love you. Always gonna come back.”

“Yeah?”

“Always going to come back to you, Lou. Always.”

“Always,” Louis said against his lips. “Always you.”

“You,” Harry choked wetly, his soft smile disappearing into Louis’ waiting mouth. “Always.”

…

_April_

Louis threw himself into the after school program, spending nearly all his free time outside of the lounge at the center. His optimism and confidence surrounding Harry’s news had been short-lived as he spent the rest of the week feeling as though they were tip-toeing around each other. Despite their conversation and constant reassurance that nothing would change between them, Louis couldn’t help the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that just wouldn’t seem to go away. How could things possibly not change? Harry would be gone. Moving forward with his life, far away.

And Louis would be here.

Louis walked the familiar path from work to make his way home, skin thick with the scent of coffee and industrial cleaner. He felt, not for the first time, that everyone around him seemed to be moving at lightening speed, pushing ahead, ticking moments off of metaphorical boxes and leaving them behind to move on to better things.

Louis found Harry studying in bed, surrounded by books. The door was slightly ajar, the last glow of the sun casting a warm glow across the tops of Harry’s cheekbones. His shoulders were hunched as his body draped over a pile of notes on his lap, brows furrowed and lips pursed so his dimples popped. Louis watched in amusement as Harry made a deep sighing noise in the back of his throat and a slick pink tongue poked out from his lips in concentration.

Louis grinned fondly, slipping inside the room and gently closing the door behind him.“Hi, frog baby.”

“Hi, love.”

Louis spotted Martha perched on the furry rug that had become her favourite spot to nap and scooped her up to hold her close to his chest. “Hello, darling,” he said softly, gently scratching behind one velvet ear.

“They’ve been helping me study,” Harry laughed, reaching beside him to pull out the small furry ball that was Pancakes wedged between the pillows. “You’re very nice,” Harry told her, nuzzling his nose against hers and setting her back in her makeshift fort.

“Liam and Niall want us to meet them at the diner in 20 minutes,” Louis announced. “Brekky for dinner.”

“My favourite,” Harry agreed. He sighed and tugged his hair from its bun, shaking it out vigorously. “Reckon I could use a break from studying.” He closed his textbooks and shoved them off to the side.

Louis raised an eyebrow and watched him fluff the soft curls around his collarbones. “Are you trying to get me hard before we go to dinner?”

“Always,” Harry winked.

“Dirty boy.”

Harry shuffled to the edge of the bed and slipped his hands into the back pockets of Louis’ jeans, squeezing his bum and grinning wickedly. “We could show up late to dinner.”

“No we couldn’t,” Louis laughed. “Niall will kill us. And when Liam finds out why we were late, he’ll help him.”

Harry slid his hands up Louis’ ass into his shirt and gently dragged his nails up the smooth warm skin of his back. “What a way to go,” he grinned slyly.

Louis shoved a hand over Harry’s face and blew a gust of air in his face. “Horny little bastard. Come on you.”

Harry pouted. “Fine.”

“Say goodbye to the babies,” Louis teased, nodding towards the bunnies now cuddling at the end of the bed.

“Bye babies,” Harry sing-songed, standing up and unceremoniously shoving a hand down the front of his jeans to adjust himself.

Louis eyed him. “Nice erection, pal.”

“Louis,” Harry whined, trying to crowd up behind him.

Louis just turned away and grinned over his shoulder as he headed out of the room. “Come on then, lover boy.”

Harry trailed after time begrudgingly. “I’m ordering extra sausage and I’m not going to be subtle,” he called down the hall as Louis simply laughed and shook his head fondly.

…

“Fuck, oh fuck.”

Louis was half-hard and hot around Harry’s fingers, his jeans and pants pooling around his thigh, just far enough down to get his cock out. Harry sucked his cock, wet and messy as Louis propped himself up on the desk behind him, panting softly and tangling his fingers through Harry’s curls.

“Good, baby, that’s so good.”

“Been thinking about doing this all day,” Harry grinned. “I almost had an aneurysm at dinner watching you eat that sausage.”

“And you thought you’d be the one putting on a show,” Louis panted, pushing his hips into Harry’s mouth as he suckled on the head. “Showed you up, didn’t I love.”

“Fuck yeah you did,” Harry groaned, popping off and leaving a string of saliva connecting them.

“I like to show you up,” Louis grinned, hips thrusting softly as Harry peered up at him with a wide doe-eyed stare. “Fuck.”

“I like it too,” Harry said, sucking hard on the tip of Louis’ cock and letting his tongue hang out as Louis came with a soft gasp. “Hmm,” Harry sighed. “You’re so good, baby.”

“Turn around, darling,” Louis instructed immediately, already flipping Harry’s hips and pressing him gently against the bed. He tugged on Harry’s tight jeans and ran his tongue over the very edge of Harry’s lower back, the slick of his tongue barely grazing the top of his ass.

Harry hummed. “Haven’t done this in a while,” he murmured, looking over his shoulder, eyes already dark and blown.

“Missed it,” Louis agreed, hands reaching around Harry’s front to undo his jeans. He tugged his jeans and pants down in one swift pull and admired the view in front of him, squeezing the pale, plump flesh of Harry’s ass and immediately sinking his teeth into one smooth cheek.

“Lou,” Harry hummed.

“Hello, peaches.”

Louis worked his tongue in slowly at first, gently spreading Harry’s tiny cheeks apart and licking the flat of his tongue up the seam of his ass in precise strokes, relishing in the soft sounds of Harry’s moans. He reached his hand down to fondle Harry’s balls in his palms before sinking his pointed tongue in and wiggling his jaw back and forth, Harry moaning high in his throat and pushing back against Louis’ wet tongue as he gripped the duvet.

“Holy fuck, baby.” Harry panted, trying to simultaneously look over his shoulder to watch Louis, mouth completely devoured between Harry’s cheek, and climb up onto the bed to try and balance himself.

Louis grinned and pulled his face away to help guide Harry onto the bed on all fours. “Taste so good, darling.”

Harry whimpered and let his head fall forward as he felt Louis slid back into his hole, his tongue a warm, wet, weight against the tight muscle as a soft chant of ‘uh uh uh’ slipped out of his mouth.

“That’s right darling,” Louis murmured. He slid his finger up to meet his tongue and brush gently over Harry’s fluttering hole as the other hand massaged his heavy balls. “You’re so gorgeous, H, so fucking gorgeous. Look at you.”

“Lou,” Harry panted. “Baby, please.”

Louis pulled away and scrambled to get on the bed beside Harry. “Sit on my face,” he said breathlessly. “Want you to come like that.”

Louis helped a loose-limbed Harry settle himself on his chest before hovering his lower body over his mouth and carefully licking over his pink hole until Harry could find his rhythm.

It was simultaneously one of Louis’ favourite parts of sex with Harry and something they didn’t do very often. 

“Fuck,” Harry breathed, his hands pressing into the pillows in front of him to steady himself as he rocked relentlessly against the slick muscle of Louis’ tongue. “Baby, Louis, fuck, baby I can’t stop.” He lifted his hips just barely to release Louis’ mouth, his cock hard and aching against Louis’ cheek.

“Why are you stopping then?” Louis asked cheekily, gripping one of Harry’s thighs and giving small, wet kitten licks around the pink skin of his hole.

Harry keened and twitched at Louis’ touch. “Don’t wanna - don’t wanna suffocate you,” he laughed.

Louis shrugged and reached to tug on Harry’s swollen cockhead before suctioning his mouth over Harry’s hole once again and delving his tongue deep inside. “What a way to go,” he gasped, looking up at Harry with lust blown eyes and wicked grin before sealing his mouth back over, hearing the sweet melody of Harry’s high cries and soft murmurs like a song.

…

Louis got home late from his shift, having stayed past the end of his shift to help Lexie behind the counter after one of their other co-workers had called in sick.

He heard the faint echo of Harry's voice over the rush of water in the shower and headed towards the sound.

“Hi,” he grinned poking his head inside.

Harry pushed the wet matted hair off his face and grinned back. “Hi, baby. You're home,” he greeted.

“Finally,” Louis agreed.

“Long day?”

“The longest.”

“Coming in?”

Louis shrugged, considering. “Could use a shower I reckon. Need a wee first though,” He added.

Harry hummed. “Just don’t do it in here, please and thanks.”

“Not again,” Louis joked, peeling off his clothes and leaving them in a heap on the floor. He slipped into the shower after using the toilet, the rush of warm water instantly soothing the goosebumps on his chilled skin.

Harry immediately pressed up wetly against Louis’ back, tucking his chin over the curve of Louis’ shoulder and pressing a soft kiss there. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

Harry’s breath hitched as he reached for Louis’ hips and tugged him forward. “Lou,” He breathed, thumbs pressing against Louis’ hipbones as glanced down. Harry dropped to his knees and became eye level with Louis’ groin. “You shaved,” he said softly, peering up to meet Louis’ grin with wide eyes.

“Do you like it?”

Harry hummed in lieu of answering, bending forward and letting his nose gently graze the soft skin under Louis’ bellybutton. Louis’ skin always felt deliciously touchable to Harry. He loved the fuzzy golden red hair between his pecs, loved to run his hands through the sparse hair of Louis’ underarms and groin where the sweet scent of him was the strongest.

Harry stroked the back of his hand across the smooth, bare skin of Louis’ pubic bone and let his hand glide down the warm crease of his thigh to cup his balls.

“You’re so gorgeous,” Harry murmured as he continued to let his hands explore the plains of soft skin.

“Fuck, baby.”

Harry lowered himself down, warm skin pressed against warm skin, and moved over Louis’ body slowly, nuzzling his face into the soft hair of his chest, brushing a thumb over one hard brownish-pink nub and sucking the other one between his lips as Louis gasped.

“Gonna miss this,” Louis murmured, gripping Harry’s wrist and gently guiding Harry to hold him against his chest.

Harry dragged his lips over Louis' forehead.

“We could both get on a plane. If it all got too much. ”

Louis laughed. “Bit of a trek, love.”

“We could meet in the middle somewhere,” Harry smiled, brushing a strand of wet hair off of Louis’ cheekbone and letting his thumb rub gently over the spot.

“I'd go anywhere to meet you.”

…

Liam got the news on a Wednesday afternoon.

He came home on his final day of grad school, having just successfully defended his thesis, to find Niall, Louis, and Harry sat around the table eating curry.

“I'm going to New York,” Liam said breathlessly.

Louis stopped mid bite. “What?”

“That government job. The one my prof put me up for but I thought I couldn’t possibly get it a million years? I got it. I'm moving to New York.”

"Liam that's...holy shit. Really?"

"Really."

"There's more," Liam said. He sat at the table beside Niall and plucked a piece of bread off his plate. "Sophia's going to be there."

Louis furrowed his brow. "What do you mean? She's going with you?"

"No," Liam shook his head. "She's not going with me but is she going. She was accepted into that internship she wanted. At that big skincare brand? Can't remember the name now. Anyway, when my professor told me about this job, Soph started looking into opportunities. We always just assumed we’d move to London after uni but to be honest, she was pretty chuffed. New York City is a dream for her career.”

Harry nodded. “I remember her talking about it, yeah.”

“When did she find out?” Louis asked.

“Apparently she got the news ages ago, almost right after we broke up,” Liam said. “I called her to tell her the news. I don't know why. I guess it just felt natural. And I mean... I wouldn't want to like, leave the continent without letting her know and have her find out on like Instagram or something right."

Niall nodded and sat back down at the table, sliding a beer across the table. Liam eagerly accepted it and took a long slug before continuing on.

“It's funny," Liam said bitterly. "I was surprised to hear she had taken it. Guess I didn't think she would go without me."

"I reckon she didn't imagine you would go without her either," Harry said kindly. "I think you've both probably surprised yourselves too, do you reckon?"

"Yeah," Liam said. "I mean, this is what she wanted isn't it? What we both want really. To be free to do our own thing…figure out who we are a part.” Liam sighed into his hands. “I dunno. I just don’t know what this means.”

“I think this could be a good thing, mate,” Niall said gently. “It’s kind of cool, you know. You both moving to America like this.”

“Bit like fate,” Harry agreed. “You’re both on your own paths, mate, but it’s nice to know that while you’re there they may have a chance to cross again.”

“Yeah,” Liam said after a beat of silence. “Yeah, I reckon you’re right. Dunno. It’s kind of comforting knowing she’ll be there. I mean, jesus, New York…”

“Think this calls for a celebration,” Niall announced, standing up and clapping his hands together. “Drinks. At the pub. Right now.” He slung an arm across Liam’s shoulders and dragged him up out of his seat and out the door. Louis and Harry followed closely behind them.

“Can you believe it?” Harry murmured into Louis’ ear, swinging their intertwined hands happily as they made their way down the road.

“No,” Louis answered honestly, chest already feeling tight, “I really can’t.”

…

By the end of the month, Louis’ anxiety around all the changes underway had only intensified, the only distraction from the sinking feeling in his stomach being the onset of double shifts he’d been forced to take on since two more people at work had quit.

Louis banged into the apartment, swearing loudly and stumbling over the scattered pile of shoes sprawled across the foyer.

“What the fuck,” he cried. “Harry, your fucking boots are fucking everywhere, jesus christ!”

Harry appeared in the hall, eyebrows raised and a small smirk threatening to appear on his pursed lips. “Honey, you’re home,” he said wryly.

“Yeah,” Louis said bitterly, tossing his bag carelessly on the floor. “Fucking awful day.”

Harry frowned. “I’m sorry. What happened?”

“It was just shit, alright Harry? Bloody pretentious students thinking I have nothing fucking better to do with my life than serving them fucking lattes and espresso and clean up their shit.”

Harry cleared his throat and wrinkled his brow. “I’m sorry, love,” he repeated. “Can I do anything?”

Louis sighed. “No. Thanks. I just want to chill out and go to bed.”

Harry nodded. “Why don’t you eat something and we’ll watch a film in a bit, okay? I have some more work I need to get done but I should be finished in an hour or so. Sound good?”

“Sure. Thanks love.”

Harry winked. “Anything for you, darling.”

…

“Fuck!”

Harry sprang out of bed, yanking his earbuds out and running down the hall to the kitchen to the shrill ringing of the smoke detector. He found Louis standing by the hob and a small cloud of grey smoke, using a dishtowel to pull a pan from the oven.

“Lou, what happened?”

“What does it fucking look like?” Louis snapped. “I fucking burnt the whole fucking thing.”

“What are you making? It looks..." Harry cleared his throat to try and cover his cough. “Looks good babe."

Louis glared at Harry. “Sweet potato fries and fuck off. They look like shit.”

Harry pursed his lips and considered the pan of crispy, blackened potato pieces. “I’m sure we could salvage a few,” He said carefully.

“I’m fucking useless.”

“Baby,” Harry frowned, reaching to attempt to scrape some of the less burnt ones in the middle off. “Don’t say that. It’s an easy mistake to make.”

“You’ve never burned anything you’ve made,” Louis pointed out dully, eyes hard and set.

“Not true,” Harry replied, scraping harder and managing to lift a few moderately burnt pieces off the pan before his fork slipped on a particularly hard, blackened piece. “Oops .”

“Just fucking leave it!” Louis snapped, knocking the hot pan out of Harry’s hand harshly and let it fall with a bang into the sink.

Harry winced and sucked in a breath, staring at Louis with furrowed brows as he carefully folded his fingers in towards his palms and held them carefully by his chest.

“Fuck,” Louis sighed, taking in Harry’s pained expression and rubbing his fists furiously over his eyes. “I’m sorry. _Fuck_ , Harry, baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t hurt you did I?”

Harry shook his head silently and Louis crumbled.

“Jesus, I’m such a mess. I’m just...I feel like I’m going crazy, H. Like I’m here but not really here. I’m just kind of existing...floating along. I can’t enjoy anything. I can’t focus. I just feel like everyone is doing things you know? And I’m just here, just always a little bit behind, just not quite strong enough to do anything meaningful.”

“Louis…”

Louis bit his lip and looked at the ground, voice hitching as he whispered. “What if I never get there?”

“Oh, darling. No. Don’t say that. ”

Louis ducked his head and cried silently, face scrunched up into his hands as he slowly slid his body down the cabinets to sit on the kitchen floor. Harry reached for him immediately, settling on his knees to wrap Louis in a warm hug.

“It’s alright, baby,” Harry said softly. “It’s all alright.”

“I want to get better,” Louis croaked.

“You’re doing just fine, baby.”

“I need to get my life together. I hate it. I hate being this way. I hate feeling so fucking useless all the time.

“Lou-”

Louis wiped the back of his hand under his runny nose and turned to Harry. “I just - what if I’m not enough for you H? You’re going to be a doctor. What if I’m just a barista who never figures out what I’m supposed to do? How can that be enough for you?”  
“Don’t say that,” Harry said fiercely, cupping Louis’ cheeks in his palms. “Don’t you ever fucking say that.”

“But what if it’s true.”

“It’s not true,” Harry said firmly, tilting Louis’ chin up. “Because you will always be enough. No matter what you do or where we go. You will always be enough.”

Louis sniffled messily and buried his face in Harry’s chest.

“You’re good, Louis. You’re so good. You’re brilliant and generous and funny and I know you.You can do anything, darling. Anything you want to do.” Harry stroked the damp hair from Louis’ cheeks and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head as Louis continued to cry muffled sounds against him.

“Let's go to bed, darling.”

Louis rolled over towards harry, gripping Harry’s hand where it rested tentatively on his hip and pulling it in close to rest over his heart. “I’m sorry,” Louis said softly. “I know I’ve been horrible lately.”

“You haven’t-”

“I have,” Louis said bluntly. “I’ve been horrible to you and I know it. Bitching at you for little things and stomping around like a drama queen.”

Harry smiled. “Well, I’m kind of used to that,” he teased.

Louis swatted at him. “Oi.” He tucked a ringlet behind Harry’s ear and pressed his nose into the curve of Harry’s collarbone. “I haven’t been myself lately. I’ve been trying to fight these feelings of fear and sadness about you leaving and replace them with anger to compensate.” Louis sighed and shuffled against Harry’s chest, holding himself closer as Harry’s arm wrapped around him silently. “I thought it would make it easier,” Louis whispered. “Having you gone.”

“Louis,” Harry said softly.

“I don’t want to spend the time we have left like that.” Louis sniffled against Harry.

“Oh, Lou. It’s alright, darling.”

Louis shook his head. “It’s not. I can’t promise I won’t get stroppy again. We both know I can’t promise that,” He laughed wetly. “But I love you. No matter what. Nothing about that has changed and nothing ever will.”

“I love you too,” Harry murmured into Louis’ hair. “Come to bed with me.”

The sex was different. Slow and steady movements, hips pressing against each other, hot breath sinking into mouths.

Louis brushed Harry’s hair where it had fallen across his face like a curtain. “Why are you fucking me like this?”

Harry paused the rocking of his hips.“Like what?”

“Like...like you’re saying goodbye,” Louis croaked.

Harry panted into the silence, pushing his hair away from his sweaty skin and peering down to look at Louis, blue eyes wide and blurry in the dim light. “Lou,” he murmured.

“I don’t want you to say goodbye.”

Harry dragged his thumb over Louis’ lip before pressing their mouths together, the taste of salt on his tongue. “I’m not, baby. Not ever.”

“Promise?” Louis gasped.

“Promise.” Harry scooped Louis into his arms and turned them around so Louis was sat in his lap, his body still curled against Harry’s chest. Louis rocked gently in Harry’s lap, pressing his forehead against the jut of Harry’s shoulder as the soft sound of panting surrounded them.

Harry slid his hands underneath Louis and cupped both cheeks in palms, gently squeezing as he lifted his hips to meet Louis’ soft bounces. “That’s it, baby,” he whispered.

Louis whined high in his throat as he came, scraping his nails down Harry’s sweat-slick skin and sighing into the crook of Harry’s neck. “No goodbyes. Just hellos,” he choked.

“Just hellos,” Harry breathed, closing the gap and coming with a gasp.

_May_

The month of May was turning out to be unusually warm, the sunny days lingering into the evening and drawing all of England out. By some miracle, Liam, Louis, and Niall all had a free Saturday off from work and they decided to make a trip to London.

Harry was in his element, insistent on creating the perfect picnic feast. He spent the entirety of Friday evening in the kitchen on facetime with his mum as he prepped the food and the rest of the boys sat in the lounge watching A Walk to Remember (on Liam’s request.)

  
They woke up early on Saturday morning, wanting to get on the road in good time so they had time to pop around the shops before settling in at the park. Liam had snagged his mum’s van and was waiting promptly outside the flat at 9 am, already loading in the necessary luggage of blankets, sun cream, an entire cooler of beer, and of course Harry's perfectly prepared picnic basket. 

Regent’s Park was absolutely packed. It was clear everyone was taking advantage of the nice weather.

After careful debate about where they should spread their blanket out (Louis wanted to be in the sun for fear of getting too chilly with the slight breeze, Harry thought it was more picturesque to be under one of the large trees by the garden, and Niall just wanted to be close to the park where there was a food stand parked outside.). Ever the parental mediator, Liam chose the spot in the end, after a careful consideration of all requests, he spread the blanket across a clear spot of green grass where the sun shone warm and several trees were nearby.

Harry immediately collapsed onto the plaid blanket, kicking his long legs out and opening his arms wide, palms facing the blue sky as the sun kissed his face. “This is the life, mates,” He sighed happily.

Louis grinned and sat down beside him. “You look like a cat who’s just been allowed outside for the first time,” He said, reaching out to scratch a hand through Harry’s tousled curls.

Harry grinned and flipped his sunglasses down to meet Louis’ gaze. “Meow,” He replied, leaning happily into the touch and rubbing his cheek against Louis’ palm.

Niall jogged over, chocolate bar clasped in one hand and a football in the other. “I’ve just met some blokes by the food stand,” he reported. “They’re having a bit of a kick around, asked us if we wanted to join. Up for it lads?”

Liam nodded and stood up to brush the grass from his jeans. “Definitely.”

“Lou? Haz?”

“I’m up for it, lad,” Louis answered tentatively, glancing over at an already half-asleep Harry.

Harry mumbled something incoherently and waved a hand in Niall’s direction. Louis knelt down beside him and brushed the messy curls that had fallen onto his forehead. “You gonna stay here, love?”

Harry was stretched out blissfully on the blanket, now with his pale yellow shirt unbuttoned to reveal his the silky ink of tattoos scattered over his chest and belly. His hands were neatly clasped behind his head and his bare feet wiggled gently with the breeze as they pointed up towards the sky. Harry nodded against Louis’ hand.

“He looks pretty comfortable,” Niall pointed out. He jerked his head to the field across the path and turned to leave with Liam, football and water bottles in hand. “Meet you there, Lou.”

“In a mo’, yeah.” Louis smiled down at Harry’s sleepy form and stroked his knuckles over Harry’s skin, drawing a line where the sun kissed the sharp angle of his cheekbone. “Be back in a bit, love,” Louis said standing up. “Have a nice nap. Don’t let anyone eat the sarnies while we’re gone.” He bent back to down to press a quick kiss against Harry’s forehead. “Oh, and put on some more sun cream, yeah? Your skin is delicate.”

Harry laughed with his eyes still closed. “It’s not,” he pouted. Louis grinned, pressing a soft kiss to Harry’s pink lips before flipping Harry’s sunglasses down off his head to cover his eyes and standing up.

“Snow white,” Louis called over his shoulder.

“Bye babe.”

Louis chuckled to himself as he jogged across the park to meet the boys and found himself lost in his thoughts. It had been a long time since he’d spent a day outside in the sunshine, even longer since he’d had a kick around with some lads.

Truthfully, it had been a long time since he had felt so at peace at all.

The winter months had been difficult. Waking up in the dark, fighting against the harsh wind outside, far too many days where the days were bleak, dreary, and went on for too long.

It was something he’d been thinking about a lot lately, the way life moves; ebbs and flows that turn into something meaningful when you aren’t looking. Louis was always amazed (in a terrible, heart-wrenching way) at the way a day could change in a split second. He was used to the soul-crushing sadness, the desire to drink every bit of hurt away, the feeling the perhaps death would be an easier option. He could imagine depression as a monster, one that sucked the very life from you, constantly reminding you that other people have accomplished something you’ve always failed at: happiness. It was pretty typical for Louis’ life to be a cluster of good and bad days. For a long while, even after he first met Harry, that was the norm. In a lot of ways, it was almost easier for him to deal with. One day, he’d be hauled up in bed unable to move or think or eat but in another few days he could get up and pass as a person with at least a little life left in him.

The worst part of depression, Louis had come to realize, were the other days. The long painful stretches of time where days, weeks, and months blend together in a sea of blurred events with no real consequence or meaning. During those days, you exist and it’s okay, but you’re not really sure why. You’re not doing anything productive when you have all the time in the world to be doing it. You feel like you’re missing out on life, but at the same time, you feel that it doesn’t really matter. That’s the worst kind of depression.

Lately, Louis had felt lighter and all he wanted was to relish in these moments while they were here.

After the game, Louis, Niall, and Liam returned sweaty and dirt streaked forty minutes later, after losing 3-1 to the other group of lads, to find Harry still sleeping soundly.

Niall snorted. “I guess I shouldn't be surprised.”

Louis grinned at the sight of his boyfriend, quickly kicking off his muddy shoes and collapsing on top of Harry's still peacefully sleep soft frame. Louis heard Harry sniffle in his sleep at the weight of his body and flipped back Harry’s sunglasses to perch them on top of his head.

Harry cracked one eye open slowly. “Excuse me, sir, this spot is occupied.”

Louis buried his face in Harry’s curls and stretched his legs on either side of Harry’s hips contently. “Nope.”

Harry laughed, stretching one arm behind his head and sighing as the other arm tightened around Louis’ waist. “How was the game?”

“We lost.”

Harry tutted. “Aw.” He wrapped both arms around Louis now, pulling him up his body to rest against his chest and pressing a kid to the side of his head. “Did you have fun though?”

“It was brilliant,” Louis grinned. “Felt so nice to play again, even just to have a little kick around.”

“That’s great, baby. My little footie star.”

Niall whipped off his shoes and socks and threw them carelessly across the blanket. “They had a totally unfair advantage,” he scoffed.

Liam rolled his eyes and flicked Niall’s socks back in his own direction in disgust. “What was that, Nialler? Skill?”

“No,” Niall sniffed. “They were giants! Like 6’7” I reckon. And they took it far too seriously.”

Louis bent his head and snickered into Harry’s hair. “Yeah, whereas you are totally calm, cool, and collected, Ni.”

“It felt like they were going to beat us up if we got too close,” Niall insisted. “That one geezer nearly knocked my kneecap out trying to get the ball away. Totally bonkers.”

“That does sound mean,” Harry agreed. He propped himself up on his elbows with Louis still on top of him, craning his neck to look across the way at the groups of people surrounding them. “Which blokes were they?”

Liam nodded towards a group of men a little further down. “That’s them there.”

“They don’t look that big, Nialler,” Harry said after a moment with a smirk, taking in the group of lads milling about by the tree, laughing and sipping on cans of beer.

Niall frowned. “You didn’t see them play.”

“Alright, Ni, alright.” Harry shrugged his shoulders against the ground and gave another considerate look their way.“They do have nice shorts though,” He said in afterthought.

“Hey,” Louis joked, sitting up on his elbows on Harry’s chest and frowning down at him with a raised brow. “Don’t be looking at other boys in shorts, pal. I might get jealous.”

Harry hummed below him. “You have nice shorts too, pal,” Harry grinned, patting Louis’ denim clad bum. “Very nice shorts. Quite a good bum too.”

Louis laughed and wiggled his bum exaggeratedly in response. “Look how pretty you are with the sun lighting up your face. Always so pretty.”

Niall wrinkled his nose and took a swig of a freshly cracked open can of beer, shooting Liam a meaningful glance and carefully sliding further away from Harry and Louis on the blanket.

Harry flipped them over so Louis’ back pressed against the blanket, cupping his neck and kissing him sweetly. “You smell nice,” Harry took another whiff and nuzzled against Louis’ neck. “You smell like man.” Harry pressed their lips together again, nibbling a bit on Louis’ lower lip. “Sweaty and musky.”

Louis hummed. “That is very manly,” He laughed.

Harry pressed his nose behind Louis' ear and pressed a gentle kiss to the soft skin there. “Still have that sweet smell though. Right here.” He kissed the spot again before letting his lips trace down the side of Louis' neck and over the jut of his shoulder.

“Don’t get too comfy, lads,” Liam interrupted warningly. “I’m not getting fined because you two idiots get caught humping each other behind a bloody tree.”

Louis scoffed and shifted in Harry’s lap so he was facing the rest of the group. “Poor sport.”

“We wouldn’t get caught,” Harry said knowingly with a wink.

“I reckon he’s just jealous, lads,” Niall said easily.

“He loves us,” Harry said happily.

“You’re idiots,” Liam muttered.

Harry met Louis’ eyes with a quirk of his brows and nodded towards Liam before they both encompassed him on either side at full speed, lips pursed cheesily as they planted loud sloppy kisses to both of Liam’s cheeks and pressed themselves against his side in a hug.

“Ugh,” Liam groaned. “Get off, you gits.”

“Tell us you love us back!” Louis cried, hugging Liam tighter.

“I could stay like this forever,” Harry sighed.

Lima groaned. “Fine! I love you, now kindly get off,” Liam pushed at them gently, rolling his eyes as a fond smile lifted the corners of his mouth.

Louis grinned victoriously from Harry’s lap. “Aw, Liam. You softie.”

“Maintaining a friendship with you is truly taxing on my soul,” Liam told him wryly.

“Cheers mate.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent blissfully basking in the sun, eating the collection of sandwiches Harry had prepared and sharing sips of wine straight from the bottle. They had wrapped up their blankets and walked across Regents Park to climb up Primrose Hill and eat at the very top, looking over the crowd of people spread across green grass with the sun lighting up all of London in the background below. They ate leisurely and people watched, laughing at the sheer optimism of shirtless guys and girls in bikinis. Niall spotted several hundred dogs that he promptly went over to and fell in love with at first pat.

Naturally, Harry had his camera out the whole time, stretched out on his belly with his Leica in hand as he watched the rest of the afternoon through his lens.

Louis bit into his sandwich and caught Harry’s eye just as he lifted his Leica up to his eyes and snapped.

“What are you doing?” Louis asked with mock annoyance.

Harry snapped another shot. “Capturing moments,” He replied simply.

“Yeah?” Louis asked amusedly, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth. “Fancy remembering me with mustard on my chin do you?”

“I fancy remembering you in a lot of ways,” Harry winked.

“It’s mustard,” Louis snorted.

“You're beautiful,” Harry shrugged. “Breath-taking, in fact.”

“Don’t get soppy on me, Styles.”

“Can’t help it.”

“I do want to remember you like this though,” Harry said quietly. “I want to remember you in every moment.”

“It’s mad that you’ve only been in our lives less than a year. Honest to god, I don’t remember life without you.”

Niall popped a strawberry in his mouth and nodded. “I mean, I’ll be honest mate, I was afraid you were going to be a massive dickhead.”

Harry laughed. “Why?”

“I mean, we come home to find some pretty dude with floppy hair, ridiculously tight skinny jeans, barefoot in our kitchen cooking. And then you just look at us with that big dopey frog face and go, “Oh hi!”

“You thought I was pretty?”

Niall rolled his eyes. “Did you hear the part where I called you a dopey frog?”

“Of course he thought you were pretty,” Louis said. “You’re the prettiest boy in the world.”

“I just...I try and think about what my life would be like right now if you weren’t in it. And I can’t. I can’t remember anything before you.”

“You made me feel alive again, Harry. You made me want to live. And I don’t just mean the difference between living and dying. I mean. I was just existing before you.”

Harry stopped then, bring their clasped hands up to his cheek to press his lips against the back of Louis' hand. “Baby,” He said softly.

The sky turned melancholy above them, angry orange swirls slipping into soft pink on the horizon. Louis curled against Harry’s chest, eyes gently closing as he felt warm lips on his forehead.

“What song would you want to play at your funeral?” Niall said, turning to the group.

Liam wrinkled his nose. “Morbid.”

“Practical,” Niall shrugged. “Also, necessary. Can you imagine if you were looking down and listening as they played Wind _Beneath My Bloody Wings_? or something? I’d want to die all over again.”

“You know they say funerals are more for the living and not the dead,” Harry said. “So really, it’s not about you at all.”

“The hell it isn’t,” Niall laughed. “It needs to have the right vibe, you know?”

“It’s a funeral, Niall,” Liam said incredulously. “I think the ‘vibe’ is pretty clear.”

“Good vibrations, I reckon,” Louis grinned.

Harry laughed. “Oh, I like that.”

“What about you Haz?”

Harry hummed. “I’ve actually thought about this question quite a lot. I think I’ve decided on two. _No surprises_ at the beginning and _Songbird_ at the end.”

“You’ve really thought about this,” Niall laughed.

Louis frowned and looked over his shoulder at Harry. “Songbird? I thought you wanted that played at your wedding?”

Harry nodded. “Both.”

“Okay, now that’s morbid.”

Louis nodded. “It is a bit creepy, love.”

“It's poetic.”

“It's not.”

“Think of the symbolism though,” Harry insisted. “It’s the circle of life. It’s rebirth.”

“You’re such a bloody hippy sometimes,” Louis snorted.

Harry just grinned. “You love it.”

Later, they walked down to regents park road where the ice cream truck was parked and took their ice cream down the street, crowded with people sitting outside the cafes or leisurely strolling. Harry insisted on popping into the tiny bookshop to mingle through the secondhand shelves in search of a vintage copy of Frankenstein.

“I’ve been thinking,” Louis said quietly, breaking the comfortable silence that had set between them as they walked.

Harry raised their clasped hands and ran his thumb along Louis’ wrist. “Yeah?”

“The last day to sign up for summer courses is Monday. I’m going to sign up for a couple,” Louis said. “Social work electives.”

“Babe, that’s brilliant. I reckon that’s perfect for you.”

Louis smiled shyly. “I have five courses I still need before I can graduate and only two of them are required so I figured I may as well choose some electives that I’m interested in. Might be a nice change of pace.” He shrugged. “I actually kind of miss school.”

Harry laughed. “Nerd.”

Louis stuck out his tongue at him. “Remember your first day at the flat? When you had to rush off to some fucking study group in August?” Louis lifted up onto his tiptoes and pressed his lips against Harry’s. “Now that was nerdy.”

“I’m cool,” Harry protested.

“You are, babe, the coolest.”

Harry grinned, dimple popping as he draped an arm across Louis’ shoulders and pulled him close for a tight side hug. “Aren’t you glad I moved in?” He giggled and bumping their hips together.

“So glad,” Louis agreed, shaking his head fondly.

The sun was beginning to set as they made their way back to the park, a warm, gentle breeze catching the hair at the nape of their necks like a whisper.

“So glad,” Louis repeated.

***

  
The celebrated the final weekend of living together in their lad pad over pints at the pub for one last lad karaoke night.

Harry wasted no time signing all of them up for several groups numbers as well as solos, clad in plaid trousers and a faded Pink Floyd t-shirt that he’d found in a tiny Oxfam in London when he was 16. It was too small and normally reserved as a pajama top for Louis to sleep in but the theme tonight was 70’s and while it wasn’t a requirement to dress accordingly, Harry was on a 70s vibe that could not be stopped.  
  
The night began in a sea of 70s classics, with a group of girls singing loudly and only slightly off key to Go your own way followed by a rousing rendition of Let’s dance. Harry spent most of the evening not spent on stage in front of it, dancing wildly and dragging Louis up with him to sway to the music whenever he could.

They sang Queen and David Bowie and The Rolling Stones until their voices were hoarse and the contents of their stomachs were a sloshy sea of beer. Harry had his leica out to snap photos of the group before Ed confiscated it sometime after Harry nearly took out a couple next to them on the dance floor with the strap as he danced.

“Here,” Ed said, handing the camera over to Louis as Harry made his way back onstage for the final song of the night. “Take some nice ones of your boy.”

“My boy!” Louis repeated loudly, blowing Harry a kiss he stepped up to the mic. “Hi, baby!” He yelled, cupping his hands around his mouth even though their table was nearly directly in front of the stage.

Harry grinned wildly. “Hi baby,” he called back, leaning into his mic and blowing Louis a kiss back. “This one’s for you.”

“I love you, lads,” Louis slurred happily, swaying gently to the music as Harry’s voice crooned over them like warm honey. “I really do. You’re proper good mates.”  
  
“Alright lad,” Niall laughed. “Love you too.”  
  
“You guys have taken care of me,” Louis said softly, resting his chin on Liam’s shoulder. “I mean, a lot of the time I didn’t want you to. But like, I also think, I didn’t know I needed you to.”

“Aw, Tommo.”

“Listen up, Payno, I’m being serious,” Louis said, no bite to his soft voice. He cleared his throat. “Honestly...I know. I know I wasn’t always the best friend to either of you. I was selfish and messed up and I just…”

“Lou,” Liam said softly, shaking his head. “Don’t.”

“I’m just saying,” Louis said. “You lads are good. I’m glad I have you. And I-” He paused his fringe from his eyes and looked at his hands. “I want you to know that I feel lucky. I feel so fucking lucky to have mates like you who are always looking out for me and will do what’s best for me even when I can’t tell what that is.” Louis licked his dry lips. “Even if that means kicking me out of our flat’s party by calling an ambulance on my pathetic, wasted arse.”

Niall smiled and maybe it was the dim stage lights but Louis swore his eyes looked moist. “Always, mate. Always.”

Liam patted Louis’ shoulder gruffly and gave him a little squeeze. “We’re lucky to have you too, mate.”

“I love you guys,” Louis said again, face splitting into a grin as he watched Harry swaying on stage and blowing a kiss in their direction.

“Us too, buddy,” Niall grinned, ruffling Louis’ fringe. “Gonna miss not having you around, Payno,” he added, turning to Liam. “It’s been the three of us for a long while, hasn’t it?”

“Now look at us. Liam’s off to bloody America, I’ve got a long-term girlfriend-”

“Who is way out of your league,” Liam nodded.

“-who is most definitely way out of my league,” Niall grinned. “Louis’ loved up too – to a long-haired maniac, who’s gonna be a doctor,” Niall laughed, jerking his head towards harry, who was now wrapped around his mic stand, eyes closed blissfully, matted curls wild and free around his head like a halo. “We’re doing alright.”

…

Long after they managed to drag Harry off stage and make their way home for 2 am cheesy pasta, Louis sat awake laying in Harry’s arms.

“I’m gonna go to law school,” Louis whispered, brushing harry’s sweaty hair off his forehead. “I’m gonna sign up for classes and finish this degree and I’m going to apply for law school next year. I want to be a public advocate. I see these kids and their families at the center and their stories…and I just,” Louis shook his head. “I just think there’s a lot of good to be done. And I - I think I could do some. I think I could really make a difference in some lives.”

“I love you,” Harry murmured against his cheek, the wet press of his lips a warm comfort against Louis’ skin. “I love you so much, Lou.”

“I’m following their footsteps,” Louis thought out loud softly. “Going to law school just like they always wanted me to. But I’m doing it my way.”

“I’m so proud of you, darling.”

“Speaking of proud. You were a rockstar up there tonight, love,” Louis said fondly, tucking messy curls behind Harry’s ears.

Harry hummed against Louis’ hair, breathing him in deeply and gently stroking up and down the smooth of his bare skin. “I have excellent inspiration.” Louis wiggled closer to Harry and rested his cheek against his chest.

“Sing to me, rockstar baby,” He sighed softly.

Harry laughed, wrapping his arms around Louis to pull him in, closer closer closer, singing softly against the top of Louis’ head as they let the sweet melancholy words of _The Beach Boys_ lure them both to sleep.

 _Well it’s been building up inside of me_  
_For oh I don’t know how long_  
_I don’t know why_  
_But I keep thinking_  
_Something’s bound to go wrong_

 _But she looks in my eyes_  
_And makes me_ realize  
_And she says “Don’t worry baby”_  
_Don’t worry baby_  
_Don’t worry baby_  
_Everything will turn out alright_

…

The sun was already setting hot in the sky when Louis woke up, the warmth of his skin evident and casting a pale glow around Harry’s head, a streak of light brushing across the tops of his cheekbones. Louis sat up and squinted at his surroundings, momentarily confused before remembering they’d slept in Louis’ room that night, wrapped together in his grey comforter to the sounds of Martha and Pancakes scurrying around in the cage.

Louis traced over the smooth skin of Harry’s upper arm while he puffed softly in his sleep before giving him a squeeze and gentle pinch.

Harry’s eyes fluttered open, puffy and sleep-worn, snuffling quietly and glancing up at Louis amusedly.

“What's the big idea, pal?”

Louis grinned. “Just making sure you're real. Thought I might be dreaming still.”

“It’s very early to be so soppy, petal,” Harry grinned, bopping Louis on the nose to make him laugh.

“I know. You’re rubbing off on me,” Louis said.

“You love it.”

“It’s cheesy.” Louis paused and wrinkled his nose. “God, I’m just imaging how much more cheesy you’re going to be when we’re long-distance. God. And I’m already taking after you. I’m going to get worse too.”

Harry grinned and scooted closer to Louis to curl his body around him. “Get used to it babe. You’re stuck with me now.”

Louis hummed. “No going back huh.”

“Nope.”

“And you’re stuck with me. No one else would let you tell as many terrible jokes as I do,” Louis ruffled Harry’s hair.

Harry smiled against his temple. “I guess I am then. Lucky me. I wouldn’t mind being stuck with you for life I reckon. ”

Louis pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. “Oh yeah?”

“Definitely.”

“Even when I’m whinging?”

“Even then.”

Louis’ voice was quieter now, tucking his head into the warm crook of Harry’s neck, breathing in the smell of his coconut shampoo as his curls fall across his cheek. “Even when I’m sad and moody and can’t get out of bed and hate everything?”

“Yes,” Harry smiled softly, tugging the soft blanket over their bodies and adjusting Louis on his lap. “Anywhere you are. That’s where I want to be. No matter what.” Harry stroked the soft hair by Louis’ ears and let his hand drift down to gently cup the nape of his neck. “I’d rather be sad with you,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to Louis’ head and hitting play on the remote, “than anywhere away from you.”

Louis turned his head to peer up at Harry, a wide smile spreading across his face and reaching all the way up to his eyes, bright blue and full of love.

“Lucky me.”

Harry grinned, rolling out of bed and padding softly to the door. “Gonna make some breakfast,” he yawned.

Louis sat up and grinned at him. “And bring it to me in bed?” He asked hopefully.

“And bring it to you in bed, love,” Harry confirmed.

Louis turned over in bed, tugging the warmth of the duvet up around his chin and basking in the blissful peace of the early morning. It was that time in the morning where things felt safe and peaceful no matter what was going on on the outside. The sweet moment between sleep and wake where nothing quite felt real and the weight of the world couldn’t touch you. Louis knew, inevitably that he’d have to get up eventually, that the inevitable pound of a hangover headache would make its way to the surface, that his work schedule would soon demand his time, and his future school endeavours requiring responsibility.

But for now, he was sat in curled up in the comfort of his bed, the sweet moments of the night before still fragrant in his mind while he waited for the return of his near-perfect boyfriend and the promise of breakfast in bed.

Louis could hear the soft hum of Harry’s voice from the kitchen, just loud enough to carry down the hallway but not so loud as to wake the rest of the flat. He glanced around at the walls, once bare and grey, and now littered with a careful collection of photos, all taken by Harry.

Louis stared at each one and thought, so different from the last time he lay in bed thinking. This time he saw colour against the grey, colour in the form of Liam and Niall, laughing into the beers in the dim light of the pub, kicking the football over the green grass in the park, Lexie and Niall sticking out their tongues for the camera as they danced wildly on the dance floor. A shot from Valentine’s day of the group of them up on stage, and one shot of himself and Harry in the park from earlier in the month. They’d found it only after Harry had had his film developed. Neither of their faces are visible in the shot, only the side of his own face and the back of Harry’s head where it’s rested on his shoulder but it’s one of Louis’ favourites. He loved the way the sunset swirled pink and orange in the background, the view of London behind him blurred as the camera focused on their intertwined limbs; Harry’s arm wrapped around his waist while his own drapes across Harry’s shoulders.

Louis traced a finger over the smooth surface of the photo, mouth lifting into a soft grin as he felt something warm and heavy inside. Something that felt a lot like joy.

 _If you're lonely, lonely, lonely wake me_  
_I can't believe I captured your heart_  
_Right from the start I knew_  
_You'd set a fire in me_  
_And I'd rather be sad with you_  
_Than anywhere away from you_

“Wake Me” - Bleachers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this in September of 2015. Kind of feels like a lifetime ago now. In the beginning, I didn’t have much of a plan. I hardly even had an outline. I knew little about the world of fan fiction, only that it had become a safe place to delve into and I wanted to contribute to that. I wanted to write a story that incorporated what it looks like living with depression without making that the sole theme of the story. Reading back through the notes on past chapters takes me through the past two years of my life. This story has followed me through some of the best, and worst, moments. I’ve moved across the world and back again. 
> 
> This story is so personal to me, as so much of Louis’ character is based off of my own life; things I’ve felt, things that have been said to me, experiences that have changed the person I am now. 
> 
> I wanted to write something for me - but I hope you know how much I appreciate you, the reader. Thank you for reading, thank you for your kudos and kind words, thank you for caring enough to ask about updates even when I was gone for months and months. I so appreciate your thoughtfulness and patience. A million thank yous to Alex for being a lovely friend and a thoughtful, thorough beta. She came in after over half of the chapters were posted and started editing from the beginning and I am beyond appreciative. 
> 
> I hope you're satisfied with this story. I think I may want to write an epilogue of some sort, or perhaps just some drabbles or snapshots into their lives in the future but I don't have a timeline for that. For now, I'm just happy to have this completed. If you want to leave a comment, I'd love to know any thoughts you have now that it's all over. Likewise, if you want to let me know anything in particular you'd want to see in drabbles or an epilogue...let me know. 
> 
> Thank you so very much for reading!!! It means so much to me. And if you've actually been reading this as WIP and stuck it out? I cannot thank you enough xxxx
> 
> If you enjoyed, you can reblog the post [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com/post/153142405073/peachesandpetal-title-rather-be-sad-with-you)
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://coffeehazza.tumblr.com//)  
> Lots of love xxx Sailor


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